NO REASON TO CELEBRATE: AMERICA'S MOVE TOWARD SOCIALISM

By Danelle Carvell

                                                      

This past Fourth of July, I felt no reason to celebrate. Why celebrate Independence Day when our country is quickly moving toward socialism? The government controls all means of production and distribution in a socialist society. It can control our health care, insurance companies and food distribution. Currently the government holds various ownership stakes in over 500 private companies and several major banks. In a socialist society, the government can take anything it wants, including our freedoms.

Our religious freedom is already being squashed. Last year a pastor was questioned by San Diego County officials and threatened with fines over a bible study held in his home in Bonita, California. This year World Net Daily reported that police officers arrested four Christian missionaries as they exercised their right to free speech at an Arab Festival in Dearborn, Michigan. The officers were apparently enforcing Islamic Law. A court in Wisconsin recently ruled in favor of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, a group that's trying to eliminate the National Day of Prayer. Eliminating Christianity altogether can't be far behind, especially when our president has already declared that "we are no longer a Christian nation."

Our freedom of speech is also in question. Both the Hate Crimes Bill and the Homeland Security Bill contain ideas that could end our right to speak freely. Pro-Life supporters have already been labeled as "extremists." And with the Hate Crimes Act, Christians are one step closer to being arrested for saying, "Jesus is the only way." The latest attempt to squash our freedom of speech came on June 25, when the cyber-security bill was approved by the Homeland Security Committee. It will give the president authority over the Internet. That bill will soon head to the Senate for a vote.

Why would Obama want to control the internet? Because that is where the truth is being told. You don't get the whole truth on most televised news because the managers of those broadcasts allow only news that fits their own world views.  Soon our president may be free to shut down any part of the Internet he chooses. And thanks to President Bush and his martial law legislation, Obama can also take total control of the government and country. He can have total dictatorial power. All he needs is one good catastrophic event to declare martial law. In C-SPAN videos posted on You Tube, California Representative Brad Sherman states that in private conversations, members of Congress were told there would be martial law in America if they refused to pass the bailout bill. Martial Law is a euphemism for military dictatorship and apparently it has already been threatened upon our citizens.

Does this sound like the America you know and love? The United States now fits the description of a police state, where the leader has his own treasury and his own army on the streets. (Check out America Is A Police State at World Net Daily). The bailout bill gave the president 100 billion dollars in discretionary spending, without oversight, and for the first time in 100 years an active duty military unit, NorthCom, is permanently assigned inside the US. (Check out Salon Radio: ACLU on the US Army's domestic deployment by Glenn Greenwald) This unit may be called upon to help with civil unrest and crowd control, using weapons like tasers and rubber bullets. Our military can now be deployed against our own citizens.

Our national debt has reached over 13 trillion dollars (Check out www.usdebtclock.org). We are no longer a producer nation. We buy more from other countries than we produce. There's no way our children will enjoy the lifestyle that we've had because a large part of their incomes will be taken from them in taxes. Just finding a job could be their greatest challenge. In March 2009, The Center For Economic and Policy Research suggested that the unemployment rate is the highest recorded since the Great Depression.

All this doesn't sound like reasons to celebrate. It sounds more like reasons to fall on our knees and pray.

WHY WE CAN'T LIVE SIMPLY ANYMORE

http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/feminism-related-issues/young-moms-work-for-free/

 By Danelle Carvell
 I often say that I was born in the wrong era. The 1940's and 50's seemed a simpler more pleasant time to be alive. I was born in the sixties, so I didn't get to experience those decades, but I do love to watch TV shows and movies that portray that time in history. Even the 1930's, a decade associated with The Great Depression, seems a time that I would enjoy more than the rushed and complicated lifestyle of 2010.

The older I get, the more I want to embrace simplicity. I find myself throwing things out and ridding myself of clutter. I'm more satisfied with a simple wardrobe, simple furniture, and simple ways of decorating my home. I'm learning that if I keep those things simple, I'll have more time for the people in my life. Maybe the reason those early decades seem so appealing is because people who lived in the 40's and 50's had fewer distractions that kept them from focusing on what's important--God and family.

Ask someone what the most important part of life is and you'll probably get answers like God, family, friends, etc. But the same people who give those answers often live lives that don't reflect their values. If they really loved God and family, wouldn't they create a lifestyle that allowed time for those things? Wouldn't they set selfishness and materialism aside and choose a simple way of life that gives them everything they need without unnecessary stress and financial pressure?

We seem to have lost our ability to live simply. Even newlyweds aren't satisfied with a simple home anymore. They choose opulent homes that require two incomes to maintain. Then when the children come, Mom is forced to look for replacement care for her children. She must go to work to help pay for the big house. Perhaps if she and her husband had chosen a simpler way of life, she could stay at home and be a mom instead of a breadwinner. Materialism pushes God and family from our lives.

In a post feminist era, my opinion isn't always popular. Yet I know examples of women who wouldn't have to work yet they choose a career over caring for their children. They try being home with baby for a while and then decide that it's not for them. They can't handle the mundane tasks and the unglamorous role of being stuck at home with their own children. Selfishness pushes God and family from our lives.

Materialism and selfishness are two distractions that weren't so prevalent among women in the early decades of the 1900's. Those women were more satisfied with simple things--a simple home, a simple lifestyle, and simply being a mom. Then along came the feminist movement to convince women that they deserve more than a mundane life of motherhood. Feminists convinced women to forget what's at home and make a mark on the world. They told us we need to control our environment and control our marketability so we can be independent. The feminist movement led women out of their homes, away from their children and into the workplace. Feminism pushes God and family from our lives.

I'm not saying that no woman should work outside the home. I'm saying that the highest calling for a wife is to be a helpmate to her husband, and the highest calling for a mother is to care for her children. I know there are innocent examples of women who have no choice but to leave their children in day care so they can go to work and make money. But there are also examples of young mothers who work due to their own selfishness, materialism and feminist beliefs. They're not satisfied with a simple life of marriage and motherhood even when their husbands encourage them to stay home.

Today, women feel a tremendous amount of pressure to justify being at home for their families. "How can you afford to stay at home and not work?" is a question people boldly ask.  But no woman has to justify filling the role God created her to fill as a wife or mother.  She doesn't have to justify that to anyone, not even in a bad economy.  If a husband or family chooses for a wife or mother to be at home instead of the workplace, and if they're not living above the financial means of one income, then I believe God will bless that decision.  They don't need society's blessings.

Husbands might be surprised at how little money their working wives are actually making when they have children in daycare.  The link at the top of this page tells a story about the frustrations of young working mothers.  Be sure to check it out and read the comments underneath.   It's a story that many women are living out each day.  In the book 1/2 Price Living, one couple named Suzie and Ben discovered that by working full time with one child in daycare, Suzie was only making seventeen dollars a month.

"The main culprit for the financial failure of a second income is a tax system that savagely penalizes second incomes," the book claims.  A higher tax bracket, the cost of gas and wear and tear on her vehicle, the cost of daycare, buying lunch at work, spending more on a professional appearance (wardrobe, manicures, hairstyles), spending money on convenience food because she has no time to cook, spending money on guilt gifts because she can't give her children enough time, and just spending money unnecessarily because she has extra money.

All the above things must be subtracted from her income to discover her true income.  Some working moms who think they're making 15 dollars an hour are actually making less than five dollars an hour.  They don't realize that they could stay home and save that much from their husband's income and be no worse off.  I save eighty to one hundred dollars a week just by clipping coupons and searching for bargains.  That's like earning eighty dollars a week.  I also find other ways to make and save money at home and I see no difference in our standard of living compared to when I was working full time outside the home.   It's a simple answer, but who sits down and does the math? 

I guess we can't do anything simply. We can't even simply drive. We have to be chatting on a cell phone or texting while driving. I truly can't believe that talking on a phone while driving is even legal. The task takes one hand off the wheel and your mind off the road. I wonder how many lives have been cut short all because someone couldn't wait to make or receive a phone call. Driving is serious business. One wrong move could kill someone. And all it takes is a second to make that wrong move. Is a phone conversation worth the risk of killing someone or being killed?

If we want to simplify our lives, we need to get rid of the distractions that are cluttering our lives. Technology is good, but not when it's so much a part of our lives that we can't focus on daily tasks or give people our full attention. Selfishness, materialism, feminism, and technology are just some of the clutter we've allowed to overtake us. We need to get back to the basics of life: caring for our children, respecting and loving our husbands, and most importantly seeking God for strength. Women have lost their identity in a self-absorbed, materialistic culture polluted with feminist ideas. I don't like the culture I live in, but I don't have to conform to it. I choose to live a life of simplicity:God first, family second, my own self-interests a distant third. That's the life we were meant to live as wives and mothers. And only we can reclaim it.

THE JOY OF MELLOWING WITH AGE

One of the greatest things about getting older is being able to laugh more. When I was younger, I took life way too seriously. I was more likely to cry about something than to laugh about it. I had a hard time seeing the funny side of things because I was so focused on a perfect life. If something went wrong, I couldn't laugh about it because failure just wasn't funny to me. I was too insecure to laugh at failure. Disappointment always upset me and I probably wasn't much fun to be around. Thank God that time has a way of mellowing people.

Today, I welcome life's mishaps. If something goes wrong and it gives me a good laugh, I'm grateful for it. Yesterday, my daughter and I were walking into Wal-Mart when I felt a discomfort at the hem of my capris. I reached under my pant leg at mid-calf to investigate and pulled out a piece of blue material. Upon realizing what it was, I yanked quickly at it and swooped it into my handbag. I had wore the same pants the day before with a pair of blue underwear. My daughter couldn't believe what just happened. She insisted that an elderly couple had seen me pull my underwear out of my pant leg and were now sitting speechless on a bench. "I probably made their day," I said, feeling no embarrassment.

That's another great thing about getting older. You just don't care about looking foolish. I embarrassed my daughter more than once at the Wal-Mart. She loves to tell the story about how I ran my cart into a pole after leaving the check out. I was pushing my cart full of groceries toward the exit when I spotted some eyeglass cases to my left. I'd been wanting a good case for my new glasses. All of a sudden, Bam! My cart hit a pole and to make matters worse, I let out a vocal reaction that got everyone's attention. All eyes were on us. I calmly got my cart under control and continued toward the door. But Delaina was anything but calm. "Who cares what those people think," I said. "We'll never see them again." She doesn't understand my lack of concern for watching eyes, but someday she will.

When you've experienced enough of life, you reach a point where you realize that some things just aren't worth getting shook about. The energy it takes to be embarrassed or upset is more than I'm willing to invest. Of course some things are worthy of fussing over, but for me, the list is much smaller than it once was. For example, when I order a sandwich with "no" mayo, it always comes to the table "with" mayo. There was a time when I would have sent it back, but now I decide ahead of time that I will scrape the mayo off my sandwich. Though I am considering telling the waitress I have a severe allergic reaction to mayo that isn't pretty...just to see if it makes a difference.

I remember my waitressing days and the things people fussed about when it came to food. It's understandable that you want to have a pleasant experience when you go out to eat, but food isn't more important than people. I've seen customers verbally abuse waitresses over food and make themselves look incredibly selfish in the process. But the most memorable group of people I've ever served were not selfish at all. They were quite joyful. There was more laughter coming from their table than from all the other tables combined. It was clear to me that they were out together to enjoy each other's company. Food wasn't the most important part of the evening. And before they left, they showed their appreciation by asking me to stand by the table as they all leaned to one side and then the other. They tipped for me, and it was the best tip I ever got.

I think one of the keys to enjoying life is having your priorities straight (people over things) and being able to roll with the punches. Those who are able to laugh in the face of disappointment get more joy out of life. Like that group of diners I waited on twenty years ago, people are smart to spend their time savoring relationships. While the uptight people waste time fretting and fuming about things that could easily be forgiven or overlooked. I wish I wouldn't have wasted so much of my life being uptight. But I'm grateful that the passing years have given me a new perspective.

One of the greatest tests to a woman's character is her wedding day. When the plates aren't the right shade of white or the ribbons on the bouquets don't match, how will the bride react to the disappointment of a less than perfect wedding? Will she roll with the punches or turn into a bridezilla and ruin everyone's good time? Hopefully she'll take a deep breath and realize that the day isn't about plates and ribbons, it's about people.

I wouldn't have passed the character test on the day of my first wedding. I remember getting mad at my sister when she kept suggesting that I eat something. I had skipped breakfast and lunch and she was concerned about me. "No one is going to tell me what to do on my wedding day!" I quipped. I had the same sassy attitude toward my husband at the reception when it seemed that he was dancing with everyone but me. I even got mad at my guests for taking the table centerpieces home with them. Talk about a bridezilla! They didn't have a name for brides like me back then, except maybe another word that starts with B.

Wouldn't it be fun to venture back into those situations with a new mellowed attitude? Oh how I could have enjoyed that day and given my sister a hug instead of a harping, been happy for my husband as he enjoyed dancing with our guests, and I would have invited people to take home the centerpieces instead of grumbling about a few missing vases.

By the time my second marriage rolled around, I had mellowed and matured a bit. There was no fussing about details. I didn't need a big bridal party or a dress with poofy sleeves. I actually bought my dress at Value City for next to nothing. My husband wore jeans and cowboy boots and that was fine with me. There was no dancing and no centerpieces for me to get shook about. They even mispelled my name on the wedding cake and I managed to laugh about it.

I think it takes a certain level of maturity to really enjoy life. And that maturity seems to come with age. I've met some mellow young folks, but most easy-going people I know have been around the block a few times. I think we just grow tired of being so affected by life's disappointments. We become more tolerant of embarrassment and let downs because it takes so much darn energy to fret and fume. Like expecting mayo on my sandwich, we learn to expect disappointment, and we learn to laugh at life instead of becoming embarrassed or angered by it. When we finally reach the point where there's nothing left to do but laugh, we invite joy into our lives. It's the joy that all of us are looking for. But we have to mellow a bit before we find it.

SMALL TOWN SUMMERS MAKE THE BEST MEMORIES

I wait all year for summer. Fall is nice, but I don't get along with winter. I need warmth and sunshine to be happy. Although summer doesn't officially begin until June 21, this week marks the beginning of summer for me. It's not summer until I bite into a fresh strawberry, and I did that on Friday after scanning the Crossroads Auction for the very best pick.

If I'm paying almost four dollars a box, I want the sweetest, juiciest gems available. Relying only on visual appeal, I carefully chose two boxes. After washing, cutting and sprinkling with sugar, I let the strawberries rest in the refrigerator for a few hours (which almost killed me). But that's the only way to get that sweet red nectar that soaks into the shortcake and makes it extra delicious.

Strawberry shortcake is one of the many joys of summer. After devouring a bigger serving than I needed, we headed to City Island to take in a Senator's game. When you're sitting in a stadium hearing the crack of aluminum hitting leather, you know it's officially summer. I'm not a big baseball fan. I was actually there to hear my daughter and her fellow Halifax chorus members sing the national anthem. But I understand why people love the game.

I was sixteen and on my first date when I first experienced a Phillies game. For a girl who grew up in a small town that she rarely got out of, a bus trip to Philadelphia was a big deal. But I have to say the Senator's game was more entertaining than the Phillies game was in the seventies. My heart wasn't racing with the thrill of my first boyfriend beside me, but the chance of winning a flat-screen TV at the top of every inning was pulsating for a middle-aged woman with a TV-loving husband. Throw in a rainbow and some man-made fireworks toward evening, and it was a perfect summer outing. The only disappointment was that cold soft pretzel.

When I was a kid, it seemed that summer never ended. My entire childhood is stored in my memory as one ongoing summer. What other season can top summer for holding the most memorable times in our lives? My earliest summer memories are of the sixties. Pillow was the only town I called home until I married in my twenties and moved to Dalmatia. In the sixties we lived in a trailer in a part of town called the "mud pike." I think somebody's mother came up with that nickname because a small stream ran adjacent to the houses on that block.

I can't imagine growing up in a city. The things I would have missed! You can't find a good swimming hole in the city or grab mom's mason jar and come home with a batch of tadpoles or caterpillars. You can't keep a horse in the city. You can't pitch a tent in your friend's back yard and tell your mom you're sleeping over, then spend the night running around town until daybreak. Most city kids don't have big yards to catch lightning bugs and play hide-n-seek in the dark. They can't lay in bed listening through an open window to late night sounds of the summer carnival: The twang of guitar from the band stand, The ting of pennies hitting glass, and the microphoned call of letters and numbers until "we have another winner" at Bingo.

Summer and small town living are two of the best things in life, and summer is here once again. The strawberries are in. The games have begun, and more memories are waiting to be made.

THAT DON'T IMPRESS ME MUCH

I was watching Joyce Meyer tonight. She said, "Character is what you do when no one is watching." It got me thinking about the time and effort we put into doing things simply because people are watching us. For example, I don't particularly like washing my car. But when I do, I feel better about driving it. And maybe it's not just for myself, but how I look to others. A dirty car says something about you. So I got to thinking: If I lived on an island all by myself, would I bother to wash my vehicle? How many things do I do for the sake of looking good to others?

There's never been a time when people were more conscious of how they look to others. Just go shopping with a pre-teen and you'll see how important it is to have the right clothes and the right look. My daughter and I disagree about this all the time. I want her to be less tuned into the ways of the world and stop putting so much pressure on herself (and her parents) to have clothes with a certain name on them. If she lived on an island by herself, would she give two hoots about the name Hollister? No she wouldn't.

Perhaps we could all use a few weeks alone on that proverbial island. Wouldn't it be interesting to see how our character would change when we discover that suddenly no one is watching? What would we do differently?

The first thing we'd be relieved of is the desire to impress people with our image, achievements or financial status. If we suddenly had to live like Tom Hanks in Castaway and our only friend was a volleyball named Wilson, we'd have no reason to flaunt those things. We'd no longer care how we looked to the world. There might be a great freedom in that.

Keeping up appearances takes a lot of energy. What's the payoff for our efforts? I was also watching The Bachelorette tonight, which I'm almost ashamed to say because the way those men were acting made me feel I was watching something undeserving of my time. Whatever happened to that show? Anyway as I was saying, Ali, the bachelorette, seems to be a woman who's not impressed by image or status. She's looking for someone with a good heart. For that I love her and I wish her well. I almost cheered when she failed to give a rose to Mr. Dark Shadows. He gave me the creeps.

When I think of the guys I've known and dated, I wonder why I wasted my time on half of them. Some of them were so into the world and impressing people. I couldn't see it then because I was too immature, too naive maybe. I can only thank God that I didn't end up with any of them because I don't think they've changed. I ran into an old boyfriend recently and he was the same guy I remembered. He ran off his list of "let's impress her" things he's into, and I pretended to be interested. Then he made sure that I saw him drive off in his hot car. I yawned as he passed by, checked my watch, then popped in a stick of gum.

Tell me you're the CEO of a successful corporation and that don't impress me much. But do something thoughtful and kind and I'll be so impressed I'll probably talk about you for months. Character is what we do when no one is watching. But the reality is that someone is always watching and someday we'll be rewarded for our character.

MAYBE YOU NEED SOME SLOW SIMPLE SILENCE

There are sixty million women in America who are so overstressed and over scheduled that it affects their physical health. This lifestyle of hurried busyness affects everyone in a woman's family, especially her children. In the midst of the modern woman's hectic life, her children are tossed around while desperately trying to steady themselves. Inside they are screaming,"Mom! you're moving too fast."

The message of our culture is that our value comes from what we do and how busy we are. Because we listen to this nonsense, we take on much more than we should. We don't know how to say No. Because we seek approval from people instead of from God we hate to disappoint others and we often say yes to validate our own importance. We need to stop wearing ourselves out being people pleasers and start making decisions based on what God is calling us to do.

Our value is not in what we do, our value is in who we are...God's children. But because we live in a culture focused on doing, we get caught up in the craziness of the world's hectic pace. There's a clear connection between rushing and stress. We need to stop being so hurried. When we hurry, we lose touch with God and all He wants to give us. We also lose touch with the people in our lives.

Time spent with God and time spent with our children may not be seen as productive time. If we can get some work done instead of doing those things, we think we've made the right choice. But what price are we paying for our busyness?  The price we pay is a life void of joy and peace. God created us to need time with Him. We need that calming and loving presence. When we neglect what the soul needs, we will look desperately for something else to fill the emptiness. I find that the days when I overeat are the same days that I spend the least time with God.

What are you most focused on? What takes up most of your time and energy? When you finally do have some down time, what do you think about? What do you treasure most in this life? God invites us to store up our treasures in Heaven. The only thing in this life that will last into eternity is relationships. Relationships with God and others should be our treasures. Unfortunately many people give possesions a higher priority than people.

One of the keys to simplifying our lives is to weed out all the stuff we don't need. Just as there's a clear connection between rushing and stress, there's also a clear connection between simplicity and contentment. The more stuff we have, the more debt we have and the more time we spend maintaining our stuff. That's precious time away from God and family. Debt keeps us from focusing on God. Debt makes us a slave to our things. It causes us to work longer hours, and the mental anguish that it brings is hardly worth the stuff debt buys.

Rather than focusing on buying stuff and achieving things, our focus should be on God. When we make following God a priority in our lives, everything else falls into place. We can actually invite God to help us make decisions. By running every decision through the sieve of God's will, we achieve simplicity. By scheduling some free time into our weekly schedules, we have more patience. Being impatient causes great heartache for ourselves and our families.

God holds the secret to successful living and true success is based on who we are not what we do. When we know how to slow down, how to simplify our lives, and how to build relationships with Him and others, we become who we need to be to live lives of peace, joy and contentment. If the joy and peace are missing, perhaps you need to slow down, simplify, and get silent with God.

THE SENSE TO LOOK DEEPER

I remember a verse that goes something like this, "Only the person involved can know her own pain; no one else can really share it." That verse and a few recent experiences have inspired me to write about the way we form opinions of others without knowing the full details of their lives. If only we could see the total picture, we might be more compassionate. If we could see the reasons behind the things people do and say, we might be more forgiving.

So much misunderstanding goes on when we communicate. And it's that misunderstanding which causes bad feelings and broken relationships. It amazes me how easily people can misunderstand what I'm trying to say. I was at a party last summer talking to a woman about what I might get into next. We got on the subject of selling and I told her about a woman who tried to recruit me as a salesperson. Within minutes the woman became defensive and told me that she has great respect for that person. "It takes a lot of discipline to do what she does," she said as if I were attacking the woman's character.

She assumed that I was criticizing the gal who tried to recruit me. But what she didn't realize was that I had helped that person get started in her business and we were on friendly terms. The point I was trying to make was that I can't sell to save my life. Looking back, I wish I would have told her how mistaken she was, but I walked away without telling her she misunderstood.

Once I sent a note to my daughter's teacher when she didn't want to take part in a spelling bee. The teacher didn't take it well from what my daughter told me.  But what the teacher didn't see was the exhausted mother (me) who wrote the note and the things that led up to it. From what I understood, the spelling bee was mandatory.  I wrote the note as a desperate attempt to quiet my daughter's fears, but I don't think it was received as that.

Jumping to conclusions is one way we get ourselves into trouble. Sometimes we hear something totally different than what the person meant. I've learned to give myself a cooling-off period whenever someone says something offensive. Too many times I've made a fool of myself by assuming something that just wasn't so. And then when I got the whole story, I felt like an idiot and had to apologize for my hasty judgment.

Another thing we do is fail to see the baggage that people carry around. Sometimes people do and say things because of past experiences. We don't realize that the reason someone is so sensitive about her weight is because of a fat stage she went through and the teasing she endured because of it. We don't realize that the reason someone seems so controlling and bossy is because she desperately wants children. Her motherly instincts are in overdrive and she has nothing to nurture but other people's lives. So she comes across as bossy and arrogant but she's really hurting inside.

Hurting people hurt people. It's from our own brokenness that we hurt others. And if we could just see beyond the offense and look a little deeper, we might discover that the hurt we're experiencing is actually the fallout from someone else's pain. We really should give people the benefit of the doubt more often. We really should be more forgiving, more understanding, and slower to assume the worst.  We can't see the hidden reasons why people do what they do. We don't know what's behind their hurtful words. But we can pray for our eyes to be opened to their pain. If we can understand the reason for their actions, we'll be more likely to extend grace. The world needs more grace.

PART OF THE HUMAN CONDITION

"People don't know what to do when the wheels fall off your life." I like that quote from The Longing, my latest reading treasure. The book is about finding your identity in Christ not in your accomplishments, your looks or anything else. In chapter six, Joey O'Connor makes a great point about brokenness and why it is an essential part of being a Christian: "Brokenness brings us to the end of ourselves. It is the very thing that brings us to our knees. It is the very thing we need to lead us to the wholeness found in Christ."

We need to give ourselves permission to be broken. That's hard to do in a society of winners who never want to appear weak, vulnerable, worried, anxious or overwhelmed. "We wear a thin veil of superficiality and shallowness," says the author. "We hide because we're afraid that if we truly open the lid of our hearts to show another person all of our fears and grief and pain, they'd say, "Yuck!"

I admire people who can be honest with their feelings without fear of appearing weak or vulnerable. There's nothing more endearing to me than a friend who openly shares her doubts, fears and pain. This is what life's about and it shouldn't make us uncomfortable. "We must accept our brokenness to find our wholeness in Christ," says O'Connor.

To find a friend who's honest is rare. Even rarer is finding a friend who allows you to be honest, especially when you're honestly hurting. Life isn't always about being strong and capable. Sometimes it gets messy and we should let ourselves be a mess without guilt. The idea that people, especially Christians, should always be strong and never struggle is wrong. The Bible is filled with stories of godly men and women who suffered greatly. "And through their suffering, God created something beautiful," claims O'Connor.

We all have seasons in our lives when we don't have it all together and we don't have all the answers. "Brokenness is part of the human condition," says the author. Then why do hurting people make us so uneasy? And why do we try so hard to hide our own brokenness? We're just not good at comforting people. We say the most ridiculous things to them. "There are other fish in the sea," is what we say to the heartbroken. "It's God's will," is what we say to the grieving. We'd be better off to say nothing.

People don't know what to do when the wheels fall off your life. But "Jesus, your broken savior understands your brokenness like no one else." Cling to Him. He promises to make something beautiful out of your brokenness.

TRUST WILL SET YOU FREE

Have you ever come across just the right book at a time when you really needed its wisdom? This happens to me all the time. I believe that God brings certain books into our lives at just the right time. It's one of the many ways that he communicates with us. Sometimes it's a magazine article or a lesson on TV. But the exact thing that I'm struggling with will suddenly appear in the form of a book, an article, a TV program or some other teaching tool.

The book I'm reading now is one that I bought a year ago. I finally picked it up this week and started reading. It's so good that I can't put it down. The book is titled, In God We Trust: But Only as a Last Resort. Trusting God should be the easiest aspect of Christian living. Yet we sometimes, perhaps often, have a hard time with it the book says. This is something I can relate to. I'm beginning to realize that the anxiety I've been feeling for the past three years has been caused by a lack of trust.

"Day after day, you and I tell God by our actions that we don't trust Him, even though He has proven Himself to us over and over again." Like many people, I have put my trust in something other than God. My constant worry and manipulation of situations proves my lack of trust. Only lately have I been able to relax. God brought this book to me to tell me what I've been doing wrong: "Don't put your trust in your friends, your bank account, your wisdom, or anything else. Put your trust in me."

"God says to us, If I can create an unlimited universe, if I can bring into existence the laws of nature, if I can hold the stars in space, if I can stop the sun from moving closer and burning up the earth or moving farther away and freezing the earth, if I can do all these things, then can't you trust Me?"

Oswald Chambers wrote, "All worry and anxiety come from the fact that we have calculated without God." When we try to work out solutions to our problems through our own wisdom and strength, we set ourselves up for sleepless nights, eating disorders, and days without joy the book points out. I'm learning that fear and faith cannot coexist and that faithlessness offends God. "Have you ever asked the Lord to forgive your sin of fear and unbelief?" the book asks.

We put our trust in so many things. We think that having money will give us peace. We put trust in our appearance and think that if we look good we will be content. We are more concerned about looking physically good than we are about people seeing the spirit of Christ in us. We buy designer clothes mostly to impress others. We depend on big incomes and big titles for our self-worth. Beauty, money, success, cars and houses are the things we seek more than God. Our materialism is destroying our trust in God.

One thing I've learned is that it's exhausting not to trust God. When we can't relax and really trust that God is who He says He is, and if we can't depend on Him for our welfare and our protection, we have no peace. Our minds become exhausted and we feel tormented. It's not the way God meant for us to live.

There's a simple formula that can set us free: "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." In other words, all the things we fear, all the things we worry about and have anxiety about will be taken care of if we put God first. That is such a simple answer, yet so many of us don't live that way. We have no faith. We just can't let go of the control. We think we know better. We think we can make things happen better than God can. So we ignore God and do it our own way.

Well I don't need to be hit over the head twice. I'm heeding the message and learning the lesson. Daniel Owens wrote a great book and by divine appointment it found its way into my hands at the exact time I needed it, when I was finally ready to listen. God communicates with us every day through the Holy Bible, through circumstance, and sometimes through the wise words of others. Our struggles are often the result of our refusal to listen and our refusal to trust God.

CAN'T KEEP A GOOD WEEBLE DOWN

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

It's always fun to remember the toys we played with as kids and the TV commercials that touted them. I remember one particular toy commercial that sang the praises of a toy that was often scattered across our living room floor: "Weebles wobble but they won't fall down." Little egg-shaped people with a weighted center could be knocked around for fun. The fun was in watching them wobble from side to side until they finally came to rest standing perfectly straight, exactly as they were before me and my siblings crashed into them like bowling balls.

Weebles were introduced in the early seventies and were intended to be miniature versions of the popular clown punching bag seen on Romper Room. My brother had a blue punching bag with a smiling clown face. No matter how hard you hit that clown, he always came back up for another shot.

Do you ever feel like a weeble? Getting knocked around by life is something we can't escape. Some people keep their wobbly moments to themselves and others express them openly, but everyone knows what stress, failure, disappointment and burnout feel like.

One thing I'm learning about life's let downs is that they only last as long as is necessary for God to accomplish something in me. There's always a reason for my set-backs. One of those reasons is so I can develop godly character.

God uses adversity to mold and shape us into the people He wants us to become. Hard times have a way of removing pride and self-centerdness. The storms of life strengthen our faith and enable us to serve others better. We're able to comfort and encourage those who face difficulties because we know what it's like to face frustration and hurt.

Anyone who is honest can relate to the weeble's wobble. And like the weeble, we can recover from life's knockdowns. When our center of gravity is Jesus, adversity may come to visit, but it will never take up permanent residence. Because of our faith, our strength is renewed and we can once again walk with purpose and direction. We may get knocked around by life's struggles, but we are never defeated by them.

I'm learning that adversity is actually good for me. It builds godly character, it humbles me and makes me a better servant to others. No matter how much I get knocked around by life's let downs, I know I'll be fine if I stand in the confidence of God's faithfulness. I have to believe that he will deliver me out of my afflictions because he promises to do exactly that (Psalms 34:19).

When God is my center, I may wobble but I won't stay down.

THE GREATEST DECISION YOU'LL EVER MAKE

My sister gave me a book many years ago titled, Love Is A Decision. After reading it, I told others about it and was met with some very strong opinions on the subject. I'll never forget one friend in particular who became almost argumentative as she insisted that love is a feeling, not a decision. I can still remember sitting in her kitchen tossing comments back and forth as we pondered the meaning of love. We were both single and had our share of heartbreaks.

Love is a very powerful thing. It is perhaps the most popular subject of all. What discussion doesn't eventually turn toward the topic of love? Many books have been written about it and yet it remains a mystery to many. We just can't figure out how to love and we often find ourselves longing for it even though we've supposedly found it.

What makes love such an elusive and mysterious thing? If love is a feeling, why does the feeling come and go like a ghost on an occasional haunting? And if it is a decision, why don't more people decide to do it.

I believe that love is both a feeling and a decision, but the decision has to come first. We must first decide to love before someone can feel our love. And that is where things often fall short. Whether it is due to our own laziness, lack of desire, or plain ignorance, we just aren't willing to put in the effort it takes to nurture love. It is the greatest of all emotions and yet we take it for granted and refuse to do what it takes to keep it alive and thriving. We actually put more effort into our jobs, our hobbies, and our material investments than we put into our investments of marriage and family.

For example, how many people actually know the love language of each member of their family? A love language is the way that a person longs to be loved. Some people feel loved when they receive gifts. Others feel loved when they are given physical affection. Some need words of affirmation to feel loved. There are five basic love languages that people long to have spoken to them. Some people long for more than just one. How many people are in relationships right now and don't have a clue what language they should be speaking to keep their partner's heart satisfied and feeling loved?

The Five Love Languages is a book that everyone should read. Let me give you an example of the importance of speaking someone's love language. I'll use a fictional couple to demonstrate. Barbie and Ken have been married for fifteen years. For those fifteen years, Ken has been quite satisfied in the marriage. Barbie, however, is not happy and she hasn't been happy since the year they were married, when Ken stopped doing the things that made her feel loved. Her love language is physical touch and words of affirmation.

She thought those loving gestures would continue after they were married, but Ken was all too happy to finally relax after the wedding, knowing that he had won his bride and now he could settle into married life without having to pursue his wife anymore. They no longer spend recreational time together. He rarely expresses physical affection for her and has more compliments for the dog than he has for his wife.

The reason Ken is happy in the marriage is because his love language is acts of service. He likes having a wife that only works a few hours a week because having a hot meal on the table when he comes home makes him feel loved. He also likes a clean, well-kept house. He likes that Barbie keeps the pantry well-stocked, the laundry caught up, and she does everything it takes to keep the household running efficiently. Ken can come home after work and relax, knowing the household chores are done. His wife makes daily deposits in Ken's love tank by doing these acts of service and speaking his love language every day. His love tank is full and Ken is a satisfied husband.

On the other hand, Barbie has been running on an empty love tank for fifteen years. Physical touch and kind words are what make her feel loved. But her husband makes little effort to compliment her or praise her. She might get a pat on the back once in a while or an occasional peck on the cheek, but not on a daily basis. She feels lonely, unloved and unappreciated because her husband makes little effort to speak her love language. What hurts even more is how quick he is to praise and compliment other women. He thinks nothing of pointing out how beautiful, smart, or talented another woman is, but is not so quick to deliver words of affirmation to his wife.

The only way that Ken could understand how Barbie is feeling is if Barbie suddenly stopped cooking, cleaning, shopping for groceries, doing the laundry and performing all those acts of service that are so important to Ken's happiness. And on top of that, Barbie could go to another man's house and cook him a meal, wash his clothes, and clean. Then Ken would understand how much it hurts Barbie when he makes deposits in another woman's love tank by complimenting her instead of his wife.

This is how one spouse can be content in a marriage and another spouse can be miserable. Barbie has decided to speak her husband's love language. She's been doing it for years. But her husband hasn't made the same decision.

In every relationship and in every home you will find either love or a lack of it. Whichever it is, it is by choice. That's what makes love a decision. You're either willing to put forth the effort or you're not. There are no excuses. Either the person is worth the effort or not. And if you're getting everything you need from the relationship and giving little in return, then you've decided not to love. And someone is running on an empty love tank because of your decision.

KEEP PRESSING ON

By Danelle Carvell

                                                  

I keep pressing on through the never-ending chore of dishes 

Discouragement is universal. Who can't relate to feeling like your work is all for nothing? Who doesn't get tired of trudging along the same path day after day with no sign of a breakthrough, no glimmer of hope that things might turn around. I've been reading some very good examples of people who had every reason to quit but instead kept pressing on. And I am finding encouragement in their determination.

One of those people is John Roebling. He was a creative engineer who lived in the 1800's. Roebling had a passionate vision to build a bridge that would connect New York City with Brooklyn. But others didn't share his passion. Experts throughout the world told him it was impossible to build such a bridge and they advised him to scrap the idea. But Roebling refused to give in to his skeptics.

One person who did support his idea was his son, Washington, also a talented engineer. Together this father/son team came up with a plan, hired a crew and began to build their dream bridge. The project was off to a great start when just a few months into it, a tragic accident ended John Roebling's life. Three years later, his son was injured so severely that he couldn't walk, talk or move.

The naysayers had a field day with the Roeblings as they voiced their "I told you so" opinions using words like crazy, foolish, and wild dream chasers. But the youngest dream chaser wasn't down yet, not completely. Despite his severe handicaps, Washington's mind was still sharp and he still had a passion for completing the bridge.

As Washington lay in his hospital bed, an idea hit him. The only part of his body that he could move was one finger, so he decided to make use of it. During his wife's visits, he developed a code of communication by tapping her arm. One day he tapped a message to his wife telling her to call the engineers. Once again, the bridge project was underway with the instructions for completing it being tapped out onto his wife's arm.

Washington's wife must have been a patient, devoted woman. For eleven years she sat beside her husband as he used his one movable finger to tap out instructions for the engineers. Today the spectacular Brooklyn Bridge stands as an awesome example of what can be accomplished when someone stays determined and refuses to be defeated by his or her circumstances.

The thing about quitting is that once you quit, you will never know how close you were to a breakthrough. It could have been right around the next corner. So the next time you feel like giving up, remember the Roeblings, remember that bridge that would not have been, and keep pressing on until that day when your own dream stands before your eyes in all its glory for all to see...a tribute to your refusal to quit when everything worked against you.

THE PROBLEM WITH WORDS

I love it when subjects to write about hit me while I'm brushing my teeth or going about my day. This one hit me while I was applying make-up. What do words have to do with make-up? I'm not sure, but maybe I'll figure it out as I write.

This subject has been building for several weeks. When something happens over and over it's destined to become a writing subject. Over the past few months, I've had so many people talk about the power of words and this subject recently became personal when I sent an email that I later regretted. A friend of mine did the same thing two weeks ago when she failed to scroll to the end of an email that she thought was encouraging. She sent it to several friends only to discover with great embarrassment that the ending was extremely inappropriate.

There's no doubt about it, words can get us into trouble and the wrong words can bring a lot of hurt. I'm sure many relationships have been harmed or destroyed by careless words or words that were taken in a way they weren't intended. And once you press "send," it's too late.

In some cases, what we're trying to say just doesn't come out right. I remember a letter I sent to a friend a long time ago. I was trying to explain my frustration with her requests when she came in for haircuts. This girl was very trendy. She had great hair and she wanted her hair to stand out in a crowd. At the time, I was thinking of getting out of the hair business and maybe my heart just wasn't in it, but I tried to tell her in a nice way that perhaps she should try another stylist because every stylist has her strengths and weaknesses. The hairstyles she wanted were not my strength.

I haven't heard from her since I sent that letter. It's obvious that she was offended by something in that letter. Something I said didn't come out right or was taken in a way it wasn't intended. But the thing I keep coming back to is that if our friendship really meant something to her, wouldn't she have wanted to discuss it? I tried. Are words that powerful that we can walk away from a friendship just because of them? I guess so.

The thing about letters and emails is that we can't see body language and facial expressions. We can't hear the person's tone of voice as we read, and we can't ask for clarification if we misunderstand. For those reasons, a face to face conversation should always be the first choice. The second option is a phone conversation because at least with that we can hear the person's voice and we're able to discuss any misunderstandings.

I love to write letters. Call me old fashioned, but there's something about pulling a card or letter out of an envelope. There's also the excitement of seeing that envelope in the mailbox with my name on it. It's just more exciting than email. Somehow it seems more significant. Maybe because it took more time and thought. I prefer letters to email. And I probably send more cards and letters than I make phone calls.

Communication is a good thing. Even an email is better than not saying anything. I think the problem with words is that perhaps we don't try hard enough to really understand. We don't call the person after we get a questionable letter or email to make sure that what we read and understood is exactly what the person meant. And perhaps we don't take the time to think about what we're saying and how it might be taken. And sometimes we don't take the time to read every word before we pass it on.

We have all said things that we wish we wouldn't have said. Every one of us has had a moment when we wished we could have turned back time and been more careful with our words. It's for that reason that we need to be forgiving when it comes to words. We need to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Just because a few words didn't come out right is no reason to turn our backs on someone.

Maybe the reason I thought of this subject while putting on make-up is because when someone reads this they might be prompted to make up with the one they're mad at. They might come to realize that the relationship is worth more than a few poorly said words. Or they might come to see that an apology is in order. Words have great power, and sometimes it's the power to heal and restore.

DIAMONDS ON THE SIDEWALK

When it comes to expressing joy, I'm not as expressive as I'd like to be. When I meet someone who is abundantly joyful, I always wonder how they do it. How do they have the energy to bounce around smiling all the time and saying positive things constantly. It's as if they're plugged into some kind of power source that keeps them "up" all the time.

The bible talks a lot about joy and I know that being close to God is supposed to bring us joy, but sometimes I feel like I must be doing something wrong because I don't feel the kind of joy that some people so obviously express. My joy is more of a quiet joy. It's not part of my personality to bounce around with a constant smile, offering hugs and happy talk. I guess my joy is more obvious to God than it is to people. And that's okay. We all express emotions differently, especially joy.

The things that bring me joy might be things that most people take for granted, like being seated at a table by the window in a restaurant or better yet, being seated next to the fireplace on a bitter cold night. I find joy in my daughter's freckled nose and my son's sudden bursts of silliness. He'll shuffle across the floor or make a silly face and I'll feel joy in knowing that my children are part of my life. In that moment I thank God for them and I feel joyful.

I just read about a woman who said she finds joy in the sparkles on the sidewalk. When the sun hits the new sidewalk near her home, thousands of little diamonds shimmer as she steps across the reflective white concrete. How many others walk across that sidewalk everyday and never notice the bursts of joy under their feet?

Whether our joy is obvious to everyone or more obvious to God, it seems to me that being joyful is a choice. It's not something that we automatically do. We can choose to search for the joyful moments or choose to dwell on the downers. I'm trying to get in the habit of expecting moments of joy as I go about my day. I don't want those moments to pass by unnoticed. I'm learning that by looking for joy and expecting it, I can bring more of those moments into my life.

I guess we can't find anything unless we search for it. Joy is no different. I also remember reading about a guy who looks for joy when he takes out the garbage. He breathes in the crisp night air and always looks up at the stars. A mundane task that most people hate is turned into a moment of joy because of what he decides to dwell on when he gets there.

I believe that some day we will be made aware of all the moments in our lives when we missed the joy. Some day we'll see all those little diamonds that we walked right by simply because we weren't looking for them or expecting them.

IT ALL COMES BACK DOUBLE

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I want to write about love. Actually, in eight minutes it will be Valentine's Day. Where did this day go? I spent the day shopping with my sister at the Colonial Park Mall. It was a good day. The people I came across seemed to be in good spirits. Maybe they were happy just to get out after all the snow. Whatever the reason, I saw a lot of smiles today and I was even on the receiving end of an act of kindness as I stood in line to pay for my purchase. The lady behind me offered a store coupon she wasn't planning to use. She saved me five dollars.

"You know, that will come back to you," I said thankfully. "That will come back to you double." She smiled realizing that she did something nice for someone who really appreciated it. Her simple act of kindness put a spring in my step as I walked away. It wasn't just the five dollars she saved me, it was the thoughtfulness behind it. There are still thoughtful people in the world who reach out and do kind things for total strangers. That's refreshing to see, and it's one moment in my day that I'm thankful for.

I truly believe that the things we do and say always come back to us in even greater measure. I'm just now remembering a day a few months ago when I offered a 40% off coupon to a woman at a children's clothing store. She had several little girls with her and she seemed shocked by my offer, but appreciative. The coupon would have gone to waste since it was only good for that day and I wasn't planning to use it. What happened to me today at the checkout was no doubt part of my pay back for my own thoughtfulness. That's how life works, and it's why we need to be so careful about the things we say and do.

The bible puts it this way..."you reap what you sow." If you speak negative words, those negative words will come back to you in even greater measure. What you get back may not come in the form of words, maybe it will come to you in another unpleasant form, but you can be sure that you will reap what you sow. I believe this is why bad things continually happen to some people. They bring it on themselves by what they say and do. You can't expect a blessing when you send no blessing out into the world.

When I hear the way some people talk, I wonder how they don't get tired of hearing themselves speak so negatively all the time. It's like they are in some kind of addicting habit they can't break. I want to say, "Can you say something positive?" Those same people who have nothing positive to say then wonder why nothing good ever happens to them. Well duh!

Everyone complains at times. What I'm talking about is continual complaining. The constant refusal to see the glass as anything but half empty. Never giving anyone the benefit of the doubt that perhaps they do have our best interests at heart. Seeing the bad side of everything. Always ready to jump down someone's throat, always disappointed, always hurt, always reaping what you sow.

I write like I know because I do know. I know exactly what it's like to be that way. I was once the queen of sowing and reaping. I sowed so many fields of crap I could have fertilized an entire harvest. And when it came time to reap, I reaped twice the crap I sowed.

Thank God I've been set free from all that. I finally realized what I was doing and changed my ways. Now I'm very careful what I say to people. I'm not perfect. I do speak words that are less than positive. I get angry at times and I can deliver a cutting comeback if provoked. But overall I'm more aware of what comes out of my mouth now and I'm more aware of the things I do that might hurt people. I'm much quicker with an apology. I'm better at extending grace to others, and I've gotten better at just saying nothing. Because sometimes it's best to just keep my big mouth shut.

I'll never forget the day when I realized just how good I had become at holding my tongue. I was the target of a verbal assault that included more than one person and it seemed to go and on. Everything in me wanted to defend myself. I could feel myself wanting to blurt out the most hateful things. But I didn't. I let them have their say as I stood there saying nothing. When it was over, I'll never forget the look on both their faces. It was a look of shame and regret. By holding my tongue I made them realize their own folly. They reaped what they sowed right before my eyes. It was priceless.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Choose life. Choose love.

JUST THE WAY I AM

By Danelle Carvell
Sometimes I think that being organized is over-rated. People who are very organized almost seem to get no joy out of life. They are never spontaneous and they are so into precision and perfection that they miss the human side of life. There are days when I wish I could be more organized, but when I see the people who are, I kind of like me the way I am.

Although I know all the tips and tricks to being organized as I've shared a few in my past blogs, my husband tells me that I have no management skills. Yesterday he woke me from a nap after I stayed up all night making pillows. His important question was, "Do you want this magazine? It's garbage night." Disturb a sleeping person for the sake of one less magazine in the house. Sorry, I can't relate to that kind of thinking. It wouldn't even cross my mind to wake someone just to ask them about potential garbage.

I guess we all have our quirks. My husband is too rigid and I'm too carefree perhaps. Could be why God put us together. But our differences are often a source of contention in the home and it leaves me feeling less than adequate. Right now I have laundry to do, the refrigerator to clean, and a long list of things I should accomplish today, but my heart is here at my keyboard. I woke up this morning and read the Bible but I couldn't really focus on God's word. My brain felt restless, unable to concentrate on any one thing. I told God that I feel like a mess sometimes and I asked Him to help me be more organized and disciplined so I could feel more together.

Do you know what His answer was? "I know you completely, Danelle, and I love you just the way you are." Oh I want to cry right now. That is love! In a world where people are so critical of each other and always focusing on the negative, I have a God who loves me just the way I am. Yippeeee!!

When I was younger, I was very influenced by what others thought of me. I needed the approval of my husband and everyone around me that I cared about. If someone said something hurtful to me, I could go into a depression that would last for days. But since I've been putting God first in my life I've been set free from all that. His opinion of me is the only one I care about. Sure it's nice to receive compliments and know that people approve of the way I am, but I don't need it anymore. All I need is God's approval. And I think He's more impressed that I sat at my keyboard today and shared this than He would be if I cleaned the refrigerator.

My sister just called. We are so much alike. She told me that she has so much to do and doesn't feel like doing any of it. She wants to go shopping. I just love her and I love that she's spontaneous like that. I can't imagine her being any other way. I love her just the way she is.

I think we get into trouble when we expect others to be like us. When we push our personality traits on other people and expect them to be like we are, it's almost as if we are questioning the God who created them. I will never be super-organized and ultra-disciplined. I have a daily schedule on my bulletin board that I try to follow, but some days it just doesn't happen. I can't be like my husband and he shouldn't expect me to have the management skills that he has.

When he told me I have no management skills, I shot back, "Well I wouldn't want to manage anything if it meant I had to be like you!" I even went so far as to suggest that the bulb in his sun lamp must have gone bad because he's been crabby lately. See how we tear each other down with our differences. But God never does that. He cherishes our differences.

When you feel like no one appreciates who you are and no one seems to have a kind word, remember that God knows you completely and loves you just the way you are.

The She Speaks Conference is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of our Father God and that your heart is to serve Him and His daughters, as He leads.
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/03/how-christians-create-art-she-speaks-scholarship/
http://shespeaksconference.com/

THE BLESSINGS OF BEING MINDFUL

Since writing about mindfulness a few weeks ago, I've been trying to practice a deeper awareness of the people around me, my actions and the words I speak. Being mindful is hard work. I've been paying more attention to what people say, their likes and dislikes for example, so that I can be a better friend when it comes to knowing who they really are. Knowing someone's likes and dislikes is important because it gives me an opportunity to show that I truly listen to them and I care enough to cater to their individual tastes.

For example, I have a friend who hates onions. Every month we get together with four other friends and share a home-cooked meal. I can't say with complete certainty that I haven't added onions to the meals I've made when it was my turn to cook. We've been getting together like this for two years and only recently have I made a mental note to remember that onions are a bad choice for our girl's night menu. In fact, I'm just now remembering that I made potato soup last time and I'm sure I added onions. Had I been mindful of my friends aversion to onions, I could have chosen another recipe and made her feel more important.

Gift giving is another example of the benefits of mindfulness. My same friend who hates onions also has an allergy to certain types of jewelry. Her skin gets itchy and red when she wears it. So imagine if I gave her a lovely piece of costume jewelry as a gift and she opened it knowing that she will never wear it, then has to pretend that she likes it to avoid hurting my feelings. By being mindful, I could avoid such an awkward moment and instead give her a gift that she would truly appreciate and actually use, a gift that would say, "I know you, I listen, and I care."

People long to be known and loved for who they are, and choosing the right gift is a powerful way to make someone feel extra special and loved. I admire people who put so much effort into gift giving. They pay attention to what others like. They listen to conversations and make mental notes of future gift ideas based on the person's needs and wants. Receiving a gift from someone who really knows me is such a joy. I don't have to pretend to like a gift that's chosen especially for me. Part of the joy is knowing that someone has listened to the deepest desires of my heart. Someone has taken the time to know me.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone is what we choose to say. Being mindful of my words is something else I'm working on. There are so many ways we can offend people with words. We can use a poor choice of words, we can say the words in the wrong tone, and sometimes it's the timing of our words that causes hurt. Written words can be particularly offensive because we don't hear the person's tone of voice and we can easily misunderstand the meaning. I'm sure that many relationships have been destroyed by misinterpreted letters and e-mails. I'm trying to be more mindful of the words I speak and write so that what I say brings life to the relationship, and there's no room for misunderstanding.

Mindfulness isn't just for the sake of others. Being mindful is to our own advantage as well. I know a woman who lost her husband several months ago. She recently said something that made a big impact on me. She said, "Pay attention to the things your husband does. How he pays bills, how he maintains the house, all the things he does to keep the household running, you should know how and when to do it." Since she told me that, I've started what I call an independence journal. It's a list of things I'll need to know if I were to become a widow. My last entry was a step-by-step explanation of how to change the water filter and UV light on our water system. I also made a note of when the septic was last pumped, when the real estate taxes come and how much I can expect to pay, who to call if the water pump breaks and what it costs to replace it, etc, etc. We need to prepare for life's unexpected turns and the only way we can is by being mindful today.

Mindfulness is definitely something worth pursuing. No it's not easy, it's work. It takes a daily awareness and effort to live mindfully. But by paying attention to the details of our lives and the lives of others, we can be a blessing to those we love and we can bear the burden when they leave us behind.

DON'T GET YOUR KNICKERS IN A TWIST

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose - Romans 8:28

I recall first hearing the above title phrase when I was a young girl. For years afterward it was my favorite thing to say to people when I saw them getting worked up about something. I'd pull out my best English accent and say, "Don't get your knickers in a twist, my Dear."

It's always humbling to discover that I need to take my own advice. I've said before that I'm far from perfect and I'm still in the process like everyone else. My recent entry about people who can't relax came to hit me in the face yesterday during a shopping trip with my daughter. She was looking for new sneakers and about drove me crazy as we searched one store after another without finding a single pair of sneakers that even interested her.

My husband and I were getting quite ruffled as we knew we had our own list of things to find. After about an hour into our sneaker search, we voiced our disgust with a continuous string of comments aimed at pushing our daughter into making a decision. Finally I jumped off the bench and said, "You picked that same pair up twice, now try the darn things on!" I threw the box on the floor and stood over her as she obediently tried on the sneakers and decided she didn't like them.

Long story short, last night on our way home we stopped at Wal Mart and found a pair of sneakers she loved, the last pair in her size, for half the price we would have paid if she had found a pair at the mall. Her particular taste actually worked in our favor and all the fussing we did had been unnecessary. What I should have done was shut my mouth and pray like I suggested several weeks ago. Guess I'm guilty of being someone who can't relax. eeeek!!!

Perhaps next time I'll recall that little incident and remember that God works all things out for good. Getting worked up doesn't help. What I need to do during those stressful moments is to RELAX... untwist my knickers and have a little patience and faith.

MY FIRST MINDFUL MONDAY

On the first Moday of the year, I'm sitting at my computer waiting for my writer's block to lift. I want to write something encouraging since my NewYear's resolution is to give more compliments and encouragement. Wouldn't it be great if we all made that resolution and then stuck to it. My usual resolution is to lose ten pounds. Most women can afford to lose ten pounds. But it seems that my weight sticks at the same number no matter what I do so I gave up on that one.

However, I can make other resolutions that could lead to weight loss if I keep them. For example, I can stop eating directly out of the box or the bag. This is a terrible habit that results in consuming more calories than we realize. I just did it yesterday with a box of Wheat Thins and when I finally shut the box, I realized that I didn't count out my serving and put it in a bowl like I promised myself I would. I must have eaten five servings! Wheat Thins are my favorite cracker.

Another strategy for losing weight is to eat more slowly. I'm a fast eater. I think I learned to eat quickly when I was a single mother working two jobs and attending college. Those years were the most stressful of my life. I rushed through everything I did like a tightly wound toy. Three years of that and rushing became a way of life. Now it's time to slow down and really enjoy eating, actually savor the food instead of sending it down the chute before my taste buds recognize what it is. I'm trying to put down my fork once in a while, take more sips of water during a meal, and watch my posture so I'm not hovering over my plate the way animals eat.

Another bad habit I'm trying to correct is eating while standing. I'll grab a slice of cake and then stand over the sink to eat it. It's embarrassing to admit because it sounds so piggish. Eating shouldn't be done on the run. We should set aside a specific time for it and then make it an event we sit down for. Set out a nice plate, maybe a candle or flowers. Once in a while I'll pour a glass of wine and play some Kenny G. When I make eating a special event, I'm less likely to stuff myself becuase I'm being mindful of what I'm doing.

That's another thing I'm trying to change... being mindful. Mindfulness can be applied to so many circumstances. I want to be more mindful when people are talking. Listening is not easy for me for some reason. My mind wanders and I miss things that people say. This is probably the most bothersome thing about myself that I want to improve. You miss life when you don't listen.

I admire people who are mindful. Because they're good listeners, they choose the perfect gifts. They say things like, "I remember you saying that you needed one of those." Mindful people use their mental skills to bring joy to others. I want to do that. Mindful people remember birthdays and that is so encouraging to receive a birthday card. Someone out there cares that you were born. That's good to know.

If I were more mindful I wouldn't misplace my car keys just before I'm ready to walk out the door. I wouldn't lose my sunglasses or take pens along when I'm finished writing and have to walk back to return them. I wouldn't forget to put money in the meter in Millersburg. Once I did that at the Wooden Nickle and had a great view of the police officer as he placed a ticket on my windshield. I like sitting in the sun light beside those big windows at the Nickle. It's my daughter's favorite place to eat. Now she reminds me about the meters. I'm teaching her to be mindful by showing her what happens when you're not.

I didn't know that today's blog would be about being mindful. I love the writing process and how it travels around different subjects until one jumps aboard and becomes the topic. That's the fun of writing for me. When I sit down I often have no idea what I'm going to write about. Then as I'm writing, the topic appears. Mindfulness is an awesome subject.  Lord, help me to be mindful today.

DO CRUMBS REALLY MATTER?

Every time I'm bothered lately, it's for the same reason...people can't relax. They obsess about everything and fuss about things that could easily be overlooked. It's hard to be yourself around someone like that. The minute they walk into the room you feel uncomfortable, like you have to watch everything you say and do for fear that you might set that person off.

I was that kind of person years ago. Maybe that's why I'm bothered by it now. I was very controlling, I fussed about things that weren't important and I had a comment for everything. I still have a lot of opinions, but now I have to be pushed before I'll express them directly. When the same injustice keeps occurring, I'll make my opinion known, but I'm more likely to grab a pen and start writing than I am to get into an argument.

The older I get, the more I realize that it's just not worth it. People have enough to worry about without being nagged by people who can't relax. The bible has some clear warnings about minding our own business and letting God do the correcting. Of course there are times when we do need to speak, but I've learned that those times are few and far between and should always be preceded by careful thought and lots of prayer.

I'm not talking about parenting. That kind of guidance is certainly needed. I'm talking about fussing over things that aren't important. In the grand scheme of life do crumbs really matter? Is it worth disrupting a peaceful dinner for the sake of a crumb-free table? Is there any sense to arguing about garbage? I know a guy that gets mad if someone throws something in the garbage right after he changes the bag, as if there's a waiting period that must be followed. I guess he needs to enjoy that empty can. He makes garbage more important than people every time he fusses about it.

People are more important than things. A close friend said those very words to me recently. A few years ago she became very sick and was faced with the reality of death. Since then her priorities have changed. Now she doesn't care about her house being perfect and she doesn't get upset when her routine is interrupted. There was a time when I couldn't drop in on her unexpectedly. If I did, I was met at the door by an unwelcoming glare.

Today she's more relaxed because being sick made her realize how fragile and fleeting life is. She doesn't want to waste her time being mad at people when things don't go her way. Those things are less important now. She thinks of her sickness as a blessing. It changed her for the better. And people notice the change. They like the person she's become... a more relaxed, more pleasant version of herself.

How do you know if you're someone who needs to relax? What are your family members and friends telling you? Keep a journal and write down every time you fuss about something that could easily be overlooked. Might you be better off to pray about the situation than to voice constant opinions?

What if we took that same energy and fussed about the people in our lives? What if we would come home and talk to our kids, ask them how their day went, instead of fussing about the way the house looks? What if we put more effort into noticing people and their good qualities, praising them for the work they have done instead of harping on their weaknesses and what they haven't done.

If we can't relax we can't enjoy the ones we love. We'll be more bothered by them than anything. Some day those people won't be with us anymore. All we'll have is memories that we wish we could go back and change. We'll regret all the time we wasted fussing about messes, crumbs and interruptions.

CATCHING MY BREATH

"Lay aside your agenda for a moment. Stop striving to relieve yourself of the burdens that plague you. Rest, dear sister. Rest in the secure arms of your heavenly Father, who set your story in motion before time began."

Today I decided to take a break from all the "doing" and just "be". I'm always amazed at how God brings just the right book into my life at exactly the time I need to read its wisdom. My latest divinely appointed book is Practical Theology for Women by Wendy Alsup. The above quote was taken from it.

I've been knocking myself out with accomplishing things. I'm falling into the trap of believing that my value comes from what I do and how busy I am. That's the message of our culture. But it's a lie. Today I realized what I've been doing and I decided to spend the day catching my breath and hanging out with God. He reminded me that my value comes from who I am, not what I do, and who I am is a beloved child of God. Today He invited me to rediscover that.

Chapter 10 of Alsup's book is a chapter every woman should read. It's about finding our identity in Christ. She starts the chapter with this question: "Where do you find your identity? If you have a blog or a MySpace page, what does it reveal about how you define yourself? How do you introduce yourself when someone asks, "What do you do?"

A few days ago someone asked if I was working. I said, "Just at home." Why I felt the need to add the "just" to my response is another example of being tainted by the culture I live in, a culture that has shunned the value of homemaking. The message I hear day after day is that if I'm not busy outside my home, then I'm not valuable. It's difficult to ignore that message even though I know it's untrue. So I decide that I'd better get busy. And then I make sure to let people know that I'm busy so I can prove my worth.

Unfortunately, I'm not the only woman who does this. As you're reading this you might be having a revelation of your own. Maybe you, too, need to catch your breath and connect to the real source of your identity--the one who created you.

It is God's opinion of me that matters, not what others think of me. I know that, but I still get sidetracked into thinking I need the approval of people. I think it's something many of us do. "Many Christian women weigh their words, obsess over their clothes, and attempt to control big and small circumstances around them in an effort to build their reputation. They are constantly on guard for new strategies to make others think better of them," says Alsup.

Talking about how busy we are and how successful we are is one way to build our reputation with people. I know a woman who talks constantly about her business and her accomplishments. She even mentions dollar amounts and her latest awards or promotions. Just listening to her makes me feel as if she's trying to impress me. But I'm not the one she should be impressing. I have no power to change her life or make it better.

God is the one we need to impress. I need to remember that, too. I'm also guilty of trying to make others think better of me. But the bible says that we must let go of our reputations and rights. We are called to humble ourselves, to forget about ourselves and instead serve God and serve others. We are actually supposed to think of others as better than ourselves. Not an easy thing to do. Especially in a culture that is so self-absorbed.

My sister is a professional artist and she struggles with the promotional aspect of her business. She knows that in order to sell her work she has to promote it. She has to get it out there for people to see. But she doesn't like promoting herself. She would rather hand that job over to someone else. But paying someone to do that wouldn't be practical.

I think it all comes down to our motives. If we promote ourselves and our accomplishments to impress others, that's not right. But if we promote ourselves in order to pay the bills or serve God in some way, that's a different story. Artists have to advertise their work if they want to sell it. That's just the way it is. What matters is that we keep our focus on God and His approval. Trying to win the approval of people is a waste of time, and it's downright exhausting. We need to rest in the secure arms of our heavenly Father. That's the only place that we can catch our breath and have peace.

SIMPLIFY THE SEASON

This is the first I've been inspired to write since taking a break in late summer. Don't you love the weeks leading up to Christmas? I guess not everyone does. I hear so many complaints about having so much to do and so little time. Some people get very stressed out at this time of year. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Simplicity helps me to enjoy the pre-Christmas rush. I'm finding that the more I simplify my life the more I enjoy it. The less pressure I put on myself, the more I can live in the moment and enjoy what's happening now instead of fretting about all I have yet to do. I can listen to my children without distraction, have time to do things for myself, and recognize the needs of others then do something to help.

One of the keys to simplicity is to love people and not things. Especially at Christmas we get so caught up in making things perfect. We want to find the perfect gifts, decorate our homes like Martha would, wrap the presents with style, and buy the perfect outfit for every event. We wear ourselves out on all the pretty details then have no energy to enjoy the company.

I simplified my tree this year. Instead of dragging out all the boxes of ornaments, I pulled apart some cotton balls and covered the tree with snow. My Christmas card list isn't what it used to be. Only people who've been a meaningful part of my life will get a card this year. I didn't spend much time searching for gifts. And I'm planning to wrap them all with my friend Tam. We're going to make tacos, play Christmas music and sip cocoa or hot tea. My wrapping paper isn't color-coordinated and I won't pay much attention to making perfect creases or disguising the tape. I'll be too busy enjoying the company of my good friend.

Simplifying things frees up our time so we can magnify the people in our lives. Some people have it backwards. They magnify the things and simplify the people. Then they wonder why they feel so worn out and unhappy. My fondest memories of Christmas are not about how pretty the packages were wrapped or how my mom decorated the house.

What I remember is sitting on the stairs Christmas morning, whispering with my sister and brothers, impatiently waiting for Mom and Dad to wake up. I remember caroling on a snowy night in Pillow. I remember how my Dad loved egg nog. And the excitement of Christmas Eve when one by one we were allowed to open just one of our gifts. It's the company that I remember, not so much the things.

Of course festive things do help to make Christmas special. Ribbon candy has a special place in my memories and the warm flickering glow of a candle-lit church as we sang Silent Night. Christmas without candles, music, decorations and lit up trees is hard to imagine. But if we're over-stressed this time of year, we might be investing too much in those things. Simplify the season and have more time for the people you love.

EARTH SHOES AND MOOD RINGS

Do you remember the ugly shoes we wore in the seventies? They were called earth shoes and of course they were brown. Brown must have been a popular color back then. I also had a pair of brown platform shoes with a big yellow sunflower on them. Remember mood rings? I wonder if they work for women going through menopause. We'd probably have to rename them rainbow rings.

I've been feeling nostalgic lately. I've been wishing for my earth shoes back and my mood ring, just so I can remember wearing them. I'd also like to have the clothes I wore from fifth grade and up. My mom made me this dress in fifth grade that I loved so much I wore it for my class pictures. Wonder how far I'd have to dig to find that? The dress was reversible with stars on it. One day I could have a blue dress with white stars and the next day a red one. Think of the money and time we could save on laundry if reversible clothes came back in style.

It's amazing to me how things go in and out of style. And then years later we see those things again. Who ever thought that afros would come back? Men actually sat through the perming process in the seventies just to have a cool hairstyle. That's how far we'll go to be in the groove. Will the word groovy ever come back in style? I think Greg Brady originated that one. Or was it Marcia?

I had this star neclace that I wore in middle school. I'm still looking for one like it. Whenever I see something that reminds me of my past I try to buy it. I like having familiar things around me, especially things that I once loved. On the top of my wish list right now is my favorite doll. Her name is Baby Beans. She was made in 1970, so I would have been about eight years old when I begged my parents to buy me one for Christmas. I saw a few on ebay but I'm hoping to discover her at a yard sale one day so I can get excited about the serendipity of finding her again.

My mom made me a doll once. Today, I would treasure that doll even more than my beloved baby beans. The doll had yellow yarn for hair and was at least three feet tall with a blue dress. If only I had taken better care of those things. I'm not sure where the doll ended up, probably in a garbage can beside baby beans after she was tore open and the beans fell out.

My sister had a pet rock...or was it a pet stick? Whoever thought of that crazy fad must have laughed all the way to the bank and back. Let's see, do you think pet acorns would ever catch on?

I also want my metal lunch kettle back. It had the wildest hot pink flowers on it. Remember flower power? I use to write "flower power" on my notebook, my walls, even a grey suitcase I had was jazzed up with pink paint and the words flower power. It's funny how you reach a certain age and feel the need to personalize everything you own. My daughter's going through that now. After rearranging her bedroom and taking her bed off its frame and onto the floor, she now wants to paint the walls purple. My sister had a similar love for purple in high school. I recall dark purple shag carpeting and purple flowered walls.

Remember the game mystery date? Or leapin letters? Board games are very nostalgic. Old Maids, pick up stix, chinese jumprope, and jacks. I've been looking for a chinese jumprope so I can show my daughter the way we used to stretch that rope around our ankles and play games I can't remember. We also put the rope on our hands and passed it back and forth with finger tricks like Jacob's ladder. I couldn't do it now.

I want my Saturday Night Fever album back and my record player. I want my poster of a woman releasing a dove on the beach. "If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours" or something like that was the poem written on it. I want my fiber optic night light that glowed pink on the tip of each strand, and my black-light poster. Bedrooms were the coolest in the sixties and seventies. Lava lamps and beaded curtains, smiley faces and peace signs. My sister had a Donny Osmond poster on her door. I liked David Cassidy from The Partridge Family.

All these things are special because they're part of who I once was. I wouldn't want to go back, but I want to remember the life I had. Our childhood and teen years are so filled with special memories. I treasure my diary from 1977-78. I get the biggest kick out of reading it now. Was that really me? Did I really think like that? It makes you realize how much you've matured and thank goodness! I'd rather be a grown up, but it's neat to remember the things we once thought were important like earth shoes and mood rings.