Trying to relive my glory days by twirling baton in my back yard, recently contributed to a spine fracture
If I did this today, I would need a chiropractic appointment
By Danelle Carvell
In June this year, I will turn 60. I'm at that age where I like to reminisce about my younger days. I find myself flipping through old yearbooks or pulling shoe boxes from under the bed that are filled with photos from my past life. I don't know too many people who've said they love getting older, but it does have its perks.
FEWER INSECURITIES, MORE CONFIDENCE
The first good thing that comes to mind about getting older is the confidence I have today compared to when I was a teenager. I had things going for me back then, but I didn't recognize any of it. I recall looking at other girls and feeling inferior. I focused on every flaw I had. I wasn't one to speak my mind. I mostly stood in the background and watched others take charge. I would not have described myself as a leader back then. I was a quiet follower and not very good at standing up for myself when faced with any kind of unfair treatment.
But all that changed as I grew older and more experienced in dealing with the trials and disappointments of life. I'm no longer afraid of confrontation. I don't hesitate to speak my mind. Being a leader doesn't scare me. I don't feel inferior to anyone. I've grown to recognize and appreciate my strengths and my abilities. I'm a stronger, wiser, and more courageous person today because time taught me well. I learned a few things along the way and those lessons have enriched my life.
OUTGROWING MY HANGUPS
Many things that bothered me years ago don't come close to being bothersome today. For example, I don't need my husband by my side every minute or get mad if he wants to go away for a few days. I've learned to be content on my own and that is a valuable lesson. When you realize that other people are not responsible for your happiness, it's very freeing for both yourself and whoever it is that you've been making demands on.
Depriving people of the things they enjoy just because it takes them away from you is selfish and a bit childish. I see a lot of young women making the mistake of suffocating their boyfriends or husbands by demanding too much of their time and attention. But as most women get older they learn to hold on loosely to the people they love. I think its one of the many good things that come from growing more confident in yourself and learning to like yourself.
As women grow older they become comfortable in their own skin and that means needing less from other people because they are content with themselves. We start to care less about how other people see us. In my younger days I would have been tormented by any negative comment directed toward me, but today I wouldn't hesitate to tell that person exactly how I feel about their behavior, and if it continues, I would find a way to avoid them. I've learned that I don't need to tolerate hostility. If they don't like me, maybe the problem isn't me. Being young has a way of making us think that everything is our fault.
Being young and immature also comes with a whole list of hangups--obsessing about our looks, wanting to control people, low self-esteem, sassy attitudes, out-of-control emotions and a mile-long list of insecurities that make us very unattractive. I look back on the younger version of me and the way I acted. Today I feel set-free because I learned not to waste my energy on childish behavior. My emotions have grown more intelligent. Life experience has taught me to relax. I would rather feel this way and look older than to look young and feel like that anxious stress ball from my teens and early twenties.
THE DESIRE TO SIMPLIFY MY LIFE AND ENJOY SIMPLE THINGS
My sister asked me what I did on New Year's Eve. She thought I went out to celebrate. I told her that I stayed home and went to bed early. She said she ate shrimp that night and then went to bed. Aren't we just the party sisters? As boring as that might sound to some people, I like that I'm satisfied doing simple things. I couldn't find that satisfaction when I was younger. I needed fun every weekend and I hated being at home.
I also like how getting older brings a desire for less clutter in my life. I've thrown out so much stuff in the past two years because I'm tired of looking at it and I realize that I don't really need it. The less stuff you have, the less work it is to maintain that stuff. I have less clothes to wash. I don't need as much space for dishes and glassware because I threw out all but the basics. And I like the simplicity of a home that isn't packed full of boxes and cluttered with stuff. One of the best ways to bring peace to your mind and your life is to simplify your home and downsize to only the things you really need.
MAKING BETTER CHOICES
Half the stress in my life when I was younger was caused by the bad choices I made. The term "young and dumb" definitely applied to me. I was more impulsive back then, which probably contributed to my very stupid decision to move to Florida with a girlfriend. It was a fun adventure, but it just wasn't smart because I knew in my heart that I wouldn't be happy there. I was running away from something, but wherever you go, there you are. My unhappiness followed me and what I really needed to change was not my geographical location.
Today I'm better able to think things through before jumping in blindly. I ponder decisions and weigh the pros and cons. I've learned that choices have consequences and after getting knocked in the face with the fallout of so many young, dumb decisions, I hesitate to make major life changes or even small changes I might regret. I've learned to ask God if it's a good idea and then wait for an answer. I didn't consider that guidance in my younger days.
I'M SMARTER ABOUT MY CIRCLE
Some of the people I surrounded myself with when I was younger brought a lot of stress to my life. I wasn't great at knowing when someone wasn't good for me. Bad things would happen, but I would go right back for more with the same people over and over again. Some of those people were friends and some were boyfriends, but they all had one thing in common...I should have stayed far away from them.
One particular boyfriend could be the poster-child for my poor judge of character. He was a charmer and a good dancer with a great sense of humor. We laughed at the same things and because I love to dance I hung on to him longer than I should have. I loved the fun factor in him. But I should have known that you can't build a life on fun alone. The fun ended when I discovered that he had a flame burning for a former girlfriend and a bad habit that isn't legal.
Today I don't tolerate such nonsense. I have a very keen sense about people now. I can know within a few minutes of talking to someone if I want to continue the conversation. I believe a big part of that discernment came from my spiritual growth. Being close to God gives you a wisdom about people like nothing else. And that wisdom can keep you out of trouble. My naive judgement in the people I spent time with is probably the biggest reason why I would never want to relive my youth. Nothing contributes more to being unhappy than
bad choices about the people allowed in your circle. If you're part of my circle now, you must be pretty darn amazing!
I could go on with my list, but I guess I'll stop there. Getting older isn't such a bad thing. I no longer wake up looking good without makeup. Things are sagging that used to be tight. My joints ache. I don't sleep like I once did. Laughing and sneezing can bring embarrassing consequences. And I don't have the energy I once had. But what I do have is a more relaxed mind, fabulous people in my circle, and an overall happier life. I'll take that over smooth skin anyday.
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