By Danelle Carvell
My youngest granddaughter and my daughter
I've been pondering a Christmas blog post. What to write about? So as I'm waiting for my cookie dough to thaw, I'm here at my keyboard with no idea what's going to come out of me. What would God want me to write about is the question I ask when I don't know what to say.
I'm sitting at my bedroom window with my laptop, watching the snow fall. Snow is so peaceful. It covers everything with a pure, white blanket, and watching it slowly fall has a tranquilizing effect.
What else brings peace to our lives?
Of all times in the year, Christmas should be the most peaceful because of what it represents. Yet, the week leading up to Christmas is often the most hectic week of the year. I have noticed over the years that gift-giving can cause a lot of stress in families. Perhaps that is why some people decide to give it up altogether.
We can get into arguments about the who, what, when, where and why of giving gifts. The problem arises when not everyone agrees. Some might want to skip the gift exchange completely; others might want to buy for everyone. We all have different ideas about giving gifts and the reason for that is because a gift comes from the heart of the individual. And no one should dictate to others what gift-giving should be.
I have done this myself, so I'm not pointing fingers. It's very easy to become so stressed by the thought of buying gifts for everyone that you just want to skip it for a year. That has been suggested in my family more than once, and it was fine for those who agreed. But both times it was suggested, not everyone was happy about it.
Remember, a gift comes from the heart of the individual, so when one person makes a group decision about gifts, that person takes away what was brewing in everyone else's heart about gifts that year. Traditions are important to some people. They don't want Christmas to change. Or maybe they just really enjoy giving gifts.
To some people, gift-giving is a love language. It's their way of expressing love. Why would anyone want to take away a person's chosen way to express love? The world certainly needs more love.
Another thing that causes stress is assigned gifts. I was once assigned a gift I couldn't afford and it turned out to be a disaster. I should have said, No. But I fulfilled my duty because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. Ironically, it turned out to be an even greater disappointment than it would have been if I had declined the assignment.
When something doesn't feel right, that's a good indication that you should question it. The old saying, "When in doubt, don't do it" is a good rule to follow. Always trust your instincts when it comes to gift-giving because your heart knows. No one should ever assign someone a gift. We can make suggestions, but we should never expect someone to complete a gift assignment that was not their own idea. That's just wrong.
Another major source of stress in families is the where and when of gift giving. This is especially challenging in large families where everyone wants to see their children and grandchildren and everyone wants their share of time. Decisions are often made to make things more convenient for families or to cut down on the amount of traveling. Fitting all the Christmas visits into one day can mean making changes that not everyone likes.
I have experienced this in my family and I know other families have conflicts over the time and place of family visits at Christmas. Some people don't adapt well to change because they want Christmas to be where and when it always was. When something becomes a Christmas tradition, any kind of change can be a big disappointment. And when a change is made for the sake of having more time somewhere else, it can feel like a rejection.
Sometimes people just don't show up because of personal conflicts with other family members. Then there are hard feelings when someone who should be there decides not to come because they don't want to deal with the family friction. Having the entire family in one place for hours can lead to something being done or said that causes discord. After a while, it's just easier to stay away.
The list of reasons why this time of year can be stressful is a long one. I didn't really give any answers to the Christmas chaos. I only pointed out the stressors that we deal with. I can say that perhaps we need to focus more on the reason for the season and less on the other stuff. Who we are celebrating deserves more of our time and attention. And maybe when we do that, we can more easily work out the other stuff.
What brings peace to our lives? One Bible verse comes to mind. "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee." Isaiah 26:3
Wishing you a Joyful, Peaceful Christmas.
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