THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE EPIDEMIC

By Danelle Carvell

                                                  

If everyone could be as encouraging as a Dove chocolate wrapper, I wouldn't need to write this.

 

Abuse comes in many forms. It can be physical or mental. But there's a form of abuse that can be hard to recognize when we witness it, and it can be hard to step away from too. Even the person being abused might question what is happening. I'm talking about emotional abuse. 

The information for this post is taken from an article titled, "What Are the Short and Long-Term Effects of Emotional Abuse," which I found at healthline.com

I have no doubt that some people reading this are right now experiencing emotional abuse. Or maybe it happened to them in the past. I decided to write this because I'm hearing more and more about this type of abuse, and I know people who are dealing with it. Understanding what they are dealing with is a giant step toward breaking free of the abuse and finding their path toward healing. 

According to the article mentioned above, if you're wondering whether emotional abuse is happening to you, here are some of the signs:

yelling

name-calling

spewing insults or ridiculing you

attempting to make you question your own sanity (gaslighting)

invading your privacy

punishing you for not going along with what they want

trying to control your life

isolating you from family and friends

making subtle or overt threats

Within the above list is the word gaslighting. This word is being used more frequently than ever before because emotional abuse has become an epidemic. Gaslighting is a tactic for manipulating someone in a way that makes them question their own reality. 

I have experienced this kind of abuse myself and I can tell you that it's like having a conversation with the devil. You can't win no matter how you respond, and you end up feeling beaten down. Or you walk away wondering if the person is right about you. The goal of gaslighting is to get you so confused that you begin to question yourself--"Am I the one with the problem?"

Go back and read over the above list. If you are being treated this way, you can be sure that the problem is NOT you. What's happening to you is emotional abuse. 

At this point I should mention a second article that contributed to my information on this topic. "What Are the Effects of Emotional Abuse?" at medicalnewstoday.com is a good read if you wish to do further research. 

I'm including four types of emotional abuse in this post--parental, marital, workplace and abuse within our relationships. During our lives, we encounter many potential sources of abuse, which include parents, co-workers, romantic partners, friends and colleagues. The abuse can also come from family members, and that source of abuse might be the hardest to endure and recover from. 

Parents can be abusive. Some signs of emotional abuse toward children include:

rejecting or ignoring a child

telling a child they are unloved or unwanted

not showing or returning affection

shaming, belittling or humiliating a child

bullying or threatening a child

yelling or screaming at a child

isolating or confining a child from positive experiences

engaging a child in illicit or criminal acts

calling a child names

negatively comparing a child with others

A boyfriend or girlfriend can also be abusive. I have friends who went through this type of abuse and I have experienced it myself. The fallout is always the same. The abused person feels like nothing he or she does is ever right. 

Constant criticism is the norm. It's not unusual to even feel scared in the relationship. If the abuse continues for a long time, it can eat away at a person's self-esteem to the point where they believe that they deserve the abuse. 

Here's the list of signs that you are being abused by your partner:

The abusive behavior is blamed on you, maybe by saying, "You are the reason I am acting like this!"

being overly jealous or possessive

being upset when a partner spends time alone or with other people

pressuring a person into sexual activity

controlling a partner's actions or monitoring their phone and emails

gaslighting

stalking

threatening to harm their partner or themselves if a partner leaves

humiliating or intentionally embarrassing a partner

belittling a partner, calling them names or putting them down

Once married, the list is pretty much the same. And being married does not give anyone a right to be abusive. Nor does being married mean that you must tolerate such abuse. If you try to avoid conflict or you do what your partner says in order to keep peace or stay safe, then you are being emotionally abused. If you feel like you need to change your behavior in an attempt to stop the abuse, that is another sign.

Other signs of abuse within marriage include:

isolating a person from family and friends

not wanting their partner to work

refusing to give shared access, controlling finances, or refusing to share things

withholding affection as punishment

expecting their partner to ask permission

threatening harm to their partner, to children, or to other family members or pets

And now for the big one. I call it "the big one" because this is the place where I have witnessed and experienced the most emotional abuse. And I'm still hearing many examples of abuse in the workplace. Workplace bullying can involve intimidating, undermining, or humiliating a person in front of customers, in front of other employees or in private.

When a boss is emotionally abusive, I see that person as not very bright. There's no better way to encourage poor work performance than to abuse your workers. A smart boss will build up the self-esteem and self-worth of the team. 

 

Emotional abuse in the workplace may include:

criticizing or blaming someone for something invalid

treating an individual differently than others

swearing, shouting at, or humiliating a person

excluding or isolating someone

excessively monitoring a person, micromanaging them or setting unrealistic deadlines

I was hoping to finish this today, but instead I will make it a two-part post. There is sunshine calling my name outside and I'm going to soak it up. I will leave you on a positive note and pick this up in a few days. Here's a drawing my daughter did as a child. Even then, she knew what Mom likes.