WHEN OUR WORDS CRASH AND BURN

By Danelle Carvell 

                                                                 

Words can bring life or death to our relationships.

Have you been feeling beaten up? I have your attention because you can relate to that sentence. You might be having family conflicts or other troubling issues and you're feeling like, "What in the world is going on?" People are at each other's throats and relationships are being destroyed. 

I can't recall a time when the world was more chaotic or verbally explosive than right now. I won't go into the reasons why I believe things are like this. That's another topic for another day. The battle between good and evil is as old as the Bible and strongholds are at work right now that we don't visibly see. What I will go into is my own confession about feeling beaten up and how it has affected me and the people around me. 

When we're feeling beaten up, when we're mentally and physically exhausted, we become vulnerable to the resurfacing of past painful issues, especially issues that have never been discussed or resolved. That's what happened to me. A painful memory resurfaced and I shared it with the wrong person. I screwed up. And now someone I love is angry with me. 

The ironic thing is that the regretful conversation started with me trying to clear up a potential misunderstanding. I thought that I had been careless with my words and I wanted to clear the air and make it right. But the topic took a wrong turn when I shared my frustration about someone's attitude and that's when the painful issue from my past resurfaced. When I mentioned it, that opened up a can of worms and things got pretty ugly. 

Anyone who says that we shouldn't be hurt by words is saying something very wrong. The Bible says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. The careless things we say can destroy relationships. Harsh words can kill the love between a husband and wife, between a father and son, or between longtime friends. 

What comes out of our mouths can be as destructive as lethal poison, and we shouldn't make people feel guilty for being hurt by words. We can't tell them that they are too sensitive and they need to toughen up and get over it. No one gets to decide for someone else when or how they get over a hurtful thing. If the words didn't land in my heart, I have no clue how that comment affected someone. 

I recently posted an entry titled, We All Have Big Mouth Moments. It ended with this: "Sometimes the best response to someone's big mouth is to extend grace and let it pass, because we all have big mouth moments." I do plan to write a part-two to that because there are times when we can't and shouldn't let a troubling comment pass by without question. But that is a topic for another day. I'm too tired to get into that, so I will leave you with this... 

If you are having any personal conflicts, come clean if you want to preserve the relationship. Admit your mistake and apologize. That's what I'm doing now. I said in past posts that I am not too proud to say I'm sorry. I know I screw up with my mouth. That is why I'm always checking up on people to make sure they didn't misunderstand me. 

It's funny how having a conscience can get you into so much trouble, but maybe that just happens to me. Caring about hurting people, caring about their feelings...that is a wonderful quality in God's eyes. May I always be sensitive to the way my words land in the hearts of others.