MORE PRECIOUS THAN DISHES AND DUST

I wrote this after a long winter and a bad case of cabin fever. But I'm not removing it, because all couples have their arguments. Maybe it will inspire someone to cherish the people in their lives more than the things - Danelle

A few days ago, my husband and I had an argument about dishes. "I can't believe we are still arguing about dishes after all these years," I said. He's a bit of a neat freak. He gets upset when I don't keep up with things. If there are dishes in the sink, he'll start stacking them in the dishwasher thinking that he's helping. The problem is that he often stacks dirty dishes in with the clean dishes that haven't been put away yet. So I have to run the same dishes through a second cycle.

"Well why don't you empty the dishes after they're clean," he quipped.  

"Because I turned on the dishwasher and went to bed last night. I didn't get to them yet," I sassed back. 

Nothing kills the love in a relationship faster than constant expectations, nagging and lectures.  He's retired, so I often say to him, "Clean it yourself if it bothers you, you have time."  

I believe that one day he'll deeply regret all the fussing he did about a clean house and he'll wish that he would have been able to relax and just love his family. Not that he doesn't love us, but my daughter and I both feel like he puts a clean house above our feelings at times. If I'm tired or if she's not feeling well, there's no compassion. "Get her done, no matter what" is his mindset.

I was chatting with a friend who complained of the same thing. "We've had more arguments about dishes than anything else over the years," she said. Then she told me about an especially busy day when she let the dishes go after dinner, and sure enough her husband made a comment. "Why don't you get those dishes out of the way," he asked. "Because I'm exhausted," she said.

We agreed that the pressure to keep a perfectly clean house was not conducive to a loving relationship. I don't want  to be close to someone who constantly sees me as inadequate or lazy. She agreed that her husband's high expectations make him a difficult man to love. My friend and I aren't sloppy. We just don't feel the need to have everything in perfect order every minute of the day. There's more to life than a clean house.

So I was especially touched when I read this post about a husband who took the pressure off his wife and told her that she only needed to complete three important tasks a day. What a thoughtful guy. I bet he gets lots of love and admiration from his gal. He learned that people are more important than dishes and dust.. 
http://www.keeperofthehome.org/2009/11/carrying-burdens-that-dont-belong-to-us.html