LIKE GAS FOR YOUR CAR

       By Danelle Carvell                                                                             

There's more than one head on the bed here. I used to sleep well, like my grandkids do. Not anymore! 

People who are sleep-deprived are more likely to feel anxious, forgetful, depressed, impulsive, moody, emotional, overly-sensitive, easily-irritated and more likely to behave erratically. Wow! That's a lot to deal with. We are a nation of sleep-deprived people, and we need to understand each other, because sleep for the brain is like gas for a car. Aren't you glad you don't have to pay for it?

According to the article, Sleep and Mental Health: Why Our Brains Need Sleep, without proper sleep, the mind begins to slow, unable to operate at full potential. This continues until the mind becomes so deprived of the rest it needs that it breaks down, and without the commander-in-chief... the rest of the body pays the price. Insomnia can affect every part of the body, but I'm choosing to focus on how sleep affects the brain for this blog post. 

Sleep is the time your mind needs to recharge and maintain your mental processing. "When we are asleep, the brain can really go to work because it doesn't have to respond to all the external stimuli we encounter when we are awake. But if we rob the brain of this precious time, we pay the price," the article reads. 

It's during sleep that we process our emotions and memories.  Becoming forgetful is common after missing a good night's sleep. Sleep is also needed to maintain our emotional stability. Lack of sleep affects the part of the brain that is the "voice of reason" to our emotions.

"Without sleep, we can't control our impulses as well as we can when we are rested. We become more impulsive and less-likely to think through our emotional reactions, which is a dangerous place to be." the article states. 

One study, using MRI brain scans, showed that the part of the brain in charge of emotional responses was 60% more emotionally reactive in people who were sleep-deprived compared to those who were well-rested. One thing I found interesting is that only negative emotions intensify with lack of sleep. Positive ones do not.

Stress is another factor that affects sleep because stress has detrimental effects on the body. Too much cortisol (stress hormone) is produced when we don't sleep. This puts the body into a constant state of stress, unable to relax because cortisol keeps us alert. On the flip side, stress actually causes insomnia because the increased amount of cortisol that's released in a stressed-out person will keep that person awake. It's a vicious cycle.

"Sleep deprivation and stress contribute to a negative feedback loop that can be difficult to break and often results in mood disorders, anxiety disorders and depressive disorders. Heightened stress causes heightened anxiety, which can make you sensitive to all sorts of physical, mental and emotional stimuli," according to the article I mentioned. 

I have been dealing with insomnia for 16 years. I also know people who struggle with getting enough sleep, not because they stay up late, but because they just can't pass over into sleep mode, no matter how relaxed they are. It's a difficult thing to understand. When I say that I don't sleep well, most people will ask me what's on my mind, as if the only thing that causes insomnia is having something troubling on your mind. Insomnia can be caused by all kinds of mental and physical problems. 

I didn't have a problem sleeping until I received two injections of a drug called Lupron to ease the pain of endometriosis. Dr. Mercola, my favorite natural health doctor, believes that Lupron causes permanent neurological damage. I am living proof of that and so are thousands of other women who took the drug and are now suffering with horrible health conditions. Some of them had to go on disability after Lupron. 

I did my research. Unfortuanatley I researched too late. Always research a new drug prescription before taking it so you know what you're getting into. Do not blindly trust your doctor. Every now and then God gives me a break and lets me sleep almost like a normal person. But that can turn on a dime and within two bad nights, I can be a mess again. 

Sleep problems are an emerging global epidemic. It destroys a person's well-being and quality of life. It also affects our relationships. I don't want to become the girl who blames everything I do or say wrong on my lack of sleep. But I also don't want people to be uninformed on the issue. It is a real problem with a damaging impact. Writing this article has helped me to better understand not only what I'm dealing with, but also what other insomniacs are dealing with. 

If you sleep like a baby, count your blessings. 

 

WHEN OUR WORDS CRASH AND BURN

By Danelle Carvell 

                                                                 

Words can bring life or death to our relationships.

Have you been feeling beaten up? I have your attention because you can relate to that sentence. You might be having family conflicts or other troubling issues and you're feeling like, "What in the world is going on?" People are at each other's throats and relationships are being destroyed. 

I can't recall a time when the world was more chaotic or verbally explosive than right now. I won't go into the reasons why I believe things are like this. That's another topic for another day. The battle between good and evil is as old as the Bible and strongholds are at work right now that we don't visibly see. What I will go into is my own confession about feeling beaten up and how it has affected me and the people around me. 

When we're feeling beaten up, when we're mentally and physically exhausted, we become vulnerable to the resurfacing of past painful issues, especially issues that have never been discussed or resolved. That's what happened to me. A painful memory resurfaced and I shared it with the wrong person. I screwed up. And now someone I love is angry with me. 

The ironic thing is that the regretful conversation started with me trying to clear up a potential misunderstanding. I thought that I had been careless with my words and I wanted to clear the air and make it right. But the topic took a wrong turn when I shared my frustration about someone's attitude and that's when the painful issue from my past resurfaced. When I mentioned it, that opened up a can of worms and things got pretty ugly. 

Anyone who says that we shouldn't be hurt by words is saying something very wrong. The Bible says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. The careless things we say can destroy relationships. Harsh words can kill the love between a husband and wife, between a father and son, or between longtime friends. 

What comes out of our mouths can be as destructive as lethal poison, and we shouldn't make people feel guilty for being hurt by words. We can't tell them that they are too sensitive and they need to toughen up and get over it. No one gets to decide for someone else when or how they get over a hurtful thing. If the words didn't land in my heart, I have no clue how that comment affected someone. 

I recently posted an entry titled, We All Have Big Mouth Moments. It ended with this: "Sometimes the best response to someone's big mouth is to extend grace and let it pass, because we all have big mouth moments." I do plan to write a part-two to that because there are times when we can't and shouldn't let a troubling comment pass by without question. But that is a topic for another day. I'm too tired to get into that, so I will leave you with this... 

If you are having any personal conflicts, come clean if you want to preserve the relationship. Admit your mistake and apologize. That's what I'm doing now. I said in past posts that I am not too proud to say I'm sorry. I know I screw up with my mouth. That is why I'm always checking up on people to make sure they didn't misunderstand me. 

It's funny how having a conscience can get you into so much trouble, but maybe that just happens to me. Caring about hurting people, caring about their feelings...that is a wonderful quality in God's eyes. May I always be sensitive to the way my words land in the hearts of others. 

A GIFT TO MYSELF

By Danelle Carvell 

                                                                             

Appreciating the calm beauty of each day is the best gift.

I'm turning 60 on June 25. I haven't really decided how I feel about this. I guess I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am this old. How will I celebrate my 60th birthday? That is undecided as well. I do feel the need to get away, so I phoned a close friend to see if she's free next weekend, but she's headed to Myrtle Beach with a nice man. That sounds fabulous!

The Beach is a great place to clear your mind and feel refreshed. But since I can't go right now, I think my birthday present to myself is going to be a mental break from everything troubling. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's feeling the need to escape right now. I can't recall a more stressful world than the one we're living in now. I don't have to expand on that. You know what I'm talking about. 

It seems to me that most of us are not very good at tuning out the cares of this world. We can't put our phones down. We bombard ourselves with television shows and commercials that heighten our stress levels. We can't take a break from Facebook. And we don't know how to get quiet and allow our minds to relax. 

Last night I sat outside after nightfall, lit a candle and watched the night sky. It wasn't a dark sky, but resembled the gloaming of a full-moon night. Lightening bugs flashed their happy glows both at a distance and right in front of me. The moon was peeking through the pines across the street, casting a single luminous ray toward me. I absorbed my senses with the life and the beauty around me and knew it was all created. 

I do have a favorite prayer: "Let me see You in this day." I want to be reminded each day that God sees me and he cares. This morning, as I sat on the front porch, a dove landed on the grass in front of me. It looked directly at me, then flew into a nearby pine. A dove is one of many symbols used for the Holy Spirit, which is God's power in action. This bird represents God's active force. When a dove lands several feet from me and looks directly at me, I know what it means and who sent it.  

God is always showing us visible proof of Himself and countless ways to relax. The peaceful symphony of song birds, the fluttering wings of a butterfly, and the intricate beauty and intoxicating scent of a flower are here all summer, waiting for us to take notice. For my 60th birthday, I am getting drunk on all these things. I'm tuning out everything that's not peaceful and I'm inhaling the beautiful calm of each day, wherever I can find it. I don't need to go to a beach to clear my mind and feel refreshed. The only thing I need to do is change what I focus on and what I appreciate.

Happy Birthday to me.  

 

WE ALL HAVE BIG MOUTH MOMENTS

 By Danelle Carvell

Sometimes my pie hole gets me into trouble. But a big mouth moment can always be fixed. 

                                             

Joyce Meyer wrote a book called, Me and My Big Mouth. What a perfect title for a book about the regretful things that we say. Who hasn't said something and then immediately wished that they could suck their words back in? 

Whenever I say words that could be taken the wrong way, I immediately feel the need to make it right somehow. My verbal slip will stay in the back of my mind and nag at me until I clear the air by telling the person that I didn't mean it the way it may have sounded. 

People usually appreciate my concern for their feelings. Sometimes they accept my apology and other times they surprisingly say that they thought nothing of it. Either way, when I share my verbal regrets, I get it off my mind and it no longer nags at me. My mind is cleared.

Some people have no regret about the things they say. I'm not really talking about mean people who enjoy being mean. Most of us are not mean-spirited. 

I've been told by several employers that I am a conscientious person. I sometimes wonder if that's a good thing. It's really not fun to be so tuned-in to the things I say and do. I often wish that people could just know my heart and give me the benefit of the doubt when I say something questionable. 

The truth is that ocassional misunderstandings are impossible to avoid unless we stop communicating all together. No one who is able to speak will ever get through life without saying something the wrong way or having their words wrongly understood.

Sometimes we say things out of frustration. Sometimes we choose the wrong people to share things with. Sometimes we just say things without thinking and then cringe when we realize what we said. This is part of our human nature. 

If we were able to analyze everything before saying it, we would be more like a machine than a person. We simply can't be perfect with our choice of words. I can't think fast enough to filter out every possible misunderstanding while I'm speaking.  

One thing I have learned to do is to pray every time I say something regretful. When I try to make things right, I pray that God will turn it into a blessing. I want something good to come out of my "big mouth" moment. 

Sometimes the good thing is a closer relationship with that person. Sometimes the good thing is a lesson about extending grace to others. God is always happy to honor a request to turn something regretful into something good. 

We all have moments when we feel beat up by the world. And the things that come out of our mouths sometimes reflect that internal hurt. Sometimes I'm just plain exhausted and the filter on my mouth is wore out too.

I think we all need to give each other a break and recognize that we all say things that perhaps we shouldn't say. Sometimes the best response to someone's big mouth is to extend grace and let it pass. Because we all have big mouth moments.   

SLOW DOWN AND ENJOY THE JOURNEY

My niece, Grace Kieffer, gave a fabulous speech today as Salutatorian of her class. It was not about the future. It was about focusing on where you are now and enjoying the journey toward wherever you are going.

I heard two great speeches today. The first was given by my son, Kody, at the Colonnade in Millersburg, where he was a guest speaker for their church. His speech was about asking ourselves where and how we most spend our time. Television, cell phones, social media and so many other things can pull us away from more important uses of the time we are given. It was a thought-provoking message that made me examine my own life and question how I use my time each day, each week, each year. How could I make better use of my time? And could it improve my life or help others if I did that? 

The second speech was given by my niece, Grace Kieffer, Salutatorian of the class of 2022 at Northern Dauphin Christian School. Her speech was about how throughout her life she was always wishing and striving to get to the next stage of life. She wanted to get through every grade quickly so she could get to the next grade, and she wanted to grow up fast so she could experience the next big thing such as driving a car or being a senior. 

And now that she is graduating, she looks back and wishes that she hadn't been in such a hurry. She wishes that she had lived more in the moment and enjoyed exactly where she was at the time, instead of longing and striving to move ahead in her life. 

Because when you have your mind on getting to the next big thing, you don't pay attention to what is right in front of you. You can't focus on people or appreciate what's happening in that moment because your mind is fast-tracking toward the future. It was a great reminder for us to take a breath and slow down because life goes fast enough without us forcing it along. 

I had no idea that our family had such gifted speakers. I served as a speaker for Stonecroft Ministries for a short season. It's not an easy thing to do. A strong speech requires sharing personal stories from your own life. It requires a topic that many people can relate to. How we spend our time and living in the moment are both perfect topics for the crazy, stressful world we live in today. I'm so glad that I got to hear both messages. 

We really do need to slow down and enjoy each day, pay attention to the people around us, stop daydreaming about tomorrow. Making plans is not a bad thing, but having your mind in the future to the point of missing the joys of today will eventually bring regret. And wasting time on unproductive things offers little satisfaction. 

Love God and love others. When we put that love in action each day, our time will always be well-spent and we will be living our best life in the present moment. Tomorrow will come fast enough without us pushing it forward. Let's use our time well, slow down and enjoy the journey.