TWAS THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS...

By Danelle Carvell                                                             

My youngest granddaughter and my daughter 

I've been pondering a Christmas blog post. What to write about? So as I'm waiting for my cookie dough to thaw, I'm here at my keyboard with no idea what's going to come out of me. What would God want me to write about is the question I ask when I don't know what to say. 

I'm sitting at my bedroom window with my laptop, watching the snow fall. Snow is so peaceful. It covers everything with a pure, white blanket, and watching it slowly fall has a tranquilizing effect. 

What else brings peace to our lives? 

Of all times in the year, Christmas should be the most peaceful because of what it represents. Yet, the week leading up to Christmas is often the most hectic week of the year. I have noticed over the years that gift-giving can cause a lot of stress in families. Perhaps that is why some people decide to give it up altogether. 

We can get into arguments about the who, what, when, where and why of giving gifts. The problem arises when not everyone agrees. Some might want to skip the gift exchange completely; others might want to buy for everyone. We all have different ideas about giving gifts and the reason for that is because a gift comes from the heart of the individual. And no one should dictate to others what gift-giving should be. 

I have done this myself, so I'm not pointing fingers. It's very easy to become so stressed by the thought of buying gifts for everyone that you just want to skip it for a year. That has been suggested in my family more than once, and it was fine for those who agreed. But both times it was suggested, not everyone was happy about it. 

Remember, a gift comes from the heart of the individual, so when one person makes a group decision about gifts, that person takes away what was brewing in everyone else's heart about gifts that year. Traditions are important to some people. They don't want Christmas to change. Or maybe they just really enjoy giving gifts. 

To some people, gift-giving is a love language. It's their way of expressing love. Why would anyone want to take away a person's chosen way to express love? The world certainly needs more love. 

Another thing that causes stress is assigned gifts. I was once assigned a gift I couldn't afford and it turned out to be a disaster. I should have said, No. But I fulfilled my duty because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. Ironically, it turned out to be an even greater disappointment than it would have been if I had declined the assignment. 

When something doesn't feel right, that's a good indication that you should question it. The old saying, "When in doubt, don't do it" is a good rule to follow. Always trust your instincts when it comes to gift-giving because your heart knows. No one should ever assign someone a gift. We can make suggestions, but we should never expect someone to complete a gift assignment that was not their own idea. That's just wrong. 

Another major source of stress in families is the where and when of gift giving. This is especially challenging in large families where everyone wants to see their children and grandchildren and everyone wants their share of time. Decisions are often made to make things more convenient for families or to cut down on the amount of traveling. Fitting all the Christmas visits into one day can mean making changes that not everyone likes. 

I have experienced this in my family and I know other families have conflicts over the time and place of family visits at Christmas. Some people don't adapt well to change because they want Christmas to be where and when it always was. When something becomes a Christmas tradition, any kind of change can be a big disappointment. And when a change is made for the sake of having more time somewhere else, it can feel like a rejection. 

Sometimes people just don't show up because of personal conflicts with other family members. Then there are hard feelings when someone who should be there decides not to come because they don't want to deal with the family friction. Having the entire family in one place for hours can lead to something being done or said that causes discord. After a while, it's just easier to stay away.

The list of reasons why this time of year can be stressful is a long one. I didn't really give any answers to the Christmas chaos. I only pointed out the stressors that we deal with. I can say that perhaps we need to focus more on the reason for the season and less on the other stuff. Who we are celebrating deserves more of our time and attention. And maybe when we do that, we can more easily work out the other stuff. 

What brings peace to our lives? One Bible verse comes to mind. "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee." Isaiah 26:3

Wishing you a Joyful, Peaceful Christmas. 

THE POWER OF SELF-FORGIVENESS

By Danelle Carvell

                                                                            

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

One thing we all have in common is that we mess up. You heard the phrase, "We all have skeletons in our closets." People say that because there's much truth to it. I don't know anyone who doesn't have regrets, embarrassing moments, or mistakes in their past that they wish they could do over. 

I'm writing this to encourage you if you are deeply troubled by a past mistake. I have made more than my share of mistakes and I'm not going to go into that because that would be counter-productive to this message. It's a message about the power of forgiving yourself, and when you forgive, that means that you think about it no more. You don't bring it up ever again and you don't think about it. 

If you're not a Christian who has accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you might not understand the grace that we can live under. You might be beating yourself up for a past mistake and feeling a kind of self-hatred for some things you did. But you don't have to live that way. You can be set free.

This is how it works. When I accepted Christ, I became a new person. I was given a new identity. A Christian is never condemned under the judgement of God because she has been washed clean by the atoning death of Jesus at the cross. 

Jesus took all our sins on himself. He put himself in the place of condemnation that we deserved. And God accepts that as payment for our sins. The only thing we have to do is accept what Christ did for us. When we accept Christ, we are declared righteous in God's eyes. And we can have peace in knowing that we will forever live in God's favor. 

If you're a Christian and you continue to beat yourself up for past mistakes, then you are disrespecting what Jesus did for you. We don't need to be oppressed by our own personal failures. We can have rest because the guilt of all our mistakes...past, present and future are repeatedly washed away by that sacrifice that Jesus made for us at the cross. 

Now that doesn't mean that we will not need to apologize or make corrections when we mess up. What it means is that God is not keeping score. When he forgives you, he completely forgets the mistake and he doesn't think about it ever again. That's what true forgiveness is. So you don't need to go around confessing your mistake and feeling bad about it. You can completely forget about it too.

Jesus Christ died so you could be set free from all condemnation.  Romans 8:1 says, "Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." There's nothing sadder than a Christian who feels depressed about her past mistakes. It is such an unnecessary suffering. It's like saying to Jesus, "You died for nothing. I don't accept what you did. I'm going to just live in turmoil and reject what you did for me at the cross."

If this blog entry has struck a nerve in you, then let today be the day that you let go of all your bad feelings and regrets of your past mistakes. If you confessed it to God and accepted Jesus' sacrifice on your behalf, then you need to let it go. Your mistakes are not a part of you and they don't define you as a person. Think about it no more. Jesus set you free. 

WE GET WHAT WE SAY

By Danelle Carvell

                                                                                    

                                                                                    

                                                                                    

Whether talking to yourself or others, what comes out of your mouth is what creates your life.

I don't always take my own advice. I know the consequences of talking negatively. The Bible is filled with warnings about being careful with our words.  But this is a hard lesson to learn for most people because we live in a negative world, and we are all prone to focus on the negative side of life. It's part of our fallen nature.

I told my sister today that I've been feeling like Squidward. If you're not a fan of the Sponge Bob cartoon, I should explain that Squidward is a grouchy Squid who lives under the sea with other entertaining characters. I laugh at his grouchiness, but sometimes I see myself in him and that's not funny. 

Saturday I had a mouse in my bedroom for the second night in a row. As someone who gets very little sleep on a regular basis, this was not a pleasant thing. I've watched how mice can crawl up fabric and up walls and I imagined this mouse crawling up my bed skirts and bunking with me for the night. The next morning I dumped a carton of eggs on the floor as I was preparing to go to my sister's house for a cookie and craft day. 

When I got the egg mess cleaned up, I snapped and decided to just go back to bed. Lately I feel like every time I want to do something fun, something happens to discourage me or exhaust me. There's a heaviness on everyone right now it seems. I hear people talking about problems at work, among families, and personal struggles that are wearing people down to the point of despair and depression. When this happens, it is so easy to become a negative talker and I often fall right into the trap. Before I know it, I'm complaining about everything and everyone.

I know that God hates grumbling and complaining. And I feel guilty every time I do it. As a Christian, I'm not supposed to blend in with this negative world, and I shouldn't be controlled by negative emotions. The first step toward changing this bad habit is admitting that I do it. With step one behind me, I must try harder to focus on the things I say and force my mouth to be a projector of life, not death. 

The Bible warns that death and life are in the power of the tongue. Most people are clueless to the amount of death they speak over themselves and others on a daily basis. The night I was kept awake by a mouse, I recall saying that I was going to go insane if I didn't get some sleep. I actually cursed myself by saying that. My words can create life or death. What I should have said was, "God will protect me from the mouse and he will help me sleep." 

I did finally fall asleep after I calmed down and prayed for that mouse to stay away from me. I put in some earplugs and trusted in God's goodness as I waited for sleep to come. I got 2 1/2 hours sleep that night, which is pretty typical for me. It's better than zero. 

It's not easy to take every negative thought captive and turn it into a positive thought. It's not easy to train ourselves to speak positive life-giving words in every situation. I'm sixty and I still haven't mastered it. But I do know how important it is to my mental and physical health to speak healing words upon myself. 

When I say nothing good ever happens to me, I set that exact thing in motion. When I call myself poor or tired, then that's exactly what I will stay. As long as I speak negative curses over myself, I will never break free from an exhausted mind and a body full of pain and afflictions. 

The ultimate example of how we should respond under persecution is Jesus. He faced crowds demanding his death, betrayal and abandonment by people he trusted, beatings and whippings, and the horrible pain of being crucified with metal spikes on a wooden cross. Yet, at the height of His pain, He didn't lash out. He didn't swear, complain or curse anyone. He kept his emotions and his tongue under control. And He spoke life into the situation when he pleaded with the Father, "Forgive them, for they do not know what they do." (Luke 23:34)

I pray that I will remember that example and become better at speaking life and using the power of my words to make things better and not worse. There's more than enough negativity in the world. I shouldn't be adding to it. God expects more from His children.