DIAMONDS ON THE SIDEWALK

When it comes to expressing joy, I'm not as expressive as I'd like to be. When I meet someone who is abundantly joyful, I always wonder how they do it. How do they have the energy to bounce around smiling all the time and saying positive things constantly. It's as if they're plugged into some kind of power source that keeps them "up" all the time.

The bible talks a lot about joy and I know that being close to God is supposed to bring us joy, but sometimes I feel like I must be doing something wrong because I don't feel the kind of joy that some people so obviously express. My joy is more of a quiet joy. It's not part of my personality to bounce around with a constant smile, offering hugs and happy talk. I guess my joy is more obvious to God than it is to people. And that's okay. We all express emotions differently, especially joy.

The things that bring me joy might be things that most people take for granted, like being seated at a table by the window in a restaurant or better yet, being seated next to the fireplace on a bitter cold night. I find joy in my daughter's freckled nose and my son's sudden bursts of silliness. He'll shuffle across the floor or make a silly face and I'll feel joy in knowing that my children are part of my life. In that moment I thank God for them and I feel joyful.

I just read about a woman who said she finds joy in the sparkles on the sidewalk. When the sun hits the new sidewalk near her home, thousands of little diamonds shimmer as she steps across the reflective white concrete. How many others walk across that sidewalk everyday and never notice the bursts of joy under their feet?

Whether our joy is obvious to everyone or more obvious to God, it seems to me that being joyful is a choice. It's not something that we automatically do. We can choose to search for the joyful moments or choose to dwell on the downers. I'm trying to get in the habit of expecting moments of joy as I go about my day. I don't want those moments to pass by unnoticed. I'm learning that by looking for joy and expecting it, I can bring more of those moments into my life.

I guess we can't find anything unless we search for it. Joy is no different. I also remember reading about a guy who looks for joy when he takes out the garbage. He breathes in the crisp night air and always looks up at the stars. A mundane task that most people hate is turned into a moment of joy because of what he decides to dwell on when he gets there.

I believe that some day we will be made aware of all the moments in our lives when we missed the joy. Some day we'll see all those little diamonds that we walked right by simply because we weren't looking for them or expecting them.

IT ALL COMES BACK DOUBLE

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I want to write about love. Actually, in eight minutes it will be Valentine's Day. Where did this day go? I spent the day shopping with my sister at the Colonial Park Mall. It was a good day. The people I came across seemed to be in good spirits. Maybe they were happy just to get out after all the snow. Whatever the reason, I saw a lot of smiles today and I was even on the receiving end of an act of kindness as I stood in line to pay for my purchase. The lady behind me offered a store coupon she wasn't planning to use. She saved me five dollars.

"You know, that will come back to you," I said thankfully. "That will come back to you double." She smiled realizing that she did something nice for someone who really appreciated it. Her simple act of kindness put a spring in my step as I walked away. It wasn't just the five dollars she saved me, it was the thoughtfulness behind it. There are still thoughtful people in the world who reach out and do kind things for total strangers. That's refreshing to see, and it's one moment in my day that I'm thankful for.

I truly believe that the things we do and say always come back to us in even greater measure. I'm just now remembering a day a few months ago when I offered a 40% off coupon to a woman at a children's clothing store. She had several little girls with her and she seemed shocked by my offer, but appreciative. The coupon would have gone to waste since it was only good for that day and I wasn't planning to use it. What happened to me today at the checkout was no doubt part of my pay back for my own thoughtfulness. That's how life works, and it's why we need to be so careful about the things we say and do.

The bible puts it this way..."you reap what you sow." If you speak negative words, those negative words will come back to you in even greater measure. What you get back may not come in the form of words, maybe it will come to you in another unpleasant form, but you can be sure that you will reap what you sow. I believe this is why bad things continually happen to some people. They bring it on themselves by what they say and do. You can't expect a blessing when you send no blessing out into the world.

When I hear the way some people talk, I wonder how they don't get tired of hearing themselves speak so negatively all the time. It's like they are in some kind of addicting habit they can't break. I want to say, "Can you say something positive?" Those same people who have nothing positive to say then wonder why nothing good ever happens to them. Well duh!

Everyone complains at times. What I'm talking about is continual complaining. The constant refusal to see the glass as anything but half empty. Never giving anyone the benefit of the doubt that perhaps they do have our best interests at heart. Seeing the bad side of everything. Always ready to jump down someone's throat, always disappointed, always hurt, always reaping what you sow.

I write like I know because I do know. I know exactly what it's like to be that way. I was once the queen of sowing and reaping. I sowed so many fields of crap I could have fertilized an entire harvest. And when it came time to reap, I reaped twice the crap I sowed.

Thank God I've been set free from all that. I finally realized what I was doing and changed my ways. Now I'm very careful what I say to people. I'm not perfect. I do speak words that are less than positive. I get angry at times and I can deliver a cutting comeback if provoked. But overall I'm more aware of what comes out of my mouth now and I'm more aware of the things I do that might hurt people. I'm much quicker with an apology. I'm better at extending grace to others, and I've gotten better at just saying nothing. Because sometimes it's best to just keep my big mouth shut.

I'll never forget the day when I realized just how good I had become at holding my tongue. I was the target of a verbal assault that included more than one person and it seemed to go and on. Everything in me wanted to defend myself. I could feel myself wanting to blurt out the most hateful things. But I didn't. I let them have their say as I stood there saying nothing. When it was over, I'll never forget the look on both their faces. It was a look of shame and regret. By holding my tongue I made them realize their own folly. They reaped what they sowed right before my eyes. It was priceless.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Choose life. Choose love.

JUST THE WAY I AM

By Danelle Carvell
Sometimes I think that being organized is over-rated. People who are very organized almost seem to get no joy out of life. They are never spontaneous and they are so into precision and perfection that they miss the human side of life. There are days when I wish I could be more organized, but when I see the people who are, I kind of like me the way I am.

Although I know all the tips and tricks to being organized as I've shared a few in my past blogs, my husband tells me that I have no management skills. Yesterday he woke me from a nap after I stayed up all night making pillows. His important question was, "Do you want this magazine? It's garbage night." Disturb a sleeping person for the sake of one less magazine in the house. Sorry, I can't relate to that kind of thinking. It wouldn't even cross my mind to wake someone just to ask them about potential garbage.

I guess we all have our quirks. My husband is too rigid and I'm too carefree perhaps. Could be why God put us together. But our differences are often a source of contention in the home and it leaves me feeling less than adequate. Right now I have laundry to do, the refrigerator to clean, and a long list of things I should accomplish today, but my heart is here at my keyboard. I woke up this morning and read the Bible but I couldn't really focus on God's word. My brain felt restless, unable to concentrate on any one thing. I told God that I feel like a mess sometimes and I asked Him to help me be more organized and disciplined so I could feel more together.

Do you know what His answer was? "I know you completely, Danelle, and I love you just the way you are." Oh I want to cry right now. That is love! In a world where people are so critical of each other and always focusing on the negative, I have a God who loves me just the way I am. Yippeeee!!

When I was younger, I was very influenced by what others thought of me. I needed the approval of my husband and everyone around me that I cared about. If someone said something hurtful to me, I could go into a depression that would last for days. But since I've been putting God first in my life I've been set free from all that. His opinion of me is the only one I care about. Sure it's nice to receive compliments and know that people approve of the way I am, but I don't need it anymore. All I need is God's approval. And I think He's more impressed that I sat at my keyboard today and shared this than He would be if I cleaned the refrigerator.

My sister just called. We are so much alike. She told me that she has so much to do and doesn't feel like doing any of it. She wants to go shopping. I just love her and I love that she's spontaneous like that. I can't imagine her being any other way. I love her just the way she is.

I think we get into trouble when we expect others to be like us. When we push our personality traits on other people and expect them to be like we are, it's almost as if we are questioning the God who created them. I will never be super-organized and ultra-disciplined. I have a daily schedule on my bulletin board that I try to follow, but some days it just doesn't happen. I can't be like my husband and he shouldn't expect me to have the management skills that he has.

When he told me I have no management skills, I shot back, "Well I wouldn't want to manage anything if it meant I had to be like you!" I even went so far as to suggest that the bulb in his sun lamp must have gone bad because he's been crabby lately. See how we tear each other down with our differences. But God never does that. He cherishes our differences.

When you feel like no one appreciates who you are and no one seems to have a kind word, remember that God knows you completely and loves you just the way you are.

The She Speaks Conference is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of our Father God and that your heart is to serve Him and His daughters, as He leads.
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/03/how-christians-create-art-she-speaks-scholarship/
http://shespeaksconference.com/

THE BLESSINGS OF BEING MINDFUL

Since writing about mindfulness a few weeks ago, I've been trying to practice a deeper awareness of the people around me, my actions and the words I speak. Being mindful is hard work. I've been paying more attention to what people say, their likes and dislikes for example, so that I can be a better friend when it comes to knowing who they really are. Knowing someone's likes and dislikes is important because it gives me an opportunity to show that I truly listen to them and I care enough to cater to their individual tastes.

For example, I have a friend who hates onions. Every month we get together with four other friends and share a home-cooked meal. I can't say with complete certainty that I haven't added onions to the meals I've made when it was my turn to cook. We've been getting together like this for two years and only recently have I made a mental note to remember that onions are a bad choice for our girl's night menu. In fact, I'm just now remembering that I made potato soup last time and I'm sure I added onions. Had I been mindful of my friends aversion to onions, I could have chosen another recipe and made her feel more important.

Gift giving is another example of the benefits of mindfulness. My same friend who hates onions also has an allergy to certain types of jewelry. Her skin gets itchy and red when she wears it. So imagine if I gave her a lovely piece of costume jewelry as a gift and she opened it knowing that she will never wear it, then has to pretend that she likes it to avoid hurting my feelings. By being mindful, I could avoid such an awkward moment and instead give her a gift that she would truly appreciate and actually use, a gift that would say, "I know you, I listen, and I care."

People long to be known and loved for who they are, and choosing the right gift is a powerful way to make someone feel extra special and loved. I admire people who put so much effort into gift giving. They pay attention to what others like. They listen to conversations and make mental notes of future gift ideas based on the person's needs and wants. Receiving a gift from someone who really knows me is such a joy. I don't have to pretend to like a gift that's chosen especially for me. Part of the joy is knowing that someone has listened to the deepest desires of my heart. Someone has taken the time to know me.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone is what we choose to say. Being mindful of my words is something else I'm working on. There are so many ways we can offend people with words. We can use a poor choice of words, we can say the words in the wrong tone, and sometimes it's the timing of our words that causes hurt. Written words can be particularly offensive because we don't hear the person's tone of voice and we can easily misunderstand the meaning. I'm sure that many relationships have been destroyed by misinterpreted letters and e-mails. I'm trying to be more mindful of the words I speak and write so that what I say brings life to the relationship, and there's no room for misunderstanding.

Mindfulness isn't just for the sake of others. Being mindful is to our own advantage as well. I know a woman who lost her husband several months ago. She recently said something that made a big impact on me. She said, "Pay attention to the things your husband does. How he pays bills, how he maintains the house, all the things he does to keep the household running, you should know how and when to do it." Since she told me that, I've started what I call an independence journal. It's a list of things I'll need to know if I were to become a widow. My last entry was a step-by-step explanation of how to change the water filter and UV light on our water system. I also made a note of when the septic was last pumped, when the real estate taxes come and how much I can expect to pay, who to call if the water pump breaks and what it costs to replace it, etc, etc. We need to prepare for life's unexpected turns and the only way we can is by being mindful today.

Mindfulness is definitely something worth pursuing. No it's not easy, it's work. It takes a daily awareness and effort to live mindfully. But by paying attention to the details of our lives and the lives of others, we can be a blessing to those we love and we can bear the burden when they leave us behind.

DON'T GET YOUR KNICKERS IN A TWIST

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose - Romans 8:28

I recall first hearing the above title phrase when I was a young girl. For years afterward it was my favorite thing to say to people when I saw them getting worked up about something. I'd pull out my best English accent and say, "Don't get your knickers in a twist, my Dear."

It's always humbling to discover that I need to take my own advice. I've said before that I'm far from perfect and I'm still in the process like everyone else. My recent entry about people who can't relax came to hit me in the face yesterday during a shopping trip with my daughter. She was looking for new sneakers and about drove me crazy as we searched one store after another without finding a single pair of sneakers that even interested her.

My husband and I were getting quite ruffled as we knew we had our own list of things to find. After about an hour into our sneaker search, we voiced our disgust with a continuous string of comments aimed at pushing our daughter into making a decision. Finally I jumped off the bench and said, "You picked that same pair up twice, now try the darn things on!" I threw the box on the floor and stood over her as she obediently tried on the sneakers and decided she didn't like them.

Long story short, last night on our way home we stopped at Wal Mart and found a pair of sneakers she loved, the last pair in her size, for half the price we would have paid if she had found a pair at the mall. Her particular taste actually worked in our favor and all the fussing we did had been unnecessary. What I should have done was shut my mouth and pray like I suggested several weeks ago. Guess I'm guilty of being someone who can't relax. eeeek!!!

Perhaps next time I'll recall that little incident and remember that God works all things out for good. Getting worked up doesn't help. What I need to do during those stressful moments is to RELAX... untwist my knickers and have a little patience and faith.

MY FIRST MINDFUL MONDAY

On the first Moday of the year, I'm sitting at my computer waiting for my writer's block to lift. I want to write something encouraging since my NewYear's resolution is to give more compliments and encouragement. Wouldn't it be great if we all made that resolution and then stuck to it. My usual resolution is to lose ten pounds. Most women can afford to lose ten pounds. But it seems that my weight sticks at the same number no matter what I do so I gave up on that one.

However, I can make other resolutions that could lead to weight loss if I keep them. For example, I can stop eating directly out of the box or the bag. This is a terrible habit that results in consuming more calories than we realize. I just did it yesterday with a box of Wheat Thins and when I finally shut the box, I realized that I didn't count out my serving and put it in a bowl like I promised myself I would. I must have eaten five servings! Wheat Thins are my favorite cracker.

Another strategy for losing weight is to eat more slowly. I'm a fast eater. I think I learned to eat quickly when I was a single mother working two jobs and attending college. Those years were the most stressful of my life. I rushed through everything I did like a tightly wound toy. Three years of that and rushing became a way of life. Now it's time to slow down and really enjoy eating, actually savor the food instead of sending it down the chute before my taste buds recognize what it is. I'm trying to put down my fork once in a while, take more sips of water during a meal, and watch my posture so I'm not hovering over my plate the way animals eat.

Another bad habit I'm trying to correct is eating while standing. I'll grab a slice of cake and then stand over the sink to eat it. It's embarrassing to admit because it sounds so piggish. Eating shouldn't be done on the run. We should set aside a specific time for it and then make it an event we sit down for. Set out a nice plate, maybe a candle or flowers. Once in a while I'll pour a glass of wine and play some Kenny G. When I make eating a special event, I'm less likely to stuff myself becuase I'm being mindful of what I'm doing.

That's another thing I'm trying to change... being mindful. Mindfulness can be applied to so many circumstances. I want to be more mindful when people are talking. Listening is not easy for me for some reason. My mind wanders and I miss things that people say. This is probably the most bothersome thing about myself that I want to improve. You miss life when you don't listen.

I admire people who are mindful. Because they're good listeners, they choose the perfect gifts. They say things like, "I remember you saying that you needed one of those." Mindful people use their mental skills to bring joy to others. I want to do that. Mindful people remember birthdays and that is so encouraging to receive a birthday card. Someone out there cares that you were born. That's good to know.

If I were more mindful I wouldn't misplace my car keys just before I'm ready to walk out the door. I wouldn't lose my sunglasses or take pens along when I'm finished writing and have to walk back to return them. I wouldn't forget to put money in the meter in Millersburg. Once I did that at the Wooden Nickle and had a great view of the police officer as he placed a ticket on my windshield. I like sitting in the sun light beside those big windows at the Nickle. It's my daughter's favorite place to eat. Now she reminds me about the meters. I'm teaching her to be mindful by showing her what happens when you're not.

I didn't know that today's blog would be about being mindful. I love the writing process and how it travels around different subjects until one jumps aboard and becomes the topic. That's the fun of writing for me. When I sit down I often have no idea what I'm going to write about. Then as I'm writing, the topic appears. Mindfulness is an awesome subject.  Lord, help me to be mindful today.

DO CRUMBS REALLY MATTER?

Every time I'm bothered lately, it's for the same reason...people can't relax. They obsess about everything and fuss about things that could easily be overlooked. It's hard to be yourself around someone like that. The minute they walk into the room you feel uncomfortable, like you have to watch everything you say and do for fear that you might set that person off.

I was that kind of person years ago. Maybe that's why I'm bothered by it now. I was very controlling, I fussed about things that weren't important and I had a comment for everything. I still have a lot of opinions, but now I have to be pushed before I'll express them directly. When the same injustice keeps occurring, I'll make my opinion known, but I'm more likely to grab a pen and start writing than I am to get into an argument.

The older I get, the more I realize that it's just not worth it. People have enough to worry about without being nagged by people who can't relax. The bible has some clear warnings about minding our own business and letting God do the correcting. Of course there are times when we do need to speak, but I've learned that those times are few and far between and should always be preceded by careful thought and lots of prayer.

I'm not talking about parenting. That kind of guidance is certainly needed. I'm talking about fussing over things that aren't important. In the grand scheme of life do crumbs really matter? Is it worth disrupting a peaceful dinner for the sake of a crumb-free table? Is there any sense to arguing about garbage? I know a guy that gets mad if someone throws something in the garbage right after he changes the bag, as if there's a waiting period that must be followed. I guess he needs to enjoy that empty can. He makes garbage more important than people every time he fusses about it.

People are more important than things. A close friend said those very words to me recently. A few years ago she became very sick and was faced with the reality of death. Since then her priorities have changed. Now she doesn't care about her house being perfect and she doesn't get upset when her routine is interrupted. There was a time when I couldn't drop in on her unexpectedly. If I did, I was met at the door by an unwelcoming glare.

Today she's more relaxed because being sick made her realize how fragile and fleeting life is. She doesn't want to waste her time being mad at people when things don't go her way. Those things are less important now. She thinks of her sickness as a blessing. It changed her for the better. And people notice the change. They like the person she's become... a more relaxed, more pleasant version of herself.

How do you know if you're someone who needs to relax? What are your family members and friends telling you? Keep a journal and write down every time you fuss about something that could easily be overlooked. Might you be better off to pray about the situation than to voice constant opinions?

What if we took that same energy and fussed about the people in our lives? What if we would come home and talk to our kids, ask them how their day went, instead of fussing about the way the house looks? What if we put more effort into noticing people and their good qualities, praising them for the work they have done instead of harping on their weaknesses and what they haven't done.

If we can't relax we can't enjoy the ones we love. We'll be more bothered by them than anything. Some day those people won't be with us anymore. All we'll have is memories that we wish we could go back and change. We'll regret all the time we wasted fussing about messes, crumbs and interruptions.

CATCHING MY BREATH

"Lay aside your agenda for a moment. Stop striving to relieve yourself of the burdens that plague you. Rest, dear sister. Rest in the secure arms of your heavenly Father, who set your story in motion before time began."

Today I decided to take a break from all the "doing" and just "be". I'm always amazed at how God brings just the right book into my life at exactly the time I need to read its wisdom. My latest divinely appointed book is Practical Theology for Women by Wendy Alsup. The above quote was taken from it.

I've been knocking myself out with accomplishing things. I'm falling into the trap of believing that my value comes from what I do and how busy I am. That's the message of our culture. But it's a lie. Today I realized what I've been doing and I decided to spend the day catching my breath and hanging out with God. He reminded me that my value comes from who I am, not what I do, and who I am is a beloved child of God. Today He invited me to rediscover that.

Chapter 10 of Alsup's book is a chapter every woman should read. It's about finding our identity in Christ. She starts the chapter with this question: "Where do you find your identity? If you have a blog or a MySpace page, what does it reveal about how you define yourself? How do you introduce yourself when someone asks, "What do you do?"

A few days ago someone asked if I was working. I said, "Just at home." Why I felt the need to add the "just" to my response is another example of being tainted by the culture I live in, a culture that has shunned the value of homemaking. The message I hear day after day is that if I'm not busy outside my home, then I'm not valuable. It's difficult to ignore that message even though I know it's untrue. So I decide that I'd better get busy. And then I make sure to let people know that I'm busy so I can prove my worth.

Unfortunately, I'm not the only woman who does this. As you're reading this you might be having a revelation of your own. Maybe you, too, need to catch your breath and connect to the real source of your identity--the one who created you.

It is God's opinion of me that matters, not what others think of me. I know that, but I still get sidetracked into thinking I need the approval of people. I think it's something many of us do. "Many Christian women weigh their words, obsess over their clothes, and attempt to control big and small circumstances around them in an effort to build their reputation. They are constantly on guard for new strategies to make others think better of them," says Alsup.

Talking about how busy we are and how successful we are is one way to build our reputation with people. I know a woman who talks constantly about her business and her accomplishments. She even mentions dollar amounts and her latest awards or promotions. Just listening to her makes me feel as if she's trying to impress me. But I'm not the one she should be impressing. I have no power to change her life or make it better.

God is the one we need to impress. I need to remember that, too. I'm also guilty of trying to make others think better of me. But the bible says that we must let go of our reputations and rights. We are called to humble ourselves, to forget about ourselves and instead serve God and serve others. We are actually supposed to think of others as better than ourselves. Not an easy thing to do. Especially in a culture that is so self-absorbed.

My sister is a professional artist and she struggles with the promotional aspect of her business. She knows that in order to sell her work she has to promote it. She has to get it out there for people to see. But she doesn't like promoting herself. She would rather hand that job over to someone else. But paying someone to do that wouldn't be practical.

I think it all comes down to our motives. If we promote ourselves and our accomplishments to impress others, that's not right. But if we promote ourselves in order to pay the bills or serve God in some way, that's a different story. Artists have to advertise their work if they want to sell it. That's just the way it is. What matters is that we keep our focus on God and His approval. Trying to win the approval of people is a waste of time, and it's downright exhausting. We need to rest in the secure arms of our heavenly Father. That's the only place that we can catch our breath and have peace.

SIMPLIFY THE SEASON

This is the first I've been inspired to write since taking a break in late summer. Don't you love the weeks leading up to Christmas? I guess not everyone does. I hear so many complaints about having so much to do and so little time. Some people get very stressed out at this time of year. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Simplicity helps me to enjoy the pre-Christmas rush. I'm finding that the more I simplify my life the more I enjoy it. The less pressure I put on myself, the more I can live in the moment and enjoy what's happening now instead of fretting about all I have yet to do. I can listen to my children without distraction, have time to do things for myself, and recognize the needs of others then do something to help.

One of the keys to simplicity is to love people and not things. Especially at Christmas we get so caught up in making things perfect. We want to find the perfect gifts, decorate our homes like Martha would, wrap the presents with style, and buy the perfect outfit for every event. We wear ourselves out on all the pretty details then have no energy to enjoy the company.

I simplified my tree this year. Instead of dragging out all the boxes of ornaments, I pulled apart some cotton balls and covered the tree with snow. My Christmas card list isn't what it used to be. Only people who've been a meaningful part of my life will get a card this year. I didn't spend much time searching for gifts. And I'm planning to wrap them all with my friend Tam. We're going to make tacos, play Christmas music and sip cocoa or hot tea. My wrapping paper isn't color-coordinated and I won't pay much attention to making perfect creases or disguising the tape. I'll be too busy enjoying the company of my good friend.

Simplifying things frees up our time so we can magnify the people in our lives. Some people have it backwards. They magnify the things and simplify the people. Then they wonder why they feel so worn out and unhappy. My fondest memories of Christmas are not about how pretty the packages were wrapped or how my mom decorated the house.

What I remember is sitting on the stairs Christmas morning, whispering with my sister and brothers, impatiently waiting for Mom and Dad to wake up. I remember caroling on a snowy night in Pillow. I remember how my Dad loved egg nog. And the excitement of Christmas Eve when one by one we were allowed to open just one of our gifts. It's the company that I remember, not so much the things.

Of course festive things do help to make Christmas special. Ribbon candy has a special place in my memories and the warm flickering glow of a candle-lit church as we sang Silent Night. Christmas without candles, music, decorations and lit up trees is hard to imagine. But if we're over-stressed this time of year, we might be investing too much in those things. Simplify the season and have more time for the people you love.

EARTH SHOES AND MOOD RINGS

Do you remember the ugly shoes we wore in the seventies? They were called earth shoes and of course they were brown. Brown must have been a popular color back then. I also had a pair of brown platform shoes with a big yellow sunflower on them. Remember mood rings? I wonder if they work for women going through menopause. We'd probably have to rename them rainbow rings.

I've been feeling nostalgic lately. I've been wishing for my earth shoes back and my mood ring, just so I can remember wearing them. I'd also like to have the clothes I wore from fifth grade and up. My mom made me this dress in fifth grade that I loved so much I wore it for my class pictures. Wonder how far I'd have to dig to find that? The dress was reversible with stars on it. One day I could have a blue dress with white stars and the next day a red one. Think of the money and time we could save on laundry if reversible clothes came back in style.

It's amazing to me how things go in and out of style. And then years later we see those things again. Who ever thought that afros would come back? Men actually sat through the perming process in the seventies just to have a cool hairstyle. That's how far we'll go to be in the groove. Will the word groovy ever come back in style? I think Greg Brady originated that one. Or was it Marcia?

I had this star neclace that I wore in middle school. I'm still looking for one like it. Whenever I see something that reminds me of my past I try to buy it. I like having familiar things around me, especially things that I once loved. On the top of my wish list right now is my favorite doll. Her name is Baby Beans. She was made in 1970, so I would have been about eight years old when I begged my parents to buy me one for Christmas. I saw a few on ebay but I'm hoping to discover her at a yard sale one day so I can get excited about the serendipity of finding her again.

My mom made me a doll once. Today, I would treasure that doll even more than my beloved baby beans. The doll had yellow yarn for hair and was at least three feet tall with a blue dress. If only I had taken better care of those things. I'm not sure where the doll ended up, probably in a garbage can beside baby beans after she was tore open and the beans fell out.

My sister had a pet rock...or was it a pet stick? Whoever thought of that crazy fad must have laughed all the way to the bank and back. Let's see, do you think pet acorns would ever catch on?

I also want my metal lunch kettle back. It had the wildest hot pink flowers on it. Remember flower power? I use to write "flower power" on my notebook, my walls, even a grey suitcase I had was jazzed up with pink paint and the words flower power. It's funny how you reach a certain age and feel the need to personalize everything you own. My daughter's going through that now. After rearranging her bedroom and taking her bed off its frame and onto the floor, she now wants to paint the walls purple. My sister had a similar love for purple in high school. I recall dark purple shag carpeting and purple flowered walls.

Remember the game mystery date? Or leapin letters? Board games are very nostalgic. Old Maids, pick up stix, chinese jumprope, and jacks. I've been looking for a chinese jumprope so I can show my daughter the way we used to stretch that rope around our ankles and play games I can't remember. We also put the rope on our hands and passed it back and forth with finger tricks like Jacob's ladder. I couldn't do it now.

I want my Saturday Night Fever album back and my record player. I want my poster of a woman releasing a dove on the beach. "If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours" or something like that was the poem written on it. I want my fiber optic night light that glowed pink on the tip of each strand, and my black-light poster. Bedrooms were the coolest in the sixties and seventies. Lava lamps and beaded curtains, smiley faces and peace signs. My sister had a Donny Osmond poster on her door. I liked David Cassidy from The Partridge Family.

All these things are special because they're part of who I once was. I wouldn't want to go back, but I want to remember the life I had. Our childhood and teen years are so filled with special memories. I treasure my diary from 1977-78. I get the biggest kick out of reading it now. Was that really me? Did I really think like that? It makes you realize how much you've matured and thank goodness! I'd rather be a grown up, but it's neat to remember the things we once thought were important like earth shoes and mood rings.

LIVING THE FRESH-BREWED LIFE Book Commentary

"I see women all the time who seem joyless and lonely--I can see it in their expressionless eyes. They stare straight ahead or look down, walking forward but not going anywhere. They are terrified that life is going to find them."

The above quote is part of the introduction to Fresh-Brewed Life: A Stirring invitation to Wake Up Your Soul, my latest great book find.  It's available at Amazon.  The book was given to me by a friend who said that it's her favorite book. I just love when people recommend books to me or give me a book they've read as a gift. I'm already planning to read it again because I fell in love with it too. The best way I can describe it is to say that it's a book about all the things that women secretly think but don't talk about.

Fresh-Brewed Life is a journey of awakenings: to God, to ourselves, and to others. Author Nicole Johnson has masterfully written an invitation to wake up and embrace life. Just as the smell and taste of fresh-brewed coffee awakens our sleepiness, this book will inspire you to stop sleepwalking through life, to wake up to a more exciting, more passionate fullness of life.

"Wake up! We need you as an alive and awake woman, listening and contributing," says Johnson. "Wake up your creative genius and let it out into the world. Wake up to your power and use it wisely. Wake up to your pain and investigate it. Wake up the dull old parts that are hiding from the light. Wake up to love and let it flood through you."

And what's the first step toward this fresh new way of living? "Surrendering to God is the key that unlocks the door to the life you want." Our wake up call begins in a relationship with the one in whom we began. Because only God can rouse our sleepy souls. Only God can tell us what we most want to know. Johnson discovered that life isn't about being busy and keeping it all together, it's about trusting in the One who can keep it all together.

But how do we surrender? Where do we start? Having a relationship with God requires a commitment of time. How can we discipline ourselves to make time for God? For Johnson, the answer was journaling. She learned to bring her heart to God by writing down her struggles. "Journaling became for me the tangible representation of my relationship with God and others, and my wrestlings with the world around me." But journaling should never be a pressure. We shouldn't beat ourselves up if we can't stick to it with consistency. Just don't give up on finding quiet time with God.

I still haven't disciplined myself to write in my journal every day. Sometimes weeks go by without an entry, but I communicate with God every day through prayer and bible reading. I think that's the important part, just having God in our thoughts. For some reason, I think about God most when I'm driving. The sun on my face, traveling through the beauty of His creation, and cottony clouds against a clear blue sky arouse in me a knowing that God exists.

By journaling, I make time for God and I get to know myself better too. But what kind of things should we write in our journals? Should we use it like a diary? Johnson suggests that we write down our longings, those empty places in our lives that haven't been filled. Every woman longs for something. I long to be a newspaper columnist and some day an author who brings encouragement and hope to women. I long to go to Tuscany for my dream vacation. And I long to be known and loved by the people I love.

"Dreams and longings have a way of resurfacing," says Johnson. But we are masters at killing our dreams. Instead of participating on the field, we sit in the stands and watch or we stand on the sidelines criticizing ourselves and criticizing those who are reaching for their dreams. God gave us those longings for a reason. They are the map that will point the way Johnson says. Write down your longings. "When you are honest about the places in your soul that ache to be filled, you are right where God can tenderly reach in and touch the deepest parts of your heart."

Listen to the conversations of women and you'll learn that they have many longings. We want to be beautiful. We long to be appreciated. We want more passion and purpose. We want to be known, loved, and cherished. By "known" I don't mean famous. A woman needs someone to take the time to stop and really see her. Women long for more attention and affection. That's why they become addicted to romance novels and soap operas. But according to Johnson, God is the only one big enough to hold our longings. Apart from Him we will never be satisfied.

Every woman who's ever felt lonely or empty, who's ever wondered, "Is this all there is?" Every woman who right now feels that something is missing needs this book. Fresh Brewed Life is a masterpiece because it inspires a woman to become a masterpiece by listening to her longings, embracing her beauty, savoring her sexuality, enriching her relationships, and changing her world. And the key to doing those things is to let God in on your life.

We need God like we need a good cup of coffee. He's the only one who can satisfy our loneliness, fill our emptiness and wake up our souls. Without Him we can only sleepwalk through life with expressionless eyes, walking forward but not going anywhere.

PATIENCE AND FAITH

"For I know the plans I have for you." says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope...when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me."--Jeremiah 29:11

As I'm writing this a song is playing in my head: The waiting is the hardest part. Maybe that's the title, Waiting. I don't know music like some do. Waiting is a universal problem. I don't like it myself, but I'm learning that it's a very important skill to have. The best example I can think of that shows the consequences of being impatient is credit card debt. I have a friend whom I've lost touch with that still owes me $80. When I reminded her many years ago she claimed she didn't remember borrowing the money. Now that's scary. A person like that could get into some major credit card debt.

Delayed gratification is a wonderful thing because we appreciate the thing we've waited for so much more than we do when we get it right away. Whatever happened to saving for the things we want. It's just too tempting to get out the plastic, have what we want now and worry about paying for it later. The downside is that we end up paying far more than the item is worth because of interest charges and we are burdened with the stress of unpaid debt. A stress that can bring us to homelessness, poverty, and shame.

I always hated owing someone money. It would bother me everyday until I paid it back. I'm grateful that I have that conviction and I'm discovering that God actually blesses patience. So many times when I want something but walk away from it instead of buying it, I will find that exact item later for a much lesser price. God knows the desires of my heart and He loves to give me even the smallest thing that I'm longing for. My most recent delayed purchase was a board game called Clue. My daughter and I like to play games when boredom hits. I've been wanting the game Clue for quite a while. I remember playing it at my cousin's house when I was a child. Well guess what I found at a yard sale on Friday? The game Clue in a box like new with every piece intact for the bargain price of one dollar.

I just love when that happens. I love to see the blessings of my faith. Some people might call that a coincidence but I know better because I've had things like that happen to me so many times that it defies the law of coincidence. The word coincidence suggests something rare and random, a total fluke. But when these flukes begin to occur on a regular basis we can no longer call them coincidence. We must acknowledge the power behind them.

Patience and faith bring so many blessings. But faith is more than just believing in God. It's believing that God knows each one of us personally and wants to bless us and help us. What difference does faith make in a person's life? Well first of all our faith determines where we will spend eternity. People who believe that life is over when they're dead don't really know that for sure because they haven't died yet. Eternity is a long time, too long to take a chance on spending it somewhere unpleasant.

Another difference faith makes is the quality of our lives on earth. I remember reading about a woman who feared losing her job because she worked on commission and the sales at her register were very low. Someone suggested that she pray and ask that God would give her favor with people so they would come to her register to pay for their purchases. She took the advice and was amazed. God did bless her with what she asked for. Her sales doubled, then tripled.

Faith is a journey. It's a day by day discovery of God and his goodness. I don't always think of praying about every problem. I still try to figure things out on my own. I want to reach a point where prayer is my first reaction to every problem. That's the kind of faith I want. Hannah Whitall Smith calls that kind of faith "the life on wings". Every time I see a bird with wings stretched motionless, floating on the wind, I'm reminded of that life on wings that I long for. What an amazing way to live. And that's the way God created us to live. But how many ever find it?

I'll tell you the story about someone who did find the life she longed for. I discovered a wonderful author, Jan Karon. Her book, The Mitford Bedside Companion was something else I discovered while yardsaling on Friday. To me the best part of that book is her essay at the beginning titled, "I Know The Plans I Have For You." She shares her life story of how she got started as a writer. She was working in advertising and feeling very unhappy in that career. She longed to write books. So she began to pray.

"What do you want me to do, Lord? And how am I to accomplish it?" was her plea to God. After two years of persistent prayer, God spoke to her heart and said, Go. And I will go with you. So she sold her house and moved to a mountain village in North Carolina with the intention of having a peaceful place to write. After wrestling with doubts and a serious case of writer's block, Jan Karon had a surprising mental image of a man walking down a village street. This inspired her to begin writing about a fictional Episcopal priest named Father Tim. She took the first two chapters of her writing to a local newspaper editor and soon she was a columnist. After writing two years worth of columns she had a complete book. That book was the first of a bestselling series of Mitford Years books.

And this is my favorite part of that story. Jan Karon, at the end of her essay, tells us why she shared her early struggles as a want-to-be writer: "I tell you all that in order to assure you of this: God has plans for you, too. His plans are for good. And if you trust Him, you have both a future and a hope. How do I know this to be utterly and absolutely true? Because I have lived it. And I am living it still."

Now there is a testimony to the power of faith. Patience and faith will greatly increase the quality of our lives. We only need to put them into practice.

BETTER TO BE ME

In my younger days I had a terrible habit. I compared myself to other women. No matter what I was accomplishing or how I felt about my appearance, there was always someone I was striving to be like. In the seventies, I wanted to be like a girl in my high school named Kerri. She was so put together. She wore the coolest outfits and had beautiful hair and a perfect smile. She even smelled wonderful. I asked her one day what perfume she wore and then went out and bought myself a bottle of "Ciara". It's still my favorite perfume. Fortunately, today I wear it because I like the smell, not because I want to be like Kerri.

I've learned that comparing myself to other women is just wrong for so many reasons. First of all, God created me to be myself. It must grieve Him when I'm not satisfied with who I am, as if to question his handiwork. It's like saying, "Why couldn't you do better than this, Lord?" When I want that girl's body or another girl's talent, I am coveting something that God gave to someone else. Not only that, but I devalue my own attributes which God chose for me to have.

Women are funny. They really are. I can't tell you how many times I have overheard a woman express dissatisfaction with her looks or abilities, and without realizing it, that same woman who sees so many flaws in herself is admired and envied by other women. I have a wonderful friend who I think is stunningly beautiful. But she must wear make-up to cover up some red patches on her face. This bothers her and she's very open about it. But she doesn't realize that while she's bothered by her imperfections, other women look at her and see flawless beauty they'd love to have.

I guess it's easy to focus on our flaws when we wake up every morning without make-up and see everything that needs work. It's also hard to ignore the constant pressure that women feel to look thin and beautiful like all those magazine covers that stare at us while we lay a weeks worth of food on the check out counter at the grocery store. We live in a society that is absolutely obsessed with beauty. So we get caught up in that obsession and we compare.

If I could go back to high school and do it over again, I wouldn't have wasted so much time wishing I was someone else. I'd go back confident in who I am. I'd remind myself every day of the abilities that God gave me and be thankful for them. I'd spend time improving my talents and being the best I can be instead of wishing for the abilities of others. And I would focus on all the physical characteristics that I like about myself. I'd take a compliment well and not try to shake it off as if I don't deserve it. I would love all the great things about me...my sense of humor, my smile, my brown eyes, my artistic talent, my creativity, and my sense of caring.

As I was writing that list of good qualities above, I almost felt uncomfortable. Why do we feel so uncomfortable in complimenting ourselves and talking about our good qualities yet we find it so easy to think about and talk about our flaws? God wants us to focus on the good, admirable qualities in ourselves and others. But we can't do it when we spend so much time comparing and wishing for things we don't have.

Comparison is just a waste of time. All it does is make us miserable. We need to trust the God who created us and believe He knew what He was doing in making us just as we are. We need to stop buying into the world's view of what is beautiful and what isn't. I think I would have accomplished so much more in high school if I had believed in myself and really liked who I was. I discovered my senior year that while I was longing to be like Kerri, other girls were admiring my good qualities. The things they wrote in my yearbook confirmed it. It wasn't until after high school that I realized what I had going for me. But I wasted my high school years feeling insecure and wishing I was someone else.

Perhaps the greatest gift a woman can give herself is the self-love and freedom to be who she is and never compare herself to anyone. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, or more talented, but there will never be anyone more perfectly suited to be you.

STILL IN THE PROCESS

Just a few moments ago, I was rude to a telemarketer. It seems that every time I answer the phone lately someone wants me to donate to a worthy cause, upgrade a service, or buy a product. Today I couldn't take anymore. First I said, "Not interested." Then he argued with me that I didn't even hear what he had to offer. Then I said, "You're wasting your time." He continued his pitch. Then I hung up on him.

If I'm happy with the service I have, why do I need to hear about the upgrade he has to offer? It's difficult to be nice to someone who will not take "No" for an answer. So why do I feel like I didn't handle it well? You know sometimes I just get tired of trying to respond to everyone in a kind manner. Yes even Christians need to blow off steam at times. We're far from perfect.

I'm told that I'm supposed to be joyful no matter my circumstances. I'm supposed to be patient, kind, loving, forgiving, and willing to sacrifice myself for the greater good. That's not easy. People and circumstances are constantly challenging my patience , my ability to forgive, and especially my all-encompassing joy. So I slip up at times. I'm not as nice as I should be. And since I didn't sleep at all last night, I probably have a shorter fuse than usual.

But you know what I like about following Jesus. He always forgives me. He's always willing to stand by me while I learn yet another lesson about life and dealing with the stress of this crazy world we live in. Christians aren't perfect, but one difference between them and nonbelievers is they know when they've been rude. God's spirit within them causes them to feel badly after speaking to someone rudely. If I could, I would apologize to that guy that was trying to sell me something I didn't need.

God knows I'm not perfect and he accepts me as I am. Every time I mess up, He welcomes me with open arms, forgives me and encourages me to keep following in His footsteps. He stresses how far I've come not how far I have to go. My favorite song right now goes something like this:

There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are
broken and scarred
lift up your heart
and be amazed and be changed
by a perfect God

Sometimes I don't feel joyful, sometimes I complain too much, sometimes I get angry and I don't always focus on the good in people like the bible says we should. Following the teachings of Jesus is challenging because we live in a fallen world. Nonbelievers just love to see a Christian mess up so they can say, "See, you're no better than I am!"

They just don't get it. We already know that we're not better than anyone. We already know that we're far from perfect. That's the reason we seek God. We want to be amazed. We want to be changed by a perfect God. And that takes time and prayer. It's a process that will have its ups and downs. Sometimes we'll have victory and other times we will fail. We'll get frustrated and we might say or do things that don't reflect God's best response.

But God knows we're not perfect. That's not what He expects. He only expects us to keep trying by praying for help and growing in our knowledge of His ways.

TREASURES AND GIFTS FROM THE SEA
Book Commentary

Rarely do I discover a book that can only be described as a treasure. I found one such treasure at a bookstore in Wellsboro Pennsylvania over Memorial Day weekend. Gift From The Sea was a bestseller when originally published in 1955. It was written by Anne Morrow Lindbergh during a brief vacation by the sea.

When I enter a book store, I ask God to lead me to a treasure. With so many books stacked tightly on the shelves, I rely on the title or the look of the book to entice me. Gift From The Sea has both an intriguing title and appearance as it is a small book wrapped in a cover of my favorite color turquoise with shiny silver letters.

The cashier confirmed my hope when she immediately smiled and said, "Oh this is a treasure!" She held the book close to her heart as she pecked the register keys and told me that her mother had given her a copy before she left home for college.

My treasure couldn't wait to be read. I was completely absorbed in it as my husband drove us home from our weekend getaway. And now I'm compelled to share this treasure and all its wisdom.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh was the mother of five, an acclaimed writer, and a pioneering aviator. She wrote Gift From The Sea during a brief stay on Captiva Island on Florida's gulf coast. Using shells as metaphor for how to live our lives, Lindbergh offers precious insight for women at any stage of life. "Patience, faith, openness is what the sea has to teach," she says, "simplicity, solitude, intermittency."

I love what she wrote about a woman's need for solitude: "If it is a woman's function to give, she must be replenished, too. But how? Solitude says the moon shell...every woman should be alone sometime during the year, some part of each week and each day."

We live in a world that doesn't understand the need to be alone. I've often turned down invitations because I needed time alone. But as Lindbergh observes, we are considered rude, egotistical or strange when we say, "I cannot come because that is my hour to be alone." This lack of understanding forces me to create other reasons why I can't attend. I have another commitment or perhaps a dental appointment.

Fortunately, I'm aware of my need for solitude and I feel no guilt about claiming it, but some women feel unjustified in demanding alone time and don't allow themselves that "luxury". Not realizing that solitude is a necessity, women push themselves from one activity to the next until they might fall to pieces. They find themselves in a doctor's office seeking help for stress and anxiety.

Occasional alone time is a justifiable need. I've even resorted to locking myself in a room to get it. As keeper of the home, a wife and mother is constantly on call. When she's at home she's also at work. There are children to care for, meals to make, messes to clean and errands to accomplish. Women never really get a break. They go to work and then come home to more work. "By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class," says Lindbergh.

Quiet time alone is how a woman regains her strength. We shouldn't have to apologize or make excuses for it. "A woman must be still as the axis of a wheel in the midst of her activities," says Lindbergh. She discovered that even the island she lived on while writing held a lesson for living: "Unless I keep the island quality intact somewhere within me, I will have little to give my husband, my children, my friends or the world at large."

As the moon shell teaches the value of solitude, the channeled whelk shell teaches the value of simplicity. Hermit crabs claim this shell because it's simple and can be carried easily. I also prefer a simple shell. I don't need the big fancy house that many women long for. With that house comes bigger bills and more rooms to clean. If women were satisfied with simplicity, they might not need to work outside the home. They could live with less and be where their hearts long to be, at home with their children.

The first thing Lindbergh learned as a beach dweller was the art of shedding. How little one can get along with, not how much. She suggests shedding our big wardrobes for a simple selection of clothes, simplifying our homes and shedding our need for absolute tidiness. By shedding pride and not worrying about impressing others we can choose as little furniture as possible. We can even shed the false friendships we've accumulated over the years. "I shall ask into my shell only those friends with whom I can be completely honest," says Lindbergh. Imagine how we could simplify our social lives if we only accept invitations from people who truly enrich us, those with whom we can be completely honest.

Sometimes life simplifies itself. When children grow and leave home, mothers can learn much from the argonauta shell. The mother argonaut isn't fastened to her shell, it's actually a cradle for her young. When the eggs hatch and the young swim away, the mother argonaut leaves her shell and heads for the open seas to start a new life.

This ebb and flow of life is what the argonauta teaches, but intermittency is an impossible lesson to learn claims Lindbergh. "We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb."

I don't deal with change well. Yet life is constant change, so why do I resist it? Like the ocean waves recede and then return to shore, our lives are forever changing and moving. But we fearfully cling to the familiar and can't accept even the natural progression that relationships must take.

How may women become depressed when their children leave the nest, believing that their life's purpose is gone when they could be celebrating the opportunity to discover new purpose, new interests and new passions.

How many women leave perfectly good relationships because that giddy spark of romantic love has grown into a deeper more dependable flame? But the passion is gone, so they search for a new partner only to find than even passion must eventually ebb toward something else, something more calm.

We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life. One of the hardest lessons I've learned is to live in the moment, to enjoy the season I'm in and stop longing for that next great hope on the horizon. The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy or too impatient says Lindbergh. We shouldn't dig for treasures she claims. That shows greed, impatience and lack of faith. Then she closes that chapter with a thought that is more about faith than ambition: "One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach--waiting for a gift from the sea."

MEMORIES AND LESSONS

I found the neatest book in a consignment store recently. I guess it's more like a journal than a book. It's titled, "Reflections From A Mother's Heart: A Family Legacy For Your Children." It's a journal that prompts the reader with questions that encourage you to put your life story in your own words. The book has taken me on a memorable journey as I've answered questions about my favorite childhood pastimes, what my home looked like as a child, the view from my bedroom window, even the dresses I remember in my mother's closet. I wrote down special memories about my siblings and the summer days I spent at my grandma's house. It's a beautiful book.

One of the questions asks me to recall some of the most important lessons I've learned in life. It only gave me a page to respond. I needed much more space than that, so I'm sharing some of my lessons with you.

I've learned:
Life is more about helping others than it is about me
To stand up for myself and what I believe
To speak up when I should and be quiet when it's best
To ask God for guidance and start each day with prayer
How to choose friends that are true friends
Not to spill my guts to anyone who hasn't earned my trust
To dress modestly if I want respect
To think before making a decision
To think before speaking
Books are like quiet friends
To learn every day
To respond to cruelty with kindness
Real beauty doesn't reflect in a mirror
Not to get pulled into office gossip
Listening is a gift of love to others and to myself
What I say is as important as how I say it
Forgive or it eats you alive
Anger is poison that only kills me
Competing with people is pointless unless I'm in a baking contest
I should be hungry if I'm planning to eat
Eating can't satisfy heart hunger
God created a hunger in all of us that was meant for Him to fill
People do strange things when they're hurting, so be kind
Look beyond one's actions to their motives
I shouldn't control people or make decisions for them
Depression isn't something people can snap out of, so don't ever say that
Wives and mothers are underappreciated, be kind
Never laugh at someone who's trying to help you
Learn the love language of everyone you care about because a gift won't work when they want a compliment or a hug.
To know my boundaries
To treasure my friends
To never stop hugging my kids, no matter how old
It's better to be kind than to be right
God's opinion of me is the only one that matters

GROWING IN THE VALLEY

I just read an e-mail from my friend Lucy that reminded me I can't be on the mountaintop always. God gives us valleys too and he allows them because that is where we grow the most. Having good health, riches, and a life free of problems doesn't allow us to develop kindness, goodness, patience, and self-control. Those are things we learn in the valleys because that is when we realize how much we need God.

So for now I'm growing in the valley of sleeplessness, but that's okay. I've been there before many times and I know I'll get through safely. By trusting God and realizing that He's with me I'll walk through this valley and come out stronger. My faith will be stronger. Then I'll be better prepared for the next mountaintop He wants me to climb.

One last thing, when I drove to the drug store for some natural sleep aids, I was looking at the selection and wondering which one would work for me. Then I felt a hand grab my arm and give it a slight squeeze. "How are you sweetie?" asked a lady that works there. I recognized her and said Hi. The way she touched me was not a gesture she had ever offered before. But I found comfort in it and wasn't surprised by it because on my way to the drug store I asked God to put someone in that aisle who could help me decide which sleep aid to buy. Another lady who was stocking shelves helped me to pick the right product. So God put two ladies in that drug store aisle, one to offer comfort and one to help with my purchase.

With a God like that on my side, I can get through any valley.... So can you.

HIGHER THAN HUMAN

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."--Ephesians 4:31-32

"We're only human," she said to me "We all get frustrated." She was responding to the guilt I feel when I'm troubled by people and circumstances. I'm not always the gracious woman that I long to be. Sometimes people say things that are so hurtful I want to lash out. Sometimes life seems so discouraging I want to throw up my hands and say, "I quit!"

I'm not sure how the conversation started. I think it started with her sharing the frustrations of her job. I then shared some of my own frustrations and she offered comfort by reminding me that we can't react perfectly to every situation. Our human nature is flawed. Sometimes that flawed nature takes over and we react in ways that we regret later.

As much as we try not to be swayed by the opinions of others, we are still hurt by careless comments. Sometimes it feels like certain people have it in for us. They seem to find satisfaction in making us look stupid and incapable. The last two people who gave me that impression were women. And I can still feel the hurt.

In my younger days I had that same competitive nature. I enjoyed being the smarter one, the prettier one, the harder working one, the more capable one. Today I get no satisfaction in that. But I still respond negatively to women who need to be the best. When a woman makes hurtful comments in an attempt to bring me down, I don't fight back I get quiet. But my friends will hear about it later. And I'll rehash the conversation in my mind for days, thinking about what I could have said to quiet her.

My flawed nature wants to fight back and years ago I was pretty good at delivering a cutting response. But I know that's not the way I should respond. So whenever I'm feeling verbally attacked I shut my mouth and pray, because I know that if I open my mouth I'll say ugly things I'll regret later. But when it's over, the hurt is still there and I need to talk about it. That's when I share my frustration with friends as I did with the woman who reminded me that I'm only human.

We are all human and we all mess up at times. The stress of life can cause us to vent frustration at any given moment. Sometimes the smallest thing can set us off. But there's a freedom and a peace in knowing that I no longer contribute to people's stress by needing to be better than them. Whatever insecurities I had back then have matured and I no longer need to be the greatest gal in the room.

I discovered that although I have a flawed nature and a human tendency toward selfishness, I can fight that tendency by an act of my will and choose to love others. I can even encourage other women to outshine me. My human competitiveness is smothered by my desire to love people rather than compete with them. And that puts me in a higher place, a peaceful place where I'm free to pursue my personal best without comparing my performance to anyone else's.

THE HEART OF A DIVA
Book Commentary

"Attitude is everything!" I'm sure you've heard that saying many times. Attitude affects what we do and say, which affects how people respond to us and what we get back from life. A bad attitude usually gets bad results. People with good attitudes are usually happier, more successful, and better able to handle life's ups and downs.

"The secret to living the life you want is all about attitude," says Michelle McKinney Hammond in her book, The Diva Principle: Secrets to Divine Inspiration for Victorious Attitude. Hammond puts her readers on the road to success in every area of life, from romance to finance, by mastering the art of what she calls, "diva-tude."

Today, the word diva is associated with selfish vanity, but that's not its original meaning. Originally, a diva was an outstanding woman. She was the ultimate woman of confidence and style. Hammond draws examples from the lives of some very special divas and translates their stories into everyday principles for living.

I loved this book. It was recommended to me by a friend who has read it several times and is still soaking it in. And I do mean "soaking" as she has confessed to reading it in the bathtub, which explains the crinkled pages. Hammond might be the wisest woman on earth. She addresses every bad attitude a woman can possibly have and then explains why it's to her benefit to change her ways and develop a whole new attitude.

Here are some of my favorite lines from the book:
"A diva keeps her cool when everyone else is losing theirs."
"Divas set fashion trends, they don't follow them."
"Divas are not moved by the opinion of others."
"A diva doesn't let a fool bring out the fool in her."

Hammond has opened my eyes to what it means to be beautiful in God's eyes. Every woman has three views of herself--her own view, the opinions of others, and God's view. But the only valid opinion of ourselves comes from God. Others can see us only through their own experiences, and the way we view ourselves is limited by our emotions and past hurts. "When we are in relationship to God, we begin to see through his eyes," says Hammond.

Oh how I wish I could have read this book and applied it twenty years ago. My daughter will certainly have a copy. Hammond's insight is so profound, it could transform a woman's life. As I read it, I thought of things that I had done and said in the past and I realized how poorly I handled those situations. I realized that if I had applied the diva principle I could have had a better outcome and walked away with more dignity.

" A truly divine diva knows that life is not about her but rather the contribution she makes to others around her," says Hammond. She suggests that looking beyond ourselves is the first step toward healing and getting through any kind of pain. And when people hurt us, Hammond suggests that we ask God to give us insight into their actions that will help us to extend grace to them. I loved that. It reminded me that sometimes people do and say things for reasons that we can't see, reasons that have nothing to do with us.

The Diva Principle just might be the best book I've read in a long time. It's a handbook for developing a woman's inner beauty that is so valued in God's eyes. And that inner beauty brings such grace and goodness to the world, every woman should make an effort to develop the victorious attitude called diva-tude. As Hammond puts it, "No matter how lovely the external, if your spirit, heart and mind are not in divine order, you're just another pretty face."

DREAMS DO COME TRUE

Inside of everyone is a longing to do something. Some people want to open a bakery. Some dream of being a professional photographer. Others want to design clothes. Everyone has a dream job but very few people are actually doing the thing they dream about. Maybe it doesn't pay the bills. Or maybe the start up costs are too great. We can always find a reason not to pursue our dreams.

But I believe that when we take steps toward that dream, things start to happen. I'm thinking of the yellow brick road as an example. Of course this is fiction, but it's a good example of how following our longings can enrich our lives. If Dorothy hadn't followed that road toward her desire to get back home, she wouldn't have experienced all those adventures or met so many interesting people. Sometimes we need to pursue our dreams just for the adventure it brings. And if we keep at it, maybe someday someone will take notice and doors of opportunity will open. Eventually that dream could become our life's work.

I can give you an example of how this happens. In the early nineties I started writing a newsletter. After several months of writing I sent a sample of my work to a newspaper editor. He liked my work and gave me space for an occasional column. That got my foot in the door for an eventual job as a staff writer. I soon left the job for a better paying postition elsewhere, but within a matter of years I had gone from writing as a hobby to writing as a profession.

Dreams do come true. We just have to set one foot down on that road and start walking.

NOT JUST COINCIDENCE

Have you ever received a godwink? Many people have experienced direct and personal messages of reassurance from God. Squire Rushnell calls them "godwinks" and he shares an amazing array of real-life examples in his book, "When God Winks at You." The book is a collection of inspiring and faith-building stories that demonstrate how God speaks to us through the power of coincidence.

The book was casually mentioned on Oprah, and since then has found a place on many nightstands, but only recently have I discovered it and I'm so glad I did. This book has strengthened my faith and reaffirmed what Rushnell says we can learn from it: "A mighty force is out there, bigger than all of us, watching over us, directing our lives."

As I read the true stories, amazing accounts from everyday and famous people, I began to recognize the godwinks in my own life, including one that was told to me the very same day I received the book. I was paying for a clothing purchase when I noticed the beautiful rings on the cashier's hand. She pointed to the ring on her pinky finger and said, "This was my mother's ring."

It wasn't the most outstanding ring she wore, but it meant the most to her because of the way she had acquired it. Her mother had promised that when she died, her box full of jewelry would become hers. But she had a sister who got to the jewelry box first with the intention of selling its contents. Through her brother's intervention, she did manage to at least keep the empty box that once contained her mother's jewelry.

One day while she was admiring the box and remembering her mom, she placed her hand inside and stroked the lining. Suddenly she stopped when she felt something odd. Looking closer, she discovered a hidden pocket in the lining and out of it she pulled her mother's wedding ring, the one ring that meant the most to her. She had been godwinked, given a sweet and personal message from the God who knew her mother's wishes and was able to deliver that ring to its rightful owner.

Reading Rushnell's book gives me goosebumps and brings tears to my eyes. The stories are simply amazing. "God validates His presence in our lives through small extraordinary events...We need to pay attention to these spirit connections in life," he claims. After reading just a few of the stories, I remembered the most recent godwink in my own life. It happened when I was feeling unappreciated. I was doing many things for many people, at home and elsewhere. But I felt that no one appreciated my effort. Disheartened and discouraged I walked out the door without a word to anyone and headed for the mall.

I've learned not to get out the credit card at times like that. A walk around the mall, some time to think and maybe a soft pretzel would make me feel better. After two hours of window shopping, scanning the book store, and people watching, I was ready to go home. But after downing a lemonade with my pretzel, a trip to the ladies room was needed. When I came out of the bathroom something caught my eye. It was red. As I walked closer, my spirits lifted as I recognized a familiar pair of earrings hanging on a circular display. I had been to this area of the store before and I knew it was where they sold marked-down earrings.

The earrings looked familiar because a month ago I had longed to buy that exact pair. For ten minutes I had debated spending the money on that bright set of red dangly earrings. I absolutely loved them. They were so "me". And I wanted them badly. But the price was the only thing making them undesirable. Now here those earrings were, just one pair on a bargain rack as if they were waiting just for me. When I saw the price on back, I knew they were mine--two dollars!

Even then, before I read the book, I felt those earrings were a gift from God but I didn't know to call them a godwink, a little wink saying, "Hey kid! I'm thinking of you...right now!" He knew I was feeling unappreciated and He wanted to give me a token of His love. And He did it by giving me something He knew I wanted. He was there that day I longed for those earrings but walked away without them. He knows the desires of my heart.

Godwinks are happening every day. Reading Rushnell's book has made me more aware of them and more open to receiving them. From now on, when God winks at me, I'll definitely know.

BRINGING OUT THE TIGER

I've been hearing people say that they'd like to have more courage. Call it self-esteem, guts, nerve, gumption, spunk, confidence, there are many names for that quality we need to get things done in life. Without courage, we miss opportunities that could both make our lives better and improve the lives of others.

One thing I've discovered about courage is that it's not some magical quality that only certain people are blessed to have. Everyone has the potential to be courageous. The difference between people with courage and people who back down is the thing that drives them. Courageous people always have something big that's pushing them forward, something bigger than themselves.

Life is difficult. Sometimes it's plain exhausting, and we can reach a point where we want to give up. It's during those times that we have the greatest potential to become courageous. Looking back, I'd say that my most courageous time was when I was a single mother. Being alone and having a child that depended on me drove me to do things I wouldn't have done otherwise. I had to be strong and I had to make a living, not just for myself but for my son. He was my driving force that gave me the courage to try new things. Going from a waitress to a news writer was quite a leap. But I knew I had to do it to make a better life for my son even though I was scared.

I think some of the most unlucky people in the world are the children of rich parents who get everything handed to them. That security doesn't muster up courage, it kills it. And those kids might never know the nerve they have because they're not forced to find it. Sometimes adversity is a gift...a gift of courage to get out of that pit. We reach a point where we can't take another minute and we become so fiercely courageous that we make things happen...good things.

That's the thing about courage, it makes good things happen. And if we can get our eyes off ourselves long enough to see the greater good, then we can put aside our fears and doubts and step out of our comfort zones. The greatest things we'll ever achieve aren't waiting for us in the comfort zone. To achieve great things we have to wrestle with stage fright. We have to go where things aren't easy. And little by little we make a place for ourselves there until one day we feel like we actually belong.

The value of courage is the improvement it brings. Without courage, nothing grows, nothing is born and nothing gets better. So when something drives us to do something courageous, we have to be thankful for it even if it's something unpleasant like a divorce or a job loss. Without those things we wouldn't have developed the courage to improve our lives. And I believe that's one reason why God allows those things to happen, even to good people. God knows that there's a tiger in all of us, and he knows what it takes to bring it out.

God also allows adversity so it can draw us closer to Him. He wants to teach us about His love and faithfulness. When things are going great we tend to leave God out of the picture, but when we're broken we look up and fall to our knees. We need his fellowship and His presence. When adversity strikes, turning to God is the first thing we should do. When we remain focused on Him and not on our circumstances, we gain strength. By surrendering our selfish desires and allowing God to guide us through the problem, we'll get past the pain much quicker than if we fuss and fume and question. By staying close to God through prayer and reading the bible we find courage, guidance, and comfort... the three things we need most when we're hurting.

THE BEAUTY OF BOUNDARIES

When I get myself into trouble, it's often because I overstepped my boundaries. I voiced my opinion when it wasn't my place. I told someone to do something when it wasn't my right. Or I took on a responsibility that actually belonged to someone else. When I overstep my boundaries someone always notices and almost every time someone gets hurt. Over the years I've learned to be more aware of boundaries and the importance of respecting them.

But when I was younger and less experienced, I often overstepped my boundaries and I learned some painful lessons. One example is the time I assumed that I would be included in my best friend's wedding. She was living in another state, but we had been very close for years before she moved. In a letter she said, "I need you here for me." From that I assumed she was asking me to be a bridesmaid. How difficult it must have been for her to explain that she already had chosen her bridesmaids. They were the new friends she had made since moving away. Needless to say, I was hurt. But I brought that hurt on myself by assuming something I shouldn't have.

If you haven't heard the saying about what happens when we ASSUME, ask someone. We can overstep our boundaries simply with our expectations: "Well if it's not done my way then I don't want anything to do with it." We expect certain decisions to be made. We want things done a certain way to suit ourselves, and if we don't get our way then we turn our backs on the whole idea. We make it all about us or all about our own opinions and we forget who's really in charge. Through our selfishness we disrespect those rightful decisions. And if we back out when it doesn't go our way, we miss everything. The loss is ours. If I had allowed my hurt feelings to stop me from traveling to my friend's wedding, I would have missed a great weekend.

One question that I've learned to ask myself is, "Am I responsible for this?" In other words, if someone does something wrong, am I the person who should correct it? If something needs to be done, am I the person responsible? And if something needs to be said, am I the one who should speak? By asking myself these questions, I see more clearly what my role is and I can catch myself from stepping into something that's outside my realm of responsibility.

Overstepping our boundaries isn't always a mean-spirited mistake. Often, it's our enthusiasm or our willingness to help that gets us into trouble. Our intentions are good, but we soon discover that perhaps we should have held off on a decision. Trying to help with things that are outside our boundaries often puts people in tormenting situations. They don't want to hurt our feelings by rejecting the offer. But the truth is they have their own ideas and rightfully so because the decisions belong to them.

God is the originator of boundaries, so we must conclude that they are good things. The book of Psalms says, "You have set a boundary that they may not pass over." The author was speaking about God and how he set boundaries for the oceans by lifting the land above water. If God set boundaries for the oceans he surely has set boundaries for us. The Ten Commandments are a big part of those boundaries. But not every decision in life comes with a commandment. So we have to think about what we do and say and pray that our words and actions are right.

Boundaries are beautiful because they prevent hurt feelings, they prevent us from being embarrassed, they remind us that it's not all about us, and they keep us from exhausting ourselves with responsibilities that don't belong to us. Whenever we get our feelings hurt or find ourselves arguing about something, we should always ask ourselves if we've overstepped our boundaries. Without boundaries life is chaos, and when we don't pay attention to our limits we always pay a price.

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS

How many times has your inner voice been trying to tell you something and you ignore it? Then later you wish that you would have acted on that instinct and done something instead of sitting back. Intuition, a sixth sense, our conscience, there are many names for that inner knowing that we call instinct. Whenever something feels off, there's always a reason for it. But we make excuses and shove the feeling aside because we don't want to face what we have to do to address it.

Sometimes that off feeling means having to confront someone. Sometimes it might mean losing someone who's not good for us. And other times it means making a change we don't want to make. So we tell ourselves that everything is okay and if we give it time things will get better and that uneasy feeling will pass. But if our instincts are right, the feeling only gets stronger and by not addressing the problem, the problem gets worse.

God gave us that inner voice to help us make decisions and even to make changes when it's time to move on. We need to listen to our instincts and we need to act when something doesn't feel right. When we're not sure exactly what to do, God is always there waiting for us to ask. And he uses many different ways to let us know how to handle it. Sometimes he'll close a door. Sometimes he'll open a door. Sometimes he gives us peace about a decision. Sometimes we have no peace and can't go through with it. God speaks to us in many ways, but we won't hear from him unless we set time aside each day to listen.

We can trust our instincts when we're close to God because that inner knowing comes from Him.

KEEPING IT REAL Have you ever been around someone who just makes you uncomfortable? She just doesn't seem real. You sense that she's trying to appear a certain way-sophisticated, proper, whatever you want to call it. She's just not genuine, almost not human. And you find yourself keeping your distance because she seems to be analyzing your every move. In her book, The Life You Long For, Beth Moore says that the number one comment she's heard repeated throughout her ministry is, "Thank you for being real." Beth admits that she's disturbed by that comment. "Why would personal transparency be so exceptional among Christians?" she wonders. Then she offers her priceless wisdom: "People don't need us to act like we always have it together. They need help!" I'm not sure what women get out of appearing sophisticated and proper, but friendship can't be it. People are drawn to honesty. They feel comfortable around people who are real. People who've made mistakes and admit it. People who struggle and admit it. People who aren't afraid to share their mess ups and don't look down on other people's messes. Like Beth pointed out, the world doesn't need us to be sophisticated and proper, it need us to care about people with compassion and kindness. All my closest friends have one thing in common-they keep it real. We laugh together, cry together, and struggle together. None of us pretends to have a proper life. We openly admit that sometimes our lives are a mess. We fall apart and pick each other up. I see who my friends really are because they show me who they are. They admit their insecurities. They admit they have fears, doubts, and cellulite. And it makes me want to hug them not back away. What would happen if women just cut the bull and got real? We'd be dangerous because we'd be stronger. There is strength in numbers, but when we act like we always have it together, there's no one supporting us because who can relate to that? There's no one to pick us up because we don't seem real and in need of help. So we struggle alone in our sophisticated, proper world. "That bull is keeping us from a profound healing from God because it blinds us to our own needs," says Moore. Putting so much effort into being the best keeps us from really improving our lives and bringing joy to others. When we're not real, we're not alive. We're more robotic than human and we miss the real joys in life. We miss real friendship, real love, and real understanding. Let this be the year we cut the bull and get real. Instead of putting effort into being the best, being proper and sophisticated, lets put our effort into getting real and helping others. I believe it's one of the keys to a happy life that's blessed by God in so many ways. Keeping it real keeps the blessings coming.