FORGIVENESS AND TRUST: TWO DIFFERENT THINGS

 

By Danelle Carvell

                                            

Trust and forgiveness are important in our relationships. But confusing their meanings puts unhealthy expectations on people.

People often get confused about the meaning of words. I do it myself. And then I go to my big red dictionary and figure it out. An example of this is how people think that forgiveness and trust have the same meaning. 

I've learned a thing or two about forgiveness, and I've learned a lot about trust. According to the Bible, forgiveness is mandatory, but trust is not. Forgiveness should be generously extended to everyone, but trust is something we can keep on reserve. It's something that not everyone deserves. And we should be very careful about trusting people.  

When I forgive someone, that doesn't mean I automatically trust that person. Trust is something that must be earned over time. I can forgive someone without a reconciliation, because forgiveness does not require inviting that person back into my life. Forgiveness is an act of my will that releases the offender from my resentment for their words or actions. 

It's actually me that benefits most when I forgive because it releases me from thinking about it and replaying the situation over and over. When I forgive, I have more peace and my emotions can become calm again. I don't have to make myself sick thinking about the hurtful thing that was done to me. It's been forgiven. 

This does not mean that I now pretend that I wasn't hurt. It doesn't mean that I condone what took place. It doesn't mean that I relieve people of responsibility for their actions. And it doesn't mean that I must welcome them back into my life and force myself to trust again.

Trust requires wisdom. And only the person who was offended can decide if and when they want to trust again. We should never put an unhealthy expectation on someone who is having trust issues. When you hurt someone, you can't expect everything to go back the way it was in an instant. 

If the offender refuses to recognize that what took place was wrong, and they refuse to admit it was wrong, then wouldn't I be foolish to hand my trust back over to them?  When someone makes excuses for their actions or lies to get themselves off the hook, what is trustworthy about that? 

Forgiveness is something that we should always do. The Bible says that if we don't forgive others, then God will not forgive us of our mistakes. Lord knows I've made my share of mistakes. 

But trust has a completely different meaning. Trust is not something that God commands us to do.  I do have to forgive people who hurt me, but I do not have to trust them. 

So if you are dealing with a situation that hurt you deeply, pray for guidance and direction in how to handle it. And remember that sometimes we must forgive even when we don't feel like it. Forgiveness is not a feeling that comes over you and suddenly you feel the desire to forgive. I've often extended forgiveness when it was the last thing I felt like doing. 

Forgiveness is on God's terms. But trust is on my terms... I decide who and I decide when. And the Bible offers much wisdom to help me decide. 

WHAT GETS ME THROUGH THE NIGHT

By Danelle Carvell

                                                

For me, going to sleep is like going into battle. But I make it through every time. 

I'm sitting here on a Monday morning, the day after my birthday, wanting to share something from the heart. At this point I don't know where I'm going with this or what I'm going to talk about. I only know I want my words to be an encouragement. The world needs more of that. 

I spent my birthday in bed because I've been dealing with severe sleep struggles. I've talked about this before, but for those who don't know, I've dealt with chronic insomnia since 2006. It's a neurological issue, not caused by any kind of anxiety. My brain just can't go into sleep mode. It's like a broken light switch that won't turn off. 

I would not be able to deal with it if not for my faith. That is what keeps me calm when I'm ready to jump out of my skin because I'm so exhausted and I desperately need my mind to shut down and rest. Sleep is very important, and a lack of it can be debilitating. 

Many people are dealing with health issues right now, both physically and mentally. This seems to be a difficult time for almost everyone I know. But the good thing about adversity is the way it can draw you closer to God if you let it. Some people are stubborn and refuse to seek help from Him, and they are the ones who suffer most through the trials of life. 

Why do I believe in God? Because I have seen evidence of His existence. There have been times in my life when I reached a point of desperation and I fell on my face and cried out for help. I saw an answer to those prayers almost immediately. I saw an answer to my prayer after praying for a boy when I was pregnant the first time. And again when I prayed for a girl before my daughter was born. 

Speaking of my daughter, she also saw an immediate answer to prayer just before she met her husband. God moves when we reach a point of total frustration and exhaustion. He rescues us when we are at our wits end. And when we learn to surrender every aspect of our lives to Him, we are set free from fear, anxiety and all types of worry. 

This is the way He meant for us to live. He wants us to take every problem to Him in prayer and trust that He will get us through it. Life is far too difficult to navigate solo. But many choose to deal with their problems on their own. That must be a lonely feeling. Deep down they have to feel an emptiness because God created us to need Him. 

He put into every human being a desire to connect with the creator. When people refuse to make that connection, they will seek fulfillment in other areas in order to fill that void. Maybe they are adventure seekers or they become workaholics. Some people turn to material things, alcohol, sex, drugs, or food to fill the void. Something else will always take the place of God when we shove Him out of our lives. Because that empty hole in the heart that was meant for God needs to be filled.

Someone recently called me "religious" because I believe in God. I could have told him that he's religious too. There's something in his life that he is doing to replace God. And that has become his religion. I suspect it might be drinking because he was sitting in a bar at the time and I saw signs that he spends quite a lot of time there.

Now please don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that if you go to a bar, you are trying to fill a void. I was obviously in a bar when I saw this guy, so I would have to include myself if I was suggesting all people who drink are lacking God. What I'm saying is that we all have an empty hole in the heart that was meant for God, and if we don't fill that empty space with Him, we will find something else to comfort us. 

Comfort is exactly what He gives me when I'm having a hard time. I don't know where I would be or what state of mind I would be in if I had ignored God's comfort over the years. I've been through some very difficult things. If someone had told me ahead of time the things I would go through, I would have been disturbed by that prediction. 

But I have to say that some of that pain was caused by my own decisions and my being distant from God when I was younger. My life wouldn't have been so messed up if I had put Him in my heart sooner and made Him number one. We bring things on ourselves and then blame God for not helping us. But He was there all along just waiting for me to invite Him to be my guiding light.

So the encouragement I want to give you today is asking yourself who or what you are being comforted by. And how is that working out for you? When I can't sleep, I have a favorite verse that I repeat over and over:

"Do not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold onto you with my righteous hand."

That is what gets me through the night. I completely trust that Bible verse and I believe God cannot lie. He must fulfill His promise to me every time I cry out to Him. 

What mountain in your life could be moved by spending time with God and filling that empty space in your heart with the only thing that really fits there? Faith has more power than anything you try to replace it with. But you will never experience the power unless you give in to it and give God the time and attention He deserves. 

4 Doors You May Have Opened to Demons

This video explains something I have said in past posts about opening doors to demonic activity in your life. Some things that people do will make them vulnerable to demonic attack. Yes, even born-again believers can be influenced by the deception, torment, temptation and harassment of evil spirits.

Here are the four major areas of vulnerability that will make you more susceptible to demonic attack:

Your Connections- 

Bad company corrupts good character. Sometimes we must engage with unbelievers, but we don't have to be influenced by them. A Christian should always be a positive influence on a non-believer and not the other way around. Is someone you spend time with leading you to do and say things that are not godly? Listening to worldly people will program the way you think.

Your eyes and ears-

What you look at and listen to affects your mind and emotions. Some music has evil lyrics. Violent or sexual and disturbing images will affect your mind in a negative way. Be careful what you set before your eyes and ears. 

Your Mouth-

The way you speak affects the way you think and feel. Let no unwholesome speech come out of your mouth is what the Bible tells us. What comes out of your mouth matters and so does what you put into your mouth. Drunkedness, gluttony, drugs and other substances can invite demonic activity. What you consume can affect the way you think and feel and make you vulnerable. 

States of Being-

Fear, anger, exhaustion, hunger and confusion are examples of states of being that can also make you vulnerable. When you find yourself in a negative state of being, you should go to a place of worship to escape from it. That place could be your own bedroom, not necessarily a church. 

David stresses in the video that anger is not a sin. The Bible says, be angry and sin not. There is a distinction between sin and anger. It is possible to be angry without sinning. But what you do in that anger can become sin. So be careful when you are feeling angry. 

Unforgiveness is also a state of being that you must watch out for. It is possible to forgive someone yet choose to break contact with the person because your trust has been broken. Our culture has a liberal mind-set that teaches we must be tolerant of everyone and we should never step away from a relationship or cut off contact with anyone. That is not what the Bible teaches. Jesus walked away from people all the time. You do have the right to do the same without feeling guilty. 

Stay away from these four doors and do not open them even a crack. Life is hard enough without inviting the darkness in. Stay in the light of God's word, watch your speech and behavior, and pray away any dark influence on your life and the lives of others. 

How to Respond to Toxic People (God's Way) + LIVE Q&A

Toxic people are all around us-- at work, at church, in the places we go to relax, and among our friends and families. No one gets through life without saying, "Something is seriously off with her." 

Toxic people have a way of bringing out the worst in us, and eventually you will reach a point where you can't take anymore. 

Lies, manipulation, hostility, and gaslighting are the tactics of toxic people. They will always deflect any responsibility for their bad behavior onto you, in order to make you look like the problem. Toxic people are self-centered, insecure, and spiritually immature. They are hurting people who relieve their hurt by putting it on you. 

This excellent video offers biblical ways to manage your reactions to toxic people. The truth is that they don't care about you in any way. They don't care what you think or if you get hurt. If something about you does not line up with their motive or narrative, then a toxic person sees you as the enemy. And nothing you say or do can change their attitude. 

When someone has a proven track record of being hostile, self-centered, unreliable, manipulative, vindictive, controlling and defensive, you would be wise to consider the source when dealing with a toxic person. They will never see your side of any situation or care about your perspective. Their own wants and needs are the only thing that matters to them. 

When dealing with a toxic person, the battle does not belong to you. You are actually fighting against a demonic stronghold that has taken root within a person's heart. So let God deal with them. Know your triggers ahead of time, because a toxic person is a master at pushing your buttons. They will influence something that is already inside of you--a past hurt, a fear or an insecurity. 

Ask God to help you deal with any toxic person that you are forced to associate with. Allow moments of silence when you must talk to this person. Jesus said nothing to toxic people many times in the Bible. You might need to disconnect with a toxic person because they are negatively affecting you and infecting you. 

I have dealt with toxic people many times in my life. I wish that I had listened to this video forty years ago, but such things were not available then. Take the time to watch this. It greatly helped me. I feel better equipped to handle the next toxic person that walks into my path. I know more are coming.

How to Make Tough Decisions | Live Changed Podcast 009

I recently said that knowing which direction God wants me to take is confusing at times. Then today I came across this video.

How do we make tough decisions in life? How do we navigate 
God's guidance in those decisions? This video offers valuable advice on a topic that we all deal with. 

Life brings tough decisions in our relationships, finances, job, and location. Do you seek advice from people you trust--people who have had similar experiences and learned from it? 

Do you take the decision to God in prayer and wait for an answer. It's very easy to confuse God's will with your own will. God doesn't verbally speak to us, so how do we know what He is telling us? 

First we should look in the scriptures for any advice that speaks to our particular situation. Then we can seek godly council from other Christians who've had to make similar decisions. Holy Spirit speaks through community, through his body, the church. He also speaks through a prompting in your spirit. Do you have a personal conviction about this?

The decisions we make in life can bring prosperity. But a bad decision can be devastating to ourselves and our families. But God has a perfect will for our lives. And when we seek Him in prayer, He will let us know when we are stepping out of His will. And He will give us confirmation that we are aligned with His will.  

Come in at 4 minutes to skip the chit-chat intro.

THE DANGER WE IGNORE AS WE OPEN THE DOOR

Spiritual warfare is the fight to believe God's truths over the enemies lies. When you experience a cycle of negative thinking that plays over and over again in your mind, you are in spiritual bondage, which is also known as a demonic stronghold. And when you are spiritually bound, you are not living the Christian life. 

Many people believe that Christians cannot be attacked by evil spirits. Although the Bible is filled with examples of how evil spirits can affect people, many refuse to believe that these demonic powers operate today, and they refuse to believe that a Christian can be affected by them. 

The truth is that the demonic realm can and does attack Christians, and this is done through deception. You will not find a single scripture in the Bible that disproves what I am saying. You will actually find much scripture that supports what I'm saying. Christians have not been taught the truth during all those years they sat in church. 

An evil spirit will look for ways that you are most vulnerable to deception. Once you start to believe a lie from the enemy, then you are hooked. The enemy will use your negative circumstances to endorse his lies. 

Ninety-nine percent of demonic strongholds can be broken by knowing and believing the word of God. When you know God's word,  then the lies you are believing will be exposed. Then you can break the stronghold by transforming your mind. 

In this video, David Hernandez offers part one of a seminar on spiritual warfare. He defines what a demonic stronghold is. He talks about the ways that we open doors to the enemy and how these open doors wreak havoc in our lives. 

"When you participate in wicked things, you are doing things to your mind that you do not realize," Hernandez says. 

Is there a person in your life that has become a bad influence on you? 

1 Corinthians 15:33 tells us that bad company corrupts good character. When we conform to the bad habits of those we associate  with, we give the enemy an open door to operate in our lives. 

Are you allowing the things you look at to affect your mind?  Visualization is one of the most powerful forms of thought. The images you allow before your eyes can be imprinted on your mind.  Then the enemy takes sinful or distracting visuals and brings them to your memory when you are at a weak point. 

I have experienced demonic strongholds in my own life. This is why I am so passionate about sharing any good teaching on the subject. The chances are very good that you or someone you know will at some point be affected by a demonic stronghold. 

You would be very wise to learn all you can about this subject so you know how to recognize it and deal with it victoriously. You do have the spiritual authority to overcome any demonic attack. That authority was given to you by Jesus. 

"I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy." 

-Luke 10:19

That is Jesus talking. He said this before He ascended into Heaven. Why would Jesus tell us this if the demonic realm was of no threat to us?

Snakes and scorpions are representative of the dark demonic powers that seek to destroy you. If you don't know what you are dealing with, you cannot fight back. And that's the way the devil likes it. 

SILENCE DOESN'T FIX ANYTHING

By Danelle Carvell

                                      

Sometimes we need isolation and silence. And sometimes we don't 

 Sometimes it's very difficult to know what God wants you to do. We can pray for guidance, but figuring out which way he wants us to go is confusing at times. I have found myself confused lately by the direction God wants me to take. 

Yesterday was the first I posted anything since April. I believed that God was leading me into a time of rest in preparation for something bigger. I kept hearing confirmation that I should just rest from my blog posts and focus on prayer and reading His word.

Then yesterday I looked at my blog stats and saw that 10,000 people had viewed my posts within this month alone. That amount of page views in a couple weeks has never happened. I was shocked and didn't know what to do with this new turnaround.

My last attempt to post something on this blog back in April was stopped by a complete disappearance of all my hard work on the topic of people who claim that they've been to Heaven. I was fascinated by the similarities in their stories and I had spent hours on the piece before it disappeared from my screen. I took that as a final confirmation that I was supposed to step away from my keyboard. 

Today in my prayer devotional I read an entry titled, "The Power of Voice." It was today's reading in the  monthly devotional, Our Daily Bread. 

"We all possess the capacity to use our voice to inspire and help others," is what I read today. I was encouraged to trust God by saying and doing whatever He commands. And when I ask God how He wants to use me, He will equip me to carry out His purpose. And with His help, I can boldly use my voice to make a positive impact on those around me. 

So I guess I'm back from my time of rest. And from now on, I will be asking God what He wants me to say instead of deciding for myself what the next topic will be. I am constantly learning how I am supposed to follow Him. Maybe my time away from blogging was set aside for me as a time of learning. 

I have been learning about controlling my tongue. I have been learning to pray before confronting a situation. I have been learning about how wrong it is to make a judgment about a person or situation before knowing all the details. I have been learning about allowing people to have emotions and how sometimes people react to things because of a past hurt that resurfaced in that moment. 

I have been learning about the importance of communication, because if I don't communicate, then people don't understand my thinking in a situation. They don't understand why I responded that way. They don't understand why I was confused about something. They don't understand why a certain comment hit me so hard. They don't understand why a certain situation shook me to my core. 

Every experience I have ever had in life is walking around with me every day because I have memories. You have those same memories that influence the way you respond to people and situations. This is why we need to share what we are thinking when a problem arises. 

People who don't share their thinking during a conflict run the risk of being misunderstood. They run the risk of appearing cold and uncaring. They run the risk of a damaged relationship that could have easily been restored by communication. 

Words have so much power. And sometimes we fail to use our words to influence those around us for the better. We need to rely on God's strength and wisdom to speak up. Ask Him to put the right words into your mouth. Ask Him what to say in order to defuse a situation that has become stressful. 

God reminded me today that He wants me to use my voice to bring about positive change. What can you say today that could bring about a positive change in a broken relationship? What words could you say that would remove the tension from a stressful situation? 

The power of voice is the power of encouragement, inspiration, and restoration. The Bible tells us that death and life are in the power of our words. So speak life. Silence doesn't fix anything.