FESS UP TO YOUR MESS UP

By Danelle Carvell

                                                    
                                                    

Sometimes the only way to get the people we love back into our lives is to fess up and apologize.

I wrote a post last summer titled, We all Have Big Mouth Moments. The last sentence in that post was..."Sometimes the best response to someone's big mouth is to extend grace and let it pass, because we all have big mouth moments." 

I've had it on the back burner to write a part 2 to that post because there are times when we should not overlook a person's words or actions. Sometimes the right thing to do is to call out the bad behavior and to stand your ground in doing so. 

What actually inspired me to write that post last summer was my own big mouth moment, and it was so bad that I hate to bring it up again. I wrote the post to inspire forgiveness when people mess up with their words. But I knew that my big mouth moment could not be swept under the rug. What came out of my mouth was not a misunderstanding or a slip of the tongue. It was a major mistake that was extremely hurtful. And I knew I had to face the music. 

We live in a culture that has become very good at making excuses for bad behavior. People don't want to admit their mistakes and they are too easily given a pass by a society that no longer acknowledges what's right and wrong. If you do have the courage to call someone out, you will most likely be met with opposition because no one wants to rock the boat today and no one wants to confront a bully. 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to think the best of people and wanting to look for possible reasons why they act the way they do. It's wise to give people the benefit of the doubt. But even if someone is under stress mentally, physically or emotionally, that is not an excuse to mistreat people. Their own personal stresses do not give people the right to be hostile to others. 

I recently had to apologize to someone for the way I spoke to him during a very stressful situation. I was at my wits end with worrying about someone's well-being. I was being pumped full of worst case scenarios if I didn't handle the situation properly. And I was severely lacking sleep. So I snapped.

It took me a while to realize that what I needed to do was admit that I messed up and offer a real apology. And that is what finally brought healing and forgiveness. If I had ignored the whole thing or offered some dumb excuse without an apology, then I would not have received forgiveness and restored the relationship. 

Why is it so hard for us to admit our mistakes? Why is it so hard to say, "That was wrong. I should not have done that. I'm sorry" How many relationships could be restored if we could just humble ourselves and fess up to our mess ups?