THE LOUDEST CRY

By Danelle Carvell
Men are good at delivering lectures. I guess it makes them feel manly. Perhaps they should pound their chests while delivering their harsh words and then drag their wives to the cave by their hair. That’s the vision I get of men who like to lecture,  cavemen with not an ounce of tenderness.

Women can lecture too.  It's called nagging.

Gary Smalley, author of Love Is A Decision, has counseled many couples and families in crisis and he says that one of the loudest cries he hears among men, women and children is the desperate plea for tenderness and gentleness from people who love them.

Why are gentle, respectful words so important to people? Because they makes us feel valuable. Words and actions are either powerful weapons of destruction or they are powerful tools for building people up and making them feel valued and loved. No one wants to be kicked like a dog every day in their own home. No one wants to walk in the door and receive a lecture  before having a chance to take off their shoes. Yet this is the reality for many American families. What goes on behind closed doors is more caveman than kindness.

We need to stop valuing things more than people.  We need to stop fussing about  things  that aren't nearly as important as the people in our lives.  Sometimes lectures are necessary,.  When children need guidance, they might need a good talking to.  But lecturing is a parent’s role.  It's not something we should be giving to a spouse.  Unless we want to kill the love.  That's what lecturing does.  Like a leach, it sucks every ounce of love from the person's heart.  And soon they don't want to be around us.  People need love, not lectures.