Our past lives are filled with good and bad memories. Sometimes those memories become a part of our present. When we carry regrets, anger, or resentment about painful things that have happened, the past never goes away. It follows us into the future, making us even more miserable than we were back then when it first happened.
The key to avoiding resentment about past hurts is to refuse to let those hurts fester in the first place. Today I received two emails from a woman who might have had good intentions, but her words hurt. Twice she pointed out something I had done wrong. They were totally innocent mistakes that weren't earth-shattering, but it was the way she worded her email that hurt me. Her words were blunt and right to the point. So lacking in compassion and kindness. She simply told me I screwed up twice and then signed her name.
My first reaction was to think of something clever to write back. I was always good at clever comebacks. But that was before I knew how wrong it is to sass back. Within about a minute of reading both emails, I realized that the best thing to do is simply say nothing. I laid my hurt at the feet of Jesus and walked away from it.
Whenever I find myself thinking about painful experiences, I catch myself from falling too deeply into those reflections. I'm getting very good at training my mind to think about positive past experiences. I know how much influence our thought lives have on our present lives. The things we think about affect us more than we realize. Dwelling on bad past experiences can make us bitter, depressed, tired, even sick. And it's something we choose to do to ourselves, we don't have to entertain hurtful thoughts. We do have control over what we think about.
One of my favorite strategies for disciplining my thought life is to pay back every bad thought with a good memory. This forces me to remember the joyful moments I've had. Doing this on a regular basis can renew my mind by giving me more energy and a positive outlook. Those negative thoughts never stop trying to creep in, but I have an army of good thoughts to attack them at every turn.
I can think about those summer days spent swinging on my grandma's blue chair swing under the apple tree or catching lightning bugs in the back yard as the day cools down and becomes night. I can remember that Halloween parade and the smell of cardboard as I walked along with nothing but a small peephole to look through. My mom had painted a clock on a tall, skinny box instead of buying me a costume. I can be thankful for the good moments of my childhood.
I can recall the days I spent in the mulberry bush and that dark purple sweetness on my tongue, coming home with grape-stained hands and no desire for dinner. I can think about the friends I had and the fun of growing up in town: watching the ferris wheel go up before the July carnival, camping out in a tent on a warm summer night, playing kickball with a yard full of neighbor kids, and ice skating at the pond with the smell and the warmth of a burning tire.
"Whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things." Those wise words can be found in the book of Philippians in The Bible. The things we meditate on can be any pleasant thought-- past, present or future. When you find yourself rehashing someone's hurtful words and what you'd really like to say back, think about the garden you want to plant this summer. Don't waste your mental energy on life-draining garbage thoughts. You know what they say, "Garbage in, garbage out."
The truth is that bad things happen to all of us and we can always find someone who had it much worse than we did. By dwelling on our bad experiences, we carry them with us forever and we never escape them. It's a choice that we make. We choose not to forgive. And we choose not to let go of the resentment. And the ugly past stays with us because we keep it alive every day in our minds.
Some people call it seeing the glass as "half full" instead of "half empty." I call it renewing my mind. It's a challenge, but disciplining your thought life is worth the effort. The payoff is peace, more energy, and a happier attitude and outlook.
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