Every parent should encourage their children to value a good friend. With all the drama that goes on in schools (especially girl drama) finding a genuine friend who has your child's best interests at heart can be a challenge. Friendships between girls are especially difficult because of all the comparing and competing that goes on among them.
Friends who are genuinely kind are a treasure. Friends who know how to encourage us rather than drag us down are hard to find in this "all about me" world. We seem to have lost our ability to see beyond ourselves. We lack compassion and we're so much better at criticism than we are at uplifting one another.
Friendships among girls and women have become more difficult to cultivate in a culture that is obsessed with beauty, sex, money, success, fashion, and having it all. We wear ourselves out trying to keep up with what the culture expects of us and we don't value people. Who has time to be a friend or grow a friendship? Aint nobody have time for that!
Perhaps the best way that a mother can teach her child about friendship is to talk about her own friendships and explain what qualities to look for in a friend. For me a friend must be a good listener. If I need to talk to someone, I don't want to be cut off in the middle of my meltdown by a friend who doesn't have the time or the desire to listen.
Being dependable is a big one for me. I've had friends in the past who I just couldn't count on for anything. They'd call at the last minute and cancel the plans we made together or they wouldn't come through on their promises. It's impossible to maintain a friendship like that because of the stress it causes.. Friendship shouldn't be about stress and constant disappointment. Real friends bring mostly joy and comfort into our lives.
Trust is another issue. I don't want to spend time with people I don't trust. If I feel like a friend is competing with me or being overly critical, I start to question her motives and I begin to wonder what she's all about. Nothing throws more suspicion on a friendship than a lack of trust. One thing I learned is to trust my gut. If I get a bad feeling about someone, I trust my instincts and accept that my uneasiness about this person is a red flag that shouldn't be ignored. Time and again my instincts have proven to be right when I later catch that 'friend' in a lie or I see other proof that she really can't be trusted.
Of course, there is always room for forgiveness, but if the person who needs forgiving has a character flaw that leads her to be selfish, there's a good chance that she'll need an endless supply of your forgiving grace. And that can leave you completely exhausted and frustrated. Forgiveness is a good thing, but when the person continues to do things that are unkind, selfish, and sneaky, then she crosses the line and steps into unfriendly territory. I have never felt bad about ending a friendship with someone who is too into herself to care about others.
I pray often for my daughter to find friends that she can trust, friends that are dependable and caring, and friends who want to listen and be a source of encouragement to her. I also pray that she will be given wisdom about girls who aren't worthy of her friendship and I ask God to reveal the true colors of any false friends she might be in contact with. False friends have a way of exposing themselves and when we see their true colors we can't make excuses for them and pretend they didn't mean anything by their actions. Because it's only a matter of time before a false friend disappoints us again. So why go back for more?
Girls who are capable of being a true friend to someone are capable of changing the world for the better.
If they can learn to care about each other and really love each other, then they'll be better equipped to deal with a world that isn't always kind. They'll leave a positive mark on the world around them by taking the time to love people instead of things.
http://personalliberty.com/2013/02/12/caring-friendships-make-the-difference/
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