I overhear the conversations of teenage girls quite often as my daughter walks around the house with a laptop in her hands while she's video chatting with her friends. Recently a friend my daughter was chatting with casually said, "I think I'm ugly." I wasn't supposed to hear it, and I learned later that this same girl also thinks she's fat. In my eyes, she looks almost too thin. And I don't see anything ugly about her. She's a beautiful girl.
How do girls develop such a twisted image of themselves? They are so insecure and uncertain about themselves even when they have everything going for them. This happens when they look in the wrong place for validation of their worth. Instead of looking to God, they look to a culture that is obsessed with perfect images of the female form. They compare themselves to others and conclude that they don't measure up. Every mother should be aware of this epidemic of insecurity and self-loathing among teenage girls. Lisa Terkeurst has written a book about this exact problem. You can read about it on her blog by clicking the link below.
http://lysaterkeurst.com/2012/02/am-i-ugly/
Showing posts with label MOTHERHOOD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MOTHERHOOD. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE
"The will of the Lord is for me to delight in, to embrace where He has me right now. When I doubt that, I am walking foolishly. I’m mocking his plan."
http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/2012/01/the-heavenly-work-before-me.html
http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/2012/01/the-heavenly-work-before-me.html
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Domestic Felicity: Is this me?
Domestic Felicity: Is this me?: It's very early in the morning, and I'm finding it difficult to unglue my eyes. Little children are already whining, clamoring for breakfast...
Sunday, May 8, 2011
MOMS SHOULD STICK TOGETHER
Our achievement-oriented culture is a hostile environment for mothers. Working mothers are criticized for putting career before children and stay-at-home mothers are criticized for wasting their talents at home and not having an income. The hostility worsens when mothers take sides against each other.
I remember the stess I felt working as a teacher's aide. I had less patience because I had spent all day with kids and coming home to my own wasn't something I looked forward to. I was exhausted. My daughter was constantly telling me that I wasn't listening. She had to repeat things because I had zoned out. My brain couldn't take any more in. I had spent most of my day and all of my energy being there for other people's children and had nothing left to give my own. I felt robbed. My daughter was robbed too. All she got was leftovers.
Which is worse? Being a stay-at-home mom who gets no respect in an achievement-oriented culture or being a working mom who can't be everything to everyone? Both choices are stressful. And no matter which role a woman chooses, she deserves respect, especially from other women.
Women should be helping each other, not condemning each other. Working mothers should applaud stay-at-home moms. Many of them are watching their children. And stay-at-home moms should have compassion for working moms. As mothers, we share a common bond, and for the sake of our children, we should support one another.
When women help each other, they ease one another's daily frustrations. Whether at home or at work, mothers should stick together because our children need us. Working mothers and stay-at-home mothers have forgotten how much they have in common. Mothers are mothers no matter where they spend their days. Happy Mothers Day to all moms. Paycheck or not, you have the most important job in the world.
I remember the stess I felt working as a teacher's aide. I had less patience because I had spent all day with kids and coming home to my own wasn't something I looked forward to. I was exhausted. My daughter was constantly telling me that I wasn't listening. She had to repeat things because I had zoned out. My brain couldn't take any more in. I had spent most of my day and all of my energy being there for other people's children and had nothing left to give my own. I felt robbed. My daughter was robbed too. All she got was leftovers.
Which is worse? Being a stay-at-home mom who gets no respect in an achievement-oriented culture or being a working mom who can't be everything to everyone? Both choices are stressful. And no matter which role a woman chooses, she deserves respect, especially from other women.
Women should be helping each other, not condemning each other. Working mothers should applaud stay-at-home moms. Many of them are watching their children. And stay-at-home moms should have compassion for working moms. As mothers, we share a common bond, and for the sake of our children, we should support one another.
When women help each other, they ease one another's daily frustrations. Whether at home or at work, mothers should stick together because our children need us. Working mothers and stay-at-home mothers have forgotten how much they have in common. Mothers are mothers no matter where they spend their days. Happy Mothers Day to all moms. Paycheck or not, you have the most important job in the world.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
GIFTS FROM GOD
Today at the supermarket I almost lost my cool. The woman behind me at the checkout had a little boy with her. As she unloaded her groceries, she pointed to a spot on the floor and said, "Stand right there!" The little guy didn't budge. So she yanked him toward the designated spot and proceeded to lecture him for not following orders. She babbled for an entire minute, threatening to deny him everything from an afternoon at the park to his favorite candy on the way home. She was loud about it too. I think she wanted the whole store to know who's boss.
I believe in discipline, and I've used the "No candy if you don't listen" bribe myself. But this woman was enjoying this too much, as if yelling at her child made her feel important. When she finished her lecture, the little fellow had the saddest look on his face, and it took all the restraint I had not to walk over to him and give him a hug. I hope that mother did give her son a hug when she got home with her groceries. I hope she held him tight and told him she's having a bad day and she's sorry that she took it out on him.
But more than likely, that didn't happen. That child will probably see many more days like today. And he'll spend his life longing for any indication that he's worthy of loving. The bible says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. That woman spewed death all over that little boy's spirit. Children were not put on this earth to be verbal or physical punching bags for their stressed-out parents. Children are gifts from God. Nothing makes me more emotional than child abuse. Those who hurt children will one day see the wrath of God.
I believe in discipline, and I've used the "No candy if you don't listen" bribe myself. But this woman was enjoying this too much, as if yelling at her child made her feel important. When she finished her lecture, the little fellow had the saddest look on his face, and it took all the restraint I had not to walk over to him and give him a hug. I hope that mother did give her son a hug when she got home with her groceries. I hope she held him tight and told him she's having a bad day and she's sorry that she took it out on him.
But more than likely, that didn't happen. That child will probably see many more days like today. And he'll spend his life longing for any indication that he's worthy of loving. The bible says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. That woman spewed death all over that little boy's spirit. Children were not put on this earth to be verbal or physical punching bags for their stressed-out parents. Children are gifts from God. Nothing makes me more emotional than child abuse. Those who hurt children will one day see the wrath of God.
Monday, March 7, 2011
A MOTHER'S LEGACY
By Danelle Carvell
Mothers must prepare their daughters for life and marriage because no one else will. What school offers classes on that subject? In the seventies, I learned how to sew a pillow and bake a crumb cake in home economics class, but I learned nothing about choosing a husband, being a good wife, or maintaining a marriage. Yet these were the skills I needed most to learn. I can live without crumb cake.
Mothers must prepare their daughters for life and marriage because no one else will. What school offers classes on that subject? In the seventies, I learned how to sew a pillow and bake a crumb cake in home economics class, but I learned nothing about choosing a husband, being a good wife, or maintaining a marriage. Yet these were the skills I needed most to learn. I can live without crumb cake.
A woman might spend an entire year planning her wedding but invest no time preparing for marriage. Today, couples get married without planning a simple budget. How will their money be spent? Will they have a joint checking account or keep separate accounts? How much will they put toward savings and retirement? And what about credit cards? Will they use them freely or set a spending limit? Money is possibly the number one topic couples argue about.
Another topic of conflict is housework. How will they divide household chores? Who will cook, clean, and shop for groceries? These tasks are no longer a woman's work since women work outside the home. Yet some men still consider household chores a wife's duty. Imagine her surprise when he refuses to help at home. Imagine the arguments.
Then when the couple become parents, more issues pop up to argue about. How will they discipline their children? Will the wife go back to work after baby or be a stay-at-home mom? What time should children be in bed? Should they fall asleep in front of the TV or should TV time be limited? One by one, questions like these surface in every marriage and they turn into arguments that drive couples apart. What should have been discussed before the wedding becomes a series of verbal battles that can turn the most loving couple into silent enemies.
I hope my daughter won't make the same mistakes I did. I hope she'll have a plan for raising her children, a plan that she'll discuss with her partner before the wedding. I hope she'll know how her future husband feels about housework before she marries him. I want her to know how all the household chores will be divided before the wedding.
When my daughter walks down the aisle I want her to be confident that her marriage will hold few surprises. I hope they'll decide beforehand how their finances will be handled. Almost everything that could turn into an argument will have been discussed beforehand. That's my wedding wish for her.
No mother wants her daughter to suffer, not physically, not emotionally. But when your daughter makes bad choices, she will suffer. Therefore, mothers must share with their daughters all that they've learned about men, marriage, and raising children so they're prepared and they don't have to struggle through it all.
Every mother can guide her daughter away from life’s heartaches. Looking back on the choices I’ve made, I see the good that can come from my suffering. My daughter can learn from my mistakes. I walked ahead of her and now I must turn around and share what I learned. I must warn her about the paths that lead to pain and make her understand the power she has to bring misery or joy to her life just by the decisions she makes.
Life is about choices. People say that all the time. My choices have led me where I am today. They’ve molded me into the person I am. I like where I am and who I am, but I’ve made decisions that brought me great heartache. Yes, I would change some of my decisions if possible. And the things I would change are the things I want my daughter to know. She can use my lessons as a guide when she ventures out into this great big world full of so many choices.
Friday, March 4, 2011
FILLING THE WORLD WITH STARS
By Danelle Carvell
Of all the jobs I've had, nothing compares to the role of mother. And considering that motherhood is a job that comes with no training, I think I've done okay. There were some rough spots. There were days when I didn't feel like a good mom because I was running low on patience. I have memories of stressful moments that I wish I would have handled better. Every parent has those moments.
But when my son gives me a card that says, "I'm glad you cared enough to bring me up the way you did," and when my daughter spends hours making me a mother's day gift, then I'm reminded that I am a good mom because my children know they're loved. I've made mistakes as a mother, but I never failed to show love to my children. I was always there, helping and encouraging.
Motherhood is a woman's greatest role. Not everyone would agree with that statement. Feminists who write books that bash stay-at-home moms would likely say that a career is what women need. But ask any mother who has a successful career what gives her the greatest satisfaction. Her answer won't be in her briefcase. It's the child she longs for or the baby she holds in her arms.
In over twenty years as a mom, I've learned a lot about motherhood. I've learned that children want two things more than anything: time and attention. Many mothers today are too distracted by work and other responsibilities to give their children what they crave most. They don't listen to their kids, so they don't know what's going on in their hearts and minds.
God expects mothers to be involved in their children's lives through communication and listening. He expects a mother to turn off the vacum cleaner, put away the work she brought home, and talk to her children then listen to the response. A good mother guides her child's heart. She doesn't sit back and let the world be her child's teacher.
I've also learned the importance of a hug. "Neglecting to meaningfully touch your children starves them of genuine acceptance so much that it can drive them into the arms of someone who is all too willing to touch them." Those wise words are from the book, The Blessing. That book is like a parent's bible. It also tells parents they have the power to build up or tear down their children by the words they speak. Loving words of acceptance and encouragement make a child feel valued. And picturing a special future for your children gives them a positive direction to strive for. It fills them with hope and brings out the best in them.
Motherhood is a woman's greatest role because no other job prepares a person for life. No other job builds a child's character and personality. Children are a reflection of their parent's values. They can't help but become what they are taught.
A mother is a teacher, a nurturer and an encourager. And when her job is done, she won't get a retirement party or a pension. She'll get a child who has become an adult. There will be one more bright light in the world because of a mother who cared. Mothers fill the world with stars. What role is more important than that?
Of all the jobs I've had, nothing compares to the role of mother. And considering that motherhood is a job that comes with no training, I think I've done okay. There were some rough spots. There were days when I didn't feel like a good mom because I was running low on patience. I have memories of stressful moments that I wish I would have handled better. Every parent has those moments.
But when my son gives me a card that says, "I'm glad you cared enough to bring me up the way you did," and when my daughter spends hours making me a mother's day gift, then I'm reminded that I am a good mom because my children know they're loved. I've made mistakes as a mother, but I never failed to show love to my children. I was always there, helping and encouraging.
Motherhood is a woman's greatest role. Not everyone would agree with that statement. Feminists who write books that bash stay-at-home moms would likely say that a career is what women need. But ask any mother who has a successful career what gives her the greatest satisfaction. Her answer won't be in her briefcase. It's the child she longs for or the baby she holds in her arms.
In over twenty years as a mom, I've learned a lot about motherhood. I've learned that children want two things more than anything: time and attention. Many mothers today are too distracted by work and other responsibilities to give their children what they crave most. They don't listen to their kids, so they don't know what's going on in their hearts and minds.
God expects mothers to be involved in their children's lives through communication and listening. He expects a mother to turn off the vacum cleaner, put away the work she brought home, and talk to her children then listen to the response. A good mother guides her child's heart. She doesn't sit back and let the world be her child's teacher.
I've also learned the importance of a hug. "Neglecting to meaningfully touch your children starves them of genuine acceptance so much that it can drive them into the arms of someone who is all too willing to touch them." Those wise words are from the book, The Blessing. That book is like a parent's bible. It also tells parents they have the power to build up or tear down their children by the words they speak. Loving words of acceptance and encouragement make a child feel valued. And picturing a special future for your children gives them a positive direction to strive for. It fills them with hope and brings out the best in them.
Motherhood is a woman's greatest role because no other job prepares a person for life. No other job builds a child's character and personality. Children are a reflection of their parent's values. They can't help but become what they are taught.
A mother is a teacher, a nurturer and an encourager. And when her job is done, she won't get a retirement party or a pension. She'll get a child who has become an adult. There will be one more bright light in the world because of a mother who cared. Mothers fill the world with stars. What role is more important than that?
Thursday, July 1, 2010
WHY WE CAN'T LIVE SIMPLY ANYMORE
http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/feminism-related-issues/young-moms-work-for-free/
By Danelle Carvell
I often say that I was born in the wrong era. The 1940's and 50's seemed a simpler more pleasant time to be alive. I was born in the sixties, so I didn't get to experience those decades, but I do love to watch TV shows and movies that portray that time in history. Even the 1930's, a decade associated with The Great Depression, seems a time that I would enjoy more than the rushed and complicated lifestyle of 2010.
The older I get, the more I want to embrace simplicity. I find myself throwing things out and ridding myself of clutter. I'm more satisfied with a simple wardrobe, simple furniture, and simple ways of decorating my home. I'm learning that if I keep those things simple, I'll have more time for the people in my life. Maybe the reason those early decades seem so appealing is because people who lived in the 40's and 50's had fewer distractions that kept them from focusing on what's important--God and family.
Ask someone what the most important part of life is and you'll probably get answers like God, family, friends, etc. But the same people who give those answers often live lives that don't reflect their values. If they really loved God and family, wouldn't they create a lifestyle that allowed time for those things? Wouldn't they set selfishness and materialism aside and choose a simple way of life that gives them everything they need without unnecessary stress and financial pressure?
We seem to have lost our ability to live simply. Even newlyweds aren't satisfied with a simple home anymore. They choose opulent homes that require two incomes to maintain. Then when the children come, Mom is forced to look for replacement care for her children. She must go to work to help pay for the big house. Perhaps if she and her husband had chosen a simpler way of life, she could stay at home and be a mom instead of a breadwinner. Materialism pushes God and family from our lives.
In a post feminist era, my opinion isn't always popular. Yet I know examples of women who wouldn't have to work yet they choose a career over caring for their children. They try being home with baby for a while and then decide that it's not for them. They can't handle the mundane tasks and the unglamorous role of being stuck at home with their own children. Selfishness pushes God and family from our lives.
Materialism and selfishness are two distractions that weren't so prevalent among women in the early decades of the 1900's. Those women were more satisfied with simple things--a simple home, a simple lifestyle, and simply being a mom. Then along came the feminist movement to convince women that they deserve more than a mundane life of motherhood. Feminists convinced women to forget what's at home and make a mark on the world. They told us we need to control our environment and control our marketability so we can be independent. The feminist movement led women out of their homes, away from their children and into the workplace. Feminism pushes God and family from our lives.
I'm not saying that no woman should work outside the home. I'm saying that the highest calling for a wife is to be a helpmate to her husband, and the highest calling for a mother is to care for her children. I know there are innocent examples of women who have no choice but to leave their children in day care so they can go to work and make money. But there are also examples of young mothers who work due to their own selfishness, materialism and feminist beliefs. They're not satisfied with a simple life of marriage and motherhood even when their husbands encourage them to stay home.
Today, women feel a tremendous amount of pressure to justify being at home for their families. "How can you afford to stay at home and not work?" is a question people boldly ask. But no woman has to justify filling the role God created her to fill as a wife or mother. She doesn't have to justify that to anyone, not even in a bad economy. If a husband or family chooses for a wife or mother to be at home instead of the workplace, and if they're not living above the financial means of one income, then I believe God will bless that decision. They don't need society's blessings.
Husbands might be surprised at how little money their working wives are actually making when they have children in daycare. The link at the top of this page tells a story about the frustrations of young working mothers. Be sure to check it out and read the comments underneath. It's a story that many women are living out each day. In the book 1/2 Price Living, one couple named Suzie and Ben discovered that by working full time with one child in daycare, Suzie was only making seventeen dollars a month.
"The main culprit for the financial failure of a second income is a tax system that savagely penalizes second incomes," the book claims. A higher tax bracket, the cost of gas and wear and tear on her vehicle, the cost of daycare, buying lunch at work, spending more on a professional appearance (wardrobe, manicures, hairstyles), spending money on convenience food because she has no time to cook, spending money on guilt gifts because she can't give her children enough time, and just spending money unnecessarily because she has extra money.
All the above things must be subtracted from her income to discover her true income. Some working moms who think they're making 15 dollars an hour are actually making less than five dollars an hour. They don't realize that they could stay home and save that much from their husband's income and be no worse off. I save eighty to one hundred dollars a week just by clipping coupons and searching for bargains. That's like earning eighty dollars a week. I also find other ways to make and save money at home and I see no difference in our standard of living compared to when I was working full time outside the home. It's a simple answer, but who sits down and does the math?
I guess we can't do anything simply. We can't even simply drive. We have to be chatting on a cell phone or texting while driving. I truly can't believe that talking on a phone while driving is even legal. The task takes one hand off the wheel and your mind off the road. I wonder how many lives have been cut short all because someone couldn't wait to make or receive a phone call. Driving is serious business. One wrong move could kill someone. And all it takes is a second to make that wrong move. Is a phone conversation worth the risk of killing someone or being killed?
If we want to simplify our lives, we need to get rid of the distractions that are cluttering our lives. Technology is good, but not when it's so much a part of our lives that we can't focus on daily tasks or give people our full attention. Selfishness, materialism, feminism, and technology are just some of the clutter we've allowed to overtake us. We need to get back to the basics of life: caring for our children, respecting and loving our husbands, and most importantly seeking God for strength. Women have lost their identity in a self-absorbed, materialistic culture polluted with feminist ideas. I don't like the culture I live in, but I don't have to conform to it. I choose to live a life of simplicity:God first, family second, my own self-interests a distant third. That's the life we were meant to live as wives and mothers. And only we can reclaim it.
By Danelle Carvell
I often say that I was born in the wrong era. The 1940's and 50's seemed a simpler more pleasant time to be alive. I was born in the sixties, so I didn't get to experience those decades, but I do love to watch TV shows and movies that portray that time in history. Even the 1930's, a decade associated with The Great Depression, seems a time that I would enjoy more than the rushed and complicated lifestyle of 2010.
The older I get, the more I want to embrace simplicity. I find myself throwing things out and ridding myself of clutter. I'm more satisfied with a simple wardrobe, simple furniture, and simple ways of decorating my home. I'm learning that if I keep those things simple, I'll have more time for the people in my life. Maybe the reason those early decades seem so appealing is because people who lived in the 40's and 50's had fewer distractions that kept them from focusing on what's important--God and family.
Ask someone what the most important part of life is and you'll probably get answers like God, family, friends, etc. But the same people who give those answers often live lives that don't reflect their values. If they really loved God and family, wouldn't they create a lifestyle that allowed time for those things? Wouldn't they set selfishness and materialism aside and choose a simple way of life that gives them everything they need without unnecessary stress and financial pressure?
We seem to have lost our ability to live simply. Even newlyweds aren't satisfied with a simple home anymore. They choose opulent homes that require two incomes to maintain. Then when the children come, Mom is forced to look for replacement care for her children. She must go to work to help pay for the big house. Perhaps if she and her husband had chosen a simpler way of life, she could stay at home and be a mom instead of a breadwinner. Materialism pushes God and family from our lives.
In a post feminist era, my opinion isn't always popular. Yet I know examples of women who wouldn't have to work yet they choose a career over caring for their children. They try being home with baby for a while and then decide that it's not for them. They can't handle the mundane tasks and the unglamorous role of being stuck at home with their own children. Selfishness pushes God and family from our lives.
Materialism and selfishness are two distractions that weren't so prevalent among women in the early decades of the 1900's. Those women were more satisfied with simple things--a simple home, a simple lifestyle, and simply being a mom. Then along came the feminist movement to convince women that they deserve more than a mundane life of motherhood. Feminists convinced women to forget what's at home and make a mark on the world. They told us we need to control our environment and control our marketability so we can be independent. The feminist movement led women out of their homes, away from their children and into the workplace. Feminism pushes God and family from our lives.
I'm not saying that no woman should work outside the home. I'm saying that the highest calling for a wife is to be a helpmate to her husband, and the highest calling for a mother is to care for her children. I know there are innocent examples of women who have no choice but to leave their children in day care so they can go to work and make money. But there are also examples of young mothers who work due to their own selfishness, materialism and feminist beliefs. They're not satisfied with a simple life of marriage and motherhood even when their husbands encourage them to stay home.
Today, women feel a tremendous amount of pressure to justify being at home for their families. "How can you afford to stay at home and not work?" is a question people boldly ask. But no woman has to justify filling the role God created her to fill as a wife or mother. She doesn't have to justify that to anyone, not even in a bad economy. If a husband or family chooses for a wife or mother to be at home instead of the workplace, and if they're not living above the financial means of one income, then I believe God will bless that decision. They don't need society's blessings.
Husbands might be surprised at how little money their working wives are actually making when they have children in daycare. The link at the top of this page tells a story about the frustrations of young working mothers. Be sure to check it out and read the comments underneath. It's a story that many women are living out each day. In the book 1/2 Price Living, one couple named Suzie and Ben discovered that by working full time with one child in daycare, Suzie was only making seventeen dollars a month.
"The main culprit for the financial failure of a second income is a tax system that savagely penalizes second incomes," the book claims. A higher tax bracket, the cost of gas and wear and tear on her vehicle, the cost of daycare, buying lunch at work, spending more on a professional appearance (wardrobe, manicures, hairstyles), spending money on convenience food because she has no time to cook, spending money on guilt gifts because she can't give her children enough time, and just spending money unnecessarily because she has extra money.
All the above things must be subtracted from her income to discover her true income. Some working moms who think they're making 15 dollars an hour are actually making less than five dollars an hour. They don't realize that they could stay home and save that much from their husband's income and be no worse off. I save eighty to one hundred dollars a week just by clipping coupons and searching for bargains. That's like earning eighty dollars a week. I also find other ways to make and save money at home and I see no difference in our standard of living compared to when I was working full time outside the home. It's a simple answer, but who sits down and does the math?
I guess we can't do anything simply. We can't even simply drive. We have to be chatting on a cell phone or texting while driving. I truly can't believe that talking on a phone while driving is even legal. The task takes one hand off the wheel and your mind off the road. I wonder how many lives have been cut short all because someone couldn't wait to make or receive a phone call. Driving is serious business. One wrong move could kill someone. And all it takes is a second to make that wrong move. Is a phone conversation worth the risk of killing someone or being killed?
If we want to simplify our lives, we need to get rid of the distractions that are cluttering our lives. Technology is good, but not when it's so much a part of our lives that we can't focus on daily tasks or give people our full attention. Selfishness, materialism, feminism, and technology are just some of the clutter we've allowed to overtake us. We need to get back to the basics of life: caring for our children, respecting and loving our husbands, and most importantly seeking God for strength. Women have lost their identity in a self-absorbed, materialistic culture polluted with feminist ideas. I don't like the culture I live in, but I don't have to conform to it. I choose to live a life of simplicity:God first, family second, my own self-interests a distant third. That's the life we were meant to live as wives and mothers. And only we can reclaim it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)