By Danelle Carvell
Although we are supposed to forgive, there are times when forgiveness will not bring everything back to the way it was. Here's why:
1. Unhealed emotions
There could be some unresolved issues at work. There might even be a deeper underlying issue at work, something that happened in the past that is making it harder for a wound to heal. Feelings, wounds and emotions take work and time to process through. We need to be patient with people who are hurting.
2. It's still happening
If the offenses are repeating and you're not seeing any consequences for their actions, then you could continue to feel troubled. If the person has not admitted any wrongdoing, it is impossible to open your heart and take a chance on trusting again. People often confuse forgiveness with trust. You can forgive someone but still not trust them. Trust must be earned.
A toxic person will demand your forgiveness and trust without admitting any wrongdoing. A safe person will recognize what they did wrong and have a desire to work hard to earn back your trust, while knowing that it's going to take some time. If the only thing that's been offered are excuses, lies, and half-hearted apologies, then you won't feel safe to let that person back into your life.
3. You haven't accepted reality
Do the words and actions that they expressed after the offense truly deserve a second chance? When someone can't admit their wrongs, they are telling you who they really are. The Bible says that we will know people by their fruit. If you expect the person to change simply because you called them out and then forgave them, you could be setting yourself up for further hurt.
If you're not seeing the fruit of an honest person admitting their wrong and being willing to put in the time and effort to earn back your trust, then you need to stop wasting your time and accept the reality that you are dealing with a toxic person and you might be better off to keep your distance.
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