Someone asked recently if I've been doing any writing lately. I told him that I haven't felt inspired to write. Sharing the written word takes a certain strength and I haven't been feeling it...until today. Maybe God is nudging me. God gives us talent not for our own benefit, but for the benefit of others.
I'm a deep thinker. Sometimes I think way too much. I'm also a deep feeler, which means that I'm easily hurt and I hang on to hurts for way too long. I'm also very perceptive to how other people think and feel.
If someone in a room is feeling troubled, I can instantly sense it. I read facial expressions, body language and tone of voice very well. I have a heightened sensitivity to what others think and feel. Some might call it a gift, but at times I wish I could be less perceptive.
Being tuned-in to other people's feelings and emotions can be stressful. I want to fix the problem when someone is hurting. I jump to defend people and that's not always appreciated.
I'm always asking, "How would I feel if that were me on the receiving end of that?" Call it empathy or compassion, whatever it is, I have it.
But it's not something to brag about. People don't become compassionate without suffering a great deal first. I believe God allows suffering so we can become more sensitive to the burdens that others carry.
I would be a completely different person if I had lived a charmed life with few heartaches and no struggles.
Disappointment, heartbreak, adversity and mental stress--these are things that grow a heart. They make us more like Jesus.
I'm not as perfect as Jesus. Sometimes words come out of my mouth that I wish I could suck back in. I'm not always kind. I can sass back when I feel hurt. But I do try to be sensitive to the way my words land in the hearts of others.
Here's the thing: If I dislike someone, I first need to ask myself if my insecurities are causing the dislike or did that person actually do something hurtful to me? For example, if I feel that I lack certain qualities, it's human nature for me to dislike someone who has those qualities in abundance. But is that a reason to dislike someone? Isn't that envy?
I have to keep my insecurities in check so they don't affect the way I treat others. I have to love myself before I can be good at loving others. I have to fix whatever is making me feel that I don't measure up or that I'm not good enough. If I feel that way about myself, then I'm probably imagining that other people feel that about me too.
It's common for women to dislike what they feel threatened by. "She does everything so well that she makes me look bad." Instead of being happy for that girl, we choose to hate her.
I think envy is at the root of most girl fights. And that is an internal problem that can only be fixed by the envy holder. Envy is a very strong emotion that destroys relationships.
I have a saying on my wall by Emily Freeman:" May we be sensitive to the way our words land in the hearts of others. The only thing I would add to that is this: "And may we be sensitive to the things we believe about ourselves so that no insecurity in us kills our love for others.
Someday we will stand before God and give an account for every idle word we spoke here on earth. And that includes texting and instant messaging. Isn't that a sobering thought?
