Petty stuff. We focus on it way too much. Lately, I've been trying to stay focused on bigger things--the things that matter from an eternal perspective. Why? Because I'm tired of wasting time and being distracted by the petty stuff that can easily be overlooked.
When I focus on petty things, I waste so much energy and emotion on puffed-up problems that give me no return on my investment. It's a strategy the devil uses to keep me frustrated, and it also destroys relationships if I decide to act or open my mouth to address the matter.
I could fill a notebook with stories about the times I wish I had kept my mouth shut instead of shooting off about petty, sometimes purely-imagined problems. A big part of growing up is learning to discern when to speak and when to keep quiet. I'm better at the quiet part than I used to be, but I still have a way to go.
This past year has brought a great deal of perspective to all of us about what's really important in life. In one year, I lost a job because of Covid and I endured the worst physical pain I've ever known. Add to that the mental stress of Coronamania and it became a mentally exhausting year.
I told my doctor at my last visit that the physical pain from a spine fracture was beginning to affect my mental health. Even my own family wasn't fully aware of how much I was suffering. Electrocution is the only way I can describe the pain and it lasted for six months.
Ask me what my biggest fear is and I will instantly answer, physical pain. I can handle mental stress. I dealt with that most of my life. But physical excruciating pain, to me, is unbearable. It's also the thing I fear most for the people I love.
Physical pain is a real problem that can't be denied, but much of our pain in life we bring on ourselves by dwelling on petty things that we should take to God instead of taking to each other. I do believe in confronting people when they truly are being mean, but sometimes people are unintentional about the things we consider to be hurtful.
Sometimes we don't have all the details and if we did know the whole story, it would all make sense and our hurts could easily be explained away. Sometimes the way that something is said is misunderstood and if we talked to the person, we would realize that she didn't mean it the way it was received.
That's why communication is so important. You could walk around for years harboring resentment for a comment that wasn't intended to be mean, and because you didn't communicate the hurt, you don't give the person an opportunity to clear the air and restore the relationship.
But wait a minute. Shouldn't I keep my mouth shut about petty things? If it's affecting your relationship with someone and you think about it constantly, it's not a petty thing. You need to address it. At that point, the question becomes, How will I confront the person?
And this is where the world gets to see our true colors and our maturity level. Do we become those kids in the school yard in third grade or do we approach the person as Jesus would--with respectful honesty.
One thing I learned about confronting people is that it's best done in person. Texting is a NO! NO! Too much can be misunderstood with the absence of facial expressions and body language. I have sent hand-written letters to set things straight in the past and I've regretted some of those letters.
If I wrote a confrontation letter today, I would be sure to follow up with a phone call to make sure my thoughts were received in the manner I intended. There's nothing more futile than making things worse by communicating in the hope of making things better, and I have experienced that.
But the first thing I would do is pray for the right words to convey my thoughts so that they are correctly understood. I would also pray for an open heart from the person receiving the message so that no walls go up.
I prayed for more than a year for an opportunity to talk to someone I felt that I needed to talk to. He is someone I rarely see, and when I do see him, there are too many distractions and we can't talk. Recently, God answered my prayer by sending him to me as he was trying to fix a problem. He had no idea that I would be the one to help him because he was expecting someone else to be there.
We didn't really say much to each other. It was the way we spoke to each other, the smiles and the respectful manner we both presented that was the answer to my prayer. I needed to know that we were okay, no hard feelings, no resentment. And without God's help, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to see him and be assured that we are okay.
And this is the point I'm getting at...if you're going to confront someone, whether it's about a big thing or a petty thing that you turned into a big thing, always invite God to be there. Pray about it first. Don't rush in angry and say regretful things. Let God go ahead of you and make a way for the right place and time. Give Him time to reveal any truth you might need to see first. Often things are not what they seem to us.
We mess up relationships when we jump to conclusions that are not accurate, and God can turn that around to make us see more clearly. Then we can let go of the petty things that don't deserve another second of our time and attention.
By staying focused on important, not petty things, what I'm really doing is inviting God into every area of my life. I want to reach a point where nothing I say or do is without His consideration. Everything is put to prayer first and then I wait for Him to let me know what's petty and what's important. That's how I know when to speak and when to stay silent, what deserves my time and effort, and what does not.
Because a rich, full life can only be had by pursuing worthwhile things and wholeheartedly loving people. In the past six months I've realized, there's no time for anything else.
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