THE SENSE TO LOOK DEEPER

I remember a verse that goes something like this, "Only the person involved can know her own pain; no one else can really share it." That verse and a few recent experiences have inspired me to write about the way we form opinions of others without knowing the full details of their lives. If only we could see the total picture, we might be more compassionate. If we could see the reasons behind the things people do and say, we might be more forgiving.

So much misunderstanding goes on when we communicate. And it's that misunderstanding which causes bad feelings and broken relationships. It amazes me how easily people can misunderstand what I'm trying to say. I was at a party last summer talking to a woman about what I might get into next. We got on the subject of selling and I told her about a woman who tried to recruit me as a salesperson. Within minutes the woman became defensive and told me that she has great respect for that person. "It takes a lot of discipline to do what she does," she said as if I were attacking the woman's character.

She assumed that I was criticizing the gal who tried to recruit me. But what she didn't realize was that I had helped that person get started in her business and we were on friendly terms. The point I was trying to make was that I can't sell to save my life. Looking back, I wish I would have told her how mistaken she was, but I walked away without telling her she misunderstood.

Once I sent a note to my daughter's teacher when she didn't want to take part in a spelling bee. The teacher didn't take it well from what my daughter told me.  But what the teacher didn't see was the exhausted mother (me) who wrote the note and the things that led up to it. From what I understood, the spelling bee was mandatory.  I wrote the note as a desperate attempt to quiet my daughter's fears, but I don't think it was received as that.

Jumping to conclusions is one way we get ourselves into trouble. Sometimes we hear something totally different than what the person meant. I've learned to give myself a cooling-off period whenever someone says something offensive. Too many times I've made a fool of myself by assuming something that just wasn't so. And then when I got the whole story, I felt like an idiot and had to apologize for my hasty judgment.

Another thing we do is fail to see the baggage that people carry around. Sometimes people do and say things because of past experiences. We don't realize that the reason someone is so sensitive about her weight is because of a fat stage she went through and the teasing she endured because of it. We don't realize that the reason someone seems so controlling and bossy is because she desperately wants children. Her motherly instincts are in overdrive and she has nothing to nurture but other people's lives. So she comes across as bossy and arrogant but she's really hurting inside.

Hurting people hurt people. It's from our own brokenness that we hurt others. And if we could just see beyond the offense and look a little deeper, we might discover that the hurt we're experiencing is actually the fallout from someone else's pain. We really should give people the benefit of the doubt more often. We really should be more forgiving, more understanding, and slower to assume the worst.  We can't see the hidden reasons why people do what they do. We don't know what's behind their hurtful words. But we can pray for our eyes to be opened to their pain. If we can understand the reason for their actions, we'll be more likely to extend grace. The world needs more grace.

PART OF THE HUMAN CONDITION

"People don't know what to do when the wheels fall off your life." I like that quote from The Longing, my latest reading treasure. The book is about finding your identity in Christ not in your accomplishments, your looks or anything else. In chapter six, Joey O'Connor makes a great point about brokenness and why it is an essential part of being a Christian: "Brokenness brings us to the end of ourselves. It is the very thing that brings us to our knees. It is the very thing we need to lead us to the wholeness found in Christ."

We need to give ourselves permission to be broken. That's hard to do in a society of winners who never want to appear weak, vulnerable, worried, anxious or overwhelmed. "We wear a thin veil of superficiality and shallowness," says the author. "We hide because we're afraid that if we truly open the lid of our hearts to show another person all of our fears and grief and pain, they'd say, "Yuck!"

I admire people who can be honest with their feelings without fear of appearing weak or vulnerable. There's nothing more endearing to me than a friend who openly shares her doubts, fears and pain. This is what life's about and it shouldn't make us uncomfortable. "We must accept our brokenness to find our wholeness in Christ," says O'Connor.

To find a friend who's honest is rare. Even rarer is finding a friend who allows you to be honest, especially when you're honestly hurting. Life isn't always about being strong and capable. Sometimes it gets messy and we should let ourselves be a mess without guilt. The idea that people, especially Christians, should always be strong and never struggle is wrong. The Bible is filled with stories of godly men and women who suffered greatly. "And through their suffering, God created something beautiful," claims O'Connor.

We all have seasons in our lives when we don't have it all together and we don't have all the answers. "Brokenness is part of the human condition," says the author. Then why do hurting people make us so uneasy? And why do we try so hard to hide our own brokenness? We're just not good at comforting people. We say the most ridiculous things to them. "There are other fish in the sea," is what we say to the heartbroken. "It's God's will," is what we say to the grieving. We'd be better off to say nothing.

People don't know what to do when the wheels fall off your life. But "Jesus, your broken savior understands your brokenness like no one else." Cling to Him. He promises to make something beautiful out of your brokenness.

TRUST WILL SET YOU FREE

Have you ever come across just the right book at a time when you really needed its wisdom? This happens to me all the time. I believe that God brings certain books into our lives at just the right time. It's one of the many ways that he communicates with us. Sometimes it's a magazine article or a lesson on TV. But the exact thing that I'm struggling with will suddenly appear in the form of a book, an article, a TV program or some other teaching tool.

The book I'm reading now is one that I bought a year ago. I finally picked it up this week and started reading. It's so good that I can't put it down. The book is titled, In God We Trust: But Only as a Last Resort. Trusting God should be the easiest aspect of Christian living. Yet we sometimes, perhaps often, have a hard time with it the book says. This is something I can relate to. I'm beginning to realize that the anxiety I've been feeling for the past three years has been caused by a lack of trust.

"Day after day, you and I tell God by our actions that we don't trust Him, even though He has proven Himself to us over and over again." Like many people, I have put my trust in something other than God. My constant worry and manipulation of situations proves my lack of trust. Only lately have I been able to relax. God brought this book to me to tell me what I've been doing wrong: "Don't put your trust in your friends, your bank account, your wisdom, or anything else. Put your trust in me."

"God says to us, If I can create an unlimited universe, if I can bring into existence the laws of nature, if I can hold the stars in space, if I can stop the sun from moving closer and burning up the earth or moving farther away and freezing the earth, if I can do all these things, then can't you trust Me?"

Oswald Chambers wrote, "All worry and anxiety come from the fact that we have calculated without God." When we try to work out solutions to our problems through our own wisdom and strength, we set ourselves up for sleepless nights, eating disorders, and days without joy the book points out. I'm learning that fear and faith cannot coexist and that faithlessness offends God. "Have you ever asked the Lord to forgive your sin of fear and unbelief?" the book asks.

We put our trust in so many things. We think that having money will give us peace. We put trust in our appearance and think that if we look good we will be content. We are more concerned about looking physically good than we are about people seeing the spirit of Christ in us. We buy designer clothes mostly to impress others. We depend on big incomes and big titles for our self-worth. Beauty, money, success, cars and houses are the things we seek more than God. Our materialism is destroying our trust in God.

One thing I've learned is that it's exhausting not to trust God. When we can't relax and really trust that God is who He says He is, and if we can't depend on Him for our welfare and our protection, we have no peace. Our minds become exhausted and we feel tormented. It's not the way God meant for us to live.

There's a simple formula that can set us free: "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." In other words, all the things we fear, all the things we worry about and have anxiety about will be taken care of if we put God first. That is such a simple answer, yet so many of us don't live that way. We have no faith. We just can't let go of the control. We think we know better. We think we can make things happen better than God can. So we ignore God and do it our own way.

Well I don't need to be hit over the head twice. I'm heeding the message and learning the lesson. Daniel Owens wrote a great book and by divine appointment it found its way into my hands at the exact time I needed it, when I was finally ready to listen. God communicates with us every day through the Holy Bible, through circumstance, and sometimes through the wise words of others. Our struggles are often the result of our refusal to listen and our refusal to trust God.

CAN'T KEEP A GOOD WEEBLE DOWN

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

It's always fun to remember the toys we played with as kids and the TV commercials that touted them. I remember one particular toy commercial that sang the praises of a toy that was often scattered across our living room floor: "Weebles wobble but they won't fall down." Little egg-shaped people with a weighted center could be knocked around for fun. The fun was in watching them wobble from side to side until they finally came to rest standing perfectly straight, exactly as they were before me and my siblings crashed into them like bowling balls.

Weebles were introduced in the early seventies and were intended to be miniature versions of the popular clown punching bag seen on Romper Room. My brother had a blue punching bag with a smiling clown face. No matter how hard you hit that clown, he always came back up for another shot.

Do you ever feel like a weeble? Getting knocked around by life is something we can't escape. Some people keep their wobbly moments to themselves and others express them openly, but everyone knows what stress, failure, disappointment and burnout feel like.

One thing I'm learning about life's let downs is that they only last as long as is necessary for God to accomplish something in me. There's always a reason for my set-backs. One of those reasons is so I can develop godly character.

God uses adversity to mold and shape us into the people He wants us to become. Hard times have a way of removing pride and self-centerdness. The storms of life strengthen our faith and enable us to serve others better. We're able to comfort and encourage those who face difficulties because we know what it's like to face frustration and hurt.

Anyone who is honest can relate to the weeble's wobble. And like the weeble, we can recover from life's knockdowns. When our center of gravity is Jesus, adversity may come to visit, but it will never take up permanent residence. Because of our faith, our strength is renewed and we can once again walk with purpose and direction. We may get knocked around by life's struggles, but we are never defeated by them.

I'm learning that adversity is actually good for me. It builds godly character, it humbles me and makes me a better servant to others. No matter how much I get knocked around by life's let downs, I know I'll be fine if I stand in the confidence of God's faithfulness. I have to believe that he will deliver me out of my afflictions because he promises to do exactly that (Psalms 34:19).

When God is my center, I may wobble but I won't stay down.

THE GREATEST DECISION YOU'LL EVER MAKE

My sister gave me a book many years ago titled, Love Is A Decision. After reading it, I told others about it and was met with some very strong opinions on the subject. I'll never forget one friend in particular who became almost argumentative as she insisted that love is a feeling, not a decision. I can still remember sitting in her kitchen tossing comments back and forth as we pondered the meaning of love. We were both single and had our share of heartbreaks.

Love is a very powerful thing. It is perhaps the most popular subject of all. What discussion doesn't eventually turn toward the topic of love? Many books have been written about it and yet it remains a mystery to many. We just can't figure out how to love and we often find ourselves longing for it even though we've supposedly found it.

What makes love such an elusive and mysterious thing? If love is a feeling, why does the feeling come and go like a ghost on an occasional haunting? And if it is a decision, why don't more people decide to do it.

I believe that love is both a feeling and a decision, but the decision has to come first. We must first decide to love before someone can feel our love. And that is where things often fall short. Whether it is due to our own laziness, lack of desire, or plain ignorance, we just aren't willing to put in the effort it takes to nurture love. It is the greatest of all emotions and yet we take it for granted and refuse to do what it takes to keep it alive and thriving. We actually put more effort into our jobs, our hobbies, and our material investments than we put into our investments of marriage and family.

For example, how many people actually know the love language of each member of their family? A love language is the way that a person longs to be loved. Some people feel loved when they receive gifts. Others feel loved when they are given physical affection. Some need words of affirmation to feel loved. There are five basic love languages that people long to have spoken to them. Some people long for more than just one. How many people are in relationships right now and don't have a clue what language they should be speaking to keep their partner's heart satisfied and feeling loved?

The Five Love Languages is a book that everyone should read. Let me give you an example of the importance of speaking someone's love language. I'll use a fictional couple to demonstrate. Barbie and Ken have been married for fifteen years. For those fifteen years, Ken has been quite satisfied in the marriage. Barbie, however, is not happy and she hasn't been happy since the year they were married, when Ken stopped doing the things that made her feel loved. Her love language is physical touch and words of affirmation.

She thought those loving gestures would continue after they were married, but Ken was all too happy to finally relax after the wedding, knowing that he had won his bride and now he could settle into married life without having to pursue his wife anymore. They no longer spend recreational time together. He rarely expresses physical affection for her and has more compliments for the dog than he has for his wife.

The reason Ken is happy in the marriage is because his love language is acts of service. He likes having a wife that only works a few hours a week because having a hot meal on the table when he comes home makes him feel loved. He also likes a clean, well-kept house. He likes that Barbie keeps the pantry well-stocked, the laundry caught up, and she does everything it takes to keep the household running efficiently. Ken can come home after work and relax, knowing the household chores are done. His wife makes daily deposits in Ken's love tank by doing these acts of service and speaking his love language every day. His love tank is full and Ken is a satisfied husband.

On the other hand, Barbie has been running on an empty love tank for fifteen years. Physical touch and kind words are what make her feel loved. But her husband makes little effort to compliment her or praise her. She might get a pat on the back once in a while or an occasional peck on the cheek, but not on a daily basis. She feels lonely, unloved and unappreciated because her husband makes little effort to speak her love language. What hurts even more is how quick he is to praise and compliment other women. He thinks nothing of pointing out how beautiful, smart, or talented another woman is, but is not so quick to deliver words of affirmation to his wife.

The only way that Ken could understand how Barbie is feeling is if Barbie suddenly stopped cooking, cleaning, shopping for groceries, doing the laundry and performing all those acts of service that are so important to Ken's happiness. And on top of that, Barbie could go to another man's house and cook him a meal, wash his clothes, and clean. Then Ken would understand how much it hurts Barbie when he makes deposits in another woman's love tank by complimenting her instead of his wife.

This is how one spouse can be content in a marriage and another spouse can be miserable. Barbie has decided to speak her husband's love language. She's been doing it for years. But her husband hasn't made the same decision.

In every relationship and in every home you will find either love or a lack of it. Whichever it is, it is by choice. That's what makes love a decision. You're either willing to put forth the effort or you're not. There are no excuses. Either the person is worth the effort or not. And if you're getting everything you need from the relationship and giving little in return, then you've decided not to love. And someone is running on an empty love tank because of your decision.

KEEP PRESSING ON

By Danelle Carvell

                                                  

I keep pressing on through the never-ending chore of dishes 

Discouragement is universal. Who can't relate to feeling like your work is all for nothing? Who doesn't get tired of trudging along the same path day after day with no sign of a breakthrough, no glimmer of hope that things might turn around. I've been reading some very good examples of people who had every reason to quit but instead kept pressing on. And I am finding encouragement in their determination.

One of those people is John Roebling. He was a creative engineer who lived in the 1800's. Roebling had a passionate vision to build a bridge that would connect New York City with Brooklyn. But others didn't share his passion. Experts throughout the world told him it was impossible to build such a bridge and they advised him to scrap the idea. But Roebling refused to give in to his skeptics.

One person who did support his idea was his son, Washington, also a talented engineer. Together this father/son team came up with a plan, hired a crew and began to build their dream bridge. The project was off to a great start when just a few months into it, a tragic accident ended John Roebling's life. Three years later, his son was injured so severely that he couldn't walk, talk or move.

The naysayers had a field day with the Roeblings as they voiced their "I told you so" opinions using words like crazy, foolish, and wild dream chasers. But the youngest dream chaser wasn't down yet, not completely. Despite his severe handicaps, Washington's mind was still sharp and he still had a passion for completing the bridge.

As Washington lay in his hospital bed, an idea hit him. The only part of his body that he could move was one finger, so he decided to make use of it. During his wife's visits, he developed a code of communication by tapping her arm. One day he tapped a message to his wife telling her to call the engineers. Once again, the bridge project was underway with the instructions for completing it being tapped out onto his wife's arm.

Washington's wife must have been a patient, devoted woman. For eleven years she sat beside her husband as he used his one movable finger to tap out instructions for the engineers. Today the spectacular Brooklyn Bridge stands as an awesome example of what can be accomplished when someone stays determined and refuses to be defeated by his or her circumstances.

The thing about quitting is that once you quit, you will never know how close you were to a breakthrough. It could have been right around the next corner. So the next time you feel like giving up, remember the Roeblings, remember that bridge that would not have been, and keep pressing on until that day when your own dream stands before your eyes in all its glory for all to see...a tribute to your refusal to quit when everything worked against you.

THE PROBLEM WITH WORDS

I love it when subjects to write about hit me while I'm brushing my teeth or going about my day. This one hit me while I was applying make-up. What do words have to do with make-up? I'm not sure, but maybe I'll figure it out as I write.

This subject has been building for several weeks. When something happens over and over it's destined to become a writing subject. Over the past few months, I've had so many people talk about the power of words and this subject recently became personal when I sent an email that I later regretted. A friend of mine did the same thing two weeks ago when she failed to scroll to the end of an email that she thought was encouraging. She sent it to several friends only to discover with great embarrassment that the ending was extremely inappropriate.

There's no doubt about it, words can get us into trouble and the wrong words can bring a lot of hurt. I'm sure many relationships have been harmed or destroyed by careless words or words that were taken in a way they weren't intended. And once you press "send," it's too late.

In some cases, what we're trying to say just doesn't come out right. I remember a letter I sent to a friend a long time ago. I was trying to explain my frustration with her requests when she came in for haircuts. This girl was very trendy. She had great hair and she wanted her hair to stand out in a crowd. At the time, I was thinking of getting out of the hair business and maybe my heart just wasn't in it, but I tried to tell her in a nice way that perhaps she should try another stylist because every stylist has her strengths and weaknesses. The hairstyles she wanted were not my strength.

I haven't heard from her since I sent that letter. It's obvious that she was offended by something in that letter. Something I said didn't come out right or was taken in a way it wasn't intended. But the thing I keep coming back to is that if our friendship really meant something to her, wouldn't she have wanted to discuss it? I tried. Are words that powerful that we can walk away from a friendship just because of them? I guess so.

The thing about letters and emails is that we can't see body language and facial expressions. We can't hear the person's tone of voice as we read, and we can't ask for clarification if we misunderstand. For those reasons, a face to face conversation should always be the first choice. The second option is a phone conversation because at least with that we can hear the person's voice and we're able to discuss any misunderstandings.

I love to write letters. Call me old fashioned, but there's something about pulling a card or letter out of an envelope. There's also the excitement of seeing that envelope in the mailbox with my name on it. It's just more exciting than email. Somehow it seems more significant. Maybe because it took more time and thought. I prefer letters to email. And I probably send more cards and letters than I make phone calls.

Communication is a good thing. Even an email is better than not saying anything. I think the problem with words is that perhaps we don't try hard enough to really understand. We don't call the person after we get a questionable letter or email to make sure that what we read and understood is exactly what the person meant. And perhaps we don't take the time to think about what we're saying and how it might be taken. And sometimes we don't take the time to read every word before we pass it on.

We have all said things that we wish we wouldn't have said. Every one of us has had a moment when we wished we could have turned back time and been more careful with our words. It's for that reason that we need to be forgiving when it comes to words. We need to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Just because a few words didn't come out right is no reason to turn our backs on someone.

Maybe the reason I thought of this subject while putting on make-up is because when someone reads this they might be prompted to make up with the one they're mad at. They might come to realize that the relationship is worth more than a few poorly said words. Or they might come to see that an apology is in order. Words have great power, and sometimes it's the power to heal and restore.

DIAMONDS ON THE SIDEWALK

When it comes to expressing joy, I'm not as expressive as I'd like to be. When I meet someone who is abundantly joyful, I always wonder how they do it. How do they have the energy to bounce around smiling all the time and saying positive things constantly. It's as if they're plugged into some kind of power source that keeps them "up" all the time.

The bible talks a lot about joy and I know that being close to God is supposed to bring us joy, but sometimes I feel like I must be doing something wrong because I don't feel the kind of joy that some people so obviously express. My joy is more of a quiet joy. It's not part of my personality to bounce around with a constant smile, offering hugs and happy talk. I guess my joy is more obvious to God than it is to people. And that's okay. We all express emotions differently, especially joy.

The things that bring me joy might be things that most people take for granted, like being seated at a table by the window in a restaurant or better yet, being seated next to the fireplace on a bitter cold night. I find joy in my daughter's freckled nose and my son's sudden bursts of silliness. He'll shuffle across the floor or make a silly face and I'll feel joy in knowing that my children are part of my life. In that moment I thank God for them and I feel joyful.

I just read about a woman who said she finds joy in the sparkles on the sidewalk. When the sun hits the new sidewalk near her home, thousands of little diamonds shimmer as she steps across the reflective white concrete. How many others walk across that sidewalk everyday and never notice the bursts of joy under their feet?

Whether our joy is obvious to everyone or more obvious to God, it seems to me that being joyful is a choice. It's not something that we automatically do. We can choose to search for the joyful moments or choose to dwell on the downers. I'm trying to get in the habit of expecting moments of joy as I go about my day. I don't want those moments to pass by unnoticed. I'm learning that by looking for joy and expecting it, I can bring more of those moments into my life.

I guess we can't find anything unless we search for it. Joy is no different. I also remember reading about a guy who looks for joy when he takes out the garbage. He breathes in the crisp night air and always looks up at the stars. A mundane task that most people hate is turned into a moment of joy because of what he decides to dwell on when he gets there.

I believe that some day we will be made aware of all the moments in our lives when we missed the joy. Some day we'll see all those little diamonds that we walked right by simply because we weren't looking for them or expecting them.

IT ALL COMES BACK DOUBLE

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I want to write about love. Actually, in eight minutes it will be Valentine's Day. Where did this day go? I spent the day shopping with my sister at the Colonial Park Mall. It was a good day. The people I came across seemed to be in good spirits. Maybe they were happy just to get out after all the snow. Whatever the reason, I saw a lot of smiles today and I was even on the receiving end of an act of kindness as I stood in line to pay for my purchase. The lady behind me offered a store coupon she wasn't planning to use. She saved me five dollars.

"You know, that will come back to you," I said thankfully. "That will come back to you double." She smiled realizing that she did something nice for someone who really appreciated it. Her simple act of kindness put a spring in my step as I walked away. It wasn't just the five dollars she saved me, it was the thoughtfulness behind it. There are still thoughtful people in the world who reach out and do kind things for total strangers. That's refreshing to see, and it's one moment in my day that I'm thankful for.

I truly believe that the things we do and say always come back to us in even greater measure. I'm just now remembering a day a few months ago when I offered a 40% off coupon to a woman at a children's clothing store. She had several little girls with her and she seemed shocked by my offer, but appreciative. The coupon would have gone to waste since it was only good for that day and I wasn't planning to use it. What happened to me today at the checkout was no doubt part of my pay back for my own thoughtfulness. That's how life works, and it's why we need to be so careful about the things we say and do.

The bible puts it this way..."you reap what you sow." If you speak negative words, those negative words will come back to you in even greater measure. What you get back may not come in the form of words, maybe it will come to you in another unpleasant form, but you can be sure that you will reap what you sow. I believe this is why bad things continually happen to some people. They bring it on themselves by what they say and do. You can't expect a blessing when you send no blessing out into the world.

When I hear the way some people talk, I wonder how they don't get tired of hearing themselves speak so negatively all the time. It's like they are in some kind of addicting habit they can't break. I want to say, "Can you say something positive?" Those same people who have nothing positive to say then wonder why nothing good ever happens to them. Well duh!

Everyone complains at times. What I'm talking about is continual complaining. The constant refusal to see the glass as anything but half empty. Never giving anyone the benefit of the doubt that perhaps they do have our best interests at heart. Seeing the bad side of everything. Always ready to jump down someone's throat, always disappointed, always hurt, always reaping what you sow.

I write like I know because I do know. I know exactly what it's like to be that way. I was once the queen of sowing and reaping. I sowed so many fields of crap I could have fertilized an entire harvest. And when it came time to reap, I reaped twice the crap I sowed.

Thank God I've been set free from all that. I finally realized what I was doing and changed my ways. Now I'm very careful what I say to people. I'm not perfect. I do speak words that are less than positive. I get angry at times and I can deliver a cutting comeback if provoked. But overall I'm more aware of what comes out of my mouth now and I'm more aware of the things I do that might hurt people. I'm much quicker with an apology. I'm better at extending grace to others, and I've gotten better at just saying nothing. Because sometimes it's best to just keep my big mouth shut.

I'll never forget the day when I realized just how good I had become at holding my tongue. I was the target of a verbal assault that included more than one person and it seemed to go and on. Everything in me wanted to defend myself. I could feel myself wanting to blurt out the most hateful things. But I didn't. I let them have their say as I stood there saying nothing. When it was over, I'll never forget the look on both their faces. It was a look of shame and regret. By holding my tongue I made them realize their own folly. They reaped what they sowed right before my eyes. It was priceless.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Choose life. Choose love.

JUST THE WAY I AM

By Danelle Carvell
Sometimes I think that being organized is over-rated. People who are very organized almost seem to get no joy out of life. They are never spontaneous and they are so into precision and perfection that they miss the human side of life. There are days when I wish I could be more organized, but when I see the people who are, I kind of like me the way I am.

Although I know all the tips and tricks to being organized as I've shared a few in my past blogs, my husband tells me that I have no management skills. Yesterday he woke me from a nap after I stayed up all night making pillows. His important question was, "Do you want this magazine? It's garbage night." Disturb a sleeping person for the sake of one less magazine in the house. Sorry, I can't relate to that kind of thinking. It wouldn't even cross my mind to wake someone just to ask them about potential garbage.

I guess we all have our quirks. My husband is too rigid and I'm too carefree perhaps. Could be why God put us together. But our differences are often a source of contention in the home and it leaves me feeling less than adequate. Right now I have laundry to do, the refrigerator to clean, and a long list of things I should accomplish today, but my heart is here at my keyboard. I woke up this morning and read the Bible but I couldn't really focus on God's word. My brain felt restless, unable to concentrate on any one thing. I told God that I feel like a mess sometimes and I asked Him to help me be more organized and disciplined so I could feel more together.

Do you know what His answer was? "I know you completely, Danelle, and I love you just the way you are." Oh I want to cry right now. That is love! In a world where people are so critical of each other and always focusing on the negative, I have a God who loves me just the way I am. Yippeeee!!

When I was younger, I was very influenced by what others thought of me. I needed the approval of my husband and everyone around me that I cared about. If someone said something hurtful to me, I could go into a depression that would last for days. But since I've been putting God first in my life I've been set free from all that. His opinion of me is the only one I care about. Sure it's nice to receive compliments and know that people approve of the way I am, but I don't need it anymore. All I need is God's approval. And I think He's more impressed that I sat at my keyboard today and shared this than He would be if I cleaned the refrigerator.

My sister just called. We are so much alike. She told me that she has so much to do and doesn't feel like doing any of it. She wants to go shopping. I just love her and I love that she's spontaneous like that. I can't imagine her being any other way. I love her just the way she is.

I think we get into trouble when we expect others to be like us. When we push our personality traits on other people and expect them to be like we are, it's almost as if we are questioning the God who created them. I will never be super-organized and ultra-disciplined. I have a daily schedule on my bulletin board that I try to follow, but some days it just doesn't happen. I can't be like my husband and he shouldn't expect me to have the management skills that he has.

When he told me I have no management skills, I shot back, "Well I wouldn't want to manage anything if it meant I had to be like you!" I even went so far as to suggest that the bulb in his sun lamp must have gone bad because he's been crabby lately. See how we tear each other down with our differences. But God never does that. He cherishes our differences.

When you feel like no one appreciates who you are and no one seems to have a kind word, remember that God knows you completely and loves you just the way you are.

The She Speaks Conference is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of our Father God and that your heart is to serve Him and His daughters, as He leads.
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/03/how-christians-create-art-she-speaks-scholarship/
http://shespeaksconference.com/

THE BLESSINGS OF BEING MINDFUL

Since writing about mindfulness a few weeks ago, I've been trying to practice a deeper awareness of the people around me, my actions and the words I speak. Being mindful is hard work. I've been paying more attention to what people say, their likes and dislikes for example, so that I can be a better friend when it comes to knowing who they really are. Knowing someone's likes and dislikes is important because it gives me an opportunity to show that I truly listen to them and I care enough to cater to their individual tastes.

For example, I have a friend who hates onions. Every month we get together with four other friends and share a home-cooked meal. I can't say with complete certainty that I haven't added onions to the meals I've made when it was my turn to cook. We've been getting together like this for two years and only recently have I made a mental note to remember that onions are a bad choice for our girl's night menu. In fact, I'm just now remembering that I made potato soup last time and I'm sure I added onions. Had I been mindful of my friends aversion to onions, I could have chosen another recipe and made her feel more important.

Gift giving is another example of the benefits of mindfulness. My same friend who hates onions also has an allergy to certain types of jewelry. Her skin gets itchy and red when she wears it. So imagine if I gave her a lovely piece of costume jewelry as a gift and she opened it knowing that she will never wear it, then has to pretend that she likes it to avoid hurting my feelings. By being mindful, I could avoid such an awkward moment and instead give her a gift that she would truly appreciate and actually use, a gift that would say, "I know you, I listen, and I care."

People long to be known and loved for who they are, and choosing the right gift is a powerful way to make someone feel extra special and loved. I admire people who put so much effort into gift giving. They pay attention to what others like. They listen to conversations and make mental notes of future gift ideas based on the person's needs and wants. Receiving a gift from someone who really knows me is such a joy. I don't have to pretend to like a gift that's chosen especially for me. Part of the joy is knowing that someone has listened to the deepest desires of my heart. Someone has taken the time to know me.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone is what we choose to say. Being mindful of my words is something else I'm working on. There are so many ways we can offend people with words. We can use a poor choice of words, we can say the words in the wrong tone, and sometimes it's the timing of our words that causes hurt. Written words can be particularly offensive because we don't hear the person's tone of voice and we can easily misunderstand the meaning. I'm sure that many relationships have been destroyed by misinterpreted letters and e-mails. I'm trying to be more mindful of the words I speak and write so that what I say brings life to the relationship, and there's no room for misunderstanding.

Mindfulness isn't just for the sake of others. Being mindful is to our own advantage as well. I know a woman who lost her husband several months ago. She recently said something that made a big impact on me. She said, "Pay attention to the things your husband does. How he pays bills, how he maintains the house, all the things he does to keep the household running, you should know how and when to do it." Since she told me that, I've started what I call an independence journal. It's a list of things I'll need to know if I were to become a widow. My last entry was a step-by-step explanation of how to change the water filter and UV light on our water system. I also made a note of when the septic was last pumped, when the real estate taxes come and how much I can expect to pay, who to call if the water pump breaks and what it costs to replace it, etc, etc. We need to prepare for life's unexpected turns and the only way we can is by being mindful today.

Mindfulness is definitely something worth pursuing. No it's not easy, it's work. It takes a daily awareness and effort to live mindfully. But by paying attention to the details of our lives and the lives of others, we can be a blessing to those we love and we can bear the burden when they leave us behind.

DON'T GET YOUR KNICKERS IN A TWIST

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose - Romans 8:28

I recall first hearing the above title phrase when I was a young girl. For years afterward it was my favorite thing to say to people when I saw them getting worked up about something. I'd pull out my best English accent and say, "Don't get your knickers in a twist, my Dear."

It's always humbling to discover that I need to take my own advice. I've said before that I'm far from perfect and I'm still in the process like everyone else. My recent entry about people who can't relax came to hit me in the face yesterday during a shopping trip with my daughter. She was looking for new sneakers and about drove me crazy as we searched one store after another without finding a single pair of sneakers that even interested her.

My husband and I were getting quite ruffled as we knew we had our own list of things to find. After about an hour into our sneaker search, we voiced our disgust with a continuous string of comments aimed at pushing our daughter into making a decision. Finally I jumped off the bench and said, "You picked that same pair up twice, now try the darn things on!" I threw the box on the floor and stood over her as she obediently tried on the sneakers and decided she didn't like them.

Long story short, last night on our way home we stopped at Wal Mart and found a pair of sneakers she loved, the last pair in her size, for half the price we would have paid if she had found a pair at the mall. Her particular taste actually worked in our favor and all the fussing we did had been unnecessary. What I should have done was shut my mouth and pray like I suggested several weeks ago. Guess I'm guilty of being someone who can't relax. eeeek!!!

Perhaps next time I'll recall that little incident and remember that God works all things out for good. Getting worked up doesn't help. What I need to do during those stressful moments is to RELAX... untwist my knickers and have a little patience and faith.

MY FIRST MINDFUL MONDAY

On the first Moday of the year, I'm sitting at my computer waiting for my writer's block to lift. I want to write something encouraging since my NewYear's resolution is to give more compliments and encouragement. Wouldn't it be great if we all made that resolution and then stuck to it. My usual resolution is to lose ten pounds. Most women can afford to lose ten pounds. But it seems that my weight sticks at the same number no matter what I do so I gave up on that one.

However, I can make other resolutions that could lead to weight loss if I keep them. For example, I can stop eating directly out of the box or the bag. This is a terrible habit that results in consuming more calories than we realize. I just did it yesterday with a box of Wheat Thins and when I finally shut the box, I realized that I didn't count out my serving and put it in a bowl like I promised myself I would. I must have eaten five servings! Wheat Thins are my favorite cracker.

Another strategy for losing weight is to eat more slowly. I'm a fast eater. I think I learned to eat quickly when I was a single mother working two jobs and attending college. Those years were the most stressful of my life. I rushed through everything I did like a tightly wound toy. Three years of that and rushing became a way of life. Now it's time to slow down and really enjoy eating, actually savor the food instead of sending it down the chute before my taste buds recognize what it is. I'm trying to put down my fork once in a while, take more sips of water during a meal, and watch my posture so I'm not hovering over my plate the way animals eat.

Another bad habit I'm trying to correct is eating while standing. I'll grab a slice of cake and then stand over the sink to eat it. It's embarrassing to admit because it sounds so piggish. Eating shouldn't be done on the run. We should set aside a specific time for it and then make it an event we sit down for. Set out a nice plate, maybe a candle or flowers. Once in a while I'll pour a glass of wine and play some Kenny G. When I make eating a special event, I'm less likely to stuff myself becuase I'm being mindful of what I'm doing.

That's another thing I'm trying to change... being mindful. Mindfulness can be applied to so many circumstances. I want to be more mindful when people are talking. Listening is not easy for me for some reason. My mind wanders and I miss things that people say. This is probably the most bothersome thing about myself that I want to improve. You miss life when you don't listen.

I admire people who are mindful. Because they're good listeners, they choose the perfect gifts. They say things like, "I remember you saying that you needed one of those." Mindful people use their mental skills to bring joy to others. I want to do that. Mindful people remember birthdays and that is so encouraging to receive a birthday card. Someone out there cares that you were born. That's good to know.

If I were more mindful I wouldn't misplace my car keys just before I'm ready to walk out the door. I wouldn't lose my sunglasses or take pens along when I'm finished writing and have to walk back to return them. I wouldn't forget to put money in the meter in Millersburg. Once I did that at the Wooden Nickle and had a great view of the police officer as he placed a ticket on my windshield. I like sitting in the sun light beside those big windows at the Nickle. It's my daughter's favorite place to eat. Now she reminds me about the meters. I'm teaching her to be mindful by showing her what happens when you're not.

I didn't know that today's blog would be about being mindful. I love the writing process and how it travels around different subjects until one jumps aboard and becomes the topic. That's the fun of writing for me. When I sit down I often have no idea what I'm going to write about. Then as I'm writing, the topic appears. Mindfulness is an awesome subject.  Lord, help me to be mindful today.

DO CRUMBS REALLY MATTER?

Every time I'm bothered lately, it's for the same reason...people can't relax. They obsess about everything and fuss about things that could easily be overlooked. It's hard to be yourself around someone like that. The minute they walk into the room you feel uncomfortable, like you have to watch everything you say and do for fear that you might set that person off.

I was that kind of person years ago. Maybe that's why I'm bothered by it now. I was very controlling, I fussed about things that weren't important and I had a comment for everything. I still have a lot of opinions, but now I have to be pushed before I'll express them directly. When the same injustice keeps occurring, I'll make my opinion known, but I'm more likely to grab a pen and start writing than I am to get into an argument.

The older I get, the more I realize that it's just not worth it. People have enough to worry about without being nagged by people who can't relax. The bible has some clear warnings about minding our own business and letting God do the correcting. Of course there are times when we do need to speak, but I've learned that those times are few and far between and should always be preceded by careful thought and lots of prayer.

I'm not talking about parenting. That kind of guidance is certainly needed. I'm talking about fussing over things that aren't important. In the grand scheme of life do crumbs really matter? Is it worth disrupting a peaceful dinner for the sake of a crumb-free table? Is there any sense to arguing about garbage? I know a guy that gets mad if someone throws something in the garbage right after he changes the bag, as if there's a waiting period that must be followed. I guess he needs to enjoy that empty can. He makes garbage more important than people every time he fusses about it.

People are more important than things. A close friend said those very words to me recently. A few years ago she became very sick and was faced with the reality of death. Since then her priorities have changed. Now she doesn't care about her house being perfect and she doesn't get upset when her routine is interrupted. There was a time when I couldn't drop in on her unexpectedly. If I did, I was met at the door by an unwelcoming glare.

Today she's more relaxed because being sick made her realize how fragile and fleeting life is. She doesn't want to waste her time being mad at people when things don't go her way. Those things are less important now. She thinks of her sickness as a blessing. It changed her for the better. And people notice the change. They like the person she's become... a more relaxed, more pleasant version of herself.

How do you know if you're someone who needs to relax? What are your family members and friends telling you? Keep a journal and write down every time you fuss about something that could easily be overlooked. Might you be better off to pray about the situation than to voice constant opinions?

What if we took that same energy and fussed about the people in our lives? What if we would come home and talk to our kids, ask them how their day went, instead of fussing about the way the house looks? What if we put more effort into noticing people and their good qualities, praising them for the work they have done instead of harping on their weaknesses and what they haven't done.

If we can't relax we can't enjoy the ones we love. We'll be more bothered by them than anything. Some day those people won't be with us anymore. All we'll have is memories that we wish we could go back and change. We'll regret all the time we wasted fussing about messes, crumbs and interruptions.

CATCHING MY BREATH

"Lay aside your agenda for a moment. Stop striving to relieve yourself of the burdens that plague you. Rest, dear sister. Rest in the secure arms of your heavenly Father, who set your story in motion before time began."

Today I decided to take a break from all the "doing" and just "be". I'm always amazed at how God brings just the right book into my life at exactly the time I need to read its wisdom. My latest divinely appointed book is Practical Theology for Women by Wendy Alsup. The above quote was taken from it.

I've been knocking myself out with accomplishing things. I'm falling into the trap of believing that my value comes from what I do and how busy I am. That's the message of our culture. But it's a lie. Today I realized what I've been doing and I decided to spend the day catching my breath and hanging out with God. He reminded me that my value comes from who I am, not what I do, and who I am is a beloved child of God. Today He invited me to rediscover that.

Chapter 10 of Alsup's book is a chapter every woman should read. It's about finding our identity in Christ. She starts the chapter with this question: "Where do you find your identity? If you have a blog or a MySpace page, what does it reveal about how you define yourself? How do you introduce yourself when someone asks, "What do you do?"

A few days ago someone asked if I was working. I said, "Just at home." Why I felt the need to add the "just" to my response is another example of being tainted by the culture I live in, a culture that has shunned the value of homemaking. The message I hear day after day is that if I'm not busy outside my home, then I'm not valuable. It's difficult to ignore that message even though I know it's untrue. So I decide that I'd better get busy. And then I make sure to let people know that I'm busy so I can prove my worth.

Unfortunately, I'm not the only woman who does this. As you're reading this you might be having a revelation of your own. Maybe you, too, need to catch your breath and connect to the real source of your identity--the one who created you.

It is God's opinion of me that matters, not what others think of me. I know that, but I still get sidetracked into thinking I need the approval of people. I think it's something many of us do. "Many Christian women weigh their words, obsess over their clothes, and attempt to control big and small circumstances around them in an effort to build their reputation. They are constantly on guard for new strategies to make others think better of them," says Alsup.

Talking about how busy we are and how successful we are is one way to build our reputation with people. I know a woman who talks constantly about her business and her accomplishments. She even mentions dollar amounts and her latest awards or promotions. Just listening to her makes me feel as if she's trying to impress me. But I'm not the one she should be impressing. I have no power to change her life or make it better.

God is the one we need to impress. I need to remember that, too. I'm also guilty of trying to make others think better of me. But the bible says that we must let go of our reputations and rights. We are called to humble ourselves, to forget about ourselves and instead serve God and serve others. We are actually supposed to think of others as better than ourselves. Not an easy thing to do. Especially in a culture that is so self-absorbed.

My sister is a professional artist and she struggles with the promotional aspect of her business. She knows that in order to sell her work she has to promote it. She has to get it out there for people to see. But she doesn't like promoting herself. She would rather hand that job over to someone else. But paying someone to do that wouldn't be practical.

I think it all comes down to our motives. If we promote ourselves and our accomplishments to impress others, that's not right. But if we promote ourselves in order to pay the bills or serve God in some way, that's a different story. Artists have to advertise their work if they want to sell it. That's just the way it is. What matters is that we keep our focus on God and His approval. Trying to win the approval of people is a waste of time, and it's downright exhausting. We need to rest in the secure arms of our heavenly Father. That's the only place that we can catch our breath and have peace.

SIMPLIFY THE SEASON

This is the first I've been inspired to write since taking a break in late summer. Don't you love the weeks leading up to Christmas? I guess not everyone does. I hear so many complaints about having so much to do and so little time. Some people get very stressed out at this time of year. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Simplicity helps me to enjoy the pre-Christmas rush. I'm finding that the more I simplify my life the more I enjoy it. The less pressure I put on myself, the more I can live in the moment and enjoy what's happening now instead of fretting about all I have yet to do. I can listen to my children without distraction, have time to do things for myself, and recognize the needs of others then do something to help.

One of the keys to simplicity is to love people and not things. Especially at Christmas we get so caught up in making things perfect. We want to find the perfect gifts, decorate our homes like Martha would, wrap the presents with style, and buy the perfect outfit for every event. We wear ourselves out on all the pretty details then have no energy to enjoy the company.

I simplified my tree this year. Instead of dragging out all the boxes of ornaments, I pulled apart some cotton balls and covered the tree with snow. My Christmas card list isn't what it used to be. Only people who've been a meaningful part of my life will get a card this year. I didn't spend much time searching for gifts. And I'm planning to wrap them all with my friend Tam. We're going to make tacos, play Christmas music and sip cocoa or hot tea. My wrapping paper isn't color-coordinated and I won't pay much attention to making perfect creases or disguising the tape. I'll be too busy enjoying the company of my good friend.

Simplifying things frees up our time so we can magnify the people in our lives. Some people have it backwards. They magnify the things and simplify the people. Then they wonder why they feel so worn out and unhappy. My fondest memories of Christmas are not about how pretty the packages were wrapped or how my mom decorated the house.

What I remember is sitting on the stairs Christmas morning, whispering with my sister and brothers, impatiently waiting for Mom and Dad to wake up. I remember caroling on a snowy night in Pillow. I remember how my Dad loved egg nog. And the excitement of Christmas Eve when one by one we were allowed to open just one of our gifts. It's the company that I remember, not so much the things.

Of course festive things do help to make Christmas special. Ribbon candy has a special place in my memories and the warm flickering glow of a candle-lit church as we sang Silent Night. Christmas without candles, music, decorations and lit up trees is hard to imagine. But if we're over-stressed this time of year, we might be investing too much in those things. Simplify the season and have more time for the people you love.

EARTH SHOES AND MOOD RINGS

Do you remember the ugly shoes we wore in the seventies? They were called earth shoes and of course they were brown. Brown must have been a popular color back then. I also had a pair of brown platform shoes with a big yellow sunflower on them. Remember mood rings? I wonder if they work for women going through menopause. We'd probably have to rename them rainbow rings.

I've been feeling nostalgic lately. I've been wishing for my earth shoes back and my mood ring, just so I can remember wearing them. I'd also like to have the clothes I wore from fifth grade and up. My mom made me this dress in fifth grade that I loved so much I wore it for my class pictures. Wonder how far I'd have to dig to find that? The dress was reversible with stars on it. One day I could have a blue dress with white stars and the next day a red one. Think of the money and time we could save on laundry if reversible clothes came back in style.

It's amazing to me how things go in and out of style. And then years later we see those things again. Who ever thought that afros would come back? Men actually sat through the perming process in the seventies just to have a cool hairstyle. That's how far we'll go to be in the groove. Will the word groovy ever come back in style? I think Greg Brady originated that one. Or was it Marcia?

I had this star neclace that I wore in middle school. I'm still looking for one like it. Whenever I see something that reminds me of my past I try to buy it. I like having familiar things around me, especially things that I once loved. On the top of my wish list right now is my favorite doll. Her name is Baby Beans. She was made in 1970, so I would have been about eight years old when I begged my parents to buy me one for Christmas. I saw a few on ebay but I'm hoping to discover her at a yard sale one day so I can get excited about the serendipity of finding her again.

My mom made me a doll once. Today, I would treasure that doll even more than my beloved baby beans. The doll had yellow yarn for hair and was at least three feet tall with a blue dress. If only I had taken better care of those things. I'm not sure where the doll ended up, probably in a garbage can beside baby beans after she was tore open and the beans fell out.

My sister had a pet rock...or was it a pet stick? Whoever thought of that crazy fad must have laughed all the way to the bank and back. Let's see, do you think pet acorns would ever catch on?

I also want my metal lunch kettle back. It had the wildest hot pink flowers on it. Remember flower power? I use to write "flower power" on my notebook, my walls, even a grey suitcase I had was jazzed up with pink paint and the words flower power. It's funny how you reach a certain age and feel the need to personalize everything you own. My daughter's going through that now. After rearranging her bedroom and taking her bed off its frame and onto the floor, she now wants to paint the walls purple. My sister had a similar love for purple in high school. I recall dark purple shag carpeting and purple flowered walls.

Remember the game mystery date? Or leapin letters? Board games are very nostalgic. Old Maids, pick up stix, chinese jumprope, and jacks. I've been looking for a chinese jumprope so I can show my daughter the way we used to stretch that rope around our ankles and play games I can't remember. We also put the rope on our hands and passed it back and forth with finger tricks like Jacob's ladder. I couldn't do it now.

I want my Saturday Night Fever album back and my record player. I want my poster of a woman releasing a dove on the beach. "If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours" or something like that was the poem written on it. I want my fiber optic night light that glowed pink on the tip of each strand, and my black-light poster. Bedrooms were the coolest in the sixties and seventies. Lava lamps and beaded curtains, smiley faces and peace signs. My sister had a Donny Osmond poster on her door. I liked David Cassidy from The Partridge Family.

All these things are special because they're part of who I once was. I wouldn't want to go back, but I want to remember the life I had. Our childhood and teen years are so filled with special memories. I treasure my diary from 1977-78. I get the biggest kick out of reading it now. Was that really me? Did I really think like that? It makes you realize how much you've matured and thank goodness! I'd rather be a grown up, but it's neat to remember the things we once thought were important like earth shoes and mood rings.

LIVING THE FRESH-BREWED LIFE Book Commentary

"I see women all the time who seem joyless and lonely--I can see it in their expressionless eyes. They stare straight ahead or look down, walking forward but not going anywhere. They are terrified that life is going to find them."

The above quote is part of the introduction to Fresh-Brewed Life: A Stirring invitation to Wake Up Your Soul, my latest great book find.  It's available at Amazon.  The book was given to me by a friend who said that it's her favorite book. I just love when people recommend books to me or give me a book they've read as a gift. I'm already planning to read it again because I fell in love with it too. The best way I can describe it is to say that it's a book about all the things that women secretly think but don't talk about.

Fresh-Brewed Life is a journey of awakenings: to God, to ourselves, and to others. Author Nicole Johnson has masterfully written an invitation to wake up and embrace life. Just as the smell and taste of fresh-brewed coffee awakens our sleepiness, this book will inspire you to stop sleepwalking through life, to wake up to a more exciting, more passionate fullness of life.

"Wake up! We need you as an alive and awake woman, listening and contributing," says Johnson. "Wake up your creative genius and let it out into the world. Wake up to your power and use it wisely. Wake up to your pain and investigate it. Wake up the dull old parts that are hiding from the light. Wake up to love and let it flood through you."

And what's the first step toward this fresh new way of living? "Surrendering to God is the key that unlocks the door to the life you want." Our wake up call begins in a relationship with the one in whom we began. Because only God can rouse our sleepy souls. Only God can tell us what we most want to know. Johnson discovered that life isn't about being busy and keeping it all together, it's about trusting in the One who can keep it all together.

But how do we surrender? Where do we start? Having a relationship with God requires a commitment of time. How can we discipline ourselves to make time for God? For Johnson, the answer was journaling. She learned to bring her heart to God by writing down her struggles. "Journaling became for me the tangible representation of my relationship with God and others, and my wrestlings with the world around me." But journaling should never be a pressure. We shouldn't beat ourselves up if we can't stick to it with consistency. Just don't give up on finding quiet time with God.

I still haven't disciplined myself to write in my journal every day. Sometimes weeks go by without an entry, but I communicate with God every day through prayer and bible reading. I think that's the important part, just having God in our thoughts. For some reason, I think about God most when I'm driving. The sun on my face, traveling through the beauty of His creation, and cottony clouds against a clear blue sky arouse in me a knowing that God exists.

By journaling, I make time for God and I get to know myself better too. But what kind of things should we write in our journals? Should we use it like a diary? Johnson suggests that we write down our longings, those empty places in our lives that haven't been filled. Every woman longs for something. I long to be a newspaper columnist and some day an author who brings encouragement and hope to women. I long to go to Tuscany for my dream vacation. And I long to be known and loved by the people I love.

"Dreams and longings have a way of resurfacing," says Johnson. But we are masters at killing our dreams. Instead of participating on the field, we sit in the stands and watch or we stand on the sidelines criticizing ourselves and criticizing those who are reaching for their dreams. God gave us those longings for a reason. They are the map that will point the way Johnson says. Write down your longings. "When you are honest about the places in your soul that ache to be filled, you are right where God can tenderly reach in and touch the deepest parts of your heart."

Listen to the conversations of women and you'll learn that they have many longings. We want to be beautiful. We long to be appreciated. We want more passion and purpose. We want to be known, loved, and cherished. By "known" I don't mean famous. A woman needs someone to take the time to stop and really see her. Women long for more attention and affection. That's why they become addicted to romance novels and soap operas. But according to Johnson, God is the only one big enough to hold our longings. Apart from Him we will never be satisfied.

Every woman who's ever felt lonely or empty, who's ever wondered, "Is this all there is?" Every woman who right now feels that something is missing needs this book. Fresh Brewed Life is a masterpiece because it inspires a woman to become a masterpiece by listening to her longings, embracing her beauty, savoring her sexuality, enriching her relationships, and changing her world. And the key to doing those things is to let God in on your life.

We need God like we need a good cup of coffee. He's the only one who can satisfy our loneliness, fill our emptiness and wake up our souls. Without Him we can only sleepwalk through life with expressionless eyes, walking forward but not going anywhere.

PATIENCE AND FAITH

"For I know the plans I have for you." says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope...when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me."--Jeremiah 29:11

As I'm writing this a song is playing in my head: The waiting is the hardest part. Maybe that's the title, Waiting. I don't know music like some do. Waiting is a universal problem. I don't like it myself, but I'm learning that it's a very important skill to have. The best example I can think of that shows the consequences of being impatient is credit card debt. I have a friend whom I've lost touch with that still owes me $80. When I reminded her many years ago she claimed she didn't remember borrowing the money. Now that's scary. A person like that could get into some major credit card debt.

Delayed gratification is a wonderful thing because we appreciate the thing we've waited for so much more than we do when we get it right away. Whatever happened to saving for the things we want. It's just too tempting to get out the plastic, have what we want now and worry about paying for it later. The downside is that we end up paying far more than the item is worth because of interest charges and we are burdened with the stress of unpaid debt. A stress that can bring us to homelessness, poverty, and shame.

I always hated owing someone money. It would bother me everyday until I paid it back. I'm grateful that I have that conviction and I'm discovering that God actually blesses patience. So many times when I want something but walk away from it instead of buying it, I will find that exact item later for a much lesser price. God knows the desires of my heart and He loves to give me even the smallest thing that I'm longing for. My most recent delayed purchase was a board game called Clue. My daughter and I like to play games when boredom hits. I've been wanting the game Clue for quite a while. I remember playing it at my cousin's house when I was a child. Well guess what I found at a yard sale on Friday? The game Clue in a box like new with every piece intact for the bargain price of one dollar.

I just love when that happens. I love to see the blessings of my faith. Some people might call that a coincidence but I know better because I've had things like that happen to me so many times that it defies the law of coincidence. The word coincidence suggests something rare and random, a total fluke. But when these flukes begin to occur on a regular basis we can no longer call them coincidence. We must acknowledge the power behind them.

Patience and faith bring so many blessings. But faith is more than just believing in God. It's believing that God knows each one of us personally and wants to bless us and help us. What difference does faith make in a person's life? Well first of all our faith determines where we will spend eternity. People who believe that life is over when they're dead don't really know that for sure because they haven't died yet. Eternity is a long time, too long to take a chance on spending it somewhere unpleasant.

Another difference faith makes is the quality of our lives on earth. I remember reading about a woman who feared losing her job because she worked on commission and the sales at her register were very low. Someone suggested that she pray and ask that God would give her favor with people so they would come to her register to pay for their purchases. She took the advice and was amazed. God did bless her with what she asked for. Her sales doubled, then tripled.

Faith is a journey. It's a day by day discovery of God and his goodness. I don't always think of praying about every problem. I still try to figure things out on my own. I want to reach a point where prayer is my first reaction to every problem. That's the kind of faith I want. Hannah Whitall Smith calls that kind of faith "the life on wings". Every time I see a bird with wings stretched motionless, floating on the wind, I'm reminded of that life on wings that I long for. What an amazing way to live. And that's the way God created us to live. But how many ever find it?

I'll tell you the story about someone who did find the life she longed for. I discovered a wonderful author, Jan Karon. Her book, The Mitford Bedside Companion was something else I discovered while yardsaling on Friday. To me the best part of that book is her essay at the beginning titled, "I Know The Plans I Have For You." She shares her life story of how she got started as a writer. She was working in advertising and feeling very unhappy in that career. She longed to write books. So she began to pray.

"What do you want me to do, Lord? And how am I to accomplish it?" was her plea to God. After two years of persistent prayer, God spoke to her heart and said, Go. And I will go with you. So she sold her house and moved to a mountain village in North Carolina with the intention of having a peaceful place to write. After wrestling with doubts and a serious case of writer's block, Jan Karon had a surprising mental image of a man walking down a village street. This inspired her to begin writing about a fictional Episcopal priest named Father Tim. She took the first two chapters of her writing to a local newspaper editor and soon she was a columnist. After writing two years worth of columns she had a complete book. That book was the first of a bestselling series of Mitford Years books.

And this is my favorite part of that story. Jan Karon, at the end of her essay, tells us why she shared her early struggles as a want-to-be writer: "I tell you all that in order to assure you of this: God has plans for you, too. His plans are for good. And if you trust Him, you have both a future and a hope. How do I know this to be utterly and absolutely true? Because I have lived it. And I am living it still."

Now there is a testimony to the power of faith. Patience and faith will greatly increase the quality of our lives. We only need to put them into practice.

BETTER TO BE ME

In my younger days I had a terrible habit. I compared myself to other women. No matter what I was accomplishing or how I felt about my appearance, there was always someone I was striving to be like. In the seventies, I wanted to be like a girl in my high school named Kerri. She was so put together. She wore the coolest outfits and had beautiful hair and a perfect smile. She even smelled wonderful. I asked her one day what perfume she wore and then went out and bought myself a bottle of "Ciara". It's still my favorite perfume. Fortunately, today I wear it because I like the smell, not because I want to be like Kerri.

I've learned that comparing myself to other women is just wrong for so many reasons. First of all, God created me to be myself. It must grieve Him when I'm not satisfied with who I am, as if to question his handiwork. It's like saying, "Why couldn't you do better than this, Lord?" When I want that girl's body or another girl's talent, I am coveting something that God gave to someone else. Not only that, but I devalue my own attributes which God chose for me to have.

Women are funny. They really are. I can't tell you how many times I have overheard a woman express dissatisfaction with her looks or abilities, and without realizing it, that same woman who sees so many flaws in herself is admired and envied by other women. I have a wonderful friend who I think is stunningly beautiful. But she must wear make-up to cover up some red patches on her face. This bothers her and she's very open about it. But she doesn't realize that while she's bothered by her imperfections, other women look at her and see flawless beauty they'd love to have.

I guess it's easy to focus on our flaws when we wake up every morning without make-up and see everything that needs work. It's also hard to ignore the constant pressure that women feel to look thin and beautiful like all those magazine covers that stare at us while we lay a weeks worth of food on the check out counter at the grocery store. We live in a society that is absolutely obsessed with beauty. So we get caught up in that obsession and we compare.

If I could go back to high school and do it over again, I wouldn't have wasted so much time wishing I was someone else. I'd go back confident in who I am. I'd remind myself every day of the abilities that God gave me and be thankful for them. I'd spend time improving my talents and being the best I can be instead of wishing for the abilities of others. And I would focus on all the physical characteristics that I like about myself. I'd take a compliment well and not try to shake it off as if I don't deserve it. I would love all the great things about me...my sense of humor, my smile, my brown eyes, my artistic talent, my creativity, and my sense of caring.

As I was writing that list of good qualities above, I almost felt uncomfortable. Why do we feel so uncomfortable in complimenting ourselves and talking about our good qualities yet we find it so easy to think about and talk about our flaws? God wants us to focus on the good, admirable qualities in ourselves and others. But we can't do it when we spend so much time comparing and wishing for things we don't have.

Comparison is just a waste of time. All it does is make us miserable. We need to trust the God who created us and believe He knew what He was doing in making us just as we are. We need to stop buying into the world's view of what is beautiful and what isn't. I think I would have accomplished so much more in high school if I had believed in myself and really liked who I was. I discovered my senior year that while I was longing to be like Kerri, other girls were admiring my good qualities. The things they wrote in my yearbook confirmed it. It wasn't until after high school that I realized what I had going for me. But I wasted my high school years feeling insecure and wishing I was someone else.

Perhaps the greatest gift a woman can give herself is the self-love and freedom to be who she is and never compare herself to anyone. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, or more talented, but there will never be anyone more perfectly suited to be you.

STILL IN THE PROCESS

Just a few moments ago, I was rude to a telemarketer. It seems that every time I answer the phone lately someone wants me to donate to a worthy cause, upgrade a service, or buy a product. Today I couldn't take anymore. First I said, "Not interested." Then he argued with me that I didn't even hear what he had to offer. Then I said, "You're wasting your time." He continued his pitch. Then I hung up on him.

If I'm happy with the service I have, why do I need to hear about the upgrade he has to offer? It's difficult to be nice to someone who will not take "No" for an answer. So why do I feel like I didn't handle it well? You know sometimes I just get tired of trying to respond to everyone in a kind manner. Yes even Christians need to blow off steam at times. We're far from perfect.

I'm told that I'm supposed to be joyful no matter my circumstances. I'm supposed to be patient, kind, loving, forgiving, and willing to sacrifice myself for the greater good. That's not easy. People and circumstances are constantly challenging my patience , my ability to forgive, and especially my all-encompassing joy. So I slip up at times. I'm not as nice as I should be. And since I didn't sleep at all last night, I probably have a shorter fuse than usual.

But you know what I like about following Jesus. He always forgives me. He's always willing to stand by me while I learn yet another lesson about life and dealing with the stress of this crazy world we live in. Christians aren't perfect, but one difference between them and nonbelievers is they know when they've been rude. God's spirit within them causes them to feel badly after speaking to someone rudely. If I could, I would apologize to that guy that was trying to sell me something I didn't need.

God knows I'm not perfect and he accepts me as I am. Every time I mess up, He welcomes me with open arms, forgives me and encourages me to keep following in His footsteps. He stresses how far I've come not how far I have to go. My favorite song right now goes something like this:

There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are
broken and scarred
lift up your heart
and be amazed and be changed
by a perfect God

Sometimes I don't feel joyful, sometimes I complain too much, sometimes I get angry and I don't always focus on the good in people like the bible says we should. Following the teachings of Jesus is challenging because we live in a fallen world. Nonbelievers just love to see a Christian mess up so they can say, "See, you're no better than I am!"

They just don't get it. We already know that we're not better than anyone. We already know that we're far from perfect. That's the reason we seek God. We want to be amazed. We want to be changed by a perfect God. And that takes time and prayer. It's a process that will have its ups and downs. Sometimes we'll have victory and other times we will fail. We'll get frustrated and we might say or do things that don't reflect God's best response.

But God knows we're not perfect. That's not what He expects. He only expects us to keep trying by praying for help and growing in our knowledge of His ways.

TREASURES AND GIFTS FROM THE SEA
Book Commentary

Rarely do I discover a book that can only be described as a treasure. I found one such treasure at a bookstore in Wellsboro Pennsylvania over Memorial Day weekend. Gift From The Sea was a bestseller when originally published in 1955. It was written by Anne Morrow Lindbergh during a brief vacation by the sea.

When I enter a book store, I ask God to lead me to a treasure. With so many books stacked tightly on the shelves, I rely on the title or the look of the book to entice me. Gift From The Sea has both an intriguing title and appearance as it is a small book wrapped in a cover of my favorite color turquoise with shiny silver letters.

The cashier confirmed my hope when she immediately smiled and said, "Oh this is a treasure!" She held the book close to her heart as she pecked the register keys and told me that her mother had given her a copy before she left home for college.

My treasure couldn't wait to be read. I was completely absorbed in it as my husband drove us home from our weekend getaway. And now I'm compelled to share this treasure and all its wisdom.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh was the mother of five, an acclaimed writer, and a pioneering aviator. She wrote Gift From The Sea during a brief stay on Captiva Island on Florida's gulf coast. Using shells as metaphor for how to live our lives, Lindbergh offers precious insight for women at any stage of life. "Patience, faith, openness is what the sea has to teach," she says, "simplicity, solitude, intermittency."

I love what she wrote about a woman's need for solitude: "If it is a woman's function to give, she must be replenished, too. But how? Solitude says the moon shell...every woman should be alone sometime during the year, some part of each week and each day."

We live in a world that doesn't understand the need to be alone. I've often turned down invitations because I needed time alone. But as Lindbergh observes, we are considered rude, egotistical or strange when we say, "I cannot come because that is my hour to be alone." This lack of understanding forces me to create other reasons why I can't attend. I have another commitment or perhaps a dental appointment.

Fortunately, I'm aware of my need for solitude and I feel no guilt about claiming it, but some women feel unjustified in demanding alone time and don't allow themselves that "luxury". Not realizing that solitude is a necessity, women push themselves from one activity to the next until they might fall to pieces. They find themselves in a doctor's office seeking help for stress and anxiety.

Occasional alone time is a justifiable need. I've even resorted to locking myself in a room to get it. As keeper of the home, a wife and mother is constantly on call. When she's at home she's also at work. There are children to care for, meals to make, messes to clean and errands to accomplish. Women never really get a break. They go to work and then come home to more work. "By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class," says Lindbergh.

Quiet time alone is how a woman regains her strength. We shouldn't have to apologize or make excuses for it. "A woman must be still as the axis of a wheel in the midst of her activities," says Lindbergh. She discovered that even the island she lived on while writing held a lesson for living: "Unless I keep the island quality intact somewhere within me, I will have little to give my husband, my children, my friends or the world at large."

As the moon shell teaches the value of solitude, the channeled whelk shell teaches the value of simplicity. Hermit crabs claim this shell because it's simple and can be carried easily. I also prefer a simple shell. I don't need the big fancy house that many women long for. With that house comes bigger bills and more rooms to clean. If women were satisfied with simplicity, they might not need to work outside the home. They could live with less and be where their hearts long to be, at home with their children.

The first thing Lindbergh learned as a beach dweller was the art of shedding. How little one can get along with, not how much. She suggests shedding our big wardrobes for a simple selection of clothes, simplifying our homes and shedding our need for absolute tidiness. By shedding pride and not worrying about impressing others we can choose as little furniture as possible. We can even shed the false friendships we've accumulated over the years. "I shall ask into my shell only those friends with whom I can be completely honest," says Lindbergh. Imagine how we could simplify our social lives if we only accept invitations from people who truly enrich us, those with whom we can be completely honest.

Sometimes life simplifies itself. When children grow and leave home, mothers can learn much from the argonauta shell. The mother argonaut isn't fastened to her shell, it's actually a cradle for her young. When the eggs hatch and the young swim away, the mother argonaut leaves her shell and heads for the open seas to start a new life.

This ebb and flow of life is what the argonauta teaches, but intermittency is an impossible lesson to learn claims Lindbergh. "We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb."

I don't deal with change well. Yet life is constant change, so why do I resist it? Like the ocean waves recede and then return to shore, our lives are forever changing and moving. But we fearfully cling to the familiar and can't accept even the natural progression that relationships must take.

How may women become depressed when their children leave the nest, believing that their life's purpose is gone when they could be celebrating the opportunity to discover new purpose, new interests and new passions.

How many women leave perfectly good relationships because that giddy spark of romantic love has grown into a deeper more dependable flame? But the passion is gone, so they search for a new partner only to find than even passion must eventually ebb toward something else, something more calm.

We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life. One of the hardest lessons I've learned is to live in the moment, to enjoy the season I'm in and stop longing for that next great hope on the horizon. The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy or too impatient says Lindbergh. We shouldn't dig for treasures she claims. That shows greed, impatience and lack of faith. Then she closes that chapter with a thought that is more about faith than ambition: "One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach--waiting for a gift from the sea."