By Danelle Carvell
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| When we feel beaten down, all we can think about is escaping to any place but here. |
Emotional abuse has become an epidemic. In my last post, I talked about abuse that takes place in relationships--both marital and pre-marital. And I discussed abuse in the workplace and parental abuse directed toward children.
I will begin part two by adding to the list of previously mentioned signs of emotional abuse. Go back and read part one to grasp a more complete list. Here are more signs that I haven't mentioned yet:
using weapons as a means of threatening
telling a partner they will not find anyone better and they are lucky to be with them.
attempting to control a partner's appearance
serially cheating on a partner and then blaming them for the behavior
making false accusations of cheating
destroying a partner's property
demanding to know where a partner is at every moment
Being emotionally abused in this way has many short-term effects on the brain and body. Your mental and physical health can be affected in the following ways:
anxiety
shame
fear
confusion
guilt
a feeling of hopelessness and having no power to change things
frequent crying
moodiness
aches and pains or muscle tension
difficulty concentrating
The long-term effects of emotional abuse include:
loss of a sense of self
doubting your self-worth and your abilities
depression
anxiety
substance misuse
chronic pain
Children who are emotionally abused will often display effects of the abuse such as:
developmental delays
learning disabilities
wetting pants or the bed
speech disorders
health problems such as ulcers or skin conditions
weight fluctuation or obesity
extreme emotions
anxiety
sleep problems
social withdrawal
becoming overtly compliant or defensive
inappropriate behavior for their age
destructive or anti-social behavior
suicidal thoughts or behaviors
It is common for emotional abused people to turn physically violent. People who endure abuse as a child or in a relationship may have difficulties with many aspects of life, especially in new relationships. Abused children can develop attachment disorders and are likely to engage in toxic behaviors.
Adults who were abused as children are more likely to develop chronic health problems such as eating disorders, headaches, heart disease, mental health issues, obesity and substance use disorders.
Emotional abuse can lead to PTSD. High levels of stress or fear over a long period of time can interfere with your daily functioning. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not only for soldiers coming home from a war.
People are battling wars in every part of their lives-- at work and at home. I believe that very few people get through life without experiencing some type of emotional abuse. If the abuse is bad enough, it can destroy a person's ability to create positive social and romantic relationships in later life.
One thing you can't do is blame yourself. No type of abuse is acceptable. There is no excuse for abusing someone. It's not something that someone ever deserves.
You can never do something to deserve being abused. Shame is not something you should be dealing with on top of everything else. It's important to get support from family, friends, Christian counselors, church members or support groups to overcome any feelings of self-blame.
Removing yourself from the abuse would be the ideal way of healing from it, but sometimes that is not immediately possible. If you feel trapped in an abusive situation, you could avoid engaging with the abuser by keeping a neutral facial expression and neutral body language.
Abusers like to provoke a response and if you don't give them one, it could make things easier for you. Any way that you can create distance and avoid communication with the person takes some pressure off you and gives you some peace.
An abused person might reach a point where they go along with anything the abuser wants in order to keep peace. But they might also feel like they will crack if they don't put up some boundaries and escape the constant assault on their mental health.
Emotional abuse messes with your self-esteem, so standing up for yourself can be difficult. An emotionally abused person can feel so beaten down that they are not able to set boundaries. They allow themselves to become door mats and feel no sense of power to stop the abuse.
I recently pointed out to a friend that she was letting people walk all over her. She was being mistreated by her family. I encouraged her to stand up for herself and set some boundaries by saying, "I will no longer come around if you continue to treat me so disrespectfully."
She admitted that she allows people to abuse her. She was emotionally abused as a child and the scars from that abuse are still with her. She lost her sense of self-worth, and now as an adult she's not able to stand her ground and protect herself from bullies.
An abused person might go the complete opposite direction and become totally intolerant to even the slightest mistreatment. What happens in this situation is post traumatic stress disorder. Any reminder of that past abuse causes all the pain and emotions to resurface.
When someone mistreats an emotionally abused person, that person feels the need for protection and escape. This is why some people can't tolerate working for a mean boss. Or they can't tolerate living with someone who is any kind of a bully.
The abused person simply can't take another hit because they've already been pushed to the point of exhaustion. And they remember the horrible place they were in when the abuse was at its worst. To endure further abuse is not something they can handle, so they go into full-blown protective mode in an attempt to shield themselves from another beating.
Another thing that happens with abused people is they become overly sensitive to the possible abuse of others. Being very perceptive to people's emotions, they instantly question why that person is reacting that way. They wonder if the negative reaction is caused by someone abusing them. They feel the need to protect others because they themselves have experienced the pain of abuse.
I believe you would be shocked by the amount of people you know that have experienced emotional abuse. It's not something people talk about freely. They hide it even from people close to them because of the shame of it or because they feel no power to stop it. Or maybe they think people won't believe them. Or maybe they are silently blaming themselves.
Emotionally abused people can find themselves in a very lonely place. And that is why I wrote this. To help them find a way out of the pain by letting them know that they are not alone. They are not crazy. They deserve so much better. God does not want any of His children to be abused. Abuse happens when people reject God and the love He commands us to grant one another.
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