What would the world look like if we all made intentional efforts to bless one another?
That is a question both asked and answered in Becky Kopitzke’s book, Generous Love:Discover the Joy of Living “Others First”. Reading it has encouraged me to love more generously and more purposefully. If there’s anything our broken world needs right now, it’s the healing balm of a basic lesson in loving people.
But why should you love and bless people? Kopitzke answers that question in Chapter 13, where she offers two answers: because God says so, and because it benefits you. When Jesus was asked to name the top commandment, he also offered two answers: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind; and love your neighbor as yourself.
If you’re a follower of Jesus, God expects you to be who you claim to be. According to the Bible, loving people is how we prove our love for God: “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” We can’t separate loving God from loving people. They are one and the same because God is the one who commands us to love others.
In Chapter 14, And Because It Benefits You Too, Kopitzke explains the second reason why we should love and bless others. “True blessings are not granted with the intent of getting something in return,” she writes. But the Bible is clear that when we do what God commands us to do, we will be rewarded.
In Proverbs we are told that those who are kind benefit themselves but the cruel bring ruin on themselves. It is the basic law of sowing and reaping spoken of in 2 Corinthians that comes into play. Being rewarded for obedience is part of God’s system, Kopitzke reminds us. But our rewards may not be what we expect.
Yes, blessing others might directly result in financial gain, a dream job, a healing or a restored relationship, but the better gift is being filled with more of God. “When we receive more of God, we start thinking the way He thinks and wanting more of what He wants. He infuses us with deeper peace, firmer trust, and fuller joy,” Kopitzke writes.
Perhaps the best way to bless others is to pray for them. In her book, Kopitzke reminds us that you don’t even have to get out of bed to make yourself useful and help people. Prayer is the most powerful work a person can do. She also points out that prayer can be a negative thing when it’s used as a form of gossip or to scold or shame people.
“We need to pray for Janice, I think her husband is having an affair.” A comment like that is just a sneaky way to gossip more than it is a genuine concern for Janice. I wouldn’t want my personal business advertised for the sake of prayer. Personal issues should always remain personal unless the person with the issue decides to make it public. We simply don’t have the right to make that decision for anyone.
And then we have the prayer shamers: “I’m going to pray so you can get over this. It’s really not healthy for you to keep dwelling on it.” First of all, only the person who experienced the hurt has the right to determine the time frame for getting over something. We cross major boundaries when we determine that ourselves. We need to be careful about using prayer as a way to shame people. That’s not blessing them in any way. It only reveals our own mean spirit.
Whenever I see or hear about people being mean, my first thought is always how unhappy they must be. Happy people have no reason to be mean. They want the best for others because they are content with their own lives. We may think that our mean words or actions are really just harmless, but God doesn’t see it that way. “Because any sin, no matter the size or shape or intention, is offensive to God,” Kopitzke reminds us.
I love the title of Chapter 2: Why Are We So Stinking Selfish? She mentions self-absorption, pride, entitlement, envy, distractions and fatigue as the six common pitfalls of our sin nature that tempt us to think and act selfishly. When we don’t see beyond ourselves, we don’t think about what other people might be going through or what they might need. “And it’s awfully hard to bless someone you’re jealous of,” Kopitzke points out. But the most likely reason we fail to bless others is that we are just too darn tired because life is so busy and full of distractions.
Along with our prayers, we can also bless people with our presence, our possessions, and our perspective. Do you realize that you can bless people simply by looking them in the eye when they speak? Kopitzke lists 50 ways to bless people within each of four categories: prayer, presence, possessions, and perspective. She offers a total of 200 ways we can encourage others and bless them by lifting their spirits while also lifting our own.
Some of the things on her list really jumped out at me:
Welcome an interruption as part of God’s plan for your day.
Smile at people.
When tempted to point out a person’s flaws, pray for God to help you recognize your own.
Be friendly to service people. Ask how their day is going. Thank them for the work they do.
Pray for bad drivers who cut you off. (I remind myself of the stupid things I’ve done while driving)
Listen more than you talk.
Drop off a gift basket for a single mom and her children (I would have loved this at one time).
Encourage your children’s God-given personality and interests.
But I think my favorite is this one: When your child needs your attention, but you’re engaged in a conversation, teach her to lay a hand on your arm. Place your hand on hers to acknowledge her request. Then finish your discussion before tending to your child. This allows you to bless the person you’re talking to with your undivided attention and shows your kids that you can be present for them and others at the same time.
Blessing others is about respecting people as individual souls created by God. If we can’t bless our own children, then that’s where we need to start. The author says that we are all shamefully prone to ignoring other people. That’s why we need to make an intentional daily effort if we want to experience the joy of living “others first”.
“Generous love is more than a singular act of kindness or an isolated whim of generosity. It’s a habit. A lifestyle. A (daily) choice,” says Kopitzke. I wonder how many opportunities I missed throughout my life to express love for the people God placed in my path. After reading this book, I don’t want to miss any more. Each of us has the power to change the world right where we are because the greatest change can begin with the smallest acts of kindness.
A final quote from the author seems a fitting way to end this book review: “Every day, every hour is a gift from Him, the Creator of time and space. And He expects us to use it well.”
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