TWAS THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS...

By Danelle Carvell                                                             

My youngest granddaughter and my daughter 

I've been pondering a Christmas blog post. What to write about? So as I'm waiting for my cookie dough to thaw, I'm here at my keyboard with no idea what's going to come out of me. What would God want me to write about is the question I ask when I don't know what to say. 

I'm sitting at my bedroom window with my laptop, watching the snow fall. Snow is so peaceful. It covers everything with a pure, white blanket, and watching it slowly fall has a tranquilizing effect. 

What else brings peace to our lives? 

Of all times in the year, Christmas should be the most peaceful because of what it represents. Yet, the week leading up to Christmas is often the most hectic week of the year. I have noticed over the years that gift-giving can cause a lot of stress in families. Perhaps that is why some people decide to give it up altogether. 

We can get into arguments about the who, what, when, where and why of giving gifts. The problem arises when not everyone agrees. Some might want to skip the gift exchange completely; others might want to buy for everyone. We all have different ideas about giving gifts and the reason for that is because a gift comes from the heart of the individual. And no one should dictate to others what gift-giving should be. 

I have done this myself, so I'm not pointing fingers. It's very easy to become so stressed by the thought of buying gifts for everyone that you just want to skip it for a year. That has been suggested in my family more than once, and it was fine for those who agreed. But both times it was suggested, not everyone was happy about it. 

Remember, a gift comes from the heart of the individual, so when one person makes a group decision about gifts, that person takes away what was brewing in everyone else's heart about gifts that year. Traditions are important to some people. They don't want Christmas to change. Or maybe they just really enjoy giving gifts. 

To some people, gift-giving is a love language. It's their way of expressing love. Why would anyone want to take away a person's chosen way to express love? The world certainly needs more love. 

Another thing that causes stress is assigned gifts. I was once assigned a gift I couldn't afford and it turned out to be a disaster. I should have said, No. But I fulfilled my duty because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. Ironically, it turned out to be an even greater disappointment than it would have been if I had declined the assignment. 

When something doesn't feel right, that's a good indication that you should question it. The old saying, "When in doubt, don't do it" is a good rule to follow. Always trust your instincts when it comes to gift-giving because your heart knows. No one should ever assign someone a gift. We can make suggestions, but we should never expect someone to complete a gift assignment that was not their own idea. That's just wrong. 

Another major source of stress in families is the where and when of gift giving. This is especially challenging in large families where everyone wants to see their children and grandchildren and everyone wants their share of time. Decisions are often made to make things more convenient for families or to cut down on the amount of traveling. Fitting all the Christmas visits into one day can mean making changes that not everyone likes. 

I have experienced this in my family and I know other families have conflicts over the time and place of family visits at Christmas. Some people don't adapt well to change because they want Christmas to be where and when it always was. When something becomes a Christmas tradition, any kind of change can be a big disappointment. And when a change is made for the sake of having more time somewhere else, it can feel like a rejection. 

Sometimes people just don't show up because of personal conflicts with other family members. Then there are hard feelings when someone who should be there decides not to come because they don't want to deal with the family friction. Having the entire family in one place for hours can lead to something being done or said that causes discord. After a while, it's just easier to stay away.

The list of reasons why this time of year can be stressful is a long one. I didn't really give any answers to the Christmas chaos. I only pointed out the stressors that we deal with. I can say that perhaps we need to focus more on the reason for the season and less on the other stuff. Who we are celebrating deserves more of our time and attention. And maybe when we do that, we can more easily work out the other stuff. 

What brings peace to our lives? One Bible verse comes to mind. "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee." Isaiah 26:3

Wishing you a Joyful, Peaceful Christmas. 

THE POWER OF SELF-FORGIVENESS

By Danelle Carvell

                                                                            

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

One thing we all have in common is that we mess up. You heard the phrase, "We all have skeletons in our closets." People say that because there's much truth to it. I don't know anyone who doesn't have regrets, embarrassing moments, or mistakes in their past that they wish they could do over. 

I'm writing this to encourage you if you are deeply troubled by a past mistake. I have made more than my share of mistakes and I'm not going to go into that because that would be counter-productive to this message. It's a message about the power of forgiving yourself, and when you forgive, that means that you think about it no more. You don't bring it up ever again and you don't think about it. 

If you're not a Christian who has accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you might not understand the grace that we can live under. You might be beating yourself up for a past mistake and feeling a kind of self-hatred for some things you did. But you don't have to live that way. You can be set free.

This is how it works. When I accepted Christ, I became a new person. I was given a new identity. A Christian is never condemned under the judgement of God because she has been washed clean by the atoning death of Jesus at the cross. 

Jesus took all our sins on himself. He put himself in the place of condemnation that we deserved. And God accepts that as payment for our sins. The only thing we have to do is accept what Christ did for us. When we accept Christ, we are declared righteous in God's eyes. And we can have peace in knowing that we will forever live in God's favor. 

If you're a Christian and you continue to beat yourself up for past mistakes, then you are disrespecting what Jesus did for you. We don't need to be oppressed by our own personal failures. We can have rest because the guilt of all our mistakes...past, present and future are repeatedly washed away by that sacrifice that Jesus made for us at the cross. 

Now that doesn't mean that we will not need to apologize or make corrections when we mess up. What it means is that God is not keeping score. When he forgives you, he completely forgets the mistake and he doesn't think about it ever again. That's what true forgiveness is. So you don't need to go around confessing your mistake and feeling bad about it. You can completely forget about it too.

Jesus Christ died so you could be set free from all condemnation.  Romans 8:1 says, "Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." There's nothing sadder than a Christian who feels depressed about her past mistakes. It is such an unnecessary suffering. It's like saying to Jesus, "You died for nothing. I don't accept what you did. I'm going to just live in turmoil and reject what you did for me at the cross."

If this blog entry has struck a nerve in you, then let today be the day that you let go of all your bad feelings and regrets of your past mistakes. If you confessed it to God and accepted Jesus' sacrifice on your behalf, then you need to let it go. Your mistakes are not a part of you and they don't define you as a person. Think about it no more. Jesus set you free. 

WE GET WHAT WE SAY

By Danelle Carvell

                                                                                    

                                                                                    

                                                                                    

Whether talking to yourself or others, what comes out of your mouth is what creates your life.

I don't always take my own advice. I know the consequences of talking negatively. The Bible is filled with warnings about being careful with our words.  But this is a hard lesson to learn for most people because we live in a negative world, and we are all prone to focus on the negative side of life. It's part of our fallen nature.

I told my sister today that I've been feeling like Squidward. If you're not a fan of the Sponge Bob cartoon, I should explain that Squidward is a grouchy Squid who lives under the sea with other entertaining characters. I laugh at his grouchiness, but sometimes I see myself in him and that's not funny. 

Saturday I had a mouse in my bedroom for the second night in a row. As someone who gets very little sleep on a regular basis, this was not a pleasant thing. I've watched how mice can crawl up fabric and up walls and I imagined this mouse crawling up my bed skirts and bunking with me for the night. The next morning I dumped a carton of eggs on the floor as I was preparing to go to my sister's house for a cookie and craft day. 

When I got the egg mess cleaned up, I snapped and decided to just go back to bed. Lately I feel like every time I want to do something fun, something happens to discourage me or exhaust me. There's a heaviness on everyone right now it seems. I hear people talking about problems at work, among families, and personal struggles that are wearing people down to the point of despair and depression. When this happens, it is so easy to become a negative talker and I often fall right into the trap. Before I know it, I'm complaining about everything and everyone.

I know that God hates grumbling and complaining. And I feel guilty every time I do it. As a Christian, I'm not supposed to blend in with this negative world, and I shouldn't be controlled by negative emotions. The first step toward changing this bad habit is admitting that I do it. With step one behind me, I must try harder to focus on the things I say and force my mouth to be a projector of life, not death. 

The Bible warns that death and life are in the power of the tongue. Most people are clueless to the amount of death they speak over themselves and others on a daily basis. The night I was kept awake by a mouse, I recall saying that I was going to go insane if I didn't get some sleep. I actually cursed myself by saying that. My words can create life or death. What I should have said was, "God will protect me from the mouse and he will help me sleep." 

I did finally fall asleep after I calmed down and prayed for that mouse to stay away from me. I put in some earplugs and trusted in God's goodness as I waited for sleep to come. I got 2 1/2 hours sleep that night, which is pretty typical for me. It's better than zero. 

It's not easy to take every negative thought captive and turn it into a positive thought. It's not easy to train ourselves to speak positive life-giving words in every situation. I'm sixty and I still haven't mastered it. But I do know how important it is to my mental and physical health to speak healing words upon myself. 

When I say nothing good ever happens to me, I set that exact thing in motion. When I call myself poor or tired, then that's exactly what I will stay. As long as I speak negative curses over myself, I will never break free from an exhausted mind and a body full of pain and afflictions. 

The ultimate example of how we should respond under persecution is Jesus. He faced crowds demanding his death, betrayal and abandonment by people he trusted, beatings and whippings, and the horrible pain of being crucified with metal spikes on a wooden cross. Yet, at the height of His pain, He didn't lash out. He didn't swear, complain or curse anyone. He kept his emotions and his tongue under control. And He spoke life into the situation when he pleaded with the Father, "Forgive them, for they do not know what they do." (Luke 23:34)

I pray that I will remember that example and become better at speaking life and using the power of my words to make things better and not worse. There's more than enough negativity in the world. I shouldn't be adding to it. God expects more from His children. 

GETTING MY JOY BACK

 By Danelle Carvell

                                                

                                                                            

Sometimes a smile is hard to manage. But there's always a way out of your funk

..
                                    

I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling like I need a one-way-ticket to anywhere but here. The past two-and- a-half years have been difficult. Today I packed a suitcase and had no clue where I was going. Instead of running away, I decided to write out my frustrations. 

Where do I start? I know that a big part of the problem is the state of the entire world right now. We are all stressed, and we've been stressed for too long. Everyone is longing for some relief from the financial stress, the strain of troubling news stories, the lingering fallout of Covid, family conflicts, and the tiredness that results from dwelling on these negative things.

Today I considered taking a break from hosting our family Thanksgiving dinner because I'm just plain tired. Now is about the time when I sent out invites. We do it by text because it's just easier than making a bunch of phone calls. I started to type out my decision to skip the dinner this year, but I wanted to make sure I was doing it for the right reasons. So I decided to give it another day. 

I've learned not to make decisions from a place of tiredness, stress or frustration because I've often regretted those impulsive decisions. A single day can make a difference in how I feel, and I've learned to take my emotions to God and soak in His presence before saying or doing something that's reactive to stress. 

The truth is, I feel like the joy has been sucked out of me. The Bible says that the joy of the Lord is our strength, so if you have no joy, you have no strength. Look at any depressed person and you will see someone who lays around with no desire to do much of anything. They've become "unplugged" from their energy source, and they often don't know how to fix the problem.

Fortunately, I do know how to fix the problem. That's why I've locked myself in my bedroom today, first to write out my frustrations and clear my head, and second to spend time soaking up my energy source and get plugged back into God and His word. I know that negative thinking is what has caused my tiredness and lack of joy. The mind is very powerful, and the body will shut down if we allow negative thought patterns to play like a broken record day after day. 

Negative mindsets can appear to be demonic oppression. Negative thinking can also cause depression, and the answer to curing that depression is sometimes as simple as practicing spiritual discipline. You have to be faithful and develop a new way of thinking. Sometimes our lack of joy and feeling tired is actually a demonic attack. It can be difficult to figure out what's causing the way we feel. 

But I'm a Christian. How can I be influenced by demons? Jesus himself was taunted by demons in the Bible. He was just stronger than they are. Being a Christian is not a guaranteed protection against demonic strongholds. You may not need an exorcism, but you might need deliverance from the effects of a demonic stronghold.  

I recently experienced a demonic stronghold, so I know how powerful it can be. My stronghold was the result of dwelling on hurtful comments that had built up over the course of many years. I couldn't let go of these deep wounds because I need to talk things out before I can let something go. And I couldn't talk it out because I knew the conversation would not be well-received. 

So I kept the hurts bottled up and stuffed it deep within myself. It was like a simmering pot of bitterness that I carried around for years in secret. When the pot finally blew its lid, the mess left behind was so destructive that I thought my life and relationships would never be the same. 

When someone has a history of abuse, they can develop a kind of post-traumatic stress that makes them sensitive to further abuse.  All the painful memories of the past come rushing back every time the person feels disrespected or mistreated. They remember that horrible place they were in when the abuse was at its worst. And even if things have gotten much better, the memory of that pain is still there. Even if there has been forgiveness, the injury has not been forgotten and the scars are still causing reactions.

Because of my past, I am sensitive to lectures, verbal disrespect, negative facial expressions and body language, a raised tone of voice, being ignored, rejected or unappreciated. All of these things hit me harder than they would hit someone who has no history of abuse. For the same reason that soldiers hate fireworks, I hate careless words that leave me feeling bullied and belittled. My abuse was more verbal, than physical. 

So how do we break free from the bondage of feeling tired, joyless and beaten up? No Christian who makes Bible reading, prayer, worship, repentance, forgiveness and walking in holiness will ever stay in bondage. There is a way out, but you have to want it and you have to make an effort to break free. 

It starts with a daily decision to meditate on the word of God, spend time talking to Him and then as we go about our day, take every thought captive. You have to change your patterns of thinking and push every negative thought out of your mind as each one comes. What you think about controls how you feel and how you treat people. So turn off the trashy music, the trash movies and TV and stay away from people who love to gossip and criticize. Those things are like poison that will bring you to a low place.

I do have the power to pull myself out of a low place. I am stronger than I think I am. Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. When the world beats me up, I go into a quiet room and draw from my power source. Without my encouraging, energizing power source, I am a victim. But with Jesus, I will always have victory. He wants me to be joyful.

"He will keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee."  Isaiah 26: 3

"Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely or admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things...and the God of peace will be with you." Phillippians 4:8

WHAT I'VE LEARNED SINCE HIGH SCHOOL

By Danelle Carvell

High school is a distant memory filled with laughter and regrets.

This September, I will attend my forty-year class reunion, two years later than it should have been due to Covid. As a member of the Upper Dauphin Area class of 1980, I have been out of high school for 42 years. However, my memories of that time are still pretty sharp. I still recall the feeling of walking through those halls and watching so many people pass by me each day. The class bell rang and we quickly shuffled around to get to our next class. The sound of lockers slamming, students chatting, laughing and having to talk over the daily announcements on the office intercom is a vivid memory.

In some ways, it was the best time of my life. But in other ways, it wasn't that great. The thing about being young is the many lessons that we haven't learned yet. I often say that I would love to go back to high school knowing what I know now. My high school experience would have been completely different. Besides the fact that plucking your eyebrows until they're gone is really stupid, here's what I learned.

Being popular is overrated

Popularity is often based on looks, talents, athletic ability and social status. The attractive people are admired. The kids who come from money are admired. And the great athletes or talented ones are admired. Being popular seems to be something we all secretly crave in high school, but only a select few achieve it. The same five girls get on the homecoming court and prom court and the popular guys in high school are usually good looking, talented, or on the football team or into some kind of sports.  At least that's how it was when I was in high school. 

I wish life wasn't like this. Why do we need to lift certain people up on a pedestal and give them royal status by putting a crown on their heads?  It's kinda meaningless if you think about it. Popularity is not always a true representation of the person and the honor they deserve. Sometimes the popular people are the least deserving of admiration. You can know a person by the way they treat other people, and popular people are not always beautiful on the inside. 

I went to the prom with the prom king my senior year. I was happy for him, but everyone has something special about them. All the girls should have worn tiaras to the prom, and the football field was big enough for every senior girl. We should have all been out there having fun on homecoming night. I recall that Lori on the Partridge Family called it a "dubious distinction" when she was voted onto the Homecoming Court. I think she had a point. 

If I could go back to high school and do things over, being popular would be the last thing on my mind. A lot of my insecurities in high school were caused by the pressure I put on myself to be well-liked. That was important to me back then. The way people saw me consumed my thoughts. I'm glad I outgrew that. 

I wish I would have had someone in my life back then who made me realize what's truly important in life. Having people like and admire you is not an important goal. A much better goal is striving to be helpful, kind and respectful toward others. 

The wallflowers are worth knowing

One thing I learned since high school is that most people are worth knowing, even when they seem a little odd or unpopular. Unless they are hateful, everyone has something valuable to offer. I spent time with a few select people in high school. I hung out with my circle of friends. But I wish that I had made an effort to look beyond my own little group and get to know others. 

I  wish that I had granted more respect and acknowledgment to the students who didn't stand out...the shy ones, the uncertain ones, and the loners. I wish that I would have been more of an encourager to the underdogs. High school is hard for people who struggle to fit in and one kind person can make a big difference in someone's life. I could have been that person, but I just wasn't mature enough to consider what other people might be going through. Empathy is something I learned over time. The most empathetic people are always the ones who have suffered the most. 

If I was walking those high school halls today, my mind would be on the people I passed each day and not so much on myself. I've learned that I have a purpose in this life and my purpose is not about me. Loving others is more important than being loved by others. People who live that out each day are the ones deserving of admiration, applause and a crown. 

Learn a profitable skill that you love  In high school, my skills were art, baton twirling and gymnastics. But none of these things could have been a future side-job. Yes, art is something that can be profitable, but other than being voted "most artistic" and selling a watercolor for $15 at an art show, I had no payoff for the time I invested in my high school art. 

I didn't love art. My sister did, and she went on to be a professional artist with a degree in fine arts. She learned a profitable skill in high school that made a difference in her life after graduation. I had plenty of time to do the same and I should have had more focus. The best time to learn new skills is when your're young in my opinion. People can learn new skills at any age, but our brains are sharper in our younger years. Plus we have much more time ahead of us to perfect that skill and profit from it when we get started young. 

I wish I had spent more time in the kitchen baking with my mom, who was a self-taught cake decorator. The last time I baked, I made chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter icing for a church picnic. As people started to head home, several women came up to me and told me how delicious those cupcakes were. One person asked for the icing recipe. My name was on the container, so I guess they asked around and figured out who the cupcake lady was because I didn't know most of them. I also won a baking contest once, so baking is in my blood. My grandmother on my dad's side made pies for a living and she was very good at it. 

Another skill I could have perfected in high school was photography. We had a photography club and at the time I didn't have much interest in that. But today, I admire people who have skills with a camera and I wish that I had taken advantage of that opportunity to master great photos and how a camera works. Both baking and photography are wonderful ways to make an income and a lot of people do these things in addition to their regular jobs. Learning a profitable skill that you love is great advice for any student from the elementary years and up through high school. That skill could end up being your life's work.

Make good use of your time 

I pretty much slept my summers away as a kid. I recall waking up in the early afternoon and feeling groggy from too much sleep. What a waste! I could have found a summer job or used that time to learn something new like gardening, or I could have made it a goal to get through some books over the summer. 

Year after year, I wasted valuable time during the best years of my life when it comes to being able to focus and have energy. If I hadn't been such a time waster, I could have afforded a car of my own instead of relying on other people to get home from band practice and other after-school activities. Then I could have gotten involved in more fun stuff like the class play or the class trips the senior girls planned, which I mostly missed out on. 

Being energetic and wanting to work hard has a big payoff. Back then I had energy that I don't have now, so I regret the time I wasted and the difference it would have made in my life. Making good use of your time has so many benefits. This one lesson would have changed my entire high school experience. But I did learn something since then and I'm not a time waster now. I want to be productive, not just for myself, but for the one who created me. I don't want to get to Heaven and be asked why I didn't make better use of my time.

I know that only a few people will read this. And although I'm not getting paid to write it, I am making good use of my time. I think people are much too focused on whether or not a person gets paid well for their work. What about the rewards in our next life? The Bible has advice about storing up your treasures in Heaven. That's what I'm doing right now. I'm using my time to help people in as many ways as I can. 

Compared to my time-wasting younger years, today I wake up and ask God each day how he wants me to use my time. Today he led me to my laptop where I finished this article. Tomorrow he might lead me to be a helping hand for someone who's tired, sick or hurting. I've learned that my time is not my own. I didn't realize that when I was younger.  

Yes, if I could go back to high school knowing what I know now, it would have been a completely different experience. But life is about making mistakes and learning to do better. What I learned since high school mostly has to do with me becoming less and God and others becoming more. The great commission in life is for us to love God with all our hearts and minds and to love others as we love ourselves. In high school we are focused on ourselves because we usually don't have the spiritual maturity to consider others. 

I'm hoping my class reunion will be a good experience. It's been twelve years since we got together and I was surprised that someone picked up planning it again. I thought it was pretty much over. I'm believing that it will be a good experience, because I know I'm not the only one who has learned a lot since high school. 

LIKE GAS FOR YOUR CAR

       By Danelle Carvell                                                                             

There's more than one head on the bed here. I used to sleep well, like my grandkids do. Not anymore! 

People who are sleep-deprived are more likely to feel anxious, forgetful, depressed, impulsive, moody, emotional, overly-sensitive, easily-irritated and more likely to behave erratically. Wow! That's a lot to deal with. We are a nation of sleep-deprived people, and we need to understand each other, because sleep for the brain is like gas for a car. Aren't you glad you don't have to pay for it?

According to the article, Sleep and Mental Health: Why Our Brains Need Sleep, without proper sleep, the mind begins to slow, unable to operate at full potential. This continues until the mind becomes so deprived of the rest it needs that it breaks down, and without the commander-in-chief... the rest of the body pays the price. Insomnia can affect every part of the body, but I'm choosing to focus on how sleep affects the brain for this blog post. 

Sleep is the time your mind needs to recharge and maintain your mental processing. "When we are asleep, the brain can really go to work because it doesn't have to respond to all the external stimuli we encounter when we are awake. But if we rob the brain of this precious time, we pay the price," the article reads. 

It's during sleep that we process our emotions and memories.  Becoming forgetful is common after missing a good night's sleep. Sleep is also needed to maintain our emotional stability. Lack of sleep affects the part of the brain that is the "voice of reason" to our emotions.

"Without sleep, we can't control our impulses as well as we can when we are rested. We become more impulsive and less-likely to think through our emotional reactions, which is a dangerous place to be." the article states. 

One study, using MRI brain scans, showed that the part of the brain in charge of emotional responses was 60% more emotionally reactive in people who were sleep-deprived compared to those who were well-rested. One thing I found interesting is that only negative emotions intensify with lack of sleep. Positive ones do not.

Stress is another factor that affects sleep because stress has detrimental effects on the body. Too much cortisol (stress hormone) is produced when we don't sleep. This puts the body into a constant state of stress, unable to relax because cortisol keeps us alert. On the flip side, stress actually causes insomnia because the increased amount of cortisol that's released in a stressed-out person will keep that person awake. It's a vicious cycle.

"Sleep deprivation and stress contribute to a negative feedback loop that can be difficult to break and often results in mood disorders, anxiety disorders and depressive disorders. Heightened stress causes heightened anxiety, which can make you sensitive to all sorts of physical, mental and emotional stimuli," according to the article I mentioned. 

I have been dealing with insomnia for 16 years. I also know people who struggle with getting enough sleep, not because they stay up late, but because they just can't pass over into sleep mode, no matter how relaxed they are. It's a difficult thing to understand. When I say that I don't sleep well, most people will ask me what's on my mind, as if the only thing that causes insomnia is having something troubling on your mind. Insomnia can be caused by all kinds of mental and physical problems. 

I didn't have a problem sleeping until I received two injections of a drug called Lupron to ease the pain of endometriosis. Dr. Mercola, my favorite natural health doctor, believes that Lupron causes permanent neurological damage. I am living proof of that and so are thousands of other women who took the drug and are now suffering with horrible health conditions. Some of them had to go on disability after Lupron. 

I did my research. Unfortuanatley I researched too late. Always research a new drug prescription before taking it so you know what you're getting into. Do not blindly trust your doctor. Every now and then God gives me a break and lets me sleep almost like a normal person. But that can turn on a dime and within two bad nights, I can be a mess again. 

Sleep problems are an emerging global epidemic. It destroys a person's well-being and quality of life. It also affects our relationships. I don't want to become the girl who blames everything I do or say wrong on my lack of sleep. But I also don't want people to be uninformed on the issue. It is a real problem with a damaging impact. Writing this article has helped me to better understand not only what I'm dealing with, but also what other insomniacs are dealing with. 

If you sleep like a baby, count your blessings. 

 

WHEN OUR WORDS CRASH AND BURN

By Danelle Carvell 

                                                                 

Words can bring life or death to our relationships.

Have you been feeling beaten up? I have your attention because you can relate to that sentence. You might be having family conflicts or other troubling issues and you're feeling like, "What in the world is going on?" People are at each other's throats and relationships are being destroyed. 

I can't recall a time when the world was more chaotic or verbally explosive than right now. I won't go into the reasons why I believe things are like this. That's another topic for another day. The battle between good and evil is as old as the Bible and strongholds are at work right now that we don't visibly see. What I will go into is my own confession about feeling beaten up and how it has affected me and the people around me. 

When we're feeling beaten up, when we're mentally and physically exhausted, we become vulnerable to the resurfacing of past painful issues, especially issues that have never been discussed or resolved. That's what happened to me. A painful memory resurfaced and I shared it with the wrong person. I screwed up. And now someone I love is angry with me. 

The ironic thing is that the regretful conversation started with me trying to clear up a potential misunderstanding. I thought that I had been careless with my words and I wanted to clear the air and make it right. But the topic took a wrong turn when I shared my frustration about someone's attitude and that's when the painful issue from my past resurfaced. When I mentioned it, that opened up a can of worms and things got pretty ugly. 

Anyone who says that we shouldn't be hurt by words is saying something very wrong. The Bible says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. The careless things we say can destroy relationships. Harsh words can kill the love between a husband and wife, between a father and son, or between longtime friends. 

What comes out of our mouths can be as destructive as lethal poison, and we shouldn't make people feel guilty for being hurt by words. We can't tell them that they are too sensitive and they need to toughen up and get over it. No one gets to decide for someone else when or how they get over a hurtful thing. If the words didn't land in my heart, I have no clue how that comment affected someone. 

I recently posted an entry titled, We All Have Big Mouth Moments. It ended with this: "Sometimes the best response to someone's big mouth is to extend grace and let it pass, because we all have big mouth moments." I do plan to write a part-two to that because there are times when we can't and shouldn't let a troubling comment pass by without question. But that is a topic for another day. I'm too tired to get into that, so I will leave you with this... 

If you are having any personal conflicts, come clean if you want to preserve the relationship. Admit your mistake and apologize. That's what I'm doing now. I said in past posts that I am not too proud to say I'm sorry. I know I screw up with my mouth. That is why I'm always checking up on people to make sure they didn't misunderstand me. 

It's funny how having a conscience can get you into so much trouble, but maybe that just happens to me. Caring about hurting people, caring about their feelings...that is a wonderful quality in God's eyes. May I always be sensitive to the way my words land in the hearts of others. 

A GIFT TO MYSELF

By Danelle Carvell 

                                                                             

Appreciating the calm beauty of each day is the best gift.

I'm turning 60 on June 25. I haven't really decided how I feel about this. I guess I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am this old. How will I celebrate my 60th birthday? That is undecided as well. I do feel the need to get away, so I phoned a close friend to see if she's free next weekend, but she's headed to Myrtle Beach with a nice man. That sounds fabulous!

The Beach is a great place to clear your mind and feel refreshed. But since I can't go right now, I think my birthday present to myself is going to be a mental break from everything troubling. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's feeling the need to escape right now. I can't recall a more stressful world than the one we're living in now. I don't have to expand on that. You know what I'm talking about. 

It seems to me that most of us are not very good at tuning out the cares of this world. We can't put our phones down. We bombard ourselves with television shows and commercials that heighten our stress levels. We can't take a break from Facebook. And we don't know how to get quiet and allow our minds to relax. 

Last night I sat outside after nightfall, lit a candle and watched the night sky. It wasn't a dark sky, but resembled the gloaming of a full-moon night. Lightening bugs flashed their happy glows both at a distance and right in front of me. The moon was peeking through the pines across the street, casting a single luminous ray toward me. I absorbed my senses with the life and the beauty around me and knew it was all created. 

I do have a favorite prayer: "Let me see You in this day." I want to be reminded each day that God sees me and he cares. This morning, as I sat on the front porch, a dove landed on the grass in front of me. It looked directly at me, then flew into a nearby pine. A dove is one of many symbols used for the Holy Spirit, which is God's power in action. This bird represents God's active force. When a dove lands several feet from me and looks directly at me, I know what it means and who sent it.  

God is always showing us visible proof of Himself and countless ways to relax. The peaceful symphony of song birds, the fluttering wings of a butterfly, and the intricate beauty and intoxicating scent of a flower are here all summer, waiting for us to take notice. For my 60th birthday, I am getting drunk on all these things. I'm tuning out everything that's not peaceful and I'm inhaling the beautiful calm of each day, wherever I can find it. I don't need to go to a beach to clear my mind and feel refreshed. The only thing I need to do is change what I focus on and what I appreciate.

Happy Birthday to me.  

 

WE ALL HAVE BIG MOUTH MOMENTS

 By Danelle Carvell

Sometimes my pie hole gets me into trouble. But a big mouth moment can always be fixed. 

                                             

Joyce Meyer wrote a book called, Me and My Big Mouth. What a perfect title for a book about the regretful things that we say. Who hasn't said something and then immediately wished that they could suck their words back in? 

Whenever I say words that could be taken the wrong way, I immediately feel the need to make it right somehow. My verbal slip will stay in the back of my mind and nag at me until I clear the air by telling the person that I didn't mean it the way it may have sounded. 

People usually appreciate my concern for their feelings. Sometimes they accept my apology and other times they surprisingly say that they thought nothing of it. Either way, when I share my verbal regrets, I get it off my mind and it no longer nags at me. My mind is cleared.

Some people have no regret about the things they say. I'm not really talking about mean people who enjoy being mean. Most of us are not mean-spirited. 

I've been told by several employers that I am a conscientious person. I sometimes wonder if that's a good thing. It's really not fun to be so tuned-in to the things I say and do. I often wish that people could just know my heart and give me the benefit of the doubt when I say something questionable. 

The truth is that ocassional misunderstandings are impossible to avoid unless we stop communicating all together. No one who is able to speak will ever get through life without saying something the wrong way or having their words wrongly understood.

Sometimes we say things out of frustration. Sometimes we choose the wrong people to share things with. Sometimes we just say things without thinking and then cringe when we realize what we said. This is part of our human nature. 

If we were able to analyze everything before saying it, we would be more like a machine than a person. We simply can't be perfect with our choice of words. I can't think fast enough to filter out every possible misunderstanding while I'm speaking.  

One thing I have learned to do is to pray every time I say something regretful. When I try to make things right, I pray that God will turn it into a blessing. I want something good to come out of my "big mouth" moment. 

Sometimes the good thing is a closer relationship with that person. Sometimes the good thing is a lesson about extending grace to others. God is always happy to honor a request to turn something regretful into something good. 

We all have moments when we feel beat up by the world. And the things that come out of our mouths sometimes reflect that internal hurt. Sometimes I'm just plain exhausted and the filter on my mouth is wore out too.

I think we all need to give each other a break and recognize that we all say things that perhaps we shouldn't say. Sometimes the best response to someone's big mouth is to extend grace and let it pass. Because we all have big mouth moments.   

SLOW DOWN AND ENJOY THE JOURNEY

My niece, Grace Kieffer, gave a fabulous speech today as Salutatorian of her class. It was not about the future. It was about focusing on where you are now and enjoying the journey toward wherever you are going.

I heard two great speeches today. The first was given by my son, Kody, at the Colonnade in Millersburg, where he was a guest speaker for their church. His speech was about asking ourselves where and how we most spend our time. Television, cell phones, social media and so many other things can pull us away from more important uses of the time we are given. It was a thought-provoking message that made me examine my own life and question how I use my time each day, each week, each year. How could I make better use of my time? And could it improve my life or help others if I did that? 

The second speech was given by my niece, Grace Kieffer, Salutatorian of the class of 2022 at Northern Dauphin Christian School. Her speech was about how throughout her life she was always wishing and striving to get to the next stage of life. She wanted to get through every grade quickly so she could get to the next grade, and she wanted to grow up fast so she could experience the next big thing such as driving a car or being a senior. 

And now that she is graduating, she looks back and wishes that she hadn't been in such a hurry. She wishes that she had lived more in the moment and enjoyed exactly where she was at the time, instead of longing and striving to move ahead in her life. 

Because when you have your mind on getting to the next big thing, you don't pay attention to what is right in front of you. You can't focus on people or appreciate what's happening in that moment because your mind is fast-tracking toward the future. It was a great reminder for us to take a breath and slow down because life goes fast enough without us forcing it along. 

I had no idea that our family had such gifted speakers. I served as a speaker for Stonecroft Ministries for a short season. It's not an easy thing to do. A strong speech requires sharing personal stories from your own life. It requires a topic that many people can relate to. How we spend our time and living in the moment are both perfect topics for the crazy, stressful world we live in today. I'm so glad that I got to hear both messages. 

We really do need to slow down and enjoy each day, pay attention to the people around us, stop daydreaming about tomorrow. Making plans is not a bad thing, but having your mind in the future to the point of missing the joys of today will eventually bring regret. And wasting time on unproductive things offers little satisfaction. 

Love God and love others. When we put that love in action each day, our time will always be well-spent and we will be living our best life in the present moment. Tomorrow will come fast enough without us pushing it forward. Let's use our time well, slow down and enjoy the journey. 

 

 

THE SISTER OF A SOLDIER

                                                                        

During my brother Ed's two tours in Iraq, I wrote and received dozens of letters. For almost two decades, the letters he sent back were laying in my dresser drawer. I recently gave them back to him because I couldn't read them again. I didn't want to remember that time. 

Having a family member fighting in a war is difficult. You know that at any moment his life could be taken, and throughout each day you are wondering, "Where is he now? Is he safe?" Only those who served know what it's like to actually be there in the middle of a war.  

My brother willingly made the decision to join the army after 9/11.  He said it was both the best and the worst time of his life. The men he served with really meant it when they said, "I have your back." And when he received his release papers and was scheduled to go home for good, they protected him even more.

"Get back in the jeep Soldier, you're going home." My brother will never forget those words. Someone he fought with was willing to put himself in harm's way and take my brother's place because Ed was scheduled to go home. 

I'm proud of my brother. I'm grateful for all soldiers. The video below is a beautiful tribute to our American heroes.

https://t.me/RealGenFlynn/2669

LETTERS HAVE LIFE AND POWER

 

            By Danelle Carvell                                                                        

Even one sentence can bring a little life to your day. 

I have a shoe box under my bed filled with letters from childhood friends, family members, and even people who came into my life for a brief moment and then I never heard from them again. I recently came across a letter with a postmark from 1981. It was from a young man I met while attending beauty school. His sister, Margie, was my favorite classmate at Empire Beauty School in Sunbury. The three of us went to lunch one day and I got to know John during a 25-minute converstaion before Margie and I had to head back to class.  

John was in the Navy and stationed in San Diego. He was home visiting family when we met. His letter mentioned that he joined the Navy to see the world and seek adventure. But in the next sentence he admitted that he gets depressed at times because he's constantly on the move so he can't establish any long-term relationships. He also admitted missing his family and friends. I could feel his sense of loneliness as I read his words. For him, writing to me was a way to ease that loneliness, even though we barely knew each other. 

Writing can be very therapeutic. Maybe that's why God gave me this particular talent. I need a way to clear my head... a way to decompress when I'm hurt, disappointed or frustrated. There's something about writing down my feelings that makes me feel better and a little lighter afterwards. A letter can ease our loneliness, help people to understand us better, and get our concerns across when we need to be heard.

I know someone who recently went through a painful break-up. He had a lot of regrets afterward and he needed to tell the girl why he had been so cautious about their relationship. So he wrote her a letter, took a photo of it and sent it to her. The letter didn't fix things between them, but it did get across to her and she is now better able to understand the reasons behind his guarded heart. And he feels a little less troubled by the whole thing. That simple act of putting a pen to paper brought some comfort to both of them.  

I was impressed by his willingness to communicate his feelings. From my experience, most men are not good communicators and I don't see many of them writing heart-felt letters. Communication can be just as difficult for women. So many people keep their feelings bottled up because it's just too hard to say it or get the person to really listen. So we stay quiet and nothing gets resolved. When problems aren't resolved, you can't really let go of them. They haunt you, and the chances are good that those issues will resurface and cause tension in the future. 

Sometimes people are difficult to talk to. Maybe they snap at you while trying to explain yourself, so you can't get your point across. Or maybe they are too hostile to be approachable for a face-to-face conversation. Or sometimes the person can't  admit any wrongdoing, so they refuse to discuss the matter. In situations like that, a letter is the perfect way to communicate because you can express your feelings without interruption and without the possibility of rejection. I have written letters for all of those reasons.  

One thing I have learned about writing letters while I'm upset is that I have to be careful how I word things. I have regrets about letters I've written in the past because they were accusatory and written in an attacking tone. It's easy to fire back when you're feeling beat-up and burned. But I've learned that the best response always comes from someone who does not feel attacked by my words. 

The goal in writing a letter has to be understanding why you are hurt by their words or actions. If your goal is to pound them with accusations, you are just wasting ink. What I do is remind the person exactly what was said or done that hurt me. And then I explain how it made me feel. I keep the focus on my feelings, so the letter doesn't become a total smear assault on someone's character. That only causes the person to get defensive. 

If we want good relationships, we have to communicate. Face-to-face conversation is the ideal way to do that because we can see facial expressions, body language and hear their tone of voice. All of those things are conducive to a better understanding of how a person feels. But sometimes, there are reasons why we can't talk face-to-face. In John's case, his reason was distance. He lived a lonely life and his circumstances made it difficult for him to sit down and talk to a girl. Writing to me brought him some comfort in his lonely world. 

We also can create a lonely world, even when we have people close by. Without communication, a relationship has no life. The Bible says that words have life and power. And sometimes the power to bring comfort to yourself is just one letter away. And the answer to bringing life to a relationship is as close to you as a pen. 

 

WHY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL

    By Danelle Carvell                                                              

A relationship that weathers every storm takes work. Some people just aren't willing to bend. 

Why are relationships so difficult? Maintaining a friendship with someone you don't live with should be easy, but it is not always simple. Maintaining a marriage is even harder because now you are living together while trying to get along. Two people with totally different world views and opinions come together under one roof. Every day brings new reasons to disagree. 

She's a bit sloppy and he's neat and organized, He's a driven overachiever and she's more laid back, She's carefree with money and he is strict with spending, She wants to attend church and he does not, She likes to quickly finish projects and he likes to take his time. And these are just problems that arise before the children come.

The differences between us make relationships challenging. Two people who were raised differently and had different life experiences are expected to merge peacefully? After being in failed relationships myself and after years of watching others fail in romantic attempts, I learned a few things on the subject. Our relationships fail for specific reasons, but we can work on improving ourselves, and hopefully that change will inspire improved behavior in return.

YOU PUSH OUR OWN IDEAS AND EXPECTATIONS ON OTHERS

I have a friend who left her husband because he was an overachiever who expected her to be like him. He pushed her to the point of exhaustion. I also know someone who moved out because he couldn't take the nagging about keeping their house in order. She nagged him about turning lights off, putting dishes in the dishwasher instead of the sink, picking up his socks, and a list of other things.

It would bother me, too, to live with a lazy, messy person. I do need my home to be somewhat organized and clean. But some people are obsessive about the way they want to live and they push that obsession onto others. They expect more than the person is accustomed to or capable of. We simply can't expect people to be like us and have the same values, beliefs, opinions or habits. We have to find ways to meet in the middle if we want to maintain the relationship

YOUR HEART IS TOO GUARDED

Love has to flow in order to grow. People guard their hearts for many reasons, but the end goal is to avoid getting hurt or having to commit. I dated a man who was head over heels for me at the start of the relationship and then a few months later he started to pull away. Looking back, I realize he was avoiding commitment because of a broken past relationship.

He didn't talk about his past break-up, but I knew about it. He obviously had relationship scars and fortunately I figured it out before I fell hard for him. He also had some issues with selfishness. I recall my exact words when we broke up: "I think that you are an incredibly selfish man. Everything is about you....what YOU want and what is convenient for YOU. You don't stop and think about my schedule and what might be convenient for me. And I think that is selfish."

Bam! Game over. Surprisingly he agreed that he had been selfish, so I'll give him points for that. But his deeper problem was his guarded heart. People who guard their hearts deprive themselves of everything a relationship could be, and their non-commital choices guarantee a lonely life. 

YOU LACK EMPATHY

Empathy is identifying with the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another person. You are able to put yourself in people's shoes and understand what they are going through.  Empathetic people usually have a lot of friends. Everyone wants to be understood. But some people have little to no empathy, perhaps because they haven't experienced hard times so they can't relate or they just don't have the heart for it.  

From what I've seen, people who lack empathy often have a critical spirit and a tough attitude about life. They believe the answer to every problem is to pull yourself up and get on with it. And there are no excuses for staying down. If you don't get back up, then you are either weak or lazy. That is what an unempathetic person believes. It is a selfish way to look at life and people in my opinion. 

YOU OVER-ANALYZE AND ASSUME 

If you are a conscientious person like me, your mind is going all the time. This isn't a bad thing unless your thinking causes you to assume things that might not be true. Facebook might be the biggest place where we assume things about people. Because it is not a reliable form of communication, we can easily misunderstand a comment or assume that we've been snubbed because that person didn't respond. I have done this myself. But there is a cure for assuming, especially if it's something that is really bothering you. Go to the person and talk about it.  

YOU FAIL TO GO TO PEOPLE PRIVATELY WITH ISSUES

The Bible offers much wisdom, and one of the those bits of wisdom is instruction on how to handle personal conflict. We are supposed to meet the person privately and discuss any matter that is troubling us. But how often do we do that? It's just too hard. So instead of clearing up the matter, we ponder it day after day until it sucks the life out of us or causes built-up resentment. 

One thing we should never do is discuss personal conflicts publicly or in front of family or friends while the person is in attendance. This happened to me recently and I'm having a hard time forgetting it because it was so humiliating, and the thing I was accused of didn't actually happen. I could feel the anger rising up in me, but I had to keep my cool in front of my family. To put it bluntly, someone made an ass out of me in front of my family, and that is not a biblical way to resolve conflicts. 

Another thing we should avoid is sharing our conflicts on Facebook. I made this mistake myself and within a day I got a bad feeling about it so I took down the post. If we can't go to the person privately to discuss our gripes, then we should not air them publicly either.

Another mistake people make is getting too involved in conflicts that should be settled by the ones involved. Some people like to be the peacemakers, so they find their own ways to resolve it. They might force the couple to talk and then serve as a mediator. I learned that if you want people to resolve their conflicts, the best thing you can do is pray. Offer advice when asked, but don't become the ringmaster for people's personal problems. 

YOU HAVE A PRIDE PROBLEM

Pride might be the greatest destroyer of relationships because it makes so many other things impossible...we can't ask for help, we can't forgive, we can't apologize, and we can't see past our own needs and wants. Pride is like a destructive wall that comes between people. Someone who is a constant critic, giving lectures all the time, saying how things should be done, or expressing disapproval on a regular basis most likely has a pride problem. 

I know from experience that no relationship can survive the wall of pride. If you see yourself getting up on your high horse, ask for help from God to better communicate to the person you love. If you don't correct yourself, you will soon find that you are living with a distant stranger who does not want to be in your company. No one wants to be bulldozed by a bully every day. 

YOU HAVE AN ANGER PROBLEM

I remember the last thing I said to a guy before I drove away: "You are an angry, hateful man, and I am tired of being your punching bag." I can't tolerate hateful looks on a person's face or harsh words delivered with a raised voice. I would rather live on the streets or in a tent than with an angry, cruel person.

Both men and women can have anger problems. I saw a bit of the Johnny Depp trial and it was clear to me that his wife Amber is capable of angry outbursts. She basically admitted saying hateful things to her husband. And now they are sitting in a courtroom. 

You simply can't expect love to flourish in an angry environment. It's not possible. And if you don't fix it, you will live with a resentful spouse and children who repeat your same angry mistakes. 

YOU CAN'T ADMIT WHEN YOU MESS UP OR YOU CAN'T FORGIVE

And here is a good place to end. An apology is like a healing balm that can restore a relationship. If we can't admit the times when we disappoint, hurt, or otherwise offend someone, then we have a pride problem or some other problem that prevents us from admitting our mistakes. 

No one gets through life without a list of screw-ups. If you think that you have, you are delusional. If you want quality relationships, you absolutely must learn to apologize. It is an essential skill. If you think that you do no wrong, perhaps you would be better off living alone, without a spouse or any friends...just you and your perfect self and maybe a dog. 

And if you can't forgive, you also have a pride problem. How many times has God forgiven you? I know from experience how unforgiveness destroys a relationship. Whenever someone hurts me now, I pray about it immediately because I know I need help in that area. I tend to rehash hurtful words and actions. I can't easily forget an offense. But I know that if I stay angry, I am only hurting myself. I remind myself of all the times I messed up and I say out loud that I forgive that person until I can get past the hurt. 

We may sometimes need to distance ourselves from abusive people, but forgiveness can always be in our hearts for them. We forgive to set ourselves free from resentment. We forgive because we mess up too. 

Yes, relationships take work and those not willing to put in the work do not ever experience the joy of a good and lasting relationship.   

 

THE JOY OF EATING DIRT

                                                                                        

               By Danelle Carvell                                                               

So many people I know feel like crap. And I'm not talking about older people. My daughter says she feels like crap every day. She's exhausted by mid afternoon, gets frequent headaches, has blurry vision at times, and deals with skin issues. She has undergone every test offered by our health care system and has spent a lot of money trying to figure out what the problem is. 

Yesterday she went to a holistic doctor and is feeling hopeful that she will finally get the answers she has been seeking for two years. Holistic doctors look much deeper and they test for problems that other doctors don't even consider...problems such a mold toxicity, parasites, candida overgrowth, and leaky gut syndrome. 

You probably heard about leaky gut syndrome. It sounds strange, but if you're not feeling well yourself, there's a good chance that you are suffering from it. After reading the book, Eat Dirt, I'm convinced that most people I know have symptoms of leaky gut because their lifestyles and the foods they eat would make it impossible for them to avoid it. 

We have a preoccupation with sanitizing everything in sight. Our food is over-pasteurized and loaded with GMOs and pesticides. We rely on antibiotics too much. The products we put on our hair and skin is loaded with chemicals. Our household cleaners are loaded with chemicals. All of these things come with a heavy price and the price is our health. 

You simply can't starve yourself of actual nutrition, eat toxic levels of processed foods, slather your body with chemical-filled products, use chemicals to clean and scent your home, and over-sanitize everything you touch without destroying your gut health. Seventy percent of your immune system is located in the gut. According to Dr Axe, author of Eat Dirt, all of the above mentioned factors plus an insufficient exposure to dirt leads to a breakdown of the intestinal wall, allowing food, bacteria and toxins to seep into the bloodstream. That's what leaky gut is.

I highly suggest you read the book yourself, but I did highlight what I felt were the important parts and I'm going to give you a breakdown of that below. For the sake of time, I'm making it a list. How many of the things below could you change about your lifestyle and food choices? And if you did change those things, would you feel better? Dr Axe believes that leaky gut is at the root of most of our health problems, including allergies, asthma, food sensitivities, diabetes, digestive diseases, arthritis and every autoimmune disease, thyroid conditions, chronic fatigue, autism and more.

HERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU COULD CHANGE TO FEEL BETTER 

1. Ditch hand sanitizers and use essential oils for personal products (Recipes in the book)
2. Reduce antibiotic use
3. Go barefoot and expose yourself to more dirt because the microorganisms in soil improve the absorption of nutrients, eliminate yeast overgrowth and improve bowel function.
4. Chew 30 times per bite
5. Avoid gluten
6. Take healing epsom salt baths with lavender essential oil
7. Drink chicken bone broth for its healing compounds
8. Move your body, get some kind of exercise each day
9. Stop using antibacterial products and give up your deadly addiction to sanitizing everything. Living in too steril of an environment makes our bodies vulnerable to disease.
10. Use household cleaners, soaps and detergents that are chemical-free (Recipes in the book)
11. Use makeup, hair and body products that are chemical-free
12. Eat organic or locally-grown foods that are not sprayed with pesicides, loaded with preservatives, or genetically modified. Do some research on GMOs if you don't understand. As a rule, if the package doesn't say Organic, you can assume it is GMO because they are so widespread in our food supply at this point.  
13. Avoid white and brown sugar, use natural sugars such as honey, maple syrup, molasses, agave or stevia
14. Lower your stress level. Emotional stress weakens the immune system
15. Get off unecessary medications. They all damage the gut lining.
16. Let your kids make mud pies and get their hands dirty
17. Eat seasonally and locally
18. Spend more time outdoors
19. Find other ways to manage pain besides taking a pill (CBD oil, essential oils, accupuncture, massage)
20. Eat locally-grown honey to boost your immune system during allergy season
21. Check your home for mold, especially in the basement
22. Use air fresheners and dryer sheets that are chemical-free
23. Stop eating processed, easy-made boxed and frozen foods, and start cooking from scratch.
24. Drink 8 to 10 cups of pure water each day (Buy a water purifier, don't drink bottled water)
25. Don't eat convenient bags of produce that are rinsed in a chlorine solution. If you see dirt on the produce, that is a very good thing. 
26. Learn about the health benefits of bentonite clay
27. Eat probiotic-rich foods such as kefir, yougurt and sauerkraut
28. Eat raw honey and bee pollen
29. Get a dog
30. Swim in the ocean
31. Take a good quality probiotic supplement
32. Take a soil-based supplement such as shilajit
33. Avoid emulsifiers such as polysorbate 80 and lecithin (especially found in ice cream)
34. Don't use canola, corn, soybean oil or any hydrogenated oil unless you want gut dysfunction. Switch to extra virgin coconut oil for cooking. Olive oil should not be heated.
35. Avoid deli meats with hydrogenated fats, gluten and nitrites
36. Microwave popcorn and nonstick pans contain PFOA, linked to cancer and hormone disruption
37. Take fewer showers
38. Drink raw,organic fermented milk from goats or sheep. (Or raw cow's milk from Jersey or Guernsey cows). Unorganic milks, yogurts, butters and cheeses are loaded with antibiotics given to the cows.
39.  Coconut or almond milk are good alternatives to cow's milk. Coconut is far superior to almond milk for gut health
40. L-glutamine is one of the best supplements for leaky gut (Take 5 grams of powder twice a day with meals).
41. Take digestive enzymes
42. Use almond or coconut flour instead of wheat flour
43. Learn all the foods that have hidden gluten on page 78
44. Avoid artificial sweeteners such as sucralose, aspartame, and saccharin. Avoid Nutrasweet and Equal, found in diet sodas. These synthetic sweeteners are chemically toxic and dangerous.
45. Eat organic, grass-fed beef and chicken or wild-caught fish, which are high in omega-3 fats
46. Eat more fermented vegetables and sprouted foods
47. Learn about the benefits of essential oils for relaxation and healing
48. Learn about medicinal mushrooms
49. Take blue-green algae or one teaspoon of spirulina every day
50. Do not ever use powerful weed killers such as Roundup anywhere, especially if you have children
51. Avoid chlorine in municipal water supplies and household cleaners

Learn about the damage of chemicals in your products such as sodium laurel sulfate, parabens, phthalates, petroleum-based chemicals, DEA, triclosan and a long list of others. Your favorite lotion could be damaging your gut lining, creating antibiotic resistance, and affecting your body's endocrine system, thyroid, pancreas and adrenal glands. Think about every single thing you put on your hair, face and skin. Are you polluting yourself every day?

That is a long list, and it would be expensive to do everything on that list. But small changes make a difference, and your health is worth the effort, especially if you're tired of being sick and tired.