WHEN THE CLAWS COME OUT

 A friend of mine said something today that set my mind whirling.
She said, "I've learned to be friends with women." 

Why would that comment turn my wheels? Because I talk so much on this blog about how women have such a hard time getting along.
In fact, the most popular post on this site is about that very subject. My friend's comment made me realize that the way I respond to difficult women is just as important as how they treat me.  

My first instinct is to avoid women who are unpleasant. Over the years I've experienced many situations where women made me uncomfortable. I'd start talking to them and within minutes I'd want to get up and walk away. From the things they said and the way they looked me up and down, I got the feeling that they were competing or trying to prove themselves.

The feeling probably began in about eighth grade and continued through high school and beyond. And now that I'm fifty, I've discovered that some women never stop being competitive. So my way of dealing with it is to avoid them completely.

But is this the right way to respond? The comment that my friend made about learning to be friends with every woman made me wonder if that's really possible. Can I learn how to rightly respond to women who have their claws out. Would my right response make a difference?  Instead of avoiding them, should I be doing something else? 

It's so much easier to avoid unpleasant people. It takes a lot of mental energy to deal with someone who doesn't like you. Feeling like you're constantly being attacked isn't a nice way to feel. Does God really blame me for wanting to walk away or would He prefer that I handle it differently?

The Bible has the answer for every problem, so I tried to recall verses that might address this issue. I thought of the verse that commands us to do good to those who persecute us and to pray for our enemies. Okay, so does that mean I can avoid a difficult woman as long as I pray for her? That's doing good, right? 

Somehow, I think God expects more of me. He expects me to be an example. But how can I be a blessing to someone who curses me everytime I'm around her? 

It took two days for me to figure out the answer to that question. I remembered a book I read a while ago that addressed this issue. The answer lies in staying focused on the reason why any woman would be mean to you. What are her motives? If you've done nothing to deserve the attacks, then the problem lies with her, and that's what you must focus on. 

I shouldn't focus on my own hurt, I should focus on the hurt that's causing her to attack me. More often than not, the root of the problem is her own insecurities. When a woman feels threatened, her claws come out. When she feels envious, her claws come out. When she feels like she doesn't measure up to what the world expects, the claws come out. Everything in me wants to fight back or just avoid her completely, but that's not helping her overcome her insecurities. 

God expects women to encourage each other, build each other up, and love one another. By avoiding difficult women, I'm not loving them. The better thing would be to find a way to help her see her own strengths. Give her a sincere compliment. Point out something she does well. Every time she gets a jab in, I could challenge myself to encourage her with a response that builds up her self image. It wouldn't take long for her to realize that I'm not someone she should dislike.

Now that I figured out the answer, it's time to put it into action. It won't be easy, but I'm going to try. I truly believe that God rewards us for things like this. Whenever we do the more difficult thing, but the right thing, we get rewarded. God makes our effort worth it.