A REASON TO BE REAL

 

                                                                          

                                                                                

                                              My tea bag encouraging me to be real 
      

By Danelle Carvell

As women, we all lack confidence about something.  It could be a bothersome physical flaw or something we wish we could do better. The things we are most insecure about are the things we are most sensitive about. And if someone mentions that sore spot, look out.

Our failures, inadequacies and insecurities often cause the most torment in our lives and in our relationships. The feeling that we don’t measure up can consume many areas of our lives. We can feel like a financial failure or an academic failure.  We can feel bad about our parenting skills, our housekeeping, our bad decisions, our weight, our physical flaws and even our personality traits. The list is endless. 

But wouldn’t it be freeing if we could comfortably reveal the brokenness in our lives instead of hiding it and being tormented by it? Not one of us has it all together. We are all broken in different ways. When I mess up, I want my foolish mistake to manifest into something beautiful.  That won’t happen unless I admit my failure so it can either spark forgiveness or become a valuable lesson for others. 

As a writer, it’s not easy to share personal things that most people keep hidden.  That straight-from-the-heart writing that is so powerful requires complete honesty. But sharing the messy part of my life-- the things I dislike about myself, the struggles I face, and the failures I’ve had--is where my power lies to inspire others and to strengthen myself. The first step toward self improvement is admitting what needs fixing.

Letting others see who you are and how you think takes courage. But many women are reluctant to share their true selves and what they think, fear or worry about. They keep their thought life a secret and their insecurities hidden. Everything that troubles their minds stays within and it’s a lonely place to be. 

Do we fear being seen as broken and imperfect? In a world that idolizes strong, beautiful women, do we fear that we don’t measure up? Is that why women pretend to have it all together and get defensive when someone reveals a weakness they need to work on? 

What someone might gain by reading my truth is far more important than any embarrassment I feel when revealing  my messy life. But I needed to reach a certain level of experience and maturity before I could be that brave. Hiding my flaws, refusing to admit my mistakes and blaming others was the norm when I was younger. But there’s no beauty in that and there’s no learning from it. 

The key to breaking free of the phony me and becoming the real me was getting closer to God. When you carry around a false persona of perfection, you are more invested in the world than you should be. You are falling for the lies of our culture that tell women what they should be. Those lies keep women in constant competition and hating one another. God knows every single flaw and weakness you agonize over and He adores you anyway. 

When we learn to love ourselves as God loves us, we stop feeling insecure and inadequate. We forgive ourselves when we fail because God forgives us. We are quick to admit our mistakes instead of making excuses for them. And asking for forgiveness from those we hurt is much easier because He gives us the strength to do that.  

 When women finally learn this important truth: how God sees us matters more than how the world sees us, then we can stop exhausting ourselves trying to prove how right we are, how capable, strong and fearless we are.  Our relationships improve and our lives become more peaceful because we can rest in His unconditional love. 

It’s easy to spot a phony when you’ve been one yourself. She’s the girl who can’t relax. Maybe she needs constant attention or she’s always creating drama or talking sassy. She has no peace because she can’t see the blessings in her life. Her focus is on what she doesn’t have, and that steals her joy and contentment.  Her self-worth lies in her accomplishments so she talks about them often. She needs to control others and she’s relentless at it. That was me back in my insecure days. That was me needing Jesus. With Him, I have a reason to be real and the strength to pull it off.  

TELL THE LADY WITH LYMPHOMA WHAT YOU LAST BICKERED ABOUT

By Danelle Carvell

    As I pushed my cart through the grocery store today, I took extra notice to the people that passed by.  I wondered what their lives were like.  What problems they were agonizing over and what joys filled their days.  It struck me funny that I could pass so close to a human soul and know nothing about that person.

    Grocery store shoppers usually don’t make eye contact. They just scan the shelves as they push their carts past each other.  What is there to say really?  Every now and then someone will ask if I’ve tried a certain product.  Or they’ll ask if I know where they moved the salad dressing or some other elusive item.  “Yeah, they’re always moving things,” I say.

     When I get to the check out, I usually stand there in silence while the lady scans my groceries.  Every now and then I’ll start a conversation or she’ll start chatting.  We talk about the weather, or how busy the store is,  things like that.  Sometimes the younger girls will tell me personal things about their lives as if they’ve known me forever.  That always fascinates me, but I don’t mind.  It’s better than standing there in silence.

     After piling my groceries in the trunk, I headed to Rite Aid to pick up a birthday card. Surprisingly, the first one I read was perfect.  The only thing I didn’t like was the price.  I never paid five dollars for a card before.  As I mentioned this to the cashier, a lady appeared to my right and immediately began talking about her “diagnosis.”  The cashier listened intently as she handed me my change.  They were obviously friends, and I felt like an intruder standing between them during such a personal conversation.

     I heard the word “lymphoma” and that she needed more tests.  Within a few sentences I knew the woman beside me had cancer. Unlike the people I passed in the grocery store, I knew something about this stranger and it wasn’t pleasant.  For a moment I wanted to say something hopeful, but I didn’t.  I grabbed my purchase, put my wallet in my handbag, and headed for the door.  Then my mind flashed an image of me putting my hand on her shoulder as I passed by, to show some kind of support, some kind of encouragement.  But she was a stranger and it just didn’t feel comfortable.

    When I stepped outside, I breathed in slowly, closed my eyes and exhaled the thought: “God, don’t ever let that be me.”  The worst part of my day so far had been paying five dollars for a card. Suddenly it wasn’t a big deal.  All I could feel was grateful... grateful for my health and the health of my family, and grateful that I had the five dollars to buy a card.

     I started my car and headed home. As I drove I thought about the fuss people make over ridiculous things that they perceive as irritating. All that negative energy that causes even more agony for the people around them. Why can’t people just relax and enjoy their lives if they’re healthy and have good things going for them? 

     Everything we fuss about has a point at which we could choose to be grateful if we’d only decide to embrace our blessings. I hate waiting in lines, but while I stand in line waiting, I could be grateful that I have two healthy legs to stand on. I could think about that boy in my high school class who trudged through the hall on crutches, yet managed to carry his books with no help. 

     Our world is so filled with conflict right now. We shouldn’t be contributing to it with unnecessary bickering. God is looking for people with grateful hearts. He’s looking for peacemakers that he can promote to do the work our country needs to heal.  The brawlers, grumblers and complainers will be left behind with their regrets, trying to catch up to those God is blessing for their peaceful, grateful hearts.

     

WRITING REQUIRES A TOUGH SHELL

                                                                                    

By Danelle Carvell

Perhaps the most difficult thing about writing is hearing opinions about what I write, how I should have said it, what's missing and what should have been left out of a story. I was always told to write what I know. And in order to do that, I must use examples from my own experiences. I write what I live daily, and that includes what other people do and say.

But sometimes a friend wrongfully assumes that I'm writing about her and gets offended. Other times I might quote someone anonymously, and she recognizes herself, then becomes upset that I didn't ask permission to quote her. And there have been times when my writing hit a sore spot with someone and I wondered if I should go back and rewrite or delete that part. 

I was talking about this with a friend recently and she said that being a writer requires growing a tough shell. I can't write with a goal of avoiding controversy or preventing people from getting their feelings hurt. I'm always shocked when people feel hurt by my words, but I appreciate their honesty.   

My intentions as a writer are to inspire, encourage, and assure people that they are not alone. We share many of the same experiences. By sharing the details of our lives, we can help others understand and navigate their own lives. We can facilitate a fresh perspective that positively changes a person's way of thinking. Good writing can do powerful things, but writing loses its power when the freedom to share valuable content is restrained. 

If people recognize themselves in my writing they should consider that I chose to share that for the greater good. Something they said or did is the perfect example for the message I'm trying to convey. I'm very careful to respect the people behind those examples. When someone feels trampled upon, it's usually because they misunderstood my intentions.

Everything I write passes through God's filter. He lets me know when I need to reword something or delete it. I do ask permission when I use names, but when I share something anonymously, I offer no apologies. Writers have a creative license to observe people and share anything that will be of value to others. It's our job to write truth, and anyone I know or observe could show up in that truth.    

If I share a disappointment that involved you, I didn't do that to make you look bad. I did it to share a lesson that could be beneficial to others. If I quote you anonymously, then you must have said something profound that others might learn from or be inspired by. But readers don't always consider the writer's intentions. They are quicker to focus on how they are affected by a story.  

I'm not the only writer that deals with this. One of my favorite episodes of The Waltons is about John Boy sacrificing an opportunity to have a story published when he realizes it would be embarrassing to Emily Baldwin. On several episodes of the show, Miss Emily reminisces about a past love named Ashley, who kissed her amid a whirlwind of golden leaves. Because she talks about Ashley so much, anyone in the community who reads John Boy's story would surely recognize who he was writing about.

At first Emily is excited that John Boy is writing her love story, but when he reads it to her, before sending it to the publisher, he sees the disappointment on her face. The fictional story conveyed his belief that Miss Emily's relationship with Ashley was a fantasy that she cultivated in her mind. When he sees how sad she becomes upon hearing the story, He decides to spare her the embarrassment of having it published. 

That story would have brought joy and entertainment to others because it was so well written, but John Boy decided that seeing his name in print wasn't worth hurting someone he cares about. I think that most writers would make the same decision. Those who write to hurt others are not blessed by God, the one who bestowed their talent in the first place. 

But at the same time, fiction is fiction. And maybe we should allow writers to be inspired by real life but also allow them the freedom to add whatever fictional content they choose. Nothing is more disappointing to a writer than putting her heart, soul and time into something only to have it scrapped when someone doesn't like it, be it a reader or an editor. 

I write because God gave me a talent and if I don't use it, I will have much to answer for some day. God wants to use my experiences to enrich the lives of others. Sharing the thoughts and experiences of the people around me is a big part of that.

My shell is getting tougher. The critical opinions are bouncing off better than they once did, because I know my heart and that gives me confidence. So if you recognize yourself in my writing, keep my heart in mind, and your shell might toughen too.   

  

 

LIFE AS A DOORMAT IS MESSY

                                                                     

                                                                            

Scarecrow was a mess and didn't have a brain. Like him, a life without boundaries is a messy life.

                                                                                   

       By Danelle Carvell

In my teens and early twenties I was a bit insecure.  I wanted people to like me so I became a people pleaser.  Being unable to say "No" put me in situations I shouldn't have been in. Often it was my "friends" who got me into these predicaments.  I'd end up at a sleazy party because a girlfriend was interested in some guy and she didn't want to go alone. I've been on dates I should have declined, and I've said yes to things I should have said no to, all because I wanted to please people and have them like me. 

      Now that I'm close to 60, I have become wiser and more assertive.  I've learned to stand up for myself and say "No!" to things that aren't good for me. And I’ve learned who my true friends are. I no longer need everyone to like me. If you bring nothing good to my life, I don’t care how you feel about me. 

      “The most basic boundary-setting word is no.  It lets others know that you exist apart from them and that you are in control of you,” say Drs. Henry Cloud & John Townsend in their book, Boundaries.  I highly recommend that book to anyone who has a problem establishing legitimate limits that are so essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. I can’t love people effectively without boundaries and I can’t protect myself from manipulative or abusive relationships without taking control of my life. 

      Establishing boundaries is sometimes about trusting your instincts. When something doesn't feel right it probably isn't the right thing to do.  And people who truly care for you will respect your boundaries. If they don’t, perhaps you shouldn’t be spending time with them. 

      I’m not talking about becoming an overly-aggressive person who looks out only for herself. Sometimes we should do a difficult thing for the sake of helping friends and family. While the goal of a selfishly aggressive person is to get what she wants no matter who she hurts, the goal of an assertive person is to nurture her own well-being without hurting others.

But that doesn't mean you won't disappoint people. My friend wouldn't have died if she hadn't made it to that dreadful party, but she would have been disappointed. But I can't make her happy at my own expense, and no friend should ever expect that.

     It really is true that we teach people how to treat us. One of the first places women learn this is when they start dating. When I was 17, I went on one date with someone who surprised me by his invitation because I hadn’t noticed his interest in me. He just called me out of the blue and I said, yes. 

     Looking back, I  would have been wiser to say No. He later admitted that the only reason he asked me out was to get back at my former boyfriend for dating his former girlfriend. Talk about feeling used. I wanted to smack him. 

   I often thought about telling my daughter all my dating horror stories so she wouldn’t make the same mistakes I made. She did make some mistakes in that area, but now she’s married to a man who adores her and treats her with kindness and respect. I’m not taking credit for her good choice, but perhaps she learned to have boundaries because she saw that example in me.

     Becoming skilled at setting boundaries helps more than just you. Your children are watching you and learning how they should respond to people who abuse and take advantage of them. I didn’t raise doormats and I refuse to be one myself. Being used and abused is not God’s plan for you either. 

WHY GET MARRIED IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TALK?

 

                                                                                

                                                                                

                                                                                    

By Danelle Carvell

Over two steaming cups at Starbucks, she shared her desire to have better communication with her husband.  “We don’t talk,” she said in a hopeless tone.  “He doesn’t think it’s a problem, but I feel like something’s missing in our marriage.”

My friend was expressing an emptiness that many women feel. I grew up with parents that didn’t talk, but because they never argued, I assumed they were happy. Many years after their divorce, my mother told me that she and my dad rarely talked about their problems.

Early in our marriage, my husband hated talking.  He hated it so much that I could see the fear in his eyes every time I said, “We need to talk.” Meaningful conversation is one of a woman’s greatest needs in a marriage, but from my experience, men don’t seem to have the same need. A man can think that everything is fine in the relationship while a woman can be deeply troubled and aware of a growing list of problems between them.

To spark better communication, the first thing I did was let my husband know that conversation is important to me. I did that by first mentioning something that is important to him: “Would you be happy if you couldn’t go hunting anymore?” I asked. That got his attention. Then I said, “As much as you need hunting to be happy, I need conversation with you.”

Men are not mind readers.  Don’t be the woman who coos, “If he really loved me, he would know what I need, I shouldn’t have to tell him.”  That’s just foolish.  You can’t realistically expect a man to magically know when your needs are going unmet.

Over the years, I tried different things to improve our talk time.  I tried setting aside a certain night for conversation, but it didn’t work because when I have a gripe I need to spill it then and there. I can’t wait until Thursday. I also learned that timing is everything.  I can’t spring a heavy conversation on Jim as soon as he gets home from work. He says he needs time to unwind. Sometimes men aren’t open to conversation simply because the timing is off.

The way you approach a man is also important.  You must be calm, not hysterical.  If that means giving yourself an hour to cool off, take it. Then, when it’s time to confront him, use a tone that’s soft, not an accusing tone.  Use introductory words like, “I feel” and “I need.”  Accusing words such as, “You always,” and “You never” will make a man feel like he’s being attacked. He will become defensive and you’ll end up frustrated because nothing will be resolved.

Every couple that wants their marriage to thrive must give themselves time each day that belongs to only them. This is why I believe in set bedtimes for children. Couples need to connect every day and share their thoughts and feelings.  Without the connection that talking brings to a marriage, you’ll feel more like roommates than husband and wife. 

I’ll say it again, meaningful conversation is one of a woman’s greatest needs in marriage. The guy may have other great qualities, but if he doesn’t welcome conversation and really listen to his wife, she will never be happy with him. She’ll be lonely and feeling like something is missing. Why is it so easy for a woman to share marital unhappiness with a friend over coffee, but so difficult to share those feelings with her husband?

Those who long for change must be the ones to initiate it. My husband doesn’t hesitate to tell me what he needs from me. He may not ask directly, but he finds ways to make his needs known. So why shouldn’t I make my needs known?

My first marriage ended because neither one of us gave what the other person needed. I remember our counselor asking my ex-husband what he learned when our counseling sessions were coming to a close. He thought for a moment and then said, “I learned that I can’t be selfish. I have to think about what the other person needs.” And that is what it’s all about. 

I recall a book titled, “His Needs, Her Needs.” I don’t remember if I read it or I wanted to read it. People write books like that because unless a man understands his wife’s needs, he will continue down the same oblivious path to his wife’s unhappiness. He will think that she’s just someone who can’t be pleased no matter what he does. 

And that concept works both ways. A woman can be just as oblivious to her husband’s needs. The only way to fix the problem is to address it. If you want him to talk, you need to tell him how important conversation is to you. At least it’s a good place to start.

Pour a cup of coffee. Then pour your heart out.

LESSONS LEARNED FROM MY DAUGHTER'S WEDDING

                                                                    

By Danelle Carvell

All good things must come to an end, but I never experienced anything like the moment my daughter's wedding reception ended. All the chatter, laughing, dancing, music, energy and excitement came to an abrupt halt when the DJ announced that the last bus back to the motel was waiting in the parking lot.

We had guests from the other side of Pennsylvania, as well as guests from other states who flew in or drove a long way to get there...Texas, California, Hawaii. That's why we had a shuttle bus, to make things easier on them and to keep everyone safe.  

But I was not prepared for our guests sudden departure. I felt like a deflated balloon, a feeling that lingered for days. We had no gradual goodbyes as the evening progressed. Everyone just disappeared, leaving an empty silence behind and the realization that the only thing left of that beautiful day is the memory of it. 

I learned a lot from a year of planning my daughter Delaina's wedding, which was held at the most beautiful venue, The Stone Barn Farm and Vineyard in Selinsgrove, PA, on August 21, 2021.  I'm sharing what I learned so you can apply these lessons and feel good about the memories you make on that much-anticipated day. 

                                                                

EXPECT DRAMA WHILE PLANNING YOUR WEDDING

When Delaina started planning her wedding, I warned her that weddings tend to bring out the sensitivities in people. I knew that some people would feel left out and others would want too much control of the decisions. As the months progressed, she realized how right I was to warn her about that.

I won't go into the drama stories, I will just say that as the Mother-of-the-Bride, I told her that I would help with anything she needed and if she wanted my opinion on anything, I would gladly give it. "But this is your wedding," I said, "and every decision that is made belongs to you and your future husband."

My strategy worked very well because we didn't have one single disagreement during the entire year of planning her wedding. I stayed out of the way until she asked for my help, and I didn't push my opinions on her. It's a strategy that will undoubtedly work well for everyone involved in the bride and groom's special day.

                                                                   

FOCUS ON THE PEOPLE, NOT THE DETAILS

                                                                

More than anything, a wedding is about people, and if you get caught up in worrying about the flowers, decorations and ceremony being perfect, you will miss the greatest reason why you are there.  

That insightful advice was given to us at our Friday night rehearsal by our wonderful officiant, Chad. He said that something surely will go wrong tomorrow, so expect that and do not let it ruin the day. After hearing that, I turned to his wife and said, "I can see why you love that man." I was so impressed that he said that. 

And he was right. Something did go wrong. Shortly before the ceremony was to start, we discovered that the youngest member of the bridal party, three-year-old Natalie, was missing her dress. After searching, it was assumed that the dress was left at her home, which was a good 45-minute drive one way. The wedding would not start on time if we waited to retrieve the dress. 

Natalie's mom, my daughter-in-law, Rebekah, felt terrible about the situation, and she needed to know for sure that the dress was left behind, so she called her neighbor, Mariah, a mother of two boys, and asked her to look in her house for the dress. 

"Well, at least I know where it is," Rebekah said when Mariah confirmed it was there. 

"I can bring it to you," Mariah offered. "Send me the address." 

"I was so thankful for my neighbor that day, and I made sure that she knew it," Rebekah said. "It drew us closer as moms and gave us a mutual understanding as neighbors that we need each other."

Thanks to her helpful neighbor, Natalie had her dress in time for the photos, but we had to come up with another plan for the ceremony. Our photographer suggested that we make a dress out of her robe, which was chosen by the bride as a gift. All of Delaina's bridesmaids got a wedding-colors robe to wear while getting ready for the ceremony. 

Rebekah's mom, Cheryl, quickly went to work pinning the robe so it would stay closed in front and then added a pretty ribbon. I was amazed how quickly the problem was solved, but Rebekah was in tears, feeling like she let the bride down. I was happy to see her dancing and smiling later because Delaina was not upset about it. She wouldn't be my daughter if she had fussed over it. Some things just aren't worth getting shook about. 

                                                 

I have seen people get caught up in the material details of a wedding.  They allow anything that goes wrong to become the focal point of the entire day and that is so shallow. A wedding is a celebration of the love between the bride and the groom. And people are the most important part of that celebration, not the food, not the flowers, not the dresses, the weather or anything else.

                                                                                                                                                                   

SPEND TIME WITH GUESTS YOU DON'T KNOW AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF

I am not a social butterfly. I'm good around those I already know, but I'm not one to work the room and greet new people. That was my husband fluttering around meeting all of the groom's Navy buddies while I stayed mostly with family and friends from high school. 

Looking back, I regret not starting conversations with more of the guests I didn't know. Two particular guests impressed me when they walked up to me with compliments on my dress and introduced themselves. Their names are Carissa and Holly.  

How I felt when those women did that made me realize later that as the Mother-of-the-Bride and official hostess for the day, I had the power to make our guests feel special by taking an interest and wanting to know them... and for the most part, I blew it. 

If you are a future Mother-of-the Bride, maybe you're not thinking about your role as hostess. I didn't think about it until I googled "Mother-of-the-Bride duties" a week before the wedding. Even then, I couldn't see myself running around introducing people, and I later realized that really isn't necessary at a wedding. Our guests mingled well on their own.

But what I could have done was smile and make eye contact with all of the guests as I walked by.  I also could have asked more of them if they were having a good time just to start a conversation. That wouldn't have been so difficult.  

When people who know me read this, they will probably think that I'm too hard on myself. Maybe I am, but I hate missing opportunities to validate people's presence in a room. But a wedding can be overwhelming. There is so much going on, and I know I shouldn't beat myself up for not being the perfect hostess. That beautiful day held far too many fabulous moments for me to focus on my failures. 

 

THINK ABOUT THE PHOTOS YOU WANT BEFORE THE WEDDING AND REQUEST THEM

I sobbed the day after the wedding for many reasons. One was because I didn't get a mother/daughter photo with the bride. I looked at all those beautiful photos of her with each individual member of the wedding party and felt cheated and overlooked. 

I knew her first. I gave her life. I should have  gotten a photo of just the two of us on that special day. I will never get that opportunity back. 

I'm not blaming anyone. I didn't realize until later how much that photo would have meant. We worked so hard together for that day. Also contributing to my sobbing under the bed sheets for 20 minutes was the fact that she is the last to leave the nest, which is another reason for my "just the two of us" photo disappointment.  

When our photographer released a "sneak peek" of the wedding photos, the only photo of just the two of us was a side shot of me buttoning the back of her dress. Her face isn't in the shot and only half my face is showing. It's a beautiful photo of a special moment, but a facing-front shot is what I missed. 

                                                                

So think about the photos you want now, and remind family members to stick around at whatever point photos are to be taken. If not, someone will be running around the venue tracking people down, which wastes time and disrupts your caterer's timing for serving the meal.

                                                               

                                                                 

DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH BEFORE (OR AFTER) THE CEREMONY

I added this advice because our officiant told us a story of a bride who drank so much that she passed out in front of him right after she made it down the aisle. Imagine the memory of that? 

Guests who drink too much can also ruin the day. I've heard stories about fights breaking out at weddings that left people physically hurt and bleeding. That's not a good memory for the bride and groom as they start a life together, and you don't want to be the guest that people tell wacky wedding stories about for years to come. 

                  SAY "YES!" WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DANCE

                                                            

Play any song with a good dance beat and I can't sit still. I feel sorry for people who won't or can't dance because, to me, it is so incredibly freeing and fun. It's a good workout that clears my head and makes me happy. 

"Only when I'm dancing can I feel so free." are the words to a song by Madonna. Dance music from the 80's is my favorite. When Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody started to play at the reception, I ended a conversation mid-sentence and ran to the dance floor. 

A wedding without dancing is just plain boring to me. The Bible says that there's "a time to dance" and we didn't hold back at my daughter's wedding. Our talented photographer, Stevie, got the most fabulous shot of Matron-of-Honor, Rachel and Groomsman, Sean air guitaring to the song Don't Stop Believing. I just love that photo. It is a joyful representation of the love and fun that was in that room as we celebrated. 

                                                                                    

I spent most of the night dancing with my best friend from high school, but eventually a few men asked me to dance. I turned down the first request and immediately regretted it. In the back of my mind I had slight concerns that my husband wouldn't like it. But I did dance with one of the groomsmen. He tried to teach me to two-step, and I was terrible at it, but when I got the steps right it was incredibly fun. 

I later learned that he asked for permission to dance with me and my husband was okay with it. Well, never again will I turn down a dance request due to shyness or concern for my husband. I'm done with that. It's not like I was in a lip-lock with these men or bumping and grinding up against them. 

I wouldn't care if my husband danced with another woman. The only way it would bother me is if she was visibly flirting with him. Then I can see the problem someone might have with it. Otherwise, I see no reason to be bothered by it. 

You might disagree, but I think we limit our fun and miss out on getting to know people when we live by rigid rules such as married people can only dance with each other. The truth is that someday we will all be dancing together in Heaven and there will be no such thing as envy or jealousy. So we may as well get some practice in right here, right now. 

In closing, I will say that my daughter's wedding holds some of the most precious memories of my life. Going with her to find a dress, looking at wedding venues, being elated by how much I loved my dress when the package arrived, planning her bridal shower with her adorable bridesmaids, Sunday craft days at her Aunt Dee's when we created most of the decorations, and enjoying seeing her so happy as she perfected every detail of her wedding and reception...I so much enjoyed the past year. I want to relive every moment. And that's how we should feel when that beautiful day ends. 

                                                                

                                                                       

A NOTE FROM DANELLE

 Here we are in August already. I never want summer to end. I told myself I was going to pack as much fun as possible into this summer, but that's not happening. I missed my hometown carnival last week and I've put many things on the calendar and then didn't get there. Maybe running all over the place isn't what I need right now. 

Yesterday I devoted all day to prayer. I'm going through a really great book, "Prayers That Rout Demons." It sounds a bit scary, but demons are very real. I have family members who've had encounters with them. And if we don't learn to defeat them, they can be a strong source of torment in our lives. Many believers suffer unnecessarily because they fail to exercise their authority over the works of darkness. 

You can pray yourself out of any adverse situation, and you have the power to change geographic regions. It is through prayer that we release the will of God upon the earth. God's word released through our spoken words will cause His power to manifest in our lives. The book explains this very well and gives specific prayers that you can say to defeat demonic influence in your life and the lives of people you love. I found the least expensive option here https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/prayers-that-rout-demons_john-eckhardt/260052/#isbn=159979246X

Right now, I am struggling with something that I feel is a demonic attempt to defeat me and make me miserable. I reached a point where I had to do something to break free, so I fasted and prayed yesterday. It's rare that I can go an entire day without food, but I did it because making a sacrifice like that will make your prayers more powerful. The bible is filled with stories about fasting as a way to let God know you are serious about your prayers. 

I decided to take the month of August to focus on prayer, so I won't be posting news updates for at least a month. For those who follow my blog, you know what news sources I use most, so you can go to those places and look around for articles and videos that interest you. Some of the links are listed on the right side of my blog under News and Health links. The links I hit most are banned.video where I listen to The American Journal, Alex Jones, David Icke, and Greg Reese. Ann Vandersteel at the Steel Truth link and the X22 Report are good too. 

TheRight Side with Doug Billings is a powerful truth platform right now, so check that out too at dougbillings.us I also follow the Stew Peters Show on Rumble. For daily news, you can go to Newstarget, Gateway Pundit, and Newsmax  But the most important news to follow is what the prophets are saying because they have a direct link to God. If you don't believe in prophets, you need to read your Bible. Anyone who teaches that modern-day prophets don't exist are denying all the prophets mentioned in the Bible. If God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, then he still speaks through prophets. 

Follow Wanda Alger, Elijah Streams, Ark of Grace Ministries and The Victory Channel on You Tube. The word of the Lord that prophets share have been a source of encouragement for me. When things look hopeless, I am reminded that God is in control and He is working behind the scenes even though we can't understand what He is up to and why He is allowing so much chaos in our country. 

The prophets are all telling us that the most important thing we can do right now is draw close to God. He is drawing a line in the sand between those who are close to Him and those who are not. The ones who are ignoring Him will have regrets and some catching up to do, while the ones who are close will be rewarded and promoted to higher positions. You don't want to miss out on that.

So enjoy the rest of your summer and thank you for following my blog. By sharing true news, I have received the most page views per month since I started the blog. I wish I could know all of you who check in regularly and I would love to hear from you. It's hard to continue doing something without positive feedback, so I encourage you to send a message or comment. God bless you and your family. 

THE FRIGHTENING INGREDIENTS IN THE COVID VACCINE

https://dougbillings.us/video/dougs-latest-interview-with-karen-kingston-7-29-2021/ 

FLIPPING THE TABLES ON THE DEEP STATE FOOLS

https://www.steeltruth.com/?wix-vod-video-id=81d8e4d0042846a6ba5d8e94b1841a69&wix-vod-comp-id=comp-kl5lh1zq 

Moderna rep: Everyone taking COVID-19 vaccine is “pretty much” part of a clinical trial

Moderna rep: Everyone taking COVID-19 vaccine is “pretty much” part of a clinical trial: The leaked audio of a phone call between a Moderna representative and a woman who developed Guillain-Barre syndrome after receiving the company’s experimental drug has confirmed something many of us already knew: We are witnessing the biggest clinical trial in vaccine history. During the course of conversation, the Moderna representative admitted that all coronavirus (COVID-19) vaccine recipients are […]

Dr. McCullough – The Never Needed To Be Lockdowns, The Covid Myth

Dr. McCullough – The Never Needed To Be Lockdowns, The Covid Myth: Prepare Today And SAVE 25% Off A Full 4-WEEK SUPPLY My Patriot Supply http://preparewithx22.com   Today’s Guest: Dr. McCullough Dr. McCullough has made

Public Understanding Of Events Around The Corner,Month Of August Is Traditionally Very Hot – Ep. 2540

Public Understanding Of Events Around The Corner,Month Of August Is Traditionally Very Hot – Ep. 2540

Vaccine Brain Fog Mirrors Symptoms of Dementia

https://freeworldnews.tv/watch?id=6102eb1626a4181af0b11f1f 

Hellooooo.... There IS No 'Virus' - David Icke Dot-Connector Videocast

https://freeworldnews.tv/watch?id=6103e5b852165b1d7ce7ae15 

No Need to Hide Their Genocide – Scared to Death By Their Lies

https://www.hagmannreport.com/no-need-to-hide-their-genocide-scared-to-death-by-their-lies-steve-quayle-on-the-hagmann-report-full-show-7-29-2021/ 

Setting the Stage for Total Lockdown – There Will Be a Fight | The Hagmann Report (FULL SHOW)

https://www.hagmannreport.com/setting-the-stage-for-total-lockdown-there-will-be-a-fight-the-hagmann-report-full-show-7-28-2021/ 

'Saint' Fauci 'demolished' by Senator Rand Paul in 'testy' US Congress e...

My only question while watching this is, "Will he get what he deserves or will he walk away and go back to his life of luxury as the highest paid government worker?"

HORROR! Joe, Confused, Starts Calling for “Mom” in middle of Speech

Robin Bullock Current Events Update July 26 2021

7 Secrets to Lose Weight Fast | Dr. Josh Axe & Jordan Rubin

AMANDA GRACE: A BOILING POINT IN THIS NATION!

FlashPoint: Special Word from Mario Murillo | You're Not Watching This B...

REASONS TO FEAR THE COVID VACCINE AND WORRY ABOUT LOVED ONES WHO GOT IT.

https://dougbillings.us/video/dougs-continued-interview-with-karen-kingston-7-27-2021/ 

AMA calls for mandatory vaccination of ALL health care workers, effectively endorsing medical violence that may collapse the health care sector at the worst possible time

AMA calls for mandatory vaccination of ALL health care workers, effectively endorsing medical violence that may collapse the health care sector at the worst possible time: The American Medical Association (AMA), the American Nurses Association (ANA), and a slew of other pharmaceutical cartel groups want all medical workers in the United States to be forcibly vaccinated for the Chinese Flu or else lose their jobs. Ezekiel Emanuel, a Jewish bioethicist at the University of Pennsylvania and the brother of former Chicago […]

How the Plague of Corruption Is Killing Mankind (VIDEO) with Dr. Mercola

https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2021/07/25/plague-of-corruption.aspx 

Could Fermented Foods Help Your Arthritis?

https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2021/07/26/fermented-foods-can-help-with-arthritis.aspx 

Authorities order the VAXTERMINATION of city workers, doctors and nurses as spike protein MURDER injections target government and health care sectors

This link contains a video of a Maryland nurse warning people of the vaccine deaths and suffering she has witnessed. Do not take the covid vaccine. This is your warning.

https://www.naturalnews.com/2021-07-27-authorities-order-the-vaxtermination-of-city-workers-doctors-and-nurses.html 

State To FORCE Deadly And INEFFECTIVE Vaccines On KIDS?? -

https://freeworldnews.tv/watch?id=6101577b029e6e183c81803e 

MORE STEEL TRUTH FROM ANN VANDERSTEEL

https://www.steeltruth.com/?wix-vod-video-id=2c7ce1d4d16e45af9ac2c7c069e83c6f&wix-vod-comp-id=comp-kl5lh1zq 

Amanda Grace Talks...RECAP & MARK OF THE BEAST, WHAT DOES THE WORD SAY

Dr. David Martin: Daszak and Fauci committed acts of domestic terrorism with coordinated release of covid bioweapons

(Natural News) In a fascinating interview with Stew Peters of “The Stew Peters Show,” Dr. David Martin blew the lid on Tony Fauci and Peter Daszak, both of whom committed treasonous acts of domestic terrorism against the entire world with their coordinated release of the Wuhan coronavirus (Covid-19)

https://www.naturalnews.com/2021-07-25-david-martin-daszak-fauci-domestic-terrorism-covid.html 

BIOWEAPON: New study reveals spike protein in coronavirus vaccines responsible for adverse reactions

https://www.naturalnews.com/2021-07-25-spike-protein-coronavirus-vaccines-responsible-adverse-reactions.html 

CDC withdraws fraudulent PCR testing protocol that was used to falsify covid “positives” to push the plandemic

 (Natural News) After more than a year of committing scientific fraud to push false “positives” via PCR testing, the CDC has announced it is withdrawing the RT-PCR Diagnostic Panel on December 31st of this year:

https://www.naturalnews.com/2021-07-25-cdc-withdraws-fraudulent-pcr-testing-protocol-used-to-falsify-covid-positives.html

Lin Wood Backs Whistleblower, Addresses Deep State Attacks, Election, Trump, Jabs and More.

https://rumble.com/vk5zj8-lin-wood-backs-whistleblower-addresses-deep-state-attacks-election-trump-ja.html 

TECNTV.com / What Every Parent Should Know About Vaccinating A Child With A Genetic Therapy

https://rumble.com/vk70vr-tecntv.com-what-every-parent-should-know-about-vaccinating-a-child-with-a-g.html 

Dr. Peter McCullough - URGENT WARNING About Poisonous Jabs - "An Agonizing Situation".

https://rumble.com/vk5zfm-dr.-peter-mccullough-urgent-warning-about-poisonous-jabs-an-agonizing-situa.html 

Arizona Audit - Estimated 311,000 'Phantom Voters', State Officials Move to Decertify Election.

https://rumble.com/vk8u43-arizona-audit-estimated-311000-phantom-voters-state-officials-move-to-decer.html 

MEL K & BIG PHARMA INSIDER MICHAEL L TALK PLANDEMIC EVIDENCE & THE POWER OF FREQUENCIES 7-24-2021

https://www.bitchute.com/video/5TTT04St0be1/ 

TRUMP ISSUES URGENT DIRE WARNING & MARK LEVIN SNAPS—IF WE DON’T WAKE UP, WE’RE DOOMED!

https://www.bitchute.com/video/EKGZhIhM0mPX/ 

Prophetic Dream: An Attempt to Murder Timothy Dixon / The Spirit of Reli...

MEL K, SIMON PARKES & CHALRIE WARD REVEAL THE SCOTT MACKAY EXCLUSIVE UPD...

DOUG BILLINGS INTERVIEW WITH GENERAL FLYNN

Election fraud is no longer a conspiracy theory. It is fact that can be proven. So what's next?

https://dougbillings.us/video/dougs-latest-interview-with-general-flynn-7-23-2021/ 

Thousands protest COVID-19 lockdown in Sydney

If you still don't believe that something bigger than a virus is at work here, you are delusional and you need to open your eyes. Your freedoms are being stripped away in the guise of a medical emergency. Did it ever occur to you that the medical emergency was purposely put in place as an excuse to take your freedoms and control you? 

And wasn't the timing of this virus so convenient? Using Covid as an excuse, they were able to change election procedures, making it easier to steal an election. I know many people, even family members who are so naive about this PLANdemic, SCAMdemic. They follow the rules and don't put up any kind of a fight because they actually believe all this bullshit is for real. 

"Oh my God, we're going to die from a virus with a less than 1% kill rate! This is terrible. Put your mask on so my grandma doesn't die! Meanwhile, your own Governor is killing Grandma by sending Covid positive patients back into nursing homes. 

I guess the people with their heads in the sand don't want to admit to the evil that exists in the world... I guess that is the reason for their refusal to see the truth. I can't come up with any other reason. But they will get the shock of their lives when the truth finally sinks in. 

The virus might be real, but the reason to fear it is not real. Like I said, if you get covid, you have a less than 1% chance of dying from it. It is a very survivable virus. If you know someone in that 1% who died, I am sorry. Just as you would be sorry for me if I had lost someone to the seasonal flu back in 2019. 

Viruses have been killing people for centuries, but when did we ever wear masks and shut down the country for months? The only difference between the flu and covid is the big bad badge of fear that was purposely attached to covid. You were told to be afraid of it. Fear is a powerful thing. And it's a great way to control people. 

Covid was created in a lab as a bioweapon, and it was either accidentally or intentionally released. The virus killed people. The lockdowns killed people and destroyed their businesses. And now the vaccines are killing people. Then, after a stolen election, the evil continues by inviting more sickness and disease into our country through open borders. And have you noticed the higher prices on everything since babbling Biden took over?

Are you seeing the theme here? The theme is death, destruction and human suffering. And you think this is about a highly survivable virus? I am completely baffled by people who don't see what's really happening. We are in a battle between good and evil, and we can't win if people refuse to acknowledge that. 

I know I need to pray more and be frustrated with people less. God help me to do that. My generation was part of the problem. We let this happen by refusing to get involved in schools, government and politics. While good people did nothing, evil people were patiently plotting. And now we can't get anything changed because people in positions of authority are compromised, from local governments straight up to the Supreme court.

It looks like it will take an act of God for our children to have any kind of a future. And that is what we need to pray for. 

WATCH: Dinesh D'Souza UNLEASHES on the Left’s Obsession with Mask Mandates

Barry Wunsch: I Am Calling the US To Her End Times Destiny | July 22 2021

This is a clip from an entire show with Barry from two days ago. I felt it was worth posting again because it is the most important part of that show and it is very encouraging.

I AM HOLY AND I AM SPIRIT!

Victory News: Roe V. Wade Challenge, BLM, Inflation, and Top Stories wit...

FlashPoint: Flip the Script! A Time for Elijahs | Sammy Rodriguez, Tony ...

FlashPoint: A New Movement Beings... SAS 2021 Recap

Lockdowns cause more deaths than coronavirus itself

Lockdowns cause more deaths than coronavirus itself: Last year’s data revealed that the coronavirus (COVID-19) lockdowns have caused more deaths than the disease itself. Those in power ignored the norms of governance, journalism, academic freedom and science. They misled the public about the origins of the virus and the true risk it posed. They claimed unprecedented powers to impose untested strategies, with terrible collateral damage. […]

The ‘vaccines are the answer’ narrative blown to smithereens as more and more of ‘the fully vaxxed’ are becoming ill and dying

The ‘vaccines are the answer’ narrative blown to smithereens as more and more of ‘the fully vaxxed’ are becoming ill and dying: According to the CDC’s own definition of ‘vaccine’, a vaccine is: A product that stimulates a person’s immune system to produce immunity to a specific disease, protecting the person from that disease. (Article by Stefan Stanford republished from AllNewsPipeline.com) While Reuters put out this ‘fact check story’ back in February titled “The mRNA coronavirus vaccine is a vaccine, and it is designed […]