WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT

 By Danelle Carvell

                                                            

My friend, Debbie is in the middle. We've been friends since high school

Vulnerability is defined as emotional risk, exposure and uncertainty toward being honest and seen. Many people are hesitant to share their struggles, their failures, their fears, shame and shortcomings. But the hard decision to open ourselves up to others actually has a healing element to it. 

As a writer, I find this to be very true. If you read all my posts labeled "A Look At Life," you will find many times when I admit my failures, disappointments, struggles, fears and areas where I feel inadequate. Some people might think I'm too honest, but I believe that I'm nudged to write about these things by the God who understands these things. 

G.K. Chesterson said, "We men and women are all in the same boat upon a stormy sea. We owe each other a terrible and tragic loyalty." 

In the book, Stronger: How Hard Times Reveal God's Greatest Power, Clayton King says,

 "We all go through the same storms and we all need each other to survive. The human condition is weakness. It is difficulty and struggle and failure. None of us is immune, and we're all in the same boat. If we can remember this simple fact, that the people we need to be vulnerable with are just as vulnerable as we are, then it's a little easier to open up with them without fear or pretense." 

He goes on to explain that fear is always what prevents people from being vulnerable. "That's why what people often project as strength-- seeming to have it all together, to be unshakable and detached--is often not strength at all. When we act as if we are unable to be hurt, unaffected by the things that bring others pain, we are acting out of fear. We fear being exposed in any way that might subject us to more pain, humiliation or rejection. Deep down we suspect that if God or the people around us saw us for who we really are, they would walk away." 

I think many relationships would improve if people were more willing to be vulnerable and admit to each other the things they fear or struggle with. If we could more openly share our disappointments, oh the many things we could learn from each other. Failures, shame and shortcomings are something we all have in common. But sharing these things with others brings along the fear of being rejected and unloved. So we keep things to ourselves.

It's a self-defeating thing because human connection gives a sense of meaning and purpose to life. And the best way to connect with someone is to be vulnerable and pour out your heart along with all its scars and past hurts. We need other people, and in order to connect with them, we must be vulnerable enough to share the reality of our lives, and that reality always includes pain. 

The people I'm closest with in my life are people I trust with my vulnerabilities. Those people are my friend Debbie, my friend Tam and my daughter, Delaina. I'm blessed to have three people I can trust who will not betray me or lack empathy when I share something I'm struggling with. 

I have also learned who I should not share things with. When someone is not open to hearing my hurts, I take that person off my list. When someone downplays my hurts, I say I will never again share my pain with that person. When someone makes excuses for people who hurt me, I never again give that person an opportunity to do so. I have become very good at distancing myself from toxic people. 

But for the people I can be vulnerable with, I am very grateful. We all need someone like that in our lives. I hope that you have at least one person in your life that you can be vulnerable with. If not, you are missing a human connection that is very fulfilling and healing. If you feel that something is missing in your life, it could very well be someone you can trust with your vulnerabilities.

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective"   James 5:16

I think our greatest sense of meaning and purpose is found in the human connections we have with others. But those connections can never be strong if we don't get real and confess the messy things we are going through. Yes, there is a fear we will be rejected. But you can't learn who you can trust if you don't take that chance. 

The power of vulnerability is learning who is in your corner, who has your back and who will stand up for you. And that is priceless information. So be vulnerable today and see what you learn about people, what you learn about yourself, and how your life can have more meaning and purpose through your relationships. 

We're all in the same boat, and we should know where our lifesavers are.