WHY TEXTING IS THE WORST

By Danelle Carvell

                                                    

Jesus gave us one rule: Communicate in love

Texting can be useful in certain situations, but as a form of communication during a conflict, texting is the worst choice. Our culture has changed a lot since social media. Our ways of communicating have changed. And change isn't always good. 

People today feel free to say whatever they want because it feels safe to dart a text at someone and say things you would not have the courage to say in-person. Social media and texting have damaged our culture by making it easier to say mean things and bully people.

I've made mistakes too with texting and posting things on Facebook. One mistake I have made is using Facebook as a place to vent. Leaving nasty messages for people you don't agree with on Facebook is childish. Tearing people down in public is not the biblical way to resolve conflict. 

I believe that God commands a face-to-face meeting when we need to confront someone because it is the best way to clearly communicate. When someone receives your text, he can't see your facial expressions and body language. He can't hear your tone of voice. So your text could easily be misunderstood, which will make matters worse. 

If I don't have the courage to talk to that person privately, why should I take it public? Isn't that the gossip we are warned about in the Bible. 

Being mean on Facebook will always come back to haunt you. You ruin your own reputation for one thing. Among the many ways a bad reputation hurts you is this example--a potential employer might see your Facebook manners and reject your job application. Your Facebook posts represent you. They represent your character. You should guard your reputation like it's gold. 

Texting is great for quick messages such as, "I'm here. Text me when you get here." If that's all you needed to say, a phone call wasn't necessary. It's also great when a conflict is still raw and lingering emotions have made things too uncomfortable for discussions in-person or by phone. And that is when we especially need to use caution. 

Whatever it is that you need to communicate, and whatever form of communication you choose, the most important thing is to communicate with love. You won't get a good response if you come across as hostile and impatient when you confront someone. A soft answer turns away wrath. Hostility provokes it. 

The Bible has some excellent advice that applies to this subject:

"I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think...love must be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. Show family affection to one another with brotherly love. Outdo one another in showing honor...be patient in affliction...pursue hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse...Be in agreement with one another. Do not be proud...Do not repay evil for evil...Try to do what is honorable...live at peace with everyone...do not avenge yourselves. Vengeance belongs to God."  Romans 12:3-19

Wow! There's a whole lot of godly wisdom in that scripture. How many conflicts could be avoided if we would take those words to heart and act on them? 

ARE YOU AN ENCOURAGER?

To someone going through a hardship, there is nothing more refreshing than an encouraging word or deed. Encouragement might be the greatest need in our world today. According to a recent poll, half of all Americans feel alone or left out, and they feel that no one knows them well. 

We live in a culture right now where there are so many discouraging messages coming at us. Mean-spirited people are everywhere, especially online. We even have a name for these online bullies--trolls.

People are desperate today to hear that they are valuable, that their lives matter, and they are loved and needed. In the above video, Pastor Greg Laurie gives examples of how our discouraging culture is affecting the mental health of not just our nation, but the entire world. 

I remember well the people in my life who have encouraged me. I had a high school English teacher who recognized my writing talent and encouraged me to get my work published, based on a short story I wrote for class. I had a professor in college who encouraged me to write an essay, which He submitted to a small publication. It was my first published essay. 

Then there was the letter I received from Kim Alexis, a supermodel from the eighties who is now a Christian author and speaker. I had read one of her books and wrote to her because I could relate to something she said. 

I was feeling discouraged at the time, and she asked me why I have such a strong desire to write and reach people. "Could it be that God has put this desire in you?" she asked. She helped me to believe in myself and move forward without doubt. 

Encouragement is extremely powerful. But so many of us are failing to bring this much-needed inspiration to others. In 1 Thessalonians 5:11 we are told, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing."

Are you already doing this? Before you say something or post something online, do you ask yourself--Is it truthful, helpful, inspiring, necessary and kind? This spells out the acronym: THINK. Do you think before you speak or type? 

Are you always criticizing and complaining? Are you always pointing out the negative side of every situation? Do you love to mention the failures and weaknesses in others? Do people call you Miss negative behind your back? 

Or are you following what the Bible teaches and being an encourager? Are you good at making people feel welcome? Do you recognize the potential in others? Do you cheer people on? Do you mention their strengths and help them to believe in themselves? Are you willing to do what it takes to help people back up when they fall? 

God wants us to be encouragers in a world that desperately needs encouragement. What have you done lately to encourage someone? 

A BEAUTY BEYOND COMPARE

Here is the full movie that goes with the documentary in my last post. I haven't watched the movie yet, but I know the theme of the movie is about true beauty and what really makes a woman beautiful. 

I turned 61 this year, and I will admit that I focus too much on my appearance. I admire older women who can walk out the door without a stitch of makeup on and not care. I admire women who let their hair go grey and don't care. Why do I care so much about my looks?

I guess the answer is... because the world cares. Ever since about eighth grade I have realized the power of beauty. That's when boys began noticing me, and I became more tuned-in to the comments I received about my looks. The year before high school began was when I learned that the world worships physical beauty. 

I think the reason that God allows us to age and get wrinkly is because He wants us, at some point, to focus on our inner beauty. A pretty face may be pleasing to the eyes, but a beautiful heart can make so much more of a difference in this hostile world. God wants us to work on beautifying our hearts and our minds so that we can serve, encourage and show love to others. 

If I'm too concerned about my looks, I can miss the things that God wants me to care about. While I'm glancing in the mirror, the person He wants me to help can walk right past me. I don't want to be selfish anymore. But it's something that I do struggle with. I still care a little too much about my appearance. 

But I'm also working on my heart. In the past few years, I have learned to be more patient with people. There was a time when I had a lot to learn, and I was making mistakes every day. Not everyone is on the same level of spiritual growth. I can't fix people. I can only pray for them. And God loves them no matter how badly they mess up, so I also must extend grace. 

I'm at the point where I can almost instantly forgive someone. But I can't instantly trust. But that's okay because trust is not something that God requires me to extend generously. He understands that I need to guard my heart. But I have learned that forgiveness is essential, and I am the one who benefits most when I forgive.

I have also learned what it means to give up everything in order to help someone. Jesus is the ultimate example of laying your life down for someone else. The second most important thing God expects from us is that we love others as ourselves. But are we willing to sacrifice time and energy to the point of exhaustion? Are we willing to give it all in order to help someone? 

I learned that I am capable of that kind of love. I am willing to offer my time. I am willing to make physical, mental, emotional and  financial sacrifices. I am willing to give up my own comfort and convenience for the sake of someone else. 

So maybe I should be a little easier on myself. God probably understands the struggles we face in a world that can be shallow and superficial. Even though I still spend too much time on my appearance, He sees that I am learning about true beauty and what it means to have a beautiful heart. 

A forgiving, kind, self-sacrificing, woman is far beyond beautiful. She's a world changer who finds favor in the heart of God. 

WHO ARE YOU LIVING FOR?

I don't agree with her publicly calling people heretics, but she does make some very good points about what biblical womanhood means. I know many women who claim to be Christians but they don't walk the walk. I used to be one of them. So I could relate to some of her points. 

Here's a quick outline of some of the changes she made.

1. Stop living for yourself-

 

If I don't wake up each day with an attitude of wanting to please God, spend time with him, and seek his guidance, then I am living for myself. 

2. Stop swearing/gossiping/making people feel bad with your mouth-

We don't need to have all the dirt on people in order to pray for them. Some women gossip and then claim that they just want to know how they should pray for that person. Matthew 15:18 says, "What comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and this defiles a man."

This might be the biggest obstacle for Christian women. We fail to filter the things that come out of our mouths. And we do not display the love of Christ by our words. We do not uplift others by our words.

When you can't tame your tongue, you are not being led by the Holy Spirit. 

3. Stop indulging in whatever you want-

Self control is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. We can indulge in many things that are not good for us--food, sex, alcohol, shopping, TV, idolizing celebrities, and selfish ambitions to name a few. I have needed to cut back on my TV time because it was becoming an unhealthy indulgence. God is more than happy to tell you what you should step away from if you ask Him. 

4. Stop neglecting your husband, your children or your home- 

A Christian woman never puts her marriage on the back burner. She does not belittle her children or treat them like an inconvenience. And she makes her home and family a top priority. 

5. Stop being rebellious-

We live in a world that encourages rebellion. Woman rebel against their children, their husbands and their God-given roles. But we are called to submit to God's order. And we should see that submission as an honor. 

6. Stop living in the world/ Start living from an eternal perspective-

This is a big one that includes many things. Focusing too much on your appearance, neglecting modesty, needing to impress others with your achievements, your success or your material possessions are all examples of being worldly minded. This one might be the most difficult to overcome because women are constantly bombarded with ungodly messages from a world that lacks spiritual discernment. 

I am not a citizen of this world, so I need to navigate life from an eternal perspective. And God can help me to do that. He will show me what changes I need to make. But I first have to care enough and realize that I'm too absorbed in this world. 

I have to always ask myself, "Will God be happy with me for doing this, for saying this, for dressing like this, for focusing on this, for spending so much time on this?" Am I living to conform to the world, or am I living to please God in all I do and say? 

There was a time when I lived for myself. Swearing, gossiping and letting my mouth run wild was a daily habit. I indulged in whatever felt good, and I was sassy and rebellious. I was definitely focused on what the world was doing and what the world was telling me I should be. 

And I was extremely empty inside, lost, lonely, and longing for something better. God knows what a woman needs to have a joyful life. When we embrace biblical womanhood, we will always find peace and contentment that surpasses anything the world could possibly offer us. 

How to Take Back Your Mind with God's Word +LIVE Q&A

Do you feel like your mind is out of control? Do you dwell on negative thoughts or past hurts on a daily basis? And are these thoughts causing you to be angry, depressed, distracted or exhausted? 

I know all too well how it feels to be caught in a cycle of negative thinking. Very few people get through life without developing a demonic stronghold in their minds. Life is filled with people and situations that are hurtful. And it's so easy to dwell on the hurt and rehearse what was said and what was done to you. 

When I was in my late twenties, I developed a demonic stronghold in my mind that began when someone hurt me very deeply. It was the kind of hurt that causes total destruction to a woman and separation to her family. At one point, I felt like I had become a different person and the people around me began to avoid me because I was so filled with hostility. 

You are not responsible for what comes into your mind, but you are responsible for the thoughts that stay in your mind and the things that you dwell on daily. If the things you dwell on are negative, you will be negatively affected by those thoughts, and the people around you will be affected as well.

It takes a constant daily effort to renew your mind. Stop letting the enemy use your mind as a playground. You must take every toxic thought captive as soon as it enters. Kris Reece explains in the above video how to purify your thoughts so they align with God's word. We can't allow our thinking to poison our minds, our hearts and our lives. 

LIFE IS BETTER WHEN YOU LET GOD LEAD

By Danelle Carvell

                                                    

Are you navigating a difficult life without God's power?

I have often felt like I don't fit in. The things that people value in this world, I couldn't care less about. I don't value material things. Most people see high education, important titles, and a high income as the best measurements for success. I measure success by God's standards, not by the world's standards. I don't need to accumulate a bunch of stuff in order to feel worthy and successful. And I don't try to impress others with the stuff that I accumulate.  

To some people, I am probably seen as someone who hasn't made much of herself. I came close to an associate's degree, but didn't finish college. I have never had what people consider a high income, and I have never held what the world considers an impressive title or position. 

One of the signs that you are being led by the Holy Spirit is that you are willing to follow a path that is different from what the world says you should pursue. My goals, my values, and my measurements for success are not of this world. Those things are instilled in me by God through the Holy Spirit. 

That is why I don't value people based on income or the work that they do or don't do.  I don't see educated people as more valuable than uneducated people. Education and accomplishment is not what makes a person valuable to God. God values our kindness toward others and our willingness to put Him first. 

Being Holy Spirit led means that you are being guided by the Spirit of God, the third person of the Trinity. The Holy Spirit is the navigator that abides within every born-again believer. This divine guidance is what allows me to stand strong and survive in a messed-up world. 

What is messed-up about the world? Everything that's wrong in this world is the result of people lacking guidance from the Holy Spirit. When we don't live by biblical values, we hurt ourselves and we hurt other people. 

Those who are not Spirit-led, don't have that inner voice that helps them make right decisions. So they are easily swayed by their own pride, their own judgement of right and wrong, and their own ideas about how they should live and how they should treat others. 

People who lack the Holy Spirit make bad decisions for themselves and others. Their priorities are not in order. They are often fearful and anxious. They don't go to God when they have a decision to make. They feel guilt, shame and condemnation because they don't let holy, spiritual comfort into their lives.  

Do you stay quiet when a conversation leans toward wrong thinking?  Do you say nothing when someone displays an ungodly attitude or a wrong action? Another sign that you are being led by the Holy Spirit is having the strength and courage to speak your mind on moral issues instead of going along with popular opinion. You will stand up for biblical truth no matter who disagrees or how badly you are outnumbered. 

A Holy Spirit led person sees as God sees. She feels as God feels. I can instantly detect a wrong attitude in someone. I can sense the state of a person's heart. I know when someone is envious or prideful. I know when someone is angry, confused, upset or uncomfortable. God gives me an inner knowing about people and situations through the Holy Spirit. And this is how I navigate life. 

Living by the power of the Holy Spirit allows me to live in a way that pleases God and to have integrity in all my relationships, both personal and professional. The Spirit of God helps me to be more than I am, helps me to say more than I know, and helps me to do more than I possibly could without Him. I am fueled by God's power, so I have a strength and wisdom that can only come from Him. 

I believe the Holy Spirit even helps me to write. He puts ideas into my head and helps me say things in an understandable way. I am learning to hear the voice of God more and more, and His leading is becoming more evident in my life. I have confidence that God's power within me is greater than anything I will ever face in this life. 

"Being led by the Spirit isn't something we do passively. It's a conscious decision we make to be different from a world that thinks those who live according to the Bible are backward and out of step. It's a choice to trust God's word and stand against a woke culture that rejects what scripture says about marriage, sexuality, and even gender." says Stephen Strang in his book, "Spirit-Led Living in an Upside Down World."

What is the main responsibility of a Spirit-led believer? Reaching others for Christ is the answer. The most important question I could ever ask someone is this: Where will you spend eternity? 

This life is temporary. Nothing that happens here matters in comparison to your eternal destination and the life you will have forever after you leave this earth. Considering that death can come for anyone at any moment, eternal life is by far the most important subject that people tend to ignore. 

Forever is a long time to spend in a place you are not certain about. Not knowing where I'm going would scare the Hell out of me because once I'm there.... I am there forever, and I can't change it. That is some scary truth, and I want my bases covered. Spirit-led living means having peace and confidence about both my life on earth and my life for eternity. 

When God is in charge of your thoughts, your actions and your decisions, you are living your best life possible. You are the happiest that you could possibly be. You overcome every obstacle because God shows you the way out. You become a powerful influence on your family, friends and community. And God will lead you to fulfill all your dreams. Your purpose in life will be crystal clear, and it will lead you to prosperity and deep satisfaction. 

If all that sounds like something that is lacking in your life, start getting to know the Holy Spirit by spending time with Him and talking with Him. Sit quietly and wait for Him to talk to you in your spirit. God wants to lead you and guide you in this challenging life of yours. But He will not show up without an invitation. 

Open your heart and mind to the Holy Spirit's leading and watch everything about your life be transformed. Nothing compares to the glorious life that awaits you as a Spirit-led believer who knows how to navigate every challenge, every problem and every person who comes against you. With God on your side, you will be blessed with every good and perfect gift. You will walk in confidence because Jesus walks with you. 

You have a power available that can give you joy and peace. It's a power that will make you victorious over every difficulty. No matter how crazy this world gets, you will see God at work in your life when you welcome the Holy Spirit. 

I don't fit in to this world because there's something in me that is not of this world. God leads me to think, speak and act according to His rules and expectations. And that is why I find myself to be the odd- man-out at times. But that's okay. I would rather be right with God than to be right with this crazy, immoral, upside-down world. 

STEP INTO YOUR OWN LIFE

By Danelle Carvell

                                                    

Social media was not a thing in the seventies, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Why do I always feel better when I take a break from social media? There was a time when social media didn't exist, but today, many people can't get through a day without it. But is it really good for us? Are there better things we could be doing with our time?

Growing evidence is being presented about the negative impact of social media on mental health. The US Surgeon General, Dr Vivek Murthy recently issued an advisory about the harmful effects of social media use among children and teens, including depression, anxiety, and sleep problems. 

"Children are exposed to harmful content on social media, ranging from violent and sexual content, to bullying and harassment. And for far too many children, social media use is compromising their sleep and valuable in-person time with family and friends." said Murthy. 

I was just saying to my husband yesterday that I would not want to be growing up in today's world. We were eating ice cream while sitting across from the place where Jim spent much of his childhood. It is now a fenced-in patch of grass, but when he was a kid, it was the Elizabethville swimming pool. 

He told me that my childhood, growing up in Pillow, must have been boring because our town didn't have a pool. I argued that I wasn't bored ever. I had a sand box. We had horses at one time. I created board games. I pested my dad until he bought us a good-sized above ground swimming pool. Then the neighbor kids really showed up. 

Our town friends, my siblings and I played games in the back yard. Some of them were original games we made up. I recall a game we called "Koogle," but I don't remember exactly how it was played, other than the wooden markers we placed around the yard, which we ran to when our turn came up. It was a weird form of baseball.

We did mischievous things like soap the windows of houses and cars around Halloween. We would sneak into the corn field and swipe a bunch of cobs, then bring them into our barn where we would sit around a big tub and shell the kernels off until our fingers were sore. 

The neighbor kids were there to help because they, too, would use that supply of hard, dried kernels to throw against the doors and windows of our neighbor's homes during Trick-or-Treat week.  A handful of corn forcefully propelled against a window makes quite a racket, and probably made people jump as they relaxed toward evening. Sometimes people would yell at us from their front doors and we would hide in a bush, holding back the laughter. The smart neighbors ignored us and we eventually left them alone. 

We also did things like kicking out the street lights when they came on. We spent a lot of time in a certain mulberry bush when the berries were ripe. We had creeks to play in, a basketball court that also served as a tennis court, a playground with a dangerously-high sliding board, and lots of critters to collect such as tadpoles, frogs and lightning bugs. 

We had bikes, scooters, hoola hoops, wagons, pogo-sticks, jump ropes, sidewalk chalk, jacks, and trees to climb. When it rained hard, we had huge puddles in our yard big enough to float a raft on. During winter the ponds would freeze at the end of town and ice skates were on every kid's Christmas list. The highlight of each year was the Pillow Carnival and we never missed watching the ferris wheel go up. 

I'm glad I didn't have a phone back then. I'm grateful that I got through high school without the distraction of social media. We had real conversations with people who paid attention instead of scrolling. We spent our time being creative, being physically active and forming friendships in-person. I truly believe that my childhood would have been completely different if social media were a thing back then. My growing-up years would not have been better.

Social media has transformed the social lives of girls especially. They have put themselves onto platforms that prioritize social comparison and performance. Ninety-five percent of teens use social media for at least two hours a day. Mental health problems are worse among teen girls since the start of social media. There has been a marked rise in female high school students contemplating suicide.

An epidemic of mental illness began among American teens and teens around the world in the early 2010s'. That is the same year that the first smartphone with a front-facing camera came out. So within the following years, teen girls spent hours each day posting photos of themselves on Facebook and Instagram. They also spent time scrolling through the carefully-edited photos of other girls. 

This constant comparison of ourselves with the appearances, performances and accomplishments of others is not a healthy thing to focus on daily. Unless you are grounded in the Lord and know who you are in Christ, you can easily be negatively affected by all that, especially if you are a child. 

We waited longer than most people do to give our daughter a phone. We knew that once she had one, there would be no going back. But it's hard to explain to a child the things you are trying to protect her from. She sees only that you are depriving her of contact with her friends, not realizing how that could actually be a good thing. We really don't need to be in constant contact with anyone, except God. 

And that is why I often put my phone in a drawer and don't pay much attention to it. There have been many days when I spent way too much time on Facebook. And I felt myself being affected by it in negative ways. I couldn't get the work done that I should have been accomplishing in a day, and I found myself comparing my life to the lives of other people, often feeling cheated or living a boring life in comparison. 

I was allowing the enemy to distract me by the success of other people. I was focusing too much on their lives. Social media pulls my mind into unhealthy directions, and I need to get away from it at times to get my focus back on what truly matters in life. 

So if you've been feeling blue lately or feeling like you need a change or you need something more exciting...If you feel unsatisfied with your life in any way, maybe what you need is a break from social media. Go outside and enjoy the beauty of God's creation. Plan to meet a friend for coffee and let your phone in your handbag. 

Make it more of a habit to put your phone away and pay attention to the people and the things happening around you. When your face is in your phone, you miss what God wanted you to notice...things that would have refreshed your mind and brought peace to your soul. All those special moments in life that inspire us, have meaning, make us laugh, bring us joy and feed our souls can be easily missed if we let ourselves be distracted by screen time. 

The good stuff in life happens off-screen, so step back into your own life and feed your soul. 

FORGIVENESS AND TRUST: TWO DIFFERENT THINGS

 

By Danelle Carvell

                                            

Trust and forgiveness are important in our relationships. But confusing their meanings puts unhealthy expectations on people.

People often get confused about the meaning of words. I do it myself. And then I go to my big red dictionary and figure it out. An example of this is how people think that forgiveness and trust have the same meaning. 

I've learned a thing or two about forgiveness, and I've learned a lot about trust. According to the Bible, forgiveness is mandatory, but trust is not. Forgiveness should be generously extended to everyone, but trust is something we can keep on reserve. It's something that not everyone deserves. And we should be very careful about trusting people.  

When I forgive someone, that doesn't mean I automatically trust that person. Trust is something that must be earned over time. I can forgive someone without a reconciliation, because forgiveness does not require inviting that person back into my life. Forgiveness is an act of my will that releases the offender from my resentment for their words or actions. 

It's actually me that benefits most when I forgive because it releases me from thinking about it and replaying the situation over and over. When I forgive, I have more peace and my emotions can become calm again. I don't have to make myself sick thinking about the hurtful thing that was done to me. It's been forgiven. 

This does not mean that I now pretend that I wasn't hurt. It doesn't mean that I condone what took place. It doesn't mean that I relieve people of responsibility for their actions. And it doesn't mean that I must welcome them back into my life and force myself to trust again.

Trust requires wisdom. And only the person who was offended can decide if and when they want to trust again. We should never put an unhealthy expectation on someone who is having trust issues. When you hurt someone, you can't expect everything to go back the way it was in an instant. 

If the offender refuses to recognize that what took place was wrong, and they refuse to admit it was wrong, then wouldn't I be foolish to hand my trust back over to them?  When someone makes excuses for their actions or lies to get themselves off the hook, what is trustworthy about that? 

Forgiveness is something that we should always do. The Bible says that if we don't forgive others, then God will not forgive us of our mistakes. Lord knows I've made my share of mistakes. 

But trust has a completely different meaning. Trust is not something that God commands us to do.  I do have to forgive people who hurt me, but I do not have to trust them. 

So if you are dealing with a situation that hurt you deeply, pray for guidance and direction in how to handle it. And remember that sometimes we must forgive even when we don't feel like it. Forgiveness is not a feeling that comes over you and suddenly you feel the desire to forgive. I've often extended forgiveness when it was the last thing I felt like doing. 

Forgiveness is on God's terms. But trust is on my terms... I decide who and I decide when. And the Bible offers much wisdom to help me decide. 

WHAT GETS ME THROUGH THE NIGHT

By Danelle Carvell

                                                

For me, going to sleep is like going into battle. But I make it through every time. 

I'm sitting here on a Monday morning, the day after my birthday, wanting to share something from the heart. At this point I don't know where I'm going with this or what I'm going to talk about. I only know I want my words to be an encouragement. The world needs more of that. 

I spent my birthday in bed because I've been dealing with severe sleep struggles. I've talked about this before, but for those who don't know, I've dealt with chronic insomnia since 2006. It's a neurological issue, not caused by any kind of anxiety. My brain just can't go into sleep mode. It's like a broken light switch that won't turn off. 

I would not be able to deal with it if not for my faith. That is what keeps me calm when I'm ready to jump out of my skin because I'm so exhausted and I desperately need my mind to shut down and rest. Sleep is very important, and a lack of it can be debilitating. 

Many people are dealing with health issues right now, both physically and mentally. This seems to be a difficult time for almost everyone I know. But the good thing about adversity is the way it can draw you closer to God if you let it. Some people are stubborn and refuse to seek help from Him, and they are the ones who suffer most through the trials of life. 

Why do I believe in God? Because I have seen evidence of His existence. There have been times in my life when I reached a point of desperation and I fell on my face and cried out for help. I saw an answer to those prayers almost immediately. I saw an answer to my prayer after praying for a boy when I was pregnant the first time. And again when I prayed for a girl before my daughter was born. 

Speaking of my daughter, she also saw an immediate answer to prayer just before she met her husband. God moves when we reach a point of total frustration and exhaustion. He rescues us when we are at our wits end. And when we learn to surrender every aspect of our lives to Him, we are set free from fear, anxiety and all types of worry. 

This is the way He meant for us to live. He wants us to take every problem to Him in prayer and trust that He will get us through it. Life is far too difficult to navigate solo. But many choose to deal with their problems on their own. That must be a lonely feeling. Deep down they have to feel an emptiness because God created us to need Him. 

He put into every human being a desire to connect with the creator. When people refuse to make that connection, they will seek fulfillment in other areas in order to fill that void. Maybe they are adventure seekers or they become workaholics. Some people turn to material things, alcohol, sex, drugs, or food to fill the void. Something else will always take the place of God when we shove Him out of our lives. Because that empty hole in the heart that was meant for God needs to be filled.

Someone recently called me "religious" because I believe in God. I could have told him that he's religious too. There's something in his life that he is doing to replace God. And that has become his religion. I suspect it might be drinking because he was sitting in a bar at the time and I saw signs that he spends quite a lot of time there.

Now please don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that if you go to a bar, you are trying to fill a void. I was obviously in a bar when I saw this guy, so I would have to include myself if I was suggesting all people who drink are lacking God. What I'm saying is that we all have an empty hole in the heart that was meant for God, and if we don't fill that empty space with Him, we will find something else to comfort us. 

Comfort is exactly what He gives me when I'm having a hard time. I don't know where I would be or what state of mind I would be in if I had ignored God's comfort over the years. I've been through some very difficult things. If someone had told me ahead of time the things I would go through, I would have been disturbed by that prediction. 

But I have to say that some of that pain was caused by my own decisions and my being distant from God when I was younger. My life wouldn't have been so messed up if I had put Him in my heart sooner and made Him number one. We bring things on ourselves and then blame God for not helping us. But He was there all along just waiting for me to invite Him to be my guiding light.

So the encouragement I want to give you today is asking yourself who or what you are being comforted by. And how is that working out for you? When I can't sleep, I have a favorite verse that I repeat over and over:

"Do not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold onto you with my righteous hand."

That is what gets me through the night. I completely trust that Bible verse and I believe God cannot lie. He must fulfill His promise to me every time I cry out to Him. 

What mountain in your life could be moved by spending time with God and filling that empty space in your heart with the only thing that really fits there? Faith has more power than anything you try to replace it with. But you will never experience the power unless you give in to it and give God the time and attention He deserves. 

4 Doors You May Have Opened to Demons

This video explains something I have said in past posts about opening doors to demonic activity in your life. Some things that people do will make them vulnerable to demonic attack. Yes, even born-again believers can be influenced by the deception, torment, temptation and harassment of evil spirits.

Here are the four major areas of vulnerability that will make you more susceptible to demonic attack:

Your Connections- 

Bad company corrupts good character. Sometimes we must engage with unbelievers, but we don't have to be influenced by them. A Christian should always be a positive influence on a non-believer and not the other way around. Is someone you spend time with leading you to do and say things that are not godly? Listening to worldly people will program the way you think.

Your eyes and ears-

What you look at and listen to affects your mind and emotions. Some music has evil lyrics. Violent or sexual and disturbing images will affect your mind in a negative way. Be careful what you set before your eyes and ears. 

Your Mouth-

The way you speak affects the way you think and feel. Let no unwholesome speech come out of your mouth is what the Bible tells us. What comes out of your mouth matters and so does what you put into your mouth. Drunkedness, gluttony, drugs and other substances can invite demonic activity. What you consume can affect the way you think and feel and make you vulnerable. 

States of Being-

Fear, anger, exhaustion, hunger and confusion are examples of states of being that can also make you vulnerable. When you find yourself in a negative state of being, you should go to a place of worship to escape from it. That place could be your own bedroom, not necessarily a church. 

David stresses in the video that anger is not a sin. The Bible says, be angry and sin not. There is a distinction between sin and anger. It is possible to be angry without sinning. But what you do in that anger can become sin. So be careful when you are feeling angry. 

Unforgiveness is also a state of being that you must watch out for. It is possible to forgive someone yet choose to break contact with the person because your trust has been broken. Our culture has a liberal mind-set that teaches we must be tolerant of everyone and we should never step away from a relationship or cut off contact with anyone. That is not what the Bible teaches. Jesus walked away from people all the time. You do have the right to do the same without feeling guilty. 

Stay away from these four doors and do not open them even a crack. Life is hard enough without inviting the darkness in. Stay in the light of God's word, watch your speech and behavior, and pray away any dark influence on your life and the lives of others. 

How to Respond to Toxic People (God's Way) + LIVE Q&A

Toxic people are all around us-- at work, at church, in the places we go to relax, and among our friends and families. No one gets through life without saying, "Something is seriously off with her." 

Toxic people have a way of bringing out the worst in us, and eventually you will reach a point where you can't take anymore. 

Lies, manipulation, hostility, and gaslighting are the tactics of toxic people. They will always deflect any responsibility for their bad behavior onto you, in order to make you look like the problem. Toxic people are self-centered, insecure, and spiritually immature. They are hurting people who relieve their hurt by putting it on you. 

This excellent video offers biblical ways to manage your reactions to toxic people. The truth is that they don't care about you in any way. They don't care what you think or if you get hurt. If something about you does not line up with their motive or narrative, then a toxic person sees you as the enemy. And nothing you say or do can change their attitude. 

When someone has a proven track record of being hostile, self-centered, unreliable, manipulative, vindictive, controlling and defensive, you would be wise to consider the source when dealing with a toxic person. They will never see your side of any situation or care about your perspective. Their own wants and needs are the only thing that matters to them. 

When dealing with a toxic person, the battle does not belong to you. You are actually fighting against a demonic stronghold that has taken root within a person's heart. So let God deal with them. Know your triggers ahead of time, because a toxic person is a master at pushing your buttons. They will influence something that is already inside of you--a past hurt, a fear or an insecurity. 

Ask God to help you deal with any toxic person that you are forced to associate with. Allow moments of silence when you must talk to this person. Jesus said nothing to toxic people many times in the Bible. You might need to disconnect with a toxic person because they are negatively affecting you and infecting you. 

I have dealt with toxic people many times in my life. I wish that I had listened to this video forty years ago, but such things were not available then. Take the time to watch this. It greatly helped me. I feel better equipped to handle the next toxic person that walks into my path. I know more are coming.

How to Make Tough Decisions | Live Changed Podcast 009

I recently said that knowing which direction God wants me to take is confusing at times. Then today I came across this video.

How do we make tough decisions in life? How do we navigate 
God's guidance in those decisions? This video offers valuable advice on a topic that we all deal with. 

Life brings tough decisions in our relationships, finances, job, and location. Do you seek advice from people you trust--people who have had similar experiences and learned from it? 

Do you take the decision to God in prayer and wait for an answer. It's very easy to confuse God's will with your own will. God doesn't verbally speak to us, so how do we know what He is telling us? 

First we should look in the scriptures for any advice that speaks to our particular situation. Then we can seek godly council from other Christians who've had to make similar decisions. Holy Spirit speaks through community, through his body, the church. He also speaks through a prompting in your spirit. Do you have a personal conviction about this?

The decisions we make in life can bring prosperity. But a bad decision can be devastating to ourselves and our families. But God has a perfect will for our lives. And when we seek Him in prayer, He will let us know when we are stepping out of His will. And He will give us confirmation that we are aligned with His will.  

Come in at 4 minutes to skip the chit-chat intro.

THE DANGER WE IGNORE AS WE OPEN THE DOOR

Spiritual warfare is the fight to believe God's truths over the enemies lies. When you experience a cycle of negative thinking that plays over and over again in your mind, you are in spiritual bondage, which is also known as a demonic stronghold. And when you are spiritually bound, you are not living the Christian life. 

Many people believe that Christians cannot be attacked by evil spirits. Although the Bible is filled with examples of how evil spirits can affect people, many refuse to believe that these demonic powers operate today, and they refuse to believe that a Christian can be affected by them. 

The truth is that the demonic realm can and does attack Christians, and this is done through deception. You will not find a single scripture in the Bible that disproves what I am saying. You will actually find much scripture that supports what I'm saying. Christians have not been taught the truth during all those years they sat in church. 

An evil spirit will look for ways that you are most vulnerable to deception. Once you start to believe a lie from the enemy, then you are hooked. The enemy will use your negative circumstances to endorse his lies. 

Ninety-nine percent of demonic strongholds can be broken by knowing and believing the word of God. When you know God's word,  then the lies you are believing will be exposed. Then you can break the stronghold by transforming your mind. 

In this video, David Hernandez offers part one of a seminar on spiritual warfare. He defines what a demonic stronghold is. He talks about the ways that we open doors to the enemy and how these open doors wreak havoc in our lives. 

"When you participate in wicked things, you are doing things to your mind that you do not realize," Hernandez says. 

Is there a person in your life that has become a bad influence on you? 

1 Corinthians 15:33 tells us that bad company corrupts good character. When we conform to the bad habits of those we associate  with, we give the enemy an open door to operate in our lives. 

Are you allowing the things you look at to affect your mind?  Visualization is one of the most powerful forms of thought. The images you allow before your eyes can be imprinted on your mind.  Then the enemy takes sinful or distracting visuals and brings them to your memory when you are at a weak point. 

I have experienced demonic strongholds in my own life. This is why I am so passionate about sharing any good teaching on the subject. The chances are very good that you or someone you know will at some point be affected by a demonic stronghold. 

You would be very wise to learn all you can about this subject so you know how to recognize it and deal with it victoriously. You do have the spiritual authority to overcome any demonic attack. That authority was given to you by Jesus. 

"I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy." 

-Luke 10:19

That is Jesus talking. He said this before He ascended into Heaven. Why would Jesus tell us this if the demonic realm was of no threat to us?

Snakes and scorpions are representative of the dark demonic powers that seek to destroy you. If you don't know what you are dealing with, you cannot fight back. And that's the way the devil likes it. 

SILENCE DOESN'T FIX ANYTHING

By Danelle Carvell

                                      

Sometimes we need isolation and silence. And sometimes we don't 

 Sometimes it's very difficult to know what God wants you to do. We can pray for guidance, but figuring out which way he wants us to go is confusing at times. I have found myself confused lately by the direction God wants me to take. 

Yesterday was the first I posted anything since April. I believed that God was leading me into a time of rest in preparation for something bigger. I kept hearing confirmation that I should just rest from my blog posts and focus on prayer and reading His word.

Then yesterday I looked at my blog stats and saw that 10,000 people had viewed my posts within this month alone. That amount of page views in a couple weeks has never happened. I was shocked and didn't know what to do with this new turnaround.

My last attempt to post something on this blog back in April was stopped by a complete disappearance of all my hard work on the topic of people who claim that they've been to Heaven. I was fascinated by the similarities in their stories and I had spent hours on the piece before it disappeared from my screen. I took that as a final confirmation that I was supposed to step away from my keyboard. 

Today in my prayer devotional I read an entry titled, "The Power of Voice." It was today's reading in the  monthly devotional, Our Daily Bread. 

"We all possess the capacity to use our voice to inspire and help others," is what I read today. I was encouraged to trust God by saying and doing whatever He commands. And when I ask God how He wants to use me, He will equip me to carry out His purpose. And with His help, I can boldly use my voice to make a positive impact on those around me. 

So I guess I'm back from my time of rest. And from now on, I will be asking God what He wants me to say instead of deciding for myself what the next topic will be. I am constantly learning how I am supposed to follow Him. Maybe my time away from blogging was set aside for me as a time of learning. 

I have been learning about controlling my tongue. I have been learning to pray before confronting a situation. I have been learning about how wrong it is to make a judgment about a person or situation before knowing all the details. I have been learning about allowing people to have emotions and how sometimes people react to things because of a past hurt that resurfaced in that moment. 

I have been learning about the importance of communication, because if I don't communicate, then people don't understand my thinking in a situation. They don't understand why I responded that way. They don't understand why I was confused about something. They don't understand why a certain comment hit me so hard. They don't understand why a certain situation shook me to my core. 

Every experience I have ever had in life is walking around with me every day because I have memories. You have those same memories that influence the way you respond to people and situations. This is why we need to share what we are thinking when a problem arises. 

People who don't share their thinking during a conflict run the risk of being misunderstood. They run the risk of appearing cold and uncaring. They run the risk of a damaged relationship that could have easily been restored by communication. 

Words have so much power. And sometimes we fail to use our words to influence those around us for the better. We need to rely on God's strength and wisdom to speak up. Ask Him to put the right words into your mouth. Ask Him what to say in order to defuse a situation that has become stressful. 

God reminded me today that He wants me to use my voice to bring about positive change. What can you say today that could bring about a positive change in a broken relationship? What words could you say that would remove the tension from a stressful situation? 

The power of voice is the power of encouragement, inspiration, and restoration. The Bible tells us that death and life are in the power of our words. So speak life. Silence doesn't fix anything. 

LIFE MOVES BY YOUR THOUGHTS

Our lives always move in the direction of our strongest thoughts. This short video will help you to identify the negative thought patterns that play over and over in your head. We all have these negative thought loops of cynicism, negativity, absolute-ism, or victimhood. 

Our thoughts determine how we see ourselves and how we navigate our daily lives. A negative thought pattern can cause much damage if we don't learn how to move past it. God can change our thinking, but first we must make an effort to identify the problem and  then train ourselves to think differently. 

LCBC is our new church. We attended for the first time today in Elizabethville, PA. The church is located across the parking lot from McDonald's. I have never received such a warm welcome from any church, ever. People don't just say, Hello and walk away. They spend time getting to know you. 

Today's sermon was not the topic above, but it was equally as good. And if you miss any sermons, you can catch up on what you missed via You Tube. The sermons at LCBC give you tools to live successfully in your everyday life by teaching scripture you can apply to your daily challenges. This is what people are craving. It's what we desperately need from a church, because the world is becoming so stressful, and we really need help today. 

What are your negative recurring thoughts that replay in your head every day? Mine right now are trust issues. I'm keeping people at a distance because I don't trust them. But I'm learning to change my thought patterns so that I can focus on more positive things. And part of the process for me has been explaining to the people I love why I have been struggling so much lately. 

I want a clean slate. And sometimes you can't have a fresh start until you address the past hurts that you stuffed deep down within yourself. I found the courage to tell my children what I've been through in the past year, because I've learned that when I suffer emotionally, it will eventually affect them. We see each other often and I can't hide my mental and physical stress for long. 

For months, I've been wanting to write about the power of our thought life and how we don't have to be helpless victims of our negative thought loops. This video is better than anything I could have written. We have the power to change the things we think about and in the process we can change the way we see ourselves and the way we see other people and situations. 

Watch the video because we all have negative recurring thoughts and they are affecting your life in a negative way. God wants you to be set free so your joy can be complete. 

SOMEONE I CAN TRUST

By Danelle Carvell

                                                                                               

                                                    

There's a freedom in knowing who you can trust.

                                                                                                        

Trust is a big word. It's so big that only one big person can live up to it. The reason that trust is such a big word is because it has so many requirements. 

In order to trust someone, that person must display a proven and consistent track record of caring for you, protecting you, standing up for you, showing up for you, looking out for you, never betraying you, and always being honest.

Who do you know that has done that for you on a consistent basis? Without intending to offend anyone, I can't think of a single person who has done that for me. And I have not done that consistently for anyone either. 

Trust allows people in your life based on their character and reliability. Trust is having faith in another person and having the confidence in their ability to protect and care for you. We normally do not want to associate with people we do not trust.

So what is it about God that makes Him trustworthy? We only need to look as far as His promises to us in the Bible.

• God will never abandon you or betray you.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them. For the Lord, your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."  Deuteronomy 31:6

God will never betray me. And He will never abandon me. He was always there, even when I didn't feel His presence. My distance from Him was always my own choice. When I felt lost or alone, it was not because God abandoned me, but because I rejected Him. 

The reason why I know that for sure is because I am no longer rejecting Him, and I see the huge difference it has made in my life. The concept of God always being there is not something you could truly understand unless you begin seeking Him daily.

Not a day goes by when I don't feel His presence. He's there each day because I open the door each day. Even God can't walk through a door you choose not to open. People who cry out to God only when they need something might have a hard time finding Him. 

Are you quick to run and help someone who rarely talks to you? Is it easy for you to find your way to a place where you have never been before? Why would you expect God to rescue you when you don't have time for Him until you are desperate and need help?

• God always empathizes with you and understands your pain.

"The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them. He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalms 34:17-18

How many times have you been disappointed because someone that you thought loved you did not care when you got hurt? Maybe they didn't respond to your hurt in the way that you expected. Or maybe they made excuses for the people who hurt you. Maybe they failed to validate your feelings. Maybe they responded in a way that suggested you were the one who was wrong. 

Human empathy has many flaws. But God's empathy is always perfect and always comforting. But in order to feel that comfort, you must spend time with Him. Read His word. Worship Him until the tears flow because you probably need that release. And pray for your heart and mind to be filled with His peace. 

• God always lifts you up and encourages you.

"God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."   1 Peter 5: 5-7

Do you find people to be naturally encouraging? Do you come home from a gathering with stories about how this person encouraged you and that person said such kind words to you? I don't. 

I could put together a list of times when I found people to be discouraging in the past year alone. People are not kind and encouraging by nature. Even those who attend church regularly can have a mean spirit that's obviously displayed in the things they say and do. 

But God will never treat you disrespectfully. Why would He? Do you treat the things that you create with disrespect? 

Before you were born, God knew your name. He knows exactly how many hairs are on your head at every moment. My hair has been thinning since Covid, and I'm sure God noticed that. 

He cares about every detail of your life and He wants to be your source of encouragement in a world that can crush your spirit with its cruelty. No one else can lift you up like God can, so don't depend on anyone else to cheer you on. 

• God never lies and he's always discreet.

"As for God, His way is perfect. The Lord's word is flawless. He shields all who take refuge in Him." Psalm 18:30

One of the fastest ways to destroy someone's trust is to lie. Honesty and trust are impossible to separate. God simply is not capable of lying because His flawless holiness makes any type of sin impossible. 

God also has perfect discretion. He repays everyone fairly. And he gets no pleasure from exposing your mistakes. God has divine discernment about everything you say and do, and He always makes the right call about your behavior. 

Unlike people, God is very good at maintaining silence when your conduct is of a delicate nature. He finds no satisfaction in gossip. You can tell Him anything and know that it will go no further. 

You don't have to worry about God hanging up all your dirty laundry for others to see if you have truly repented of your actions. But he has been known to expose the wrongs of those who refuse to turn from their wicked ways. His justice is always fair. 

• God always offers hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

I find it hard to understand where people get their hope if not from God. What keeps them going? What gives them hope for the future when everything is falling apart? How do they get through even a single day?

I am in the middle of a storm right now. I call it a storm because I choose not to share the details. But although this storm seems to have no resolution, I know that God is working on my behalf. I trust that I will see light break through the clouds at some point and I will again feel warmth in areas where I now feel pounded by hailstones. 

God's desire is that I will prosper, be in good health and be joyful. That does not mean I will not have to pass through some valleys along the way. But I know from experience that God walks with me, and all I need to do is stay close and He will lead me out of every one of life's storms. He has done this again and again. He has a proven track record of being someone I can trust. 

TROUBLING TIMES DESTROY RELATIONSHIPS

 By Danelle Carvell

                                                    

We are living in challenging times that are destroying relationships.

I have days when I feel consumed with troubling thoughts. The same concerns play over and over in my head until I want to take my head off and give myself a break. The real solution to this problem is not taking my head off, but taking my concerns to God in prayer. 

My latest book purchase has been such a blessing to me. I haven't seen anything like it when it comes to prayer books because of the way it is organized according to specific life problems. Today I was drawn to the chapter on relational conflicts. And after saying the prayers, I'm feeling that peace the Bible talks about that awaits those who seek God and spend time in prayer. 

I know that many people right now are having conflicts within their relationships. Life is difficult because of financial pressures and the chaotic things that are happening in our world. Feeling optimistic about the future is challenging when so many things appear to be hopeless. And this tension causes our relationships to suffer. 

But God is the only one who can change people, and this has been a hard lesson for me to learn lately. I can voice my opinion when I sense problems among people, but those problems cannot be resolved by my words. Prayer is the only thing that will bring resolution and restored relationships. 

The first thing I need when a problem arises is the ability to judge that problem correctly. A good starter prayer when you begin to sense a relational conflict is this:

"Help me to see beyond appearances, Lord. Stop me when I start presuming to understand when there may be things I don't see or comprehend. Give me a heart of wisdom to respond rightly and assume the best and not the worst."

The above prayer is on page 143 of Wanda Alger's book, and every prayer I put in quotation marks is also from her book. A clear and true perspective of the problem is important so we know how to pray about it and so we don't falsely assume and wrongly accuse. We should also ask the Lord to expose sins or strongholds in our own life that is blinding us to the truth. 

A second thing you should consider when a conflict arises is any part you might have played in the problem. Sometimes fights and quarrels with people are the result of our own desires that battle within ourselves. We are warned of this in James 4:1 

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?"

And sometimes you might take things the wrong way and harbor offense about an insult that wasn't intended as such. In order to have a clear conscience and cleanse your heart and mind, you should pray for a renewed desire to walk in purity of heart and integrity towards others:

"Holy Spirit, show me if there is anything in my own heart that is causing offense or bitterness... I repent of any jealousy and covetousness that is stirring up my frustration...I choose to walk in the spirit and not according to my flesh."

Once you have reached the point where you know the problem is exactly as it appears and it has not been caused by anything within yourself, then you are free to express your concerns. But even here you need to be very careful, because this is where most people really mess up in my opinion. This is where I mess up myself.

When someone pushes my buttons, my first instinct is not to offer a soft, gentle answer as I smile and graciously suggest a peaceful resolution. I don't know anyone who does that, but that is what I should strive for:

"Give me the right words to say to diffuse any anger and hostility in this conflict. May we seek peace in resolving the issues and relate in a way that invites your presence and power, bringing us through in unity." 

When we feel attacked, words like patience, kindness and self-control are far from our minds. We want to prove our point and defend ourselves. We want to list the wrongs that were done to us and tell all our friends about it. We don't want to respect the thoughts and ideas of our offenders, and we don't care about their perspective on what happened. 

Proverbs 16:7 says, When the Lord takes pleasure in anyone's ways, He causes their enemies to make peace with them. 

I should strive to respond to conflict in a way that is pleasing to God, so that even those who oppose me will desire peace. God understands righteous anger. Even Jesus displayed anger. But we can't stay angry. And we have to be good listeners, willing to hear the other side before interrupting them and shutting them down. 

If ever there is a time for unconditional love, it is when you are at the receiving end of being torn apart by people:

"Keep me close to your heart so that I will act with love, compassion and forbearance. Especially for those who attack me, may your favor and blessing rest upon me with such power and protection, it stops the attacks and dissolves the conflict altogether." 

So after we have expressed our hurts and patiently listened to the offender's side of the conflict, what is the next step? This is where we need to maintain the right attitude because conflicts can take time to be resolved and sometimes they are not resolved. We must walk through the conflict with a right heart and a right spirit toward those we disagreed with. 

Ephesians 4:31 is a good scripture to focus on, and the prayer in Alger's book is this:

Lord, forgive me for any bitterness or anger against my brother or sister. I choose to forgive them for any offense and release them to you. I know you will honor my obedience and intervene on my behalf. Show me how to move forward with kindness and compassion so that you can resolve our conflicts in a godly way."

Sometimes we want to prove our point and defend our case more than we want to bring resolution. "We should strive to respond to conflict in a way that closes the door to the enemy and opens the way for God to bring clarity out of the chaos," Alger said. And sometimes the best way to do that is to walk away:

"Show me if and when it is time to walk away from a disagreement in order to maintain peace." 

For those who feel the need to seek advice about relational conflicts as they are waiting for a resolution, the Bible offers much wisdom. We can share our disputes with others if those people love the Lord:

"Father, help me to take my issues with another brother or sister to proper spiritual insight. I desire to seek your counsel and the wisdom from fellow believers first and foremost. Guide my pastors and church leaders in helping me resolve the issues so we can invite the power of your spirit to bring peace and unity."

We cannot be totally clean before God if we are in conflict with someone else. We should pray for a heart that seeks peace more than retribution. We should pray for help in going directly to those who have hurt us when that is possible. And we should pray that everyone involved will have a heart of compassion towards one another and pursue peace and restoration for the sake of all. 

I find myself lately needing to clean up my act and get closer to God, and it's hard for me to remember that I can't force others to do the same. I need to refrain from lecturing and let God work on them. But I know there are times when God chooses to speak through me in order to guide others in His direction. I can only pray for the wisdom to discern when to keep my mouth shut and when to speak.

Only God can change a heart. And that is why we pray for changed hearts and restored relationships. And as we are obedient, He is faithful to exalt us. 

"Lord, Remind me that my prayers will be hindered if my heart harbors resentment or unforgiveness towards another...Remind me of the blessings that come from resolving conflicts your way."