EXPECTATIONS OF MARRIED LIFE

By Danelle Carvell

One of the most eye-opening discussions you and your partner will ever have is the "How will marriage change our lives?" talk. It's a very necessary discussion because it will reveal the silent expectations that each of you have about married life. For example, I had a silent expectation that my first husband would stop spending time in bars after we married. He didn't, and it made me angry.

On the other hand, he probably expected to eat better than boxed frozen chicken and french fries every night. His mother was a good cook, so he probably expected the same from his wife. For the first five years of our marriage, I was at home with our son all day, so I had time to cook. I could have at least made an effort, but he never told me what he expected from me. And I never told him my needs. Therefore, we were disappointed constantly by our unmet expectations. 

 

We all come into marriage with an idea of what it will and should be like. Should spouses check with each other before making major purchases? Will you feel betrayed if your husband shares intimate details about your marriage with a friend? How do you know that your ideas about marriage are even close to his? Doesn't it make sense to share your expectations with your future husband and then listen to his ideas? 

You can't cover it all in one sitting, so anticipate an ongoing analysis of all the ways that you expect marriage to change your lives.  Telling each other everything you want, everything you need, and everything you expect marriage to be is vital. By eliminating the surprises, you'll avoid arguments later. You'll know what you're getting into, and you'll be better prepared for all the challenges of being a wife and mother.

Couples who don't discuss their expectations face one hurdle after another and it is so emotionally exhausting to live that way. So talk! I know I didn't cover everything, but if you talk about the subjects I mentioned you'll have a great start toward understanding each other and meeting each other's needs by revealing all those silent expectations.