WRITING REQUIRES A TOUGH SHELL

                                                                                    

By Danelle Carvell

Perhaps the most difficult thing about writing is hearing opinions about what I write, how I should have said it, what's missing and what should have been left out of a story. I was always told to write what I know. And in order to do that, I must use examples from my own experiences. I write what I live daily, and that includes what other people do and say.

But sometimes a friend wrongfully assumes that I'm writing about her and gets offended. Other times I might quote someone anonymously, and she recognizes herself, then becomes upset that I didn't ask permission to quote her. And there have been times when my writing hit a sore spot with someone and I wondered if I should go back and rewrite or delete that part. 

I was talking about this with a friend recently and she said that being a writer requires growing a tough shell. I can't write with a goal of avoiding controversy or preventing people from getting their feelings hurt. I'm always shocked when people feel hurt by my words, but I appreciate their honesty.   

My intentions as a writer are to inspire, encourage, and assure people that they are not alone. We share many of the same experiences. By sharing the details of our lives, we can help others understand and navigate their own lives. We can facilitate a fresh perspective that positively changes a person's way of thinking. Good writing can do powerful things, but writing loses its power when the freedom to share valuable content is restrained. 

If people recognize themselves in my writing they should consider that I chose to share that for the greater good. Something they said or did is the perfect example for the message I'm trying to convey. I'm very careful to respect the people behind those examples. When someone feels trampled upon, it's usually because they misunderstood my intentions.

Everything I write passes through God's filter. He lets me know when I need to reword something or delete it. I do ask permission when I use names, but when I share something anonymously, I offer no apologies. Writers have a creative license to observe people and share anything that will be of value to others. It's our job to write truth, and anyone I know or observe could show up in that truth.    

If I share a disappointment that involved you, I didn't do that to make you look bad. I did it to share a lesson that could be beneficial to others. If I quote you anonymously, then you must have said something profound that others might learn from or be inspired by. But readers don't always consider the writer's intentions. They are quicker to focus on how they are affected by a story.  

I'm not the only writer that deals with this. One of my favorite episodes of The Waltons is about John Boy sacrificing an opportunity to have a story published when he realizes it would be embarrassing to Emily Baldwin. On several episodes of the show, Miss Emily reminisces about a past love named Ashley, who kissed her amid a whirlwind of golden leaves. Because she talks about Ashley so much, anyone in the community who reads John Boy's story would surely recognize who he was writing about.

At first Emily is excited that John Boy is writing her love story, but when he reads it to her, before sending it to the publisher, he sees the disappointment on her face. The fictional story conveyed his belief that Miss Emily's relationship with Ashley was a fantasy that she cultivated in her mind. When he sees how sad she becomes upon hearing the story, He decides to spare her the embarrassment of having it published. 

That story would have brought joy and entertainment to others because it was so well written, but John Boy decided that seeing his name in print wasn't worth hurting someone he cares about. I think that most writers would make the same decision. Those who write to hurt others are not blessed by God, the one who bestowed their talent in the first place. 

But at the same time, fiction is fiction. And maybe we should allow writers to be inspired by real life but also allow them the freedom to add whatever fictional content they choose. Nothing is more disappointing to a writer than putting her heart, soul and time into something only to have it scrapped when someone doesn't like it, be it a reader or an editor. 

I write because God gave me a talent and if I don't use it, I will have much to answer for some day. God wants to use my experiences to enrich the lives of others. Sharing the thoughts and experiences of the people around me is a big part of that.

My shell is getting tougher. The critical opinions are bouncing off better than they once did, because I know my heart and that gives me confidence. So if you recognize yourself in my writing, keep my heart in mind, and your shell might toughen too.