Sunday, June 22, 2008
LITTLE THINGS THAT SHOW WE CARE
I've had it on my mind this week to write about the little things people do to express care and concern for one another. And as often happens when I have an idea, I picked up a book today that is about that exact thing--creating an attitude of concern for others. The book is titled, "Things Happen When Women Care." I haven't read it yet, but it looks like a book I'll enjoy.
We all want to feel special, loved, and cared for. I don't know anyone that doesn't enjoy that feeling, including me. So to write about it, I only need to ask myself what makes me feel that someone cares. I'm guessing the answers are probably the same for everyone, but the order of importance might vary.
For instance, some people might easily overlook a promise that's not kept, but for me, following through with what you say you're going to do is just common courtesy. Of course, forgetfulness is forgivable, but when someone makes a habit of telling me they're going to do something and then not doing it, I feel they don't care enough to put action behind their words.
Another thing that makes me feel cared for is having someone reach out and ask how I'm doing. I don't mean the casual, "How are you?" that you get from someone as they walk by, I mean a phone call or a letter, something more personal. E-mails are better than no contact, but it's nice to hear a human voice and there's something really special about cards and letters that e-mail can't match. I'm trying to get better at reaching out to others. I don't call my family enough and I'm not good at remembering birthdays. I should call my friends more often just to chat. We don't realize how powerful a caring voice is, how much it can brighten a person's day.
One thing I am pretty good at is sending Thank You cards. Words of appreciation is something we all like to hear. I could probably send several Thank You cards a week if I were really good at keeping track of deserving recipients. Sometimes just saying it is enough. We never get tired of hearing words of praise, compliments or thanksgiving. It makes us feel appreciated.
Something else that makes me feel appreciated is a warm welcome. I've often walked into a place of business and felt invisible. Especially if it's a small business, people should be greeted when they enter. I remember a certain business that I frequented almost every day and not once was I ever greeted with a smile or a "Hello." This was a business that catered to children so I was there because of my son. But I couldn't help but form an opinion of unfriendliness in that atmosphere. Some people don't realize how much a warm greeting means to most people. If given a choice between two similar businesses and one has a friendlier atmosphere, guess which one I'm drawn to? The same one you'll be drawn to.
That's why people with a gift of hospitality are always surrounded by others and invited to so many events. People are drawn to them because they are so good at making people feel special and welcome. Those people have learned the importance of small acts of kindness and concern for others.
A friend of mine recently observed a man walking in front of his girlfriend. He made no effort to keep pace with her but walked ahead of her as if he wasn't even with her. She predicted the relationship wouldn't last. Women love those little things that men do to make them feel cared for-- you know the open doors, the pulling out chairs when they sit, and just being attentive to their needs. I still get a tingle when my husband opens a car door for me. Smart men know this about women and they make the effort.
Little things make a difference. Those who make that extra effort to make people feel special are often rewarded for it. They might have a more profitable business, a more exciting social life, more friends, or a girlfriend who's more likely to stick around.
So if we have so much to gain, why don't we do those little things more often? Every day brings opportunities to make someone feel special and cared for. Let someone go ahead of you in the grocery line. Hold a door open for someone. We call them "little things" because they don't require a whole lot of effort, but to the person on the receiving end of our thoughtfulness, those little things are big things.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
SOMETHING FOR YOUR SPIRIT
What a beautiful day! I hope families took advantage of this perfect summer weather and enjoyed Father's Day together. My husband's side of the family planned a picnic at R.B. Winter State Park also known as Halfway Dam. I said that I had never been there, but as I walked around the park I had flashbacks of being there when I was a child. My family did a lot of camping and some of my fondest memories are of traveling with my siblings and parents to different campsites across Pennsylvania and other states.
At first we thought we were going to Knobel's Grove for the day, but along the way we discovered there had been a misunderstanding between my husband and his mom. He heard her say, "we're leaving early to get a picnic table by the pool at Knobel's Grove." But she claims she said, "a picnic table by the lake at Halfway Dam." They laughed and teased each other along the way about who caused the misunderstanding: his mom for saying the wrong thing or my husband for hearing the wrong thing. I sided with my mother in law. Listening isn't one of my husband's strong points.
My daughter seemed disappointed at first. "If there are no rides, then what's there?" she wanted to know. Within an hour of being there we decided it was better than any amusement park. I'd forgotten how much I love state parks, especially one like this with a beach lake. Sitting in the warm sand was like being at the shore. I looked out across the lake and marveled at the puffs of cloud floating across clear sky. The surrounding forest of trees were so deep green against the blue above. A cool breeze blew in from the lake which made sitting in the sun the perfect place to be. I watched the children play in the sand close to the water and remembered how much I once loved digging in wet sand.
My mom has old movies of my sister and I playing on a beach along a lake in Canada. We had rented a cabin there. I think it was near Quebec. I must have been about eight years old, and I recall my mom catching me on film walking up to my sister with a fist full of sand and throwing it up into her face as she was bent over. This didn't faze her. She just kept digging with her shovel. I guess she was used to such taunting from her little sister.
There's something about camping and sitting under tall pine trees or near a lake that is so relaxing. Today I was reminded why my parents loved that lifestyle so much. In the late sixties and early seventies it seemed that we lived in our camper more than we lived at home. The only thing missing today was the campfire toward evening, roasting marshmallows and making mountain pies. I can still see that bright kerosene lantern sitting on the picnic table and smell the scent of bug spray and burning logs. Some of my greatest childhood memories were formed while camping. It makes me feel like my daughter is being deprived of that.
She never drove for miles in the back of a van with three siblings and an eight-track of John Denver playing over and over. Okay well maybe the John Denver music isn't her favorite. Taylor Swift would be more like it. She hasn't experienced the fun of finding ways to entertain herself for hundreds of miles with games like license plate bingo. She hasn't had the joy of making friends with the kids camping next door, hanging out with them at the pool, walking around the campground, riding bikes, collecting bugs and making forts and bridges until that dreaded day when it was time to go home. I wish I had kept a journal of all my camping experiences. What a treasure that would be.
Being in the woods does something for your spirit even as an adult. My dad must have known that when he bought that little "Scottie" camper we hauled around from Canada to Florida and places in between. After visiting that state park today, I feel like my spirits have been lifted, which is something I must have needed. Last week it was so hot I didn't bother writing my weekly journal. Or maybe I was just uninspired. Maybe I needed a change of scenery.
I'm grateful for those moments in life when I'm pulled away from my daily routine and reminded that there's still much beauty in God's world. He provides places of refuge for us, and when we don't have the sense to go there ourselves, he sends invitations through other people. Sometimes it's a wedding invitation. Sometimes it's an unexpected request to attend an event. And sometimes it's a gathering of family at a beach lake park on a perfect summer day. Don't turn down those invitations. Because you'll hear about it later and wish you would have gone.
What a beautiful day! I hope families took advantage of this perfect summer weather and enjoyed Father's Day together. My husband's side of the family planned a picnic at R.B. Winter State Park also known as Halfway Dam. I said that I had never been there, but as I walked around the park I had flashbacks of being there when I was a child. My family did a lot of camping and some of my fondest memories are of traveling with my siblings and parents to different campsites across Pennsylvania and other states.
At first we thought we were going to Knobel's Grove for the day, but along the way we discovered there had been a misunderstanding between my husband and his mom. He heard her say, "we're leaving early to get a picnic table by the pool at Knobel's Grove." But she claims she said, "a picnic table by the lake at Halfway Dam." They laughed and teased each other along the way about who caused the misunderstanding: his mom for saying the wrong thing or my husband for hearing the wrong thing. I sided with my mother in law. Listening isn't one of my husband's strong points.
My daughter seemed disappointed at first. "If there are no rides, then what's there?" she wanted to know. Within an hour of being there we decided it was better than any amusement park. I'd forgotten how much I love state parks, especially one like this with a beach lake. Sitting in the warm sand was like being at the shore. I looked out across the lake and marveled at the puffs of cloud floating across clear sky. The surrounding forest of trees were so deep green against the blue above. A cool breeze blew in from the lake which made sitting in the sun the perfect place to be. I watched the children play in the sand close to the water and remembered how much I once loved digging in wet sand.
My mom has old movies of my sister and I playing on a beach along a lake in Canada. We had rented a cabin there. I think it was near Quebec. I must have been about eight years old, and I recall my mom catching me on film walking up to my sister with a fist full of sand and throwing it up into her face as she was bent over. This didn't faze her. She just kept digging with her shovel. I guess she was used to such taunting from her little sister.
There's something about camping and sitting under tall pine trees or near a lake that is so relaxing. Today I was reminded why my parents loved that lifestyle so much. In the late sixties and early seventies it seemed that we lived in our camper more than we lived at home. The only thing missing today was the campfire toward evening, roasting marshmallows and making mountain pies. I can still see that bright kerosene lantern sitting on the picnic table and smell the scent of bug spray and burning logs. Some of my greatest childhood memories were formed while camping. It makes me feel like my daughter is being deprived of that.
She never drove for miles in the back of a van with three siblings and an eight-track of John Denver playing over and over. Okay well maybe the John Denver music isn't her favorite. Taylor Swift would be more like it. She hasn't experienced the fun of finding ways to entertain herself for hundreds of miles with games like license plate bingo. She hasn't had the joy of making friends with the kids camping next door, hanging out with them at the pool, walking around the campground, riding bikes, collecting bugs and making forts and bridges until that dreaded day when it was time to go home. I wish I had kept a journal of all my camping experiences. What a treasure that would be.
Being in the woods does something for your spirit even as an adult. My dad must have known that when he bought that little "Scottie" camper we hauled around from Canada to Florida and places in between. After visiting that state park today, I feel like my spirits have been lifted, which is something I must have needed. Last week it was so hot I didn't bother writing my weekly journal. Or maybe I was just uninspired. Maybe I needed a change of scenery.
I'm grateful for those moments in life when I'm pulled away from my daily routine and reminded that there's still much beauty in God's world. He provides places of refuge for us, and when we don't have the sense to go there ourselves, he sends invitations through other people. Sometimes it's a wedding invitation. Sometimes it's an unexpected request to attend an event. And sometimes it's a gathering of family at a beach lake park on a perfect summer day. Don't turn down those invitations. Because you'll hear about it later and wish you would have gone.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
THE PRINCIPLE OF SACRIFICE
As I sat down to read today, two profound truths practically jumped off the pages of a book I'm reading, Angels At Your Service. The first: "The blessings of God will forever escape you if you murmur and complain." The second: "Your purpose in life isn't to meet your own needs. Your purpose is to be a tool in the hand of God to meet somebody else's need."
These truths hit home with me because I've been doing a lot of grouching about the hassles of life. I recently sent an e-mail to my sister complaining about being stuck inside all week and doing nothing but serving people and cleaning messes. My daughter has a bad case of poison and I've been drawing baths, applying ointments, and bringing her whatever she needs to be comfortable, mostly mac and cheese and mashed potatoes.
"I want someone to serve me." I said in the e-mail. Well it only took a day for God to set me straight. My resources of time, ability, and money are not to be squandered on my own agenda the book claims. They are to be used as a resource to meet someone else's need. When I sacrifice myself for the needs of others, only then will God move someone to meet my needs.
In other words, I must do two things before I can expect to receive any blessings: I must stop murmuring and complaining, and I must develop a servant's attitude and find joy in serving others. Even a prayer that is rooted in selfishness will never be answered. We must always be conscious of other people's needs.
The best example of this truth is the book of Job, who complains about his miserable circumstances for an entire 40 chapters. Then when Job prays for his friends, he receives an answer to his own prayers. First he stopped complaining and then he focused on the needs of others, and in that instant God delivered him and gave him twice the prosperity he had before.
What would your workplace be like if everyone took on a servant's attitude? What would your family be like if every member had a heart to meet not their own needs but the needs of other family members? Even leaders, managers, and supervisors are to be servants to their workers. Although some of them missed that memo, it seems. But the greatest leaders are those who are willing to sacrifice.
No project, business, or family can succeed without sacrifice. To accomplish anything, someone must be willing to give. As a mother, if all I think about is what I can get for myself, how will my family flourish? Everything that's accomplished comes from the sacrifice of a willing servant.
Some days it seems that all we do as women is serve, give, and sacrifice, but there are rewards to this that we don't always realize: we receive answers to our own prayers when we're willing to serve. God sees that we serve with a joyful heart and no complaints and he then moves others to fulfill our own wants and needs.
The entire scope of life runs on the principle of sacrifice. And only those who are willing to give without complaining receive the blessings God wants to give them. Until that truth sinks in and becomes a permanent part of my thinking, I'll continue to wander around in the wilderness, frustrated and deprived of life's joy and peace.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
HUMBLE HAPPINESS
I Love Joyce Meyer. She's one of my favorite speaker/authors because she's not afraid to admit the mistakes she has made in the past. And many of her mistakes are things that all women can relate to. In her book, Woman to Woman she says: "To live in harmony, we must forgive quickly and frequently. We must not be easily offended. We should be generous in mercy and patience. We cannot be self-seeking, and that is where humility comes in."
I'm not easily offended, but I am easily hurt. Thankfully, I've learned to forgive quickly and frequently. I don't want to live in a constant state of sadness over hurtful offenses. It's no way to live and it makes life difficult for the people around me who feel they have to watch everything they say and do for fear of offending me. Touchy people are often avoided. It's just easier to stay away than to deal with the drama.
Some things are deserving of being offended. We can't avoid feeling offended when people are abusing us. But sometimes, like Joyce Meyer often points out, the problem lies within ourselves.
We lack humility and we are not generous in mercy and patience. We don't forgive quickly.
I guess it all comes down to being humble. Humble people are a joy to be around. It's the self-seekers that are difficult to live with in harmony. Joyce admits that she was once a self-seeker. She also admits that her life was miserable back then. But God taught her to be humble and now look where she is. There's a lesson for all of us.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
LOSING MY SENSES
Longevity runs in my family, but I'm wondering if that's a good thing. Already I'm losing my memory, my eyesight and my hearing. I can no longer read the digital clock on the microwave while sitting in my favorite reading chair about six yards away. And after a trip to the grocery store today, I was reminded how my memory and hearing are failing me.
First I ran into my niece's new husband, Dustin, near the Deli counter. They were just married yesterday. We chatted for a while and as I walked away he said something I didn't quite hear and couldn't understand. As I tried to make sense of his words, I realized he said he was heading home to open wedding gifts. But by the time I figured out what he said he had already yelled, "See ya later" and the conversation was over.
Then a woman stopped me in the cookie aisle, looking at me as if she knew me. Her face was familiar, but I couldn't remember where I had met her, what her name was or anything about her. This is still bothering me! She talked about my son, Kody and how much he grew. Apparently she had seen him somewhere recently. I just shook my head and pretended I knew who she was, hoping she would give me some kind of hint as we chatted.
"I hate when that happens," I said to my husband that evening. "Her face was so familiar but I can't recall who she is." I suggested that next time I should just be honest and say, "This is embarrassing, but I can't remember how I know you." My husband rolled his eyes and said, "I think I'd rather just be frustrated about it."
I suppose saying that would make a person feel unimportant and forgettable, but maybe she would have appreciated my honesty more than my pretending that I knew her. I think I would be okay with someone telling me that I'm forgettable if they said it in a kind way.
It's funny that I experienced this in a grocery store because the one sense that I wish I could lose, my sense of taste, is still as sharp as ever.
This all reminds me of a joke I heard recently about an eighty-year-old woman who got pregnant and had a baby. Her friends just couldn't believe this and they went to visit her soon after she came home from the hospital. The woman wasn't eager to show them the child so they kept saying, "We came to see the baby," hoping she would take the hint. Finally, one of the friends couldn't stand it anymore and she insisted, "Please, we came to see the baby!" The elderly new mother took a deep breath, set down her tea cup and said, "Well if you can stay until he starts to cry because I can't remember where I put him."
One thing I hope I never lose is my sense of humor. I'll take blind deaf and dumb as long as I can laugh.
First I ran into my niece's new husband, Dustin, near the Deli counter. They were just married yesterday. We chatted for a while and as I walked away he said something I didn't quite hear and couldn't understand. As I tried to make sense of his words, I realized he said he was heading home to open wedding gifts. But by the time I figured out what he said he had already yelled, "See ya later" and the conversation was over.
Then a woman stopped me in the cookie aisle, looking at me as if she knew me. Her face was familiar, but I couldn't remember where I had met her, what her name was or anything about her. This is still bothering me! She talked about my son, Kody and how much he grew. Apparently she had seen him somewhere recently. I just shook my head and pretended I knew who she was, hoping she would give me some kind of hint as we chatted.
"I hate when that happens," I said to my husband that evening. "Her face was so familiar but I can't recall who she is." I suggested that next time I should just be honest and say, "This is embarrassing, but I can't remember how I know you." My husband rolled his eyes and said, "I think I'd rather just be frustrated about it."
I suppose saying that would make a person feel unimportant and forgettable, but maybe she would have appreciated my honesty more than my pretending that I knew her. I think I would be okay with someone telling me that I'm forgettable if they said it in a kind way.
It's funny that I experienced this in a grocery store because the one sense that I wish I could lose, my sense of taste, is still as sharp as ever.
This all reminds me of a joke I heard recently about an eighty-year-old woman who got pregnant and had a baby. Her friends just couldn't believe this and they went to visit her soon after she came home from the hospital. The woman wasn't eager to show them the child so they kept saying, "We came to see the baby," hoping she would take the hint. Finally, one of the friends couldn't stand it anymore and she insisted, "Please, we came to see the baby!" The elderly new mother took a deep breath, set down her tea cup and said, "Well if you can stay until he starts to cry because I can't remember where I put him."
One thing I hope I never lose is my sense of humor. I'll take blind deaf and dumb as long as I can laugh.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
A WORTHY INVESTMENT
God loves a cheerful giver. What kind of giving did you think of when you read that? Most people would probably think of money, but there are many ways to give. Offering a compliment is a form of giving. And in today's fast paced world, who really takes the time to express appreciation? We say nice things about people at their funerals. What did we say to them while they were here?
Appreciation is a biblical command, not just something we should do. But doesn't criticism come so much easier than praise? We notice the things that bother us more than we notice the praiseworthy traits of a person. Appreciation is hard to express when we can't find anything to appreciate. But with a disciplined mind we can shift our focus to the positive and keep it there.
The truth is we all have annoying habits and things about ourselves that others might find irritating. To receive mercy for our own faults we have to forgive others for theirs. It's the law of sowing and reaping. If we sow unforgivness and criticism, we get the same in return. And then we wonder why we're so unhappy.
Yes God loves a cheerful giver because cheerful giving isn't easy to do consistently. But for those who make the effort whether it's giving appreciation, time, or using our talents and gifts to serve others, God also blesses a cheerful giver. Like a mirror returns its reflection, our giving reflects back on us and brings blessings that enrich our lives. When we give we invest in our own happiness.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
IN LOVE WITH ITALY
Is it possible to fall in love with a place you've never been? For me the answer is Yes! I'm in love with Italy.
America is a great place to live, but Italy,...oh Italy, what a place to dream about. People say the light in Italy has such a luminous quality. "Perhaps the sunflower crops radiate gold from the surrounding fields," suggests Frances Mayes in her book, Under the Tuscan Sun.
Mayes is partly responsible for my fascination with Italy, especially Tuscany. When I saw the movie version of Under The Tuscan Sun, I was mesmerized by the scenery. I wanted to drive up one of those zig-zag roads lined with tall cypress trees and tour a 15th-century stone farmhouse. I wanted to look out over that lush green land of never-ending hills and breathe in the beauty all around me...sloping fields of red poppies, silvery-grey olive trees, sun-drenched vineyards and, of course, the sunflowers, bright yellow bursts of warmth and light. Italy is endlessly alluring.
When you fall in love with a foreign country, you find ways to bring it home. My wall calendar takes me on a photographic journey of Tuscany. I buy travel books about Italy and savor the photos, fantasize about where I would stay, where I would eat, and what sights I'd take in. And for the price of a movie rental, I can escape to Florence or savor the Tuscan scenery while watching one of many screenplays filmed in Italy.
A culture with countless charms, love of family is one of Italy's greatest. I want to sit at an Italian family's long table and hear everyone speak at once, laugh heartily, hug and kiss faces. Their love of food is another allure. Italians get excited about food. Just watch The Food Network's Giada DeLaurentiis as she tastes her finished creations. A slow surrender of total bliss comes over her face.
For Italians, food seems to nourish soul and spirit, not just the body. In Italy, the ingredients seem fresher, more rustic and real. They have more reason to get excited about eating. I don't picture Italian women buying food at a grocery store. I picture them gathering eggs warm under the hen, buying fruit and vegetables at an open market, and getting fresh meat at a butcher shop. When I go to our local market and auction on Fridays, I feel more Italian, but I draw the line at raising chickens.
Speaking of drawing lines, art is another reason I love Italy. Having an unfinished work of art on my easel makes me feel more Italian. Some of the greatest artists and writers of the last 1,000 years have hailed from Italy, specifically Tuscany. Perhaps Michaelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci were inspired by the luminous light. As both an artist and a writer, I feel drawn to a place where so many movers of pen and brush found inspiration. Mark Twain described Tuscany as "the fairest picture on our planet, the most enchanting to look upon, the most satisfying to the eye and the spirit."
A satisfied spirit? Is that the allure of Italy? Do I long to go there because it seems a place that would tantalize all my senses and invigorate my soul? Although my soul is quite satisfied, a change of scenery often does wonders for the spirit. I want to gaze upon colorful frescoes inside an isolated hillside abbey surrounded by oak, pine, cypress and olive trees. I want to sink my sweet tooth into a cool strawberry gelato and dip crusty bread into light sweet olive oil so fresh it hasn't been bottled yet. I want to take an evening stroll through a Tuscan hill town and touch the textured medieval walls as I walk through its maze of lanes. I want to hear Italian music drifting out of an open shuttered window and smell the morning cappuccino being sipped in an outdoor cafe.
Yes, Italy is endlessly alluring. I don't know if I'll ever get there, but I found ways to bring it home. Sitting by my fountain sipping summer berry frullati among potted red poppies takes me to an Italian garden. Discovering a rustic gold-framed print of Venice at a yard sale and hanging it in my dining room satisfies my longing. But my favorite way to bring Italy home is paging through an Italian cookbook, planning the perfect meal and treating friends to a Tuscan feast of Bruschette, Basil Lemon Chicken, Apple Bread Pudding and, of course, a sweet red wine.
There's nothing sweeter in any culture than sharing the things you love with friends and family. So even if I never visit the most enchanting place on our planet, I still have the greatest of Italian charms right here at home--love of family and friends. Reality isn't so bad here in my American homeland. But when I want to dream, I dream Italian.
America is a great place to live, but Italy,...oh Italy, what a place to dream about. People say the light in Italy has such a luminous quality. "Perhaps the sunflower crops radiate gold from the surrounding fields," suggests Frances Mayes in her book, Under the Tuscan Sun.
Mayes is partly responsible for my fascination with Italy, especially Tuscany. When I saw the movie version of Under The Tuscan Sun, I was mesmerized by the scenery. I wanted to drive up one of those zig-zag roads lined with tall cypress trees and tour a 15th-century stone farmhouse. I wanted to look out over that lush green land of never-ending hills and breathe in the beauty all around me...sloping fields of red poppies, silvery-grey olive trees, sun-drenched vineyards and, of course, the sunflowers, bright yellow bursts of warmth and light. Italy is endlessly alluring.
When you fall in love with a foreign country, you find ways to bring it home. My wall calendar takes me on a photographic journey of Tuscany. I buy travel books about Italy and savor the photos, fantasize about where I would stay, where I would eat, and what sights I'd take in. And for the price of a movie rental, I can escape to Florence or savor the Tuscan scenery while watching one of many screenplays filmed in Italy.
A culture with countless charms, love of family is one of Italy's greatest. I want to sit at an Italian family's long table and hear everyone speak at once, laugh heartily, hug and kiss faces. Their love of food is another allure. Italians get excited about food. Just watch The Food Network's Giada DeLaurentiis as she tastes her finished creations. A slow surrender of total bliss comes over her face.
For Italians, food seems to nourish soul and spirit, not just the body. In Italy, the ingredients seem fresher, more rustic and real. They have more reason to get excited about eating. I don't picture Italian women buying food at a grocery store. I picture them gathering eggs warm under the hen, buying fruit and vegetables at an open market, and getting fresh meat at a butcher shop. When I go to our local market and auction on Fridays, I feel more Italian, but I draw the line at raising chickens.
Speaking of drawing lines, art is another reason I love Italy. Having an unfinished work of art on my easel makes me feel more Italian. Some of the greatest artists and writers of the last 1,000 years have hailed from Italy, specifically Tuscany. Perhaps Michaelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci were inspired by the luminous light. As both an artist and a writer, I feel drawn to a place where so many movers of pen and brush found inspiration. Mark Twain described Tuscany as "the fairest picture on our planet, the most enchanting to look upon, the most satisfying to the eye and the spirit."
A satisfied spirit? Is that the allure of Italy? Do I long to go there because it seems a place that would tantalize all my senses and invigorate my soul? Although my soul is quite satisfied, a change of scenery often does wonders for the spirit. I want to gaze upon colorful frescoes inside an isolated hillside abbey surrounded by oak, pine, cypress and olive trees. I want to sink my sweet tooth into a cool strawberry gelato and dip crusty bread into light sweet olive oil so fresh it hasn't been bottled yet. I want to take an evening stroll through a Tuscan hill town and touch the textured medieval walls as I walk through its maze of lanes. I want to hear Italian music drifting out of an open shuttered window and smell the morning cappuccino being sipped in an outdoor cafe.
Yes, Italy is endlessly alluring. I don't know if I'll ever get there, but I found ways to bring it home. Sitting by my fountain sipping summer berry frullati among potted red poppies takes me to an Italian garden. Discovering a rustic gold-framed print of Venice at a yard sale and hanging it in my dining room satisfies my longing. But my favorite way to bring Italy home is paging through an Italian cookbook, planning the perfect meal and treating friends to a Tuscan feast of Bruschette, Basil Lemon Chicken, Apple Bread Pudding and, of course, a sweet red wine.
There's nothing sweeter in any culture than sharing the things you love with friends and family. So even if I never visit the most enchanting place on our planet, I still have the greatest of Italian charms right here at home--love of family and friends. Reality isn't so bad here in my American homeland. But when I want to dream, I dream Italian.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
THE STRENGTH OF WEAKNESS
I love it when people admit their flaws. They instantly become real and approachable. I think of Rachael Ray as an example. She admits being a goof in the kitchen. She spills food, struggles with appliances and admits she doesn't chop an onion properly. And yet, people love her because she's real, not perfect. If she pretended to be perfect, I doubt that she would have the popularity she has or the success she has. Thus, her imperfection is a strength.
Whenever I meet a woman who tries to be perfect I feel like there's a wall walking around in front of her. She's not someone I could ever get to know. She's unapproachable. Too perfect to be touched. With all the time she invests in appearing perfect, what time could she possibly have for friendship?
On the other hand, a woman who admits her flaws is an instant friend. She's someone I can relate to, someone I can laugh with. She's someone like me--imperfect.
Admitting her flaws is one of the most endearing qualities I think a woman can have. Only a confident woman can admit she's not perfect; while those who try to be perfect are often plagued by deep insecurities. Perfection is a cover up.
As women, we don't think about our imperfections as being strengths, but they really are. I discovered this recently after returning from an event where I was supposed to lead a group of women. My mind was foggy. I couldn't focus and I felt inadequate. While driving home I decided I didn't have what it takes to lead. I was planning to step down.
Then I read something that changed my mind. In 2 Corinthians the apostle Paul prayed for God to remove a painful physical ailment so that he could be more effective in his service. But God didn't grant Paul's request. Instead He said, "...I'm teaching you that my power will be available for your needs. When you are weak, My power will be strongest in you." This kept Paul dependent on God. In his trial he would be strong--not in his own power, but in God's power.
This works the same with friendship. When we surround ourselves with caring friends, we create a support system for ourselves. These friendships make us stronger. But when we try so hard to be perfect and can't admit our flaws, failures, and mistakes, we appear not to need friends. We don't need a listening ear or a shoulder to comfort us. The wall is up. We can't risk looking anything but perfect. It's a lonely place to be.
God created us to need not only Him but also each other. We're supposed to depend on others for comfort and encouragement. But if we pretend we don't need those things, who will want to offer it?
Weakness is a strength when it makes us more dependent on God and more likeable to others. Most people can't relate to perfection. But when we admit our problems, we become real and people want to know us. The wall falls down and the welcome sign goes up. When we are weak is when we are strongest.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
SILENCE AND SOLITUDE
Have you ever felt like running away? Or maybe locking yourself in a room for several hours with a good set of earplugs? Life becomes too much and you just want a moment to breathe. Time to clear your head. Peace.
Even Jesus walked away from the crowds at times to spend time alone with God. He went into the desert, into the garden, wherever he thought he might find solitude. And that is how he replenished his soul.
Why is it so hard for us to admit when we feel like hiding from the world? We don't want to appear weak or irresponsible. Gotta keep up the pace. Can't slow down. To demand time for replenishment makes us feel guilty as if we shouldn't need such a thing.
But human beings are designed to need such a thing. We need rest. We need time away from the demands, the constant pulling on our brains and bodies. If we don't get a break from that, our minds become frazzled. We become grouchy, impatient, or depressed. And our bodies become more prone to illness and exhaustion.
The busiest time in my life was when I was a single mother working two jobs and attending college. Anyone who's been a single parent can understand how difficult such a combination would be. A single parent with one job would understand. After two years of maintaining such a hectic pace, the smallest things became overwhelming. The mountain I was climbing became so steep I couldn't take another step. Then everything went black.
I woke up horizontal on the cold kitchen floor. My doctor told me I needed to lighten the load. I couldn't quit work and I couldn't quit being a mom, so I dropped a class. I learned to stop pushing myself so hard. I learned to say, "No" to people who expected too much and activities that stole my free time. I turned off the radio when driving and instead I talked to God and asked him to replenish my soul.
We live in a busy, noisy, crowded world. And sometimes we get so caught up in it that we forget to get away somewhere quiet and restore our bodies and minds. This is something everyone needs. Whether it's a physical getting away or a mental retreat to a quiet place, we need that time alone with God. He designed us to need solitude and be in relationship with him. But some people don't recognize the inner ache of an empty soul and they try to comfort themselves with other things. But the ache keeps coming back.
The next time you feel like running away or hiding somewhere, remember that what you're feeling is normal and healthy. You're not weak or irresponsible, and you have no reason to feel guilty. You're simply responding to your mind and body as they both cry out for silence, solitude, and conversation with God.
What have you done for your soul lately?
Have you ever felt like running away? Or maybe locking yourself in a room for several hours with a good set of earplugs? Life becomes too much and you just want a moment to breathe. Time to clear your head. Peace.
Even Jesus walked away from the crowds at times to spend time alone with God. He went into the desert, into the garden, wherever he thought he might find solitude. And that is how he replenished his soul.
Why is it so hard for us to admit when we feel like hiding from the world? We don't want to appear weak or irresponsible. Gotta keep up the pace. Can't slow down. To demand time for replenishment makes us feel guilty as if we shouldn't need such a thing.
But human beings are designed to need such a thing. We need rest. We need time away from the demands, the constant pulling on our brains and bodies. If we don't get a break from that, our minds become frazzled. We become grouchy, impatient, or depressed. And our bodies become more prone to illness and exhaustion.
The busiest time in my life was when I was a single mother working two jobs and attending college. Anyone who's been a single parent can understand how difficult such a combination would be. A single parent with one job would understand. After two years of maintaining such a hectic pace, the smallest things became overwhelming. The mountain I was climbing became so steep I couldn't take another step. Then everything went black.
I woke up horizontal on the cold kitchen floor. My doctor told me I needed to lighten the load. I couldn't quit work and I couldn't quit being a mom, so I dropped a class. I learned to stop pushing myself so hard. I learned to say, "No" to people who expected too much and activities that stole my free time. I turned off the radio when driving and instead I talked to God and asked him to replenish my soul.
We live in a busy, noisy, crowded world. And sometimes we get so caught up in it that we forget to get away somewhere quiet and restore our bodies and minds. This is something everyone needs. Whether it's a physical getting away or a mental retreat to a quiet place, we need that time alone with God. He designed us to need solitude and be in relationship with him. But some people don't recognize the inner ache of an empty soul and they try to comfort themselves with other things. But the ache keeps coming back.
The next time you feel like running away or hiding somewhere, remember that what you're feeling is normal and healthy. You're not weak or irresponsible, and you have no reason to feel guilty. You're simply responding to your mind and body as they both cry out for silence, solitude, and conversation with God.
What have you done for your soul lately?
Sunday, March 30, 2008
CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
Have you ever heard the phrase, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"? I never understood what that meant until today. It is a bible verse from Ecclesiastes. While reading my bible this morning I noticed I had put a question mark behind that verse. This question mark bothered me, so I read the verse over and over, but I still didn't get it. I asked my husband what he thought it meant and he said it's about being thankful for what's already in your hand instead of wishing for more.
I've been doing a lot of wishing for more lately. Maybe God was trying to tell me something. But don't all of us wish for more? What's so terrible about wanting things and dreaming of a better life? As I thought about it I realized that it gets us into trouble because it takes our focus off of what we already have. Instead of being thankful, we feel restless and frustrated by what we don't have. God wants us to have peace and there's no peace in longing for things and wishing for more.
The more we have, the more frustration we have. To maintain a life of luxury, we must work longer hours, spend less time with our children, and omit the things in life that are more meaningful than material things, things like relationships and service to others. We're forced to push these things out to have time for keeping and maintaining our stuff. So we end up too tired to even enjoy the things we're working for.
God must watch the way we run around down here, working for things instead of people. He must shake his head and wonder why we value material things so much, when one strong wind could come and take it all away. And left behind is all the things we shoved aside so we could have the things that were swept away in the wind. I think that's why God sends strong winds. It forces us to focus on what's important. When all the stuff is gone, we see our children and our families. We see the people in our lives instead of the stuff.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I heard that saying many times. Today I realized what it means.
Have you ever heard the phrase, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"? I never understood what that meant until today. It is a bible verse from Ecclesiastes. While reading my bible this morning I noticed I had put a question mark behind that verse. This question mark bothered me, so I read the verse over and over, but I still didn't get it. I asked my husband what he thought it meant and he said it's about being thankful for what's already in your hand instead of wishing for more.
I've been doing a lot of wishing for more lately. Maybe God was trying to tell me something. But don't all of us wish for more? What's so terrible about wanting things and dreaming of a better life? As I thought about it I realized that it gets us into trouble because it takes our focus off of what we already have. Instead of being thankful, we feel restless and frustrated by what we don't have. God wants us to have peace and there's no peace in longing for things and wishing for more.
The more we have, the more frustration we have. To maintain a life of luxury, we must work longer hours, spend less time with our children, and omit the things in life that are more meaningful than material things, things like relationships and service to others. We're forced to push these things out to have time for keeping and maintaining our stuff. So we end up too tired to even enjoy the things we're working for.
God must watch the way we run around down here, working for things instead of people. He must shake his head and wonder why we value material things so much, when one strong wind could come and take it all away. And left behind is all the things we shoved aside so we could have the things that were swept away in the wind. I think that's why God sends strong winds. It forces us to focus on what's important. When all the stuff is gone, we see our children and our families. We see the people in our lives instead of the stuff.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I heard that saying many times. Today I realized what it means.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
EGG LEMON PIZZA SUNDAY
I took my daughter and her friend to an egg hunt today. This egg hunt had been the topic of conversation for the past month. After weeks of anticipation, her expectations grew. But after it was over and we walked back to the parking lot, she said, "I thought this was going to be more fun." With about five kids attending per egg, some children walked away with not a single egg in their baskets, and my daughter was one of them. She said she did capture one egg, but someone stole it from her bag. Her friend managed to find and keep three eggs.
Sometimes life just isn't what you expect it to be. Disappointments are plentiful. We imagine wonderful outcomes, but then when the experience finally arrives we feel let down. The actual event didn't even come close to what we imagined it would be. Some people say it's life handing you lemons and they suggest you make lemonade. As we got in the car to go home, I wondered how I could turn this sour day into something sweet.
I remembered a certificate my daughter had earned for reading books. It was good for a free mini pizza at Pizza Hut. When I dug through my wallet, I discovered she had two of these. When I made the announcement, their reaction was immediate. "YES!" they shouted in unison while jumping up and down. My daughter's friend declared that I was "the best" of all her friends' moms. The day was turning sweeter already. We had two smiling, happy girls and a best mom winner on their way to Pizza Hut.
We thought the egg hunt was going to be the highlight of our day, but we had even more fun eating pizza and breadsticks, something I wasn't expecting. I thought about how I had tried to get out of taking her to that egg hunt. It was a Sunday and I just wanted to stay home. When I saw it was snowing, I was glad to have an excuse not to go. But she didn't let up and the weather didn't get me off the hook. The snow stopped and was replaced by sunshine.
As I sat across from these silly, happy girls in a booth at Pizza Hut, I thanked God for the privilege of being a mom and I felt grateful for those wonderful moments in life when we can turn lemons into lemonade. Sometimes it's the sour things that lead us to the sweet, and without those occasional disappointments in life, the good times wouldn't taste so special.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
THE CHARMS OF CHILDHOOD
I often share stories about my childhood with my daughter. She thinks that I had it so much better as a kid because I had two brothers and I had a sister to play with who was close to my own age. I also grew up in town and could see my friends just by walking out the door. She lives in the country and has no one to play with but her cat, which means I serve as the playmate. I don't remember ever depending on my mom for entertainment. I never asked her to play games with me or watch me draw. Mom was a mom, not a playmate. But I understand my daughter's need for companionship and I try to give her what she needs.
Growing up in the sixties and seventies was a completely different life compared to today. I'm sure my parents felt the stress of raising a family, but even from a child's point of view, life seemed more relaxing than it is today. My parents never ran us to all kinds of activities. We never rushed to get anywhere. The atmosphere in our home was a slower pace than the families of today. And there wasn't so much noise. Even with four kids, our house seemed quieter than today's households.
My childhood did have its charms. I spent a lot of time in a certain tree in our backyard. I remember having a lot of freedom to run around town and not come home until dinner time. I'd go for walks in fields or wooded areas looking for chestnuts, berries, or wildflowers. I'd hang out at a neighbor's house and chalk paint the sidewalk. Sit by the pond under the willow trees. Walk down to the bridge at the end of town and throw rocks in the water. One day in my teens, my friend and I rode our bikes all the way to the next town. My mom didn't know I was planning to meet a boy I liked. His mom had to drive us home because it was getting dark before we decided to leave. That's when she found out. If we lived in town today, I couldn't give my daughter that freedom. Too many girls are disappearing in the news.
My mom found ways to entertain us when we were kids. Ways that didn't cost money. We often went to a place known only as "the swimming hole," where we'd spend an entire day. I remember a rope tied to a tree that kept us entertained as we swung out across the water and let go at just the right time to make the biggest splash. And I remember Mom bringing a radio to the swimming hole. My Dad sold TV's and radios, so we had all kinds of gadgets like that, even battery powered. Mostly I remember the coolness of the water on those hot summer days.
I remember the music of that era, and I still love it. Emmy Lou Harris, Elvis, The Carpenters, whenever I hear a song that was popular during my childhood, it instantly takes me back to long summer days at the swimming hole, hanging out in the horse barn with my new radio and cassette recorder, or standing on the playground sliding board singing, "I'm on the top of the world looking down on creation.."
It's funny the glimpses of the past that come to your mind when you think of your childhood. I remember the ice cream truck. You could hear it coming in plenty of time to pest Mom for money. The sound was like bells ringing to a certain enchanted tune, like something from a Disney movie. I remember all kinds of trucks stopping at our house selling bread, potato chips in a can, meat, Tastycakes, all kinds of goodies. Then another truck would bring our milk in the morning. During the summer, when my bedroom window was open, I could hear the early morning clang of milk bottles. I see those old milk boxes at antique stores now, relics of a time we'll never see again.
I remember, too, the door to door salesmen that stopped at our home. My mom didn't work outside the home, so she always got hit with sales calls. I watched the vacuum cleaner salesman give his demonstration, the encyclopedia salesman, the Amway guy, and the Avon lady. I still have that set of encyclopedias we used as kids. With internet access, it serves only as nostalgia now and when stacked, the books make nice risers.
Pets are a big part of childhood. My mom loved pomeranian dogs. I remember the names Skippy and Cocoa. The dogs had long reddish hair. But my favorite dog was a grey poodle named Muffin. He used to sit in front of our fireplace in the winter and stare at the fire until he almost fell asleep. We would watch him on the sofa and laugh when his eyes went closed and he'd almost fall over. Then he'd catch himself and stare at the fire more until it happened again.
Muffin disappeared from our home when he infested the house with fleas. I was a teenager by then and not a big pet-lover. I think my complaining about the fleas helped to seal his fate. I remember being blamed for poor Muffin's demise. I'm still not sure where he ended up. I guess I don't want to know.
Growing up in the sixties and seventies was a completely different life compared to today. I'm sure my parents felt the stress of raising a family, but even from a child's point of view, life seemed more relaxing than it is today. My parents never ran us to all kinds of activities. We never rushed to get anywhere. The atmosphere in our home was a slower pace than the families of today. And there wasn't so much noise. Even with four kids, our house seemed quieter than today's households.
My childhood did have its charms. I spent a lot of time in a certain tree in our backyard. I remember having a lot of freedom to run around town and not come home until dinner time. I'd go for walks in fields or wooded areas looking for chestnuts, berries, or wildflowers. I'd hang out at a neighbor's house and chalk paint the sidewalk. Sit by the pond under the willow trees. Walk down to the bridge at the end of town and throw rocks in the water. One day in my teens, my friend and I rode our bikes all the way to the next town. My mom didn't know I was planning to meet a boy I liked. His mom had to drive us home because it was getting dark before we decided to leave. That's when she found out. If we lived in town today, I couldn't give my daughter that freedom. Too many girls are disappearing in the news.
My mom found ways to entertain us when we were kids. Ways that didn't cost money. We often went to a place known only as "the swimming hole," where we'd spend an entire day. I remember a rope tied to a tree that kept us entertained as we swung out across the water and let go at just the right time to make the biggest splash. And I remember Mom bringing a radio to the swimming hole. My Dad sold TV's and radios, so we had all kinds of gadgets like that, even battery powered. Mostly I remember the coolness of the water on those hot summer days.
I remember the music of that era, and I still love it. Emmy Lou Harris, Elvis, The Carpenters, whenever I hear a song that was popular during my childhood, it instantly takes me back to long summer days at the swimming hole, hanging out in the horse barn with my new radio and cassette recorder, or standing on the playground sliding board singing, "I'm on the top of the world looking down on creation.."
It's funny the glimpses of the past that come to your mind when you think of your childhood. I remember the ice cream truck. You could hear it coming in plenty of time to pest Mom for money. The sound was like bells ringing to a certain enchanted tune, like something from a Disney movie. I remember all kinds of trucks stopping at our house selling bread, potato chips in a can, meat, Tastycakes, all kinds of goodies. Then another truck would bring our milk in the morning. During the summer, when my bedroom window was open, I could hear the early morning clang of milk bottles. I see those old milk boxes at antique stores now, relics of a time we'll never see again.
I remember, too, the door to door salesmen that stopped at our home. My mom didn't work outside the home, so she always got hit with sales calls. I watched the vacuum cleaner salesman give his demonstration, the encyclopedia salesman, the Amway guy, and the Avon lady. I still have that set of encyclopedias we used as kids. With internet access, it serves only as nostalgia now and when stacked, the books make nice risers.
Pets are a big part of childhood. My mom loved pomeranian dogs. I remember the names Skippy and Cocoa. The dogs had long reddish hair. But my favorite dog was a grey poodle named Muffin. He used to sit in front of our fireplace in the winter and stare at the fire until he almost fell asleep. We would watch him on the sofa and laugh when his eyes went closed and he'd almost fall over. Then he'd catch himself and stare at the fire more until it happened again.
Muffin disappeared from our home when he infested the house with fleas. I was a teenager by then and not a big pet-lover. I think my complaining about the fleas helped to seal his fate. I remember being blamed for poor Muffin's demise. I'm still not sure where he ended up. I guess I don't want to know.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
THE HALF-PRICE LIFE (PART TWO)
In most households, you would find a cabinet full of cleaners. One of the best ways to save money (and space) is to make your own cleaners. Below are some of my favorite recipes for cheap cleaning:
Windows: Add 3 Tbsp. vinegar to one gallon of cool water. Pour into a spritzer bottle and wipe with balls of newspaper (saves paper towels and avoids streaks).
Floors: To one gallon of water, add 1/16 cup liquid soap and 1/8 cup white vinegar.
All purpose cleaner for countertops: To one quart warm water, add 4 Tbsp. baking soda.
Toilets: Sprinkle 1/4 cup borax (found in laundry aisle) and 1/4 cup baking soda on sides of bowl. Pour one cup of white vinegar on sides of bowl. Let bubble and soak, then swish. For cleaning under the rim, add one teaspoon of liquid dish soap instead of borax.
Tub and Tile: Mix 2/3 cup baking soda, 1/2 cup liquid soap and 1/2 cup water. As last step, add 2 Tbsp. vinegar. Then apply, scrub, and wipe.
Drain cleaner: Pour 1/2 cup baking soda down the drain followed by 1 cup vinegar. Let bubble for 15 min. then rinse with hot water. This habit can prevent the need for toxic and expensive drain openers.
Time is the reason we reach for ready-made cleaners and convenience foods. But most of these things are cheaper when they're homemade. If you have the time or you're willing to make the time, you can save a lot of money. I love to make homemade pizza sauce, applesauce, and jam. My kitchen smells wonderful on those days. I also make waffles and freeze them between sheets of wax paper (to avoid freezer stick). Pop the waffles in the toaster and you have a quick breakfast.
Another money saver is homemade jello and canned fruit instead of the fruit and gel bowls that cost two dollars. For lunch box snacks, I store this in small Glad containers. This also works to convert large tubs of yougurt into smaller servings. To save on drinks, I buy frozen juice concentrate. My daughter's favorite drink is frozen orange juice mixed with equal parts of frozen strawberry drink. Yum!
Of course, with all the money you save, you'll want to treat yourself now and then to a restaurant meal or a fun vacation. But even then you'll find yourself taking the thrifty route. Saving money is like a brilliant sickness you can't kick. It becomes a challenge. Anyone can spend money. Saving takes skill. While others boast about expensive purchases, I get excited about yard sale finds I got for next to nothing.
To eat at a restaurant for next to nothing, use entertainment book coupons, sunday paper coupons, or sign up for the birthday club. Birthday club discounts can often be used all at once. Plan to go when the restaurant offers a special price ( usually mid-week). Order water instead of soda, and skip the appetizer and dessert. The highest mark up in a restaurant is dessert.
To eat cheap on vacation, check local newspapers for coupons and hotel lobbys for discount booklets. Eat breakfast out (it's the cheapest meal of the day). Then carry snacks to hold you over until dinner. You'll only pay for two meals a day, and dinner can be ordered as take out which you can eat in your hotel room. This saves the price of a waitress tip, which you can give to the maid instead.
See how creative saving money can be. Two more tips I recently read about but haven't tried is coupon combining and price comping. Combining manufacturers coupons and store coupons on the same item sounds too good to be true, but apparently, some stores will honor this. Just ask.
Price comping is when a store will match the price featured in a local competitors' ad. This allows you to buy all your products in one place instead of running to three different stores for individual bargains. Check with stores to see which ones will honor competitors' sale prices.
So there you have it, everything I learned about saving money so far. Oh and don't forget about prepaid phone cards, farmer's markets, yard sales, consignment stores, and shopping at places like Goodwill. You have an entire closet full of used clothes. Why not add more and save yourself some money. One dance with a washing machine can make any piece of clothing look new. If you work hard for your money, you should work just as hard to keep it.
In most households, you would find a cabinet full of cleaners. One of the best ways to save money (and space) is to make your own cleaners. Below are some of my favorite recipes for cheap cleaning:
Windows: Add 3 Tbsp. vinegar to one gallon of cool water. Pour into a spritzer bottle and wipe with balls of newspaper (saves paper towels and avoids streaks).
Floors: To one gallon of water, add 1/16 cup liquid soap and 1/8 cup white vinegar.
All purpose cleaner for countertops: To one quart warm water, add 4 Tbsp. baking soda.
Toilets: Sprinkle 1/4 cup borax (found in laundry aisle) and 1/4 cup baking soda on sides of bowl. Pour one cup of white vinegar on sides of bowl. Let bubble and soak, then swish. For cleaning under the rim, add one teaspoon of liquid dish soap instead of borax.
Tub and Tile: Mix 2/3 cup baking soda, 1/2 cup liquid soap and 1/2 cup water. As last step, add 2 Tbsp. vinegar. Then apply, scrub, and wipe.
Drain cleaner: Pour 1/2 cup baking soda down the drain followed by 1 cup vinegar. Let bubble for 15 min. then rinse with hot water. This habit can prevent the need for toxic and expensive drain openers.
Time is the reason we reach for ready-made cleaners and convenience foods. But most of these things are cheaper when they're homemade. If you have the time or you're willing to make the time, you can save a lot of money. I love to make homemade pizza sauce, applesauce, and jam. My kitchen smells wonderful on those days. I also make waffles and freeze them between sheets of wax paper (to avoid freezer stick). Pop the waffles in the toaster and you have a quick breakfast.
Another money saver is homemade jello and canned fruit instead of the fruit and gel bowls that cost two dollars. For lunch box snacks, I store this in small Glad containers. This also works to convert large tubs of yougurt into smaller servings. To save on drinks, I buy frozen juice concentrate. My daughter's favorite drink is frozen orange juice mixed with equal parts of frozen strawberry drink. Yum!
Of course, with all the money you save, you'll want to treat yourself now and then to a restaurant meal or a fun vacation. But even then you'll find yourself taking the thrifty route. Saving money is like a brilliant sickness you can't kick. It becomes a challenge. Anyone can spend money. Saving takes skill. While others boast about expensive purchases, I get excited about yard sale finds I got for next to nothing.
To eat at a restaurant for next to nothing, use entertainment book coupons, sunday paper coupons, or sign up for the birthday club. Birthday club discounts can often be used all at once. Plan to go when the restaurant offers a special price ( usually mid-week). Order water instead of soda, and skip the appetizer and dessert. The highest mark up in a restaurant is dessert.
To eat cheap on vacation, check local newspapers for coupons and hotel lobbys for discount booklets. Eat breakfast out (it's the cheapest meal of the day). Then carry snacks to hold you over until dinner. You'll only pay for two meals a day, and dinner can be ordered as take out which you can eat in your hotel room. This saves the price of a waitress tip, which you can give to the maid instead.
See how creative saving money can be. Two more tips I recently read about but haven't tried is coupon combining and price comping. Combining manufacturers coupons and store coupons on the same item sounds too good to be true, but apparently, some stores will honor this. Just ask.
Price comping is when a store will match the price featured in a local competitors' ad. This allows you to buy all your products in one place instead of running to three different stores for individual bargains. Check with stores to see which ones will honor competitors' sale prices.
So there you have it, everything I learned about saving money so far. Oh and don't forget about prepaid phone cards, farmer's markets, yard sales, consignment stores, and shopping at places like Goodwill. You have an entire closet full of used clothes. Why not add more and save yourself some money. One dance with a washing machine can make any piece of clothing look new. If you work hard for your money, you should work just as hard to keep it.
Monday, February 4, 2008
THE HALF-PRICE LIFE
Saving money takes time, which is probably why many women don't bother. When I worked full-time outside the home and full-time inside, saving money was the last thing on my mind. But now I've made it my job to save money, and I want to share some of the things I discovered.
If you want to save, you have to know where the bargains are. Subscribing to the Sunday paper is a must, not only for the manufacturer's coupons, but also for the sale flyers. I always pull out the RiteAid, CVS, and Giant flyers to see what's on sale. Sometimes the overall best offer is from Weis Markets, so I'll shop there that week. But most of the time, I pick and choose bargains from two or three sources and then pick them up whem I'm in that area.
Scheduling your shopping trips in sync with your other errands saves gas. This, of course, takes planning. Writing everything on a calendar allows me to see where I'm going each week so I can plan my shopping trips around those errands. It sounds like common sense, but I didn't always do this.
Another thing I didn't do is check sale flyers. Although I was always a coupon clipper, I didn't realize until recently the importance of those flyers. Last week Rite Aid had a Buy One Get One free (BOGO) sale on snacks. Giant had the same item on sale at two for five dollars. I assumed the BOGO sale would be a good deal. It turned out that Giant had the better deal with a two dollar difference in savings. That would have paid for the Sunday newspaper, but because I didn't check the Giant flyer, I blew that bargain. Made me mad, too!
Another way to save money is to cut things in half. And I mean that literally. For example, I used to buy gallons of 1% milk until someone told me to buy whole milk and dilute it with half water. I've been doing this for months and no one has noticed or complained. That's two gallons of milk for the price of one and I'm told that it's healthier because whole milk goes through less processing. Some other things I cut in half are paper towels, dryer sheets, and the amount of detergent I use when the load is lightly soiled. Nine times out of ten a half paper towel does the job, so I keep them near the roll in a napkin holder.
Planning meals and making a grocery list is another money saver. I didn't always do this either. And I got frustrated when I didn't have the right ingredients for a recipe. Now I look over what's already in the pantry and freezer and work with that first to plan meals. Then I find the recipes I'm planning to make for the next two weeks and make sure I have the ingredients. My grocery list consists of the needed ingredients and the things I write down as items are consumed. That's another good habit to get into. When the laundry detergent is getting low, write it on the list. Simple habits can make life so much easier.
Another wasteful habit I once had was to throw bulk packs of meat in the freezer. Now I buy meat in bulk and wrap it in family servings of about four ounces per person. I also check the number of servings a recipe makes. Some recipes can be cut in half to avoid waste or you can plan to freeze half for another meal later.
To be continued...
Saving money takes time, which is probably why many women don't bother. When I worked full-time outside the home and full-time inside, saving money was the last thing on my mind. But now I've made it my job to save money, and I want to share some of the things I discovered.
If you want to save, you have to know where the bargains are. Subscribing to the Sunday paper is a must, not only for the manufacturer's coupons, but also for the sale flyers. I always pull out the RiteAid, CVS, and Giant flyers to see what's on sale. Sometimes the overall best offer is from Weis Markets, so I'll shop there that week. But most of the time, I pick and choose bargains from two or three sources and then pick them up whem I'm in that area.
Scheduling your shopping trips in sync with your other errands saves gas. This, of course, takes planning. Writing everything on a calendar allows me to see where I'm going each week so I can plan my shopping trips around those errands. It sounds like common sense, but I didn't always do this.
Another thing I didn't do is check sale flyers. Although I was always a coupon clipper, I didn't realize until recently the importance of those flyers. Last week Rite Aid had a Buy One Get One free (BOGO) sale on snacks. Giant had the same item on sale at two for five dollars. I assumed the BOGO sale would be a good deal. It turned out that Giant had the better deal with a two dollar difference in savings. That would have paid for the Sunday newspaper, but because I didn't check the Giant flyer, I blew that bargain. Made me mad, too!
Another way to save money is to cut things in half. And I mean that literally. For example, I used to buy gallons of 1% milk until someone told me to buy whole milk and dilute it with half water. I've been doing this for months and no one has noticed or complained. That's two gallons of milk for the price of one and I'm told that it's healthier because whole milk goes through less processing. Some other things I cut in half are paper towels, dryer sheets, and the amount of detergent I use when the load is lightly soiled. Nine times out of ten a half paper towel does the job, so I keep them near the roll in a napkin holder.
Planning meals and making a grocery list is another money saver. I didn't always do this either. And I got frustrated when I didn't have the right ingredients for a recipe. Now I look over what's already in the pantry and freezer and work with that first to plan meals. Then I find the recipes I'm planning to make for the next two weeks and make sure I have the ingredients. My grocery list consists of the needed ingredients and the things I write down as items are consumed. That's another good habit to get into. When the laundry detergent is getting low, write it on the list. Simple habits can make life so much easier.
Another wasteful habit I once had was to throw bulk packs of meat in the freezer. Now I buy meat in bulk and wrap it in family servings of about four ounces per person. I also check the number of servings a recipe makes. Some recipes can be cut in half to avoid waste or you can plan to freeze half for another meal later.
To be continued...
Monday, January 21, 2008
GRANDMA'S COOKIE JAR
Today I went treasure hunting with my friend, Tam. She calls it antiquing, but I think of it as treasure hunting. Unlike my friend, who collects antiques and knows what she's looking for, I usually go without a specific treasure in mind. I only know that when I see it, it will spark a memory from my past and then I'll buy it not for its monetary value, but for its sentimental value.
Several things caught my eye as I moved through rooms of antiques, some displayed in glass cases, others arranged in individual vendor booths. I overheard a woman beside me exclaim, "I used to have one of them. I had that whole set. Whatever happened to that?" I didn't see exactly what she was talking about, but I could relate to her wondering whatever happened to that thing, and I sort of laughed to myself. I wasn't the only one capturing memories.
Every time I go treasure hunting I see all kinds of things that remind me of my childhood and I wish I would have taken better care of my stuff. But I was a kid and who knew that some day those things would be displayed behind glass with a price tag much bigger than it originally sold for. I saw old children's books like the ones I used to read, toys, games and figurines like I once had, and other things like household items that belonged to my mother or grandmother. At times something would look familiar but I couldn't quite place where I had seen it before.
About twenty minutes into my treasure hunt I stopped and said a quick prayer, "Lord help me to find something really special today." I know I don't use the power of prayer near enough, so when the thought of praying entered my mind I quickly made my request and then kept searching. I almost bought a pretty glass dish that sparkled clear as it caught the light but decided it wasn't what I was looking for.
Tam and I must have spent two to three hours scanning the displays of antiques that were set up like a maze of treasures with each room leading us into the next. She found some pretty pink cups to match the pattern she collects and a small Santa figurine with a loveable face. By then it was 2:00 and I hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch so we headed to the front of the store to pay for her finds. As she stood in line, I wandered over to a display case of jewelry that I hadn't eyed yet because we unknowingly walked past it as we entered the store. Jewelry always catches a girl's eye, antique or not.
The line waiting to pay was long, so I spent a lot of time there moving back and forth between two display cases of jewelry. Still, nothing caught my eye so strongly that it begged to be purchased. Feeling tired and tired of looking, I turned around and there it was...my grandma's cookie jar, the only one I remember her using when I was a kid. I can still hear the sound of that metal lid squeaking against the glass jar as grandma turned open the container that held those yummy treats she always had on hand for us. The jar looked exactly the same. It was red with a red lid and a hand-painted flower on the front. I snatched that jar from the shelf and carried it close like it was a baby. "My grandma's cookie jar!" I said to Tam. "This is it. It looked just like this."
With an expression of disbelief, she shook her head. "You're kidding." She was still shaking her head as she paid for her items. It couldn't have been more than an hour ago that I had told her about my grandma's cookie jar and how I wanted to find one just like it. "It's nothing fancy and probably isn't worth much money, but it reminds me of grandma," I said. And now here I was holding the very treasure I was hoping to find.
Every now and then God winks at us and lets us know he's there and he cares about the things we care about. Every now and then he answers a prayer exactly as we ask within hours of asking. He doesn't always give us everything we pray for, but sometimes he gives us exactly what we want in the most amazing ways. I don't know which I'm more excited about, the cookie jar or my answered prayer. Fortunately I don't have to choose. I love them both.
Today I went treasure hunting with my friend, Tam. She calls it antiquing, but I think of it as treasure hunting. Unlike my friend, who collects antiques and knows what she's looking for, I usually go without a specific treasure in mind. I only know that when I see it, it will spark a memory from my past and then I'll buy it not for its monetary value, but for its sentimental value.
Several things caught my eye as I moved through rooms of antiques, some displayed in glass cases, others arranged in individual vendor booths. I overheard a woman beside me exclaim, "I used to have one of them. I had that whole set. Whatever happened to that?" I didn't see exactly what she was talking about, but I could relate to her wondering whatever happened to that thing, and I sort of laughed to myself. I wasn't the only one capturing memories.
Every time I go treasure hunting I see all kinds of things that remind me of my childhood and I wish I would have taken better care of my stuff. But I was a kid and who knew that some day those things would be displayed behind glass with a price tag much bigger than it originally sold for. I saw old children's books like the ones I used to read, toys, games and figurines like I once had, and other things like household items that belonged to my mother or grandmother. At times something would look familiar but I couldn't quite place where I had seen it before.
About twenty minutes into my treasure hunt I stopped and said a quick prayer, "Lord help me to find something really special today." I know I don't use the power of prayer near enough, so when the thought of praying entered my mind I quickly made my request and then kept searching. I almost bought a pretty glass dish that sparkled clear as it caught the light but decided it wasn't what I was looking for.
Tam and I must have spent two to three hours scanning the displays of antiques that were set up like a maze of treasures with each room leading us into the next. She found some pretty pink cups to match the pattern she collects and a small Santa figurine with a loveable face. By then it was 2:00 and I hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch so we headed to the front of the store to pay for her finds. As she stood in line, I wandered over to a display case of jewelry that I hadn't eyed yet because we unknowingly walked past it as we entered the store. Jewelry always catches a girl's eye, antique or not.
The line waiting to pay was long, so I spent a lot of time there moving back and forth between two display cases of jewelry. Still, nothing caught my eye so strongly that it begged to be purchased. Feeling tired and tired of looking, I turned around and there it was...my grandma's cookie jar, the only one I remember her using when I was a kid. I can still hear the sound of that metal lid squeaking against the glass jar as grandma turned open the container that held those yummy treats she always had on hand for us. The jar looked exactly the same. It was red with a red lid and a hand-painted flower on the front. I snatched that jar from the shelf and carried it close like it was a baby. "My grandma's cookie jar!" I said to Tam. "This is it. It looked just like this."
With an expression of disbelief, she shook her head. "You're kidding." She was still shaking her head as she paid for her items. It couldn't have been more than an hour ago that I had told her about my grandma's cookie jar and how I wanted to find one just like it. "It's nothing fancy and probably isn't worth much money, but it reminds me of grandma," I said. And now here I was holding the very treasure I was hoping to find.
Every now and then God winks at us and lets us know he's there and he cares about the things we care about. Every now and then he answers a prayer exactly as we ask within hours of asking. He doesn't always give us everything we pray for, but sometimes he gives us exactly what we want in the most amazing ways. I don't know which I'm more excited about, the cookie jar or my answered prayer. Fortunately I don't have to choose. I love them both.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
DON'T QUIT YOUR DREAM JOB
Few people get through life without feeling discouraged at times. Who hasn't felt like giving up? Who hasn't felt frustrated by life's challenges? One of the most frustrating things I've experienced is the search to find work that fulfills me and work that I'm good at.
I ran into a friend last week who was in my high school graduating class. I hadn't seen her for about eight years. She expressed the same sense of frustration about her work. She said she feels trapped in a job that she hates. What she longs for is to be a dietician. But the work she's doing now supplies her with a good pay check and medical coverage. She can't walk away from it to chase an uncertain dream. Yet the longing in her heart won't go away.
Like many people who are stuck in jobs that aren't suited for their personalities and abilities, my friend is totally discouraged and constantly frustrated. For the past two weeks I have felt the same way, which is why I haven't written lately. I want writing to be my life's work, but I've accumulated a stack of rejection slips from magazine editors and I wonder why I even bother to write this weekly web log. Does anyone even read it?
I considered stepping away from writing until I read a wonderful story, The Valentine Cat. It's a children's book that I picked up at a basement book sale. As I read the book to my daughter, I began to feel that the message was meant for me. Delaina didn't seem as interested.
The story is about a young man named Tell who gives up on his hope of being an artist because no one would buy his paintings. To pay the bills, he goes to work for a shoemaker. Every night Tell walked home from his job with his head down and a weary look on his face. But when he finds a half-frozen cat in the street and takes it home, his spirits are lifted and he's inspired to paint once again.
To make a long story short, the cat plays a part in leading a royal princess to Tell's home where she sees his wall paintings and falls in love with his work. Tell moves to the Royal palace and works for the rest of his life as a painter, happily painting every wall in the castle.
I guess the moral of the story is: Never give up on your dream because you never know when a breakthrough might be right around the corner. When you're passionate about something, you'll do it without pay and whether people notice or not. You'll do it without encouragement or praise. Pursuing our dreams makes us feel more alive. It puts a spark in our eyes and a spring to our step. We have to find ways to work toward those inner longings called dreams.
Tell was miserable when he stopped pursuing his passion. Then he made a decision that eventually changed his life: "If I can't be an artist to please the world, I'll be an artist to please myself."
Few people get through life without feeling discouraged at times. Who hasn't felt like giving up? Who hasn't felt frustrated by life's challenges? One of the most frustrating things I've experienced is the search to find work that fulfills me and work that I'm good at.
I ran into a friend last week who was in my high school graduating class. I hadn't seen her for about eight years. She expressed the same sense of frustration about her work. She said she feels trapped in a job that she hates. What she longs for is to be a dietician. But the work she's doing now supplies her with a good pay check and medical coverage. She can't walk away from it to chase an uncertain dream. Yet the longing in her heart won't go away.
Like many people who are stuck in jobs that aren't suited for their personalities and abilities, my friend is totally discouraged and constantly frustrated. For the past two weeks I have felt the same way, which is why I haven't written lately. I want writing to be my life's work, but I've accumulated a stack of rejection slips from magazine editors and I wonder why I even bother to write this weekly web log. Does anyone even read it?
I considered stepping away from writing until I read a wonderful story, The Valentine Cat. It's a children's book that I picked up at a basement book sale. As I read the book to my daughter, I began to feel that the message was meant for me. Delaina didn't seem as interested.
The story is about a young man named Tell who gives up on his hope of being an artist because no one would buy his paintings. To pay the bills, he goes to work for a shoemaker. Every night Tell walked home from his job with his head down and a weary look on his face. But when he finds a half-frozen cat in the street and takes it home, his spirits are lifted and he's inspired to paint once again.
To make a long story short, the cat plays a part in leading a royal princess to Tell's home where she sees his wall paintings and falls in love with his work. Tell moves to the Royal palace and works for the rest of his life as a painter, happily painting every wall in the castle.
I guess the moral of the story is: Never give up on your dream because you never know when a breakthrough might be right around the corner. When you're passionate about something, you'll do it without pay and whether people notice or not. You'll do it without encouragement or praise. Pursuing our dreams makes us feel more alive. It puts a spark in our eyes and a spring to our step. We have to find ways to work toward those inner longings called dreams.
Tell was miserable when he stopped pursuing his passion. Then he made a decision that eventually changed his life: "If I can't be an artist to please the world, I'll be an artist to please myself."
Monday, December 17, 2007
SOONER THE SUN
I'm sitting at our dining room table near the biggest window in our home. When I sit there, I don't have to turn on a lamp. The outdoor light is enough. A few minutes ago, the room filled with a warm glow as the sun broke through the pines that stand tall in our neighbor's yard across the street. When I first sat here to write, there was no sign of the sun. I anticipated another dreary December day without the warmth of its light. What a pleasant surprise to be writing in the glimmer of sunshine.
Sunshine is often used as a metaphor for happiness. We endure a bout of difficult times and then one day the sun breaks through the clouds and brings joy once again. I just finished a great book by Charles Stanley titled, The Blessings of Brokenness. The words "blessing" and "brokenness" don't seem to go together, but according to Stanley God can bring good out of the most heartbreaking crises. "The way to blessing, however, lies in turning to God to heal us and make us whole," says Stanley. "We decide whether we will yield to Him and trust Him."
When I think of all the times in my life that I experienced brokenness, I also remember a blessing that came after the brokenness. Like a ray of sunshine breaking through a dreary day, something wonderful came into my life after a time of suffering. The suffering may have been the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or a string of bad health, but each period of brokenness was followed by positive change that made my life better from that point on.
God doesn't allow brokenness in our lives because he doesn't care. He allows it so we can experience the blessing that comes afterward--the better relationship after ending a wrong one, the better marriage after a separation, the better job after losing a job. According to Stanley, God breaks us to get our attention and to deal with some aspect of our lives that is keeping us from experiencing the fullness of what He has planned for us. God also wants to bring us to a point of complete reliance and total trust in Him. This can only be accomplished by breaking us.
My first instinct is to resist this breaking process. But my resistance only prolongs the agony. The only way to shorten a period of brokenness is to accept it and yield to the changes and lessons God is bringing into my life.
The moment we surrender to what God is trying to accomplish through adversity is the moment the problem improves. The less we stomp our feet, question and try to control the situation the sooner the sun appears. Warmth and light break through much sooner if we allow the brokenness to accomplish its purpose: changed attitudes, a different direction, better understanding, closer relationships, or deeper trust. Brokenness opens the door to greater blessings for the rest of our lives.
I'm sitting at our dining room table near the biggest window in our home. When I sit there, I don't have to turn on a lamp. The outdoor light is enough. A few minutes ago, the room filled with a warm glow as the sun broke through the pines that stand tall in our neighbor's yard across the street. When I first sat here to write, there was no sign of the sun. I anticipated another dreary December day without the warmth of its light. What a pleasant surprise to be writing in the glimmer of sunshine.
Sunshine is often used as a metaphor for happiness. We endure a bout of difficult times and then one day the sun breaks through the clouds and brings joy once again. I just finished a great book by Charles Stanley titled, The Blessings of Brokenness. The words "blessing" and "brokenness" don't seem to go together, but according to Stanley God can bring good out of the most heartbreaking crises. "The way to blessing, however, lies in turning to God to heal us and make us whole," says Stanley. "We decide whether we will yield to Him and trust Him."
When I think of all the times in my life that I experienced brokenness, I also remember a blessing that came after the brokenness. Like a ray of sunshine breaking through a dreary day, something wonderful came into my life after a time of suffering. The suffering may have been the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or a string of bad health, but each period of brokenness was followed by positive change that made my life better from that point on.
God doesn't allow brokenness in our lives because he doesn't care. He allows it so we can experience the blessing that comes afterward--the better relationship after ending a wrong one, the better marriage after a separation, the better job after losing a job. According to Stanley, God breaks us to get our attention and to deal with some aspect of our lives that is keeping us from experiencing the fullness of what He has planned for us. God also wants to bring us to a point of complete reliance and total trust in Him. This can only be accomplished by breaking us.
My first instinct is to resist this breaking process. But my resistance only prolongs the agony. The only way to shorten a period of brokenness is to accept it and yield to the changes and lessons God is bringing into my life.
The moment we surrender to what God is trying to accomplish through adversity is the moment the problem improves. The less we stomp our feet, question and try to control the situation the sooner the sun appears. Warmth and light break through much sooner if we allow the brokenness to accomplish its purpose: changed attitudes, a different direction, better understanding, closer relationships, or deeper trust. Brokenness opens the door to greater blessings for the rest of our lives.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
GEOGRAPHY CAN'T SATISFY THE SOUL
Several times this week I've had someone tell me about a person who longs for different surroundings. They think that if they change their environment their lives will magically get better. They're tired of small town life. They want to change schools. They want to live in a different state. Pennsylvania stinks! They want to go where the weather is more pleasant. They're convinced that their unhappines is the result of geography.
I remember thinking the same thing in my twenties. And I moved all the way to Florida to find that magic remedy for an unhappy life. The funny thing was I was even more miserable after a few weeks in Florida. There was no magic. I took all my problems with me.
Sooner or later we learn that it doesn't matter where we go, life is the same everywhere. People are pretty much the same. You have your mix of good and bad everywhere. You still have hassles and disappointments no matter where you live. The problems might be different, but they're still a part of life. A change of location doesn't really change anything but your location.
When we're unhappy, what we need to change is ourselves and the things we are doing or not doing to bring satisfaction to our lives. About a year ago I decided that I needed more friends, not just acquaintances, but real sincere and caring friends. So I started what I call a "circle of friends" monthly get together. Every month, six of us meet at a different woman's house for a casual meal and a night of chatter and laughter.
This month it will be almost a year since we started our gatherings, and it's become obvious that I'm not the only one who's enjoying the idea. I was hesitant to have that first dinner and ask the ladies if they wanted to continue meeting. But I took a leap of faith and went ahead and did it, and the result has been such a joy to all of us. I'm convinced that one of the biggest sources of depression is lack of true friendship, the kind of friendships that allow us to share our deepest selves without fear or judgement.
I heard someone call it "restless soul syndrome," that unhappy stirring in our hearts that makes us want to run to a place where everything will magically get better. But if the emptiness is within ourselves, don't we take ourselves everywhere we go?
Sometimes it's a lack of friends, sometimes it's a thirst for God; we all have an empty place that geography can't fill. When we start filling the emptiness with the people and things that truly bring fulfillment, then we stop caring about geography. We're happy to be anywhere because we're happy with ourselves and the life we're living.
Several times this week I've had someone tell me about a person who longs for different surroundings. They think that if they change their environment their lives will magically get better. They're tired of small town life. They want to change schools. They want to live in a different state. Pennsylvania stinks! They want to go where the weather is more pleasant. They're convinced that their unhappines is the result of geography.
I remember thinking the same thing in my twenties. And I moved all the way to Florida to find that magic remedy for an unhappy life. The funny thing was I was even more miserable after a few weeks in Florida. There was no magic. I took all my problems with me.
Sooner or later we learn that it doesn't matter where we go, life is the same everywhere. People are pretty much the same. You have your mix of good and bad everywhere. You still have hassles and disappointments no matter where you live. The problems might be different, but they're still a part of life. A change of location doesn't really change anything but your location.
When we're unhappy, what we need to change is ourselves and the things we are doing or not doing to bring satisfaction to our lives. About a year ago I decided that I needed more friends, not just acquaintances, but real sincere and caring friends. So I started what I call a "circle of friends" monthly get together. Every month, six of us meet at a different woman's house for a casual meal and a night of chatter and laughter.
This month it will be almost a year since we started our gatherings, and it's become obvious that I'm not the only one who's enjoying the idea. I was hesitant to have that first dinner and ask the ladies if they wanted to continue meeting. But I took a leap of faith and went ahead and did it, and the result has been such a joy to all of us. I'm convinced that one of the biggest sources of depression is lack of true friendship, the kind of friendships that allow us to share our deepest selves without fear or judgement.
I heard someone call it "restless soul syndrome," that unhappy stirring in our hearts that makes us want to run to a place where everything will magically get better. But if the emptiness is within ourselves, don't we take ourselves everywhere we go?
Sometimes it's a lack of friends, sometimes it's a thirst for God; we all have an empty place that geography can't fill. When we start filling the emptiness with the people and things that truly bring fulfillment, then we stop caring about geography. We're happy to be anywhere because we're happy with ourselves and the life we're living.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
WHAT WE'RE MADE OF
People don't always respond to us in the way that we would like. We think they'll be enthusiastic about our ideas, but they're not. Our friendly greetings are met with cold stares. And what was meant to be funny is taken as criticism. One thing we can't control is the way people respond to us.
Sensitive people can get their feelings hurt quite easily just by an unexpected response. I remember a certain woman I worked with who wouldn't say Hello to me when I greeted her as she walked by. She simply stared straight ahead and kept walking, no emotion on her face. At first I thought she didn't like me until I learned that others had received the same cold response from her.
I decided not to let her unfriendliness affect my actions, so I continued to say Hello, and she continued to ignore me. After a while, instead of being annoyed by her, I started to feel compassion for her. What could possibly be going on in her life to make her so lacking in human kindness? I never found out, and she never surprised me by saying Hello.
We wouldn't be human if we didn't feel some kind of rejection when people respond negatively to us. No one enjoys being ignored, put down, or misunderstood. But as long as our intentions are good and our motives are pure, it really doesn't matter how others respond. Sometimes the bad response is a sign of their problems, not ours.
We can't control how people respond to us. We can only control our own actions. But that's an important thing to control. When those negative responses hit us, we get to decide how we're going to handle it. We get to show the world what we're made of--compassion or hatred.
People don't always respond to us in the way that we would like. We think they'll be enthusiastic about our ideas, but they're not. Our friendly greetings are met with cold stares. And what was meant to be funny is taken as criticism. One thing we can't control is the way people respond to us.
Sensitive people can get their feelings hurt quite easily just by an unexpected response. I remember a certain woman I worked with who wouldn't say Hello to me when I greeted her as she walked by. She simply stared straight ahead and kept walking, no emotion on her face. At first I thought she didn't like me until I learned that others had received the same cold response from her.
I decided not to let her unfriendliness affect my actions, so I continued to say Hello, and she continued to ignore me. After a while, instead of being annoyed by her, I started to feel compassion for her. What could possibly be going on in her life to make her so lacking in human kindness? I never found out, and she never surprised me by saying Hello.
We wouldn't be human if we didn't feel some kind of rejection when people respond negatively to us. No one enjoys being ignored, put down, or misunderstood. But as long as our intentions are good and our motives are pure, it really doesn't matter how others respond. Sometimes the bad response is a sign of their problems, not ours.
We can't control how people respond to us. We can only control our own actions. But that's an important thing to control. When those negative responses hit us, we get to decide how we're going to handle it. We get to show the world what we're made of--compassion or hatred.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
HOBBIES AND HAPPINESS
On Friday I spent hours messing my kitchen, trying to create a winning chocolate cake for the Gratz Fair. I dropped batter on the floor and tracked it everywhere. I had flour in my hair and chocolate stains on my jeans.
From a monetary perspective, my creative attempt was a waste of time. Even if I had won first place (I didn't come close) the prize money wouldn't have covered the cost of the ingredients and the gas it took to get it there. But I didn't do it for money.
I love to bake. My grandmother baked pies for a living, and after spending hours on just one cake, I have a new appreciation for the amount of work she put into her craft. Anyone who thinks owning a bakery would be an easy job is dreaming.
But work can also be fun. There's a lot of creativity involved in baking. First I had to come up with a recipe idea. Then I added some special touches to make it unique. My favorite part is the icing and decorating the finished cake. I used fresh mint leaves from our front yard and pressed them into the cake around clusters of fresh raspberries. After almost giving up when things kept going wrong, I was happy with the results. Icing and well-placed decoration can hide all kinds of flaws, even a lopsided cake.
Lately, I've been discovering hobbies I never considered before-- photography, journaling, and baking. It's amazing how much joy these activities bring to my life. I wonder why I never bothered before. It makes me realize how important it is to have hobbies.
I remember a time in my twenties when I felt so dissatisfied with life. I don't remember having a single hobby. Could there be a connection between hobbies and happiness? There might be. Are you making time for those unpaid activities you love to do?
From a monetary perspective, my creative attempt was a waste of time. Even if I had won first place (I didn't come close) the prize money wouldn't have covered the cost of the ingredients and the gas it took to get it there. But I didn't do it for money.
I love to bake. My grandmother baked pies for a living, and after spending hours on just one cake, I have a new appreciation for the amount of work she put into her craft. Anyone who thinks owning a bakery would be an easy job is dreaming.
But work can also be fun. There's a lot of creativity involved in baking. First I had to come up with a recipe idea. Then I added some special touches to make it unique. My favorite part is the icing and decorating the finished cake. I used fresh mint leaves from our front yard and pressed them into the cake around clusters of fresh raspberries. After almost giving up when things kept going wrong, I was happy with the results. Icing and well-placed decoration can hide all kinds of flaws, even a lopsided cake.
Lately, I've been discovering hobbies I never considered before-- photography, journaling, and baking. It's amazing how much joy these activities bring to my life. I wonder why I never bothered before. It makes me realize how important it is to have hobbies.
I remember a time in my twenties when I felt so dissatisfied with life. I don't remember having a single hobby. Could there be a connection between hobbies and happiness? There might be. Are you making time for those unpaid activities you love to do?
Sunday, September 9, 2007
A CURE FOR LONELINESS
Recently I watched an episode of Touched By An Angel, a TV show about angels who help people on earth. That particular show inspired me to write about loneliness. The episode was about a lonely, desperate woman named, Zoey. She had recently been dumped by her boyfriend and she was feeling as if she would never find a man who would want to marry her. She longed for a husband and children. She was tired of coming home every night to a lonely apartment.
One night when Zoey was leaving a bar with a man of questionable character, two angels, Monica and Andrew stopped her. Then Monica gave her a message from God. She told Zoey that love isn't something you shop for and she would never find her ideal man in a bar. "To find the right man, you have to become the right woman," Monica said. She was suggesting that
Zoey fill her lonely life with giving love to others. She told her to trust God and wait for His timing to bring the right man into her life.
At the end of the show, Zoey was sitting outside on a beautiful summer day talking to an elderly woman in a wheel chair. She had become a volunteer companion for residents at a rest home. She had taken her angel's advice.
Loneliness is something most of us have to deal with at some time in our lives. But we don't have to be single to be lonely. I believe some of the loneliest women in the world are married. I used to be one of them. I also recall the loneliness of being single, and if I had it to do over, I would fill my loneliness with community service, not smoke-filled bars.
God could make me a widow tomorrow, and I would like to think that if He did, I would handle that emotion in a better way than I have in the past. I would draw even closer to God and I would spend time helping others instead of wallowing in my loneliness.
The best advice I've read about loneliness comes from Elizabeth Elliott: "The answer to our loneliness is love- not our finding someone to love us, but our surrendering to the God who has always loved us with an everlasting love. Loving Him is then expressed in a joyful and full-hearted pouring out of ourselves in love to others. As I find my place of service within the community of God's people, there is little time left to feel lonely. For me the answer to loneliness is not to solve it, but to embrace it as a gift from a loving Father and to offer it back to Him, so that He can transform it into a gift for others."
I would guess that if the story about Zoey had continued, we would have watched as she became so involved in helping others that she forgot about her loneliness. And at that moment when she was no longer desperate and searching for love, but was instead giving love, that was when she became the right woman for the man God was about to bring into her life. He probably just appeared one day when she wasn't searching for him.
The cure for loneliness is love, but not our finding someone to love us, the cure comes when we whole-heartedly pour out love to others by volunteering, helping, visiting, or going wherever we're needed. To find love we have to give love. "To find the right man, become the right woman." I thought that was such wonderful advice!
Recently I watched an episode of Touched By An Angel, a TV show about angels who help people on earth. That particular show inspired me to write about loneliness. The episode was about a lonely, desperate woman named, Zoey. She had recently been dumped by her boyfriend and she was feeling as if she would never find a man who would want to marry her. She longed for a husband and children. She was tired of coming home every night to a lonely apartment.
One night when Zoey was leaving a bar with a man of questionable character, two angels, Monica and Andrew stopped her. Then Monica gave her a message from God. She told Zoey that love isn't something you shop for and she would never find her ideal man in a bar. "To find the right man, you have to become the right woman," Monica said. She was suggesting that
Zoey fill her lonely life with giving love to others. She told her to trust God and wait for His timing to bring the right man into her life.
At the end of the show, Zoey was sitting outside on a beautiful summer day talking to an elderly woman in a wheel chair. She had become a volunteer companion for residents at a rest home. She had taken her angel's advice.
Loneliness is something most of us have to deal with at some time in our lives. But we don't have to be single to be lonely. I believe some of the loneliest women in the world are married. I used to be one of them. I also recall the loneliness of being single, and if I had it to do over, I would fill my loneliness with community service, not smoke-filled bars.
God could make me a widow tomorrow, and I would like to think that if He did, I would handle that emotion in a better way than I have in the past. I would draw even closer to God and I would spend time helping others instead of wallowing in my loneliness.
The best advice I've read about loneliness comes from Elizabeth Elliott: "The answer to our loneliness is love- not our finding someone to love us, but our surrendering to the God who has always loved us with an everlasting love. Loving Him is then expressed in a joyful and full-hearted pouring out of ourselves in love to others. As I find my place of service within the community of God's people, there is little time left to feel lonely. For me the answer to loneliness is not to solve it, but to embrace it as a gift from a loving Father and to offer it back to Him, so that He can transform it into a gift for others."
I would guess that if the story about Zoey had continued, we would have watched as she became so involved in helping others that she forgot about her loneliness. And at that moment when she was no longer desperate and searching for love, but was instead giving love, that was when she became the right woman for the man God was about to bring into her life. He probably just appeared one day when she wasn't searching for him.
The cure for loneliness is love, but not our finding someone to love us, the cure comes when we whole-heartedly pour out love to others by volunteering, helping, visiting, or going wherever we're needed. To find love we have to give love. "To find the right man, become the right woman." I thought that was such wonderful advice!
Sunday, August 12, 2007
MAKE SOMEONE'S DAY
There's something about a hand-written letter that is so wonderful. My daughter got so excited a few days ago when she received a card from her soon-to-be third grade teacher. Her face lit up like Christmas morning. I, too, love receiving cards and letters in the mail. Compared to e-mail, a letter is much more special. You can touch it. Tearing open the envelope and wondering what's inside, holding the pages the sender held, reading the words written in one-of-a-kind style...a letter is so personal. Perhaps that's why letter writing has become almost obsolete.
In fact, I noticed that some people think it's strange to send hand-written letters.
My daughter's teacher could have sent a typed letter to her students. You know the type of letter with a blank after the salutation so you can fill in a different name each time. The same exact words are sent to all, and there's nothing personal about it. That would have been easier, but it wouldn't have gotten the same reaction from an eight-year-old girl. That's the magic of hand-written cards and letters. They are more appreciated. They have the power to make someone's day, as Delaina claimed that card from her teacher had made her day.
What inspired me to write about letter writing was a movie I just saw on the Hallmark channel titled, The Love Letter. The storyline was a bit unbelievable as it involved two people who were able to communicate although they lived in different centuries. As the man wrote on his laptop, the woman opened a bottle of ink and gracefully guided a quill pen across thick, textured paper.
Just the sight of her elegant hand movements as she wrote compared to his clunky clacking on the keyboard was reason enough to fall in love with letter writing. There's something romantic about a hand-written letter. And if you don't mean to be romantic, there's something endearing about it.
My grandmother, I call her Nana, has probably written more letters in her lifetime than I could ever imagine writing. It's like a hobby to her. I've been the recipient of many of her cards and letters, and I cherish all of them. What a great memento I'll have of her when she's gone. She'd often include a reference to scripture or some other encouragement, and she often mentioned things we take for granted, like the songbird outside her window or the fragrance of the lilacs she'd just placed in a vase. Nana notices the simple things in life that people no longer slow down to enjoy.
Maybe that's the greatest charm of all about letter-writing. Just knowing that someone took that extra time to shop for a card or the perfect stationery. Then they slowed down long enough to write a personal message to you, not with a keyboard, but with the touch of a hand, with their very own handwriting. There's something about that. It makes you feel special to be on the receiving end of such thoughtful effort.
And now it's getting late and I must be going, because I've inspired myself to write a few letters. And I can't forget to put cards and stationery on my list. I have to tell Nana about the cool nights we've been getting and the hoot owl I've been hearing in the woods. She probably misses the feel of late summer since she can't sit on her porch at night anymore. A letter from me would probably make her day.
There's something about a hand-written letter that is so wonderful. My daughter got so excited a few days ago when she received a card from her soon-to-be third grade teacher. Her face lit up like Christmas morning. I, too, love receiving cards and letters in the mail. Compared to e-mail, a letter is much more special. You can touch it. Tearing open the envelope and wondering what's inside, holding the pages the sender held, reading the words written in one-of-a-kind style...a letter is so personal. Perhaps that's why letter writing has become almost obsolete.
In fact, I noticed that some people think it's strange to send hand-written letters.
My daughter's teacher could have sent a typed letter to her students. You know the type of letter with a blank after the salutation so you can fill in a different name each time. The same exact words are sent to all, and there's nothing personal about it. That would have been easier, but it wouldn't have gotten the same reaction from an eight-year-old girl. That's the magic of hand-written cards and letters. They are more appreciated. They have the power to make someone's day, as Delaina claimed that card from her teacher had made her day.
What inspired me to write about letter writing was a movie I just saw on the Hallmark channel titled, The Love Letter. The storyline was a bit unbelievable as it involved two people who were able to communicate although they lived in different centuries. As the man wrote on his laptop, the woman opened a bottle of ink and gracefully guided a quill pen across thick, textured paper.
Just the sight of her elegant hand movements as she wrote compared to his clunky clacking on the keyboard was reason enough to fall in love with letter writing. There's something romantic about a hand-written letter. And if you don't mean to be romantic, there's something endearing about it.
My grandmother, I call her Nana, has probably written more letters in her lifetime than I could ever imagine writing. It's like a hobby to her. I've been the recipient of many of her cards and letters, and I cherish all of them. What a great memento I'll have of her when she's gone. She'd often include a reference to scripture or some other encouragement, and she often mentioned things we take for granted, like the songbird outside her window or the fragrance of the lilacs she'd just placed in a vase. Nana notices the simple things in life that people no longer slow down to enjoy.
Maybe that's the greatest charm of all about letter-writing. Just knowing that someone took that extra time to shop for a card or the perfect stationery. Then they slowed down long enough to write a personal message to you, not with a keyboard, but with the touch of a hand, with their very own handwriting. There's something about that. It makes you feel special to be on the receiving end of such thoughtful effort.
And now it's getting late and I must be going, because I've inspired myself to write a few letters. And I can't forget to put cards and stationery on my list. I have to tell Nana about the cool nights we've been getting and the hoot owl I've been hearing in the woods. She probably misses the feel of late summer since she can't sit on her porch at night anymore. A letter from me would probably make her day.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
BUSY OR NOT, YOU ARE VALUABLE
I visited the coziest little bookstore last week while on vacation. It's on Route 6 between Hawley and White Mills in Pennsylvania. Barbara's Books isn't spacious, but it's special. It had that old book smell, which I love. In the back of the store was a small antique shop, and the place even came complete with a friendly, leisure-loving cat. I never paid for a book while a live cat stretched out on the counter, but it added to the charm of the place.
As I searched the aisles of books for my latest treasure, I wondered which subject would be the biggest blessing to me. I don't read many books for entertainment. I want to get something out of a book, something I can learn that will enrich my life. When I spotted a book titled, "Finding More Time In Your Life," I gave it more than a second glance. Time management is something I've struggled with all my life.
While scanning the book's pages, one profound sentence captured my attention: "Have you ever experienced the pain of wanting to do something, knowing it is the best thing to do, and then falling short?" Oh yes! That's me. Almost every day I feel that pain. Then another sentence sealed the deal: "Many people feel that everyone else in the world is on top of their time and has everything focused, organized, and scheduled. This is not true."
Whenever I feel like a book is talking directly to me, I have to have it. Dru Scott Decker struck a nerve with just those two sentences. First she described exactly how I'm feeling and then she told me I'm not alone. Why wouldn't I want to read more?
I would guess that 9 out of 10 people have time management issues. No matter how busy I am, I always feel that I'm not doing enough. Where does that come from? I haven't finished the book yet, but I'm hoping to get some answers. What I have learned is that we can't do everything perfectly and putting such high standards on ourselves only sets us up for a load of guilt.
I remember saying in an earlier blog that everything we do should be done in excellence. Maybe I should rephrase that: We should put our best effort into almost everything we do. To do it all and do it all perfectly is hardly possible. And at times, we may need to settle for less than our best. Feeling guilty about less than perfect performance gets you nowhere.
I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the way, busyness has become the standard people use to measure their worth as human beings. I'll close by quoting the book directly because I couldn't possibly say it any better: "Personal worth does not depend upon what you do. You have value as a human being regardless of your activities. The prestige or economic value of your work has no bearing on your worth or your right to human dignity."
Put that on a plaque and hang it. The world needs to know.
I visited the coziest little bookstore last week while on vacation. It's on Route 6 between Hawley and White Mills in Pennsylvania. Barbara's Books isn't spacious, but it's special. It had that old book smell, which I love. In the back of the store was a small antique shop, and the place even came complete with a friendly, leisure-loving cat. I never paid for a book while a live cat stretched out on the counter, but it added to the charm of the place.
As I searched the aisles of books for my latest treasure, I wondered which subject would be the biggest blessing to me. I don't read many books for entertainment. I want to get something out of a book, something I can learn that will enrich my life. When I spotted a book titled, "Finding More Time In Your Life," I gave it more than a second glance. Time management is something I've struggled with all my life.
While scanning the book's pages, one profound sentence captured my attention: "Have you ever experienced the pain of wanting to do something, knowing it is the best thing to do, and then falling short?" Oh yes! That's me. Almost every day I feel that pain. Then another sentence sealed the deal: "Many people feel that everyone else in the world is on top of their time and has everything focused, organized, and scheduled. This is not true."
Whenever I feel like a book is talking directly to me, I have to have it. Dru Scott Decker struck a nerve with just those two sentences. First she described exactly how I'm feeling and then she told me I'm not alone. Why wouldn't I want to read more?
I would guess that 9 out of 10 people have time management issues. No matter how busy I am, I always feel that I'm not doing enough. Where does that come from? I haven't finished the book yet, but I'm hoping to get some answers. What I have learned is that we can't do everything perfectly and putting such high standards on ourselves only sets us up for a load of guilt.
I remember saying in an earlier blog that everything we do should be done in excellence. Maybe I should rephrase that: We should put our best effort into almost everything we do. To do it all and do it all perfectly is hardly possible. And at times, we may need to settle for less than our best. Feeling guilty about less than perfect performance gets you nowhere.
I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the way, busyness has become the standard people use to measure their worth as human beings. I'll close by quoting the book directly because I couldn't possibly say it any better: "Personal worth does not depend upon what you do. You have value as a human being regardless of your activities. The prestige or economic value of your work has no bearing on your worth or your right to human dignity."
Put that on a plaque and hang it. The world needs to know.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
THE LIFE ON WINGS
I got home from Ocean City Maryland a few hours ago. Surprisingly, I'm wide awake. The trip was not something I was planning. My sister called on a whim and we packed our bags and headed south. My mom went along. We try to go somewhere together every year.
When we got on the beach early Saturday morning, the lady who rented us an umbrella and beach chairs said, "This is the first nice day we've had here in a long time. You're lucky to have chosen this weekend." We knew that luck had nothing to do with it. We prayed for good weather. We also asked God to help us get there and back safely and without getting lost. That prayer was also answered and it wasn't always the driver who made the right decisions.
Between the three of us, we noticed the right exits, reminded each other about speed limits, and even prevented an accident or two. We worked together and God gave each of us a keen eye to catch what the other missed. It was one of the most pleasant vacation drives I've been on. When I took the wheel on the way home, we reached a point where I had to turn either right or left and no one knew which lane I should take. I felt the urge to go left and then I saw a sign for Lancaster that required a left turn. That nudging to go left was God speaking to me. That's the power of prayer.
If you're not a person who prays, you might be shaking your head about now and thinking I'm crazy. Unless you can prove to me that God doesn't exist, maybe you're the one who's crazy for not using the power of prayer to enrich your own life. The bible tells us that God cares about every detail of our lives. You can pray about anything, no matter how small the request. Recently the ladies in my bible study prayed for Rosie O'Donnell to be removed from her position on The View, a TV talk show. Within two weeks of us saying that prayer, it was announced that Rosie would be leaving the show. We felt her opinions were too critical and filled with hatred. God must have agreed. He heard our prayer and granted our request.
In The Christian's Secret to a Happy Life, The author compares faith and prayer to a "life on wings." When you pray, you can fly above your worldly problems and be free from worry, fear, and every negative emotion. Prayer gives you peace and freedom. You fly up and over every hurdle. Nothing shakes you because you know God is in control. It's the way God meant for us to live. But so many people miss out on knowing the power of prayer. They are alone with their daily struggles. Every day they take on the world without God's help and they end up frustrated, angry, and exhausted.
There is a better way to live. If you don't believe it, try it. You'll become a believer when you see your list of answered prayers begin to grow. Sometimes God doesn't answer prayer in the way you would like, but when you look back on how he answered the prayer, His way is always better than your original request. He finds a way to give you what you need, which is more important than what you want.
I'm still learning how to live life on wings. I haven't mastered it, but there's one thing I know for sure: I'll never go back to a life without prayer. Why walk when you can fly?
I got home from Ocean City Maryland a few hours ago. Surprisingly, I'm wide awake. The trip was not something I was planning. My sister called on a whim and we packed our bags and headed south. My mom went along. We try to go somewhere together every year.
When we got on the beach early Saturday morning, the lady who rented us an umbrella and beach chairs said, "This is the first nice day we've had here in a long time. You're lucky to have chosen this weekend." We knew that luck had nothing to do with it. We prayed for good weather. We also asked God to help us get there and back safely and without getting lost. That prayer was also answered and it wasn't always the driver who made the right decisions.
Between the three of us, we noticed the right exits, reminded each other about speed limits, and even prevented an accident or two. We worked together and God gave each of us a keen eye to catch what the other missed. It was one of the most pleasant vacation drives I've been on. When I took the wheel on the way home, we reached a point where I had to turn either right or left and no one knew which lane I should take. I felt the urge to go left and then I saw a sign for Lancaster that required a left turn. That nudging to go left was God speaking to me. That's the power of prayer.
If you're not a person who prays, you might be shaking your head about now and thinking I'm crazy. Unless you can prove to me that God doesn't exist, maybe you're the one who's crazy for not using the power of prayer to enrich your own life. The bible tells us that God cares about every detail of our lives. You can pray about anything, no matter how small the request. Recently the ladies in my bible study prayed for Rosie O'Donnell to be removed from her position on The View, a TV talk show. Within two weeks of us saying that prayer, it was announced that Rosie would be leaving the show. We felt her opinions were too critical and filled with hatred. God must have agreed. He heard our prayer and granted our request.
In The Christian's Secret to a Happy Life, The author compares faith and prayer to a "life on wings." When you pray, you can fly above your worldly problems and be free from worry, fear, and every negative emotion. Prayer gives you peace and freedom. You fly up and over every hurdle. Nothing shakes you because you know God is in control. It's the way God meant for us to live. But so many people miss out on knowing the power of prayer. They are alone with their daily struggles. Every day they take on the world without God's help and they end up frustrated, angry, and exhausted.
There is a better way to live. If you don't believe it, try it. You'll become a believer when you see your list of answered prayers begin to grow. Sometimes God doesn't answer prayer in the way you would like, but when you look back on how he answered the prayer, His way is always better than your original request. He finds a way to give you what you need, which is more important than what you want.
I'm still learning how to live life on wings. I haven't mastered it, but there's one thing I know for sure: I'll never go back to a life without prayer. Why walk when you can fly?
Sunday, June 24, 2007
TAKE THE RIGHT ROAD
Have you ever been so angry that it drained the life out of you? I mean the kind of anger that doesn't go away. Someone hurt you and you can't get it off your mind. You think about the offense every day, maybe rehearse in your mind what you'd like to say to the person. Soon your anger takes on a life of its own. You become a different person. You're a slave to your hostile emotions. Every day your joy is stolen by your decision to feed your anger and keep it alive. Meanwhile, you're dying inside. The real you is rotting away and you feel tired, depressed and hopeless.
Anger is energy. Staying angry takes a lot of energy. So the person who is hurt most by anger is the one who's angry. Someone once said, "Anger is like taking poison and wishing someone else would die." Angry people often suffer from headaches, ulcers, and many other physical symptoms.
Anger is really stupid if you think about it. Someone or something hurt you badly, so you respond by carrying around poisonous emotions that end up making you sick, destroying your relationships, and hurting you even more. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!
I know what it's like to be angry. Someone hurt me a long time ago, and I couldn't get over it. I wanted to get over it. I tried to forget it, but I just couldn't let it go. Within a few months, I became a hateful person. I didn't smile much. I was tired all the time. I snapped at people for the smallest things. It was almost as if something evil had taken over me. I went to see a therapist, and he called it bondage. I was in bondage.
Bondage is slavery. Who would voluntarily put herself into slavery? I signed up for my own destruction because I chose to stay angry instead of to forgive. The price I paid for my anger was destroyed relationships and a broken family. The damage was irrepairable. My anger changed my life and the lives of the people I loved.
What a powerful emotion anger is. We need to watch out for it. God warns us about the danger: "If you are angry, be sure it's not out of wounded pride or bad temper. Never go to bed angry--don't give the devil that sort of foothold." What kind of foothold? In his years of counseling, Roger Barrett has come to believe that resentment destroys more individuals and relationships than any other emotion: "It rips people apart, sets them up for emotional breakdowns, and damages relationships, often beyond repair."
Forgiveness has so much more going for it than anger. So why is it so difficult to take this high road? My answer would be pride. People have too much pride to forgive. They think forgiving is being weak. They think they deserve more. They want revenge. They want answers. Someone has to pay. So they dig a hole for themselves and crawl into the darkness of anger and resentment.
Experience is sometimes the best teacher. But we don't have to experience something to learn a lesson. We can learn from the experiences of others. If you want proof that anger is the most damaging emotion we can hold inside, just ask someone who chose the low road. You won't find a single person who reached the end of her journey and looked back and said, "I chose the best way." The low road is paved with regrets.
Next time someone hurts you, do the right thing for you. Take the high road. The scenery is so much better. Your steps will be light. And your heart will soar upon the freedom of forgiveness.
Have you ever been so angry that it drained the life out of you? I mean the kind of anger that doesn't go away. Someone hurt you and you can't get it off your mind. You think about the offense every day, maybe rehearse in your mind what you'd like to say to the person. Soon your anger takes on a life of its own. You become a different person. You're a slave to your hostile emotions. Every day your joy is stolen by your decision to feed your anger and keep it alive. Meanwhile, you're dying inside. The real you is rotting away and you feel tired, depressed and hopeless.
Anger is energy. Staying angry takes a lot of energy. So the person who is hurt most by anger is the one who's angry. Someone once said, "Anger is like taking poison and wishing someone else would die." Angry people often suffer from headaches, ulcers, and many other physical symptoms.
Anger is really stupid if you think about it. Someone or something hurt you badly, so you respond by carrying around poisonous emotions that end up making you sick, destroying your relationships, and hurting you even more. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!
I know what it's like to be angry. Someone hurt me a long time ago, and I couldn't get over it. I wanted to get over it. I tried to forget it, but I just couldn't let it go. Within a few months, I became a hateful person. I didn't smile much. I was tired all the time. I snapped at people for the smallest things. It was almost as if something evil had taken over me. I went to see a therapist, and he called it bondage. I was in bondage.
Bondage is slavery. Who would voluntarily put herself into slavery? I signed up for my own destruction because I chose to stay angry instead of to forgive. The price I paid for my anger was destroyed relationships and a broken family. The damage was irrepairable. My anger changed my life and the lives of the people I loved.
What a powerful emotion anger is. We need to watch out for it. God warns us about the danger: "If you are angry, be sure it's not out of wounded pride or bad temper. Never go to bed angry--don't give the devil that sort of foothold." What kind of foothold? In his years of counseling, Roger Barrett has come to believe that resentment destroys more individuals and relationships than any other emotion: "It rips people apart, sets them up for emotional breakdowns, and damages relationships, often beyond repair."
Forgiveness has so much more going for it than anger. So why is it so difficult to take this high road? My answer would be pride. People have too much pride to forgive. They think forgiving is being weak. They think they deserve more. They want revenge. They want answers. Someone has to pay. So they dig a hole for themselves and crawl into the darkness of anger and resentment.
Experience is sometimes the best teacher. But we don't have to experience something to learn a lesson. We can learn from the experiences of others. If you want proof that anger is the most damaging emotion we can hold inside, just ask someone who chose the low road. You won't find a single person who reached the end of her journey and looked back and said, "I chose the best way." The low road is paved with regrets.
Next time someone hurts you, do the right thing for you. Take the high road. The scenery is so much better. Your steps will be light. And your heart will soar upon the freedom of forgiveness.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
COMPASSION IS PRICELESS
We're so quick to offer opinions, self-analyze problems and tell others what we think. I recently had a phone conversation with a woman who had me so confused, I was convinced she was suffering from a mental ailment. I made an assumption without knowing the facts, and I did it with little compassion. I just wanted my problems taken care of and she wasn't doing a good job. So I got frustrated and labeled her incompetent.
I later apologized to her because I realized I was wrong. I'm sure she didn't feel good hearing someone tell her, "You're the one who's confused, not me." The second those words came out my mouth, I wanted to suck them back in.
I have a lot of opinions. We all do. Sometimes we need to be tough with our opinions, and sometimes a softer approach is needed. I've learned that when it comes to voicing opinions, the softer approach is always better received. But speaking with compassion isn't always easy.
For example, telling someone who is suffering from a health problem that the problem isn't as bad as she claims... now that's lacking compassion. People know their own bodies. We should respect that. We should respect their opinions about the causes of their problems and the extent of their sufferings. The bible tells us that only the person involved can know her own pain and no one else can really share it. How can we possibly know what causes people's ailments or how bad those ailments really are?
There's a time and a place for tough love. Sometimes people need a Dr. Phil type of awakening. But for the other times, when someone is simply sharing a problem that is out of her control, the best counselors are listeners. They don't harshly voice opinions, they listen. That is, after all, what people want most. In a world filled with so many opinions, compassion is priceless.
We're so quick to offer opinions, self-analyze problems and tell others what we think. I recently had a phone conversation with a woman who had me so confused, I was convinced she was suffering from a mental ailment. I made an assumption without knowing the facts, and I did it with little compassion. I just wanted my problems taken care of and she wasn't doing a good job. So I got frustrated and labeled her incompetent.
I later apologized to her because I realized I was wrong. I'm sure she didn't feel good hearing someone tell her, "You're the one who's confused, not me." The second those words came out my mouth, I wanted to suck them back in.
I have a lot of opinions. We all do. Sometimes we need to be tough with our opinions, and sometimes a softer approach is needed. I've learned that when it comes to voicing opinions, the softer approach is always better received. But speaking with compassion isn't always easy.
For example, telling someone who is suffering from a health problem that the problem isn't as bad as she claims... now that's lacking compassion. People know their own bodies. We should respect that. We should respect their opinions about the causes of their problems and the extent of their sufferings. The bible tells us that only the person involved can know her own pain and no one else can really share it. How can we possibly know what causes people's ailments or how bad those ailments really are?
There's a time and a place for tough love. Sometimes people need a Dr. Phil type of awakening. But for the other times, when someone is simply sharing a problem that is out of her control, the best counselors are listeners. They don't harshly voice opinions, they listen. That is, after all, what people want most. In a world filled with so many opinions, compassion is priceless.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
A QUIET ESCAPE
I spent the day creating a quiet place in my home where I can go to read, pray, write and escape. The room has a lock on the door. That was a must. I also dug through boxes under my bed and in the basement for items of beauty, inspiration and encouragement. I came across a poem my mother wrote to me when I graduated from high school. It now sits on a shelf in my quiet room along with other tokens of inspiration I found and dusted: my honor society certificate from college, my first and only published article, my art ribbons, and a Mary Engelbreit print that says, "It's never too late to be what you might have been."
People underestimate the importance of having a place to escape from the pressures and noise of the outside world. We should make time every day for complete solitude and silence. It doesn't matter if it's morning, afternoon or evening, whatever time gives you the best chance of enjoying complete silence. When life's pressures begin to close in on us, quiet solitude is what we need most. It's a chance to clear our heads and connect with God, our source of strength and renewal.
What I'm hoping to add to my quiet room is a tabletop fountain. I love the sound of water trickling over rocks. I don't know why that sound is so soothing, but it relaxes me. It reminds me of camping as a young girl when we parked our camper near a mountain stream and I'd fall asleep to that hypnotizing sound. The sound of the ocean has the same relaxing effect. Some people like the songs of morning birds or the late day chorus of crickets. You can actually buy whatever sounds you find relaxing. I have a CD called Sailboat Journey. You can hear the wind pulling the sails, the sound of seagulls, and the water lapping against the boat. It's great to listen to while lying in the sun.
If we're creative, we don't have to spend a cent on gas or even leave home to escape the stress of today's world. All we need is a quiet place that's inviting and relaxing. Then turn that room into an oasis for your senses. Fill it with plants and flowers. Hang beautiful photos or artwork on the wall. Dust off your accomplishments and display them for inspiration. Anything that makes you feel encouraged or appreciated shouldn't be stuck away in a box. Drape the room with fragrances that relax you, like lavendar and bergamot. Bring relaxing sounds into the room like a fountain or sounds of nature on CD's.
You'll be amazed at what a quiet room can do for your state of mind. It's like a mini-vacation you can take every day. Your mind has a chance to rest. Your patience is renewed. Your spirit is restored. God finally has a chance to speak to you and you're finally able to hear him. It's such a simple thing to do. But the treasures in silence are often ignored. Don't let another day go by without your daily silence. A quiet escape might be what you need most.
I spent the day creating a quiet place in my home where I can go to read, pray, write and escape. The room has a lock on the door. That was a must. I also dug through boxes under my bed and in the basement for items of beauty, inspiration and encouragement. I came across a poem my mother wrote to me when I graduated from high school. It now sits on a shelf in my quiet room along with other tokens of inspiration I found and dusted: my honor society certificate from college, my first and only published article, my art ribbons, and a Mary Engelbreit print that says, "It's never too late to be what you might have been."
People underestimate the importance of having a place to escape from the pressures and noise of the outside world. We should make time every day for complete solitude and silence. It doesn't matter if it's morning, afternoon or evening, whatever time gives you the best chance of enjoying complete silence. When life's pressures begin to close in on us, quiet solitude is what we need most. It's a chance to clear our heads and connect with God, our source of strength and renewal.
What I'm hoping to add to my quiet room is a tabletop fountain. I love the sound of water trickling over rocks. I don't know why that sound is so soothing, but it relaxes me. It reminds me of camping as a young girl when we parked our camper near a mountain stream and I'd fall asleep to that hypnotizing sound. The sound of the ocean has the same relaxing effect. Some people like the songs of morning birds or the late day chorus of crickets. You can actually buy whatever sounds you find relaxing. I have a CD called Sailboat Journey. You can hear the wind pulling the sails, the sound of seagulls, and the water lapping against the boat. It's great to listen to while lying in the sun.
If we're creative, we don't have to spend a cent on gas or even leave home to escape the stress of today's world. All we need is a quiet place that's inviting and relaxing. Then turn that room into an oasis for your senses. Fill it with plants and flowers. Hang beautiful photos or artwork on the wall. Dust off your accomplishments and display them for inspiration. Anything that makes you feel encouraged or appreciated shouldn't be stuck away in a box. Drape the room with fragrances that relax you, like lavendar and bergamot. Bring relaxing sounds into the room like a fountain or sounds of nature on CD's.
You'll be amazed at what a quiet room can do for your state of mind. It's like a mini-vacation you can take every day. Your mind has a chance to rest. Your patience is renewed. Your spirit is restored. God finally has a chance to speak to you and you're finally able to hear him. It's such a simple thing to do. But the treasures in silence are often ignored. Don't let another day go by without your daily silence. A quiet escape might be what you need most.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
LIVING WITH A NET
Someone once said being sociable is like living with a net. Having family, friends and neighbors who are an integral part of our lives gives us a soft place to land. Without that net, life is lonely, stressful, and unhealthy. Studies have shown that sociable people are healthier and less likely to become depressed. Yet our society seems to be moving toward less sociable lifestyles.
Ten years ago, I read a great magazine article about the power of friendship. It described the life of a city girl who felt "different" because everyone else seemed to have a support system of family, friends, and neighbors. She came home from work every day and felt lonely. She didn't have people around her that she could depend on. She was living without a net.
The article claimed that we have become a nation of loners. Walking around with cell phones and headphones in our ears puts us in our own little worlds, disconnected from society. Sitting at home in front of a computer is recreation for some people. Before computers, recreation meant socializing in person.
Humans are social beings. We are made to socialize, and if that is missing from our lives, we just don't feel right. We feel different, like someone sitting on the sidelines watching the world go by. But it's never too late to experience life as it was meant to be. Unfortunately, sitting around waiting for the phone to ring won't make us more sociable. It takes effort to build a support system of friends and neighbors. We have to be willing to reach out to others. And we have to be supportive and dependable ourselves. We can only attract what we're willing to give.
I've experienced life both with and without that supportive "net." And I can attest to the difference it makes. Living without a net is damaging to both our physical and mental well-being. Without people close by on whom we can rely, life is an overwhelming challenge. We weren't meant to live without a net. We all need a soft place to fall.
Someone once said being sociable is like living with a net. Having family, friends and neighbors who are an integral part of our lives gives us a soft place to land. Without that net, life is lonely, stressful, and unhealthy. Studies have shown that sociable people are healthier and less likely to become depressed. Yet our society seems to be moving toward less sociable lifestyles.
Ten years ago, I read a great magazine article about the power of friendship. It described the life of a city girl who felt "different" because everyone else seemed to have a support system of family, friends, and neighbors. She came home from work every day and felt lonely. She didn't have people around her that she could depend on. She was living without a net.
The article claimed that we have become a nation of loners. Walking around with cell phones and headphones in our ears puts us in our own little worlds, disconnected from society. Sitting at home in front of a computer is recreation for some people. Before computers, recreation meant socializing in person.
Humans are social beings. We are made to socialize, and if that is missing from our lives, we just don't feel right. We feel different, like someone sitting on the sidelines watching the world go by. But it's never too late to experience life as it was meant to be. Unfortunately, sitting around waiting for the phone to ring won't make us more sociable. It takes effort to build a support system of friends and neighbors. We have to be willing to reach out to others. And we have to be supportive and dependable ourselves. We can only attract what we're willing to give.
I've experienced life both with and without that supportive "net." And I can attest to the difference it makes. Living without a net is damaging to both our physical and mental well-being. Without people close by on whom we can rely, life is an overwhelming challenge. We weren't meant to live without a net. We all need a soft place to fall.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
GETTING TO THE HEART
I'm reading a great book on parenting. Shepherding A Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp is a must- read for every parent. I'm only half way through it, and already I've learned some things that I've been doing wrong as a parent. I thought parenting was about getting your children to behave, but according to Tripp, there's something much deeper we need to be doing.
"If you are to really help your child, you must be concerned with the attitudes of heart that drive his behavior," says the author. As parents, we make the mistake of demanding changed behavior, but we don't address the wrong attitudes that resulted in wrong behavior. This takes time. We have to sit down and talk to our children. And that's probably why so many parents don't do it.
Parenting is a time-consuming responsibility. How many of us really put in the hours required to raise children who are self-controlled because they understand why they behave badly? How many parents take the time to address the issues of a child's heart? What does she fear? Does he feel secure? Is he acting out a habit that he sees his parents demonstrate every day? What's going on in the child's heart that makes that child behave the way he does?
Being a parent is the most difficult role on earth. No other job in the world prepares another human being for adulthood. No other job shapes a person's personality. Parenting is an awesome responsibility. We need to make sure that we're doing it right. When was the last time you read a good book on parenting? I've been humbled after reading only half this book.
We put time into everything else we do. Our children deserve parents who take the time to learn about parenting. I highly recommend Shepherding A Child's Heart.
I'm reading a great book on parenting. Shepherding A Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp is a must- read for every parent. I'm only half way through it, and already I've learned some things that I've been doing wrong as a parent. I thought parenting was about getting your children to behave, but according to Tripp, there's something much deeper we need to be doing.
"If you are to really help your child, you must be concerned with the attitudes of heart that drive his behavior," says the author. As parents, we make the mistake of demanding changed behavior, but we don't address the wrong attitudes that resulted in wrong behavior. This takes time. We have to sit down and talk to our children. And that's probably why so many parents don't do it.
Parenting is a time-consuming responsibility. How many of us really put in the hours required to raise children who are self-controlled because they understand why they behave badly? How many parents take the time to address the issues of a child's heart? What does she fear? Does he feel secure? Is he acting out a habit that he sees his parents demonstrate every day? What's going on in the child's heart that makes that child behave the way he does?
Being a parent is the most difficult role on earth. No other job in the world prepares another human being for adulthood. No other job shapes a person's personality. Parenting is an awesome responsibility. We need to make sure that we're doing it right. When was the last time you read a good book on parenting? I've been humbled after reading only half this book.
We put time into everything else we do. Our children deserve parents who take the time to learn about parenting. I highly recommend Shepherding A Child's Heart.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
CHOOSING NOT TO CONFORM
Women have to live in this world, but they don't have to conform to its values. So many women are miserable today because they don't feel worthy in the world's eyes. They're either not thin enough, not busty enough, not pretty enough, or just not enough. Because society tells a woman that her worth lies in her appearance, women all over the world are lacking confidence.
Approximately 80 percent of teenagers don't like the way they look. When I was a teenager, I plucked my eyebrows into a thin perfect arch because that's what I saw in all the magazines. I wanted to be what the world thought was pretty. Years later, when lush eyebrows were back in style, mine were so over-plucked they wouldn't grow back.
Women destroy their confidence by comparing themselves to other women. The problem with comparisons is that we all have strengths and weaknesses. While you admire one woman's strengths, she may be admiring yours. Why can't we just be ourselves and be content with what God gave us?
The bible says, "Be not conformed to this world...by a renewing of our minds." As I write this, I am 44 years old. In the past year, I've watched my upper eyelids begin to sag and the lines around my eyes are becoming deeper and more noticeable. Fortunately, I've renewed my mind when it comes to my appearance. I know my value hasn't lessened because I'm looking older, not in God's eyes.
Women should think of aging as their inner beauty surpassing their outer beauty. I believe I have much more to offer the world than I did at 20, when my skin was firm. I have more experience, more knowledge, more patience, more kindness, and more compassion. I've gotten over the pretty and found something much more satisfying than being praised for my appearance. Serving others is more rewarding because it's God's calling for our lives. Loving and helping people satisfies the soul like being beautiful never will.
There are many ways that women conform to the world. Surrendering to the world's idea of beauty is just one way. But if we keep our eyes focused on God and look to him for validation of our worth, we can have peace and confidence. We can even keep our eyebrows.
Women have to live in this world, but they don't have to conform to its values. So many women are miserable today because they don't feel worthy in the world's eyes. They're either not thin enough, not busty enough, not pretty enough, or just not enough. Because society tells a woman that her worth lies in her appearance, women all over the world are lacking confidence.
Approximately 80 percent of teenagers don't like the way they look. When I was a teenager, I plucked my eyebrows into a thin perfect arch because that's what I saw in all the magazines. I wanted to be what the world thought was pretty. Years later, when lush eyebrows were back in style, mine were so over-plucked they wouldn't grow back.
Women destroy their confidence by comparing themselves to other women. The problem with comparisons is that we all have strengths and weaknesses. While you admire one woman's strengths, she may be admiring yours. Why can't we just be ourselves and be content with what God gave us?
The bible says, "Be not conformed to this world...by a renewing of our minds." As I write this, I am 44 years old. In the past year, I've watched my upper eyelids begin to sag and the lines around my eyes are becoming deeper and more noticeable. Fortunately, I've renewed my mind when it comes to my appearance. I know my value hasn't lessened because I'm looking older, not in God's eyes.
Women should think of aging as their inner beauty surpassing their outer beauty. I believe I have much more to offer the world than I did at 20, when my skin was firm. I have more experience, more knowledge, more patience, more kindness, and more compassion. I've gotten over the pretty and found something much more satisfying than being praised for my appearance. Serving others is more rewarding because it's God's calling for our lives. Loving and helping people satisfies the soul like being beautiful never will.
There are many ways that women conform to the world. Surrendering to the world's idea of beauty is just one way. But if we keep our eyes focused on God and look to him for validation of our worth, we can have peace and confidence. We can even keep our eyebrows.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, NOT YOUR FEARS
Martina Mc Bride has a great song out right now called, Do It Anyway.
It's such an inspiring song. I'm sure it's motivating people all over the world to follow their dreams despite the uncertainties of stepping into the unknown.
We all have moments of uncertainty, self-doubt, and reluctance. Trying something new or something we're not good at makes us fearful. We worry about the outcome. Fear of failure, rejection, or embarrassment prevents us from stepping out of the comfort zone.
After graduating from beauty school, I couldn't wait to have a salon of my own. In 1984 my dream came true, but I had a fear that hurt my business. I was afraid of haircolor. When a client asked about coloring her hair, I talked her out of it. Color was a profitable service, but I let fear rob me.
For the first thirty years of my life, I avoided everything I feared. But something happened in my early thirties. I got tired of letting fear control me. And I discovered that doing what I fear is far more exciting and rewarding than life in the comfort zone.
Fear is possibly the greatest destroyer of our growth. It robs us of financial success, steals our joy, prevents us from meeting new people, and deprives us of exciting experiences. A rich, full life can only begin when we decide not to let fear control us.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind," said the Apostle Paul in 2 Timothy 1:7. Fear is a demonic, spiritual force and only the Spirit of God can set us free from it.
Every time I sit down to write this column, I have a moment of uncertainty. I wonder if people will see me as a proud know-it-all or too judgemental or too harsh. That's fear rearing its ugly head. What makes me press on is knowing that God doesn't want me to be fearful. He wants me to use my talents to serve others.
There will always be someone with a negative comment, no matter what you try.
But a sound, determined mind that is focused on serving others will always have God's blessing. Fear may rear its head, but it has no power when your intentions are honorable.
I challenge you to do the thing you want but are afraid to do. Don't let fear steal your dreams. You can't grow in the comfort zone. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Martina Mc Bride has a great song out right now called, Do It Anyway.
It's such an inspiring song. I'm sure it's motivating people all over the world to follow their dreams despite the uncertainties of stepping into the unknown.
We all have moments of uncertainty, self-doubt, and reluctance. Trying something new or something we're not good at makes us fearful. We worry about the outcome. Fear of failure, rejection, or embarrassment prevents us from stepping out of the comfort zone.
After graduating from beauty school, I couldn't wait to have a salon of my own. In 1984 my dream came true, but I had a fear that hurt my business. I was afraid of haircolor. When a client asked about coloring her hair, I talked her out of it. Color was a profitable service, but I let fear rob me.
For the first thirty years of my life, I avoided everything I feared. But something happened in my early thirties. I got tired of letting fear control me. And I discovered that doing what I fear is far more exciting and rewarding than life in the comfort zone.
Fear is possibly the greatest destroyer of our growth. It robs us of financial success, steals our joy, prevents us from meeting new people, and deprives us of exciting experiences. A rich, full life can only begin when we decide not to let fear control us.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind," said the Apostle Paul in 2 Timothy 1:7. Fear is a demonic, spiritual force and only the Spirit of God can set us free from it.
Every time I sit down to write this column, I have a moment of uncertainty. I wonder if people will see me as a proud know-it-all or too judgemental or too harsh. That's fear rearing its ugly head. What makes me press on is knowing that God doesn't want me to be fearful. He wants me to use my talents to serve others.
There will always be someone with a negative comment, no matter what you try.
But a sound, determined mind that is focused on serving others will always have God's blessing. Fear may rear its head, but it has no power when your intentions are honorable.
I challenge you to do the thing you want but are afraid to do. Don't let fear steal your dreams. You can't grow in the comfort zone. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
THOUGHTS AND WORDS HAVE POWER
We all talk to ourselves. Sometimes out loud when no one is around, I'll carry on a conversation with myself. I'm not afraid to admit this because I think it's healthy to talk to myself. Everyone does it, but perhaps not everyone does it out loud. Some prefer to speak to themselves only in their minds without uttering a word. Either way, it's healthy to sort out feelings, work out problems, or relieve stress by talking to yourself.
The only bad thing about talking to yourself occurs when the words you speak are negative. Negative self-talk causes depression because our thoughts precede and determine our feelings. If a woman tells herself that she'll never be happy and that her life is a hopeless drifting of one lonely day into the next, then she'll soon be too depressed to do anything about her predicament.
People underestimate the power in our thoughts and the words we say to ourselves. Most of us are careful to say just the right thing to others, but we don't give ourselves the same courtesy. We are hard on ourselves, unforgiving, and unkind. We don't realize how we drag ourselves down with that internal voice that is always focusing on the negative.
Women are especially good at negative self-talk. They put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect that they forget about the wonderful qualities they do have. If the scale doesn't read the right number or if their children aren't behaving, they blame themselves for these imperfections and scold themselves for not doing better. "I'm a bad mother," says one woman.
Another woman obsesses about her weight, telling herself, "I'm disgusting."
Sometimes negative self-talk is the result of a poor childhood. Growing up with critical parents that could never be pleased, or parents who didn't give the nurturing we needed can cause us to feel bad about ourselves. Our self-esteem is often tied to our upbringing.
But the good news is that we don't have to continue feeling bad. We can train ourselves to speak positive words when we talk to ourselves. We can catch ourselves when we think negatively and redirect our thoughts to be praiseworthy instead of critical. Then when we become good at speaking positive words to ourselves, we can take it a step further and begin to praise the people around us.
Most people don't realize the damage that can be done with negative thoughts and critical words. The way we think determines the way we feel. What we say to ourselves can put us into a state of depression if those thoughts are constantly negative. What we say to our children can ruin their self-esteem, kill their ambition, or fill them with anger.
So be careful what you think and say. Words and thoughts have power. Your thoughts and your words have the power to bring death or life to any relationship, including your relationship with yourself. Dwell on the good things in yourself and others. Train your mind to be humbly self praising. And train your tongue to be a life-giving force that focuses on what is true and good and right. You can change your life just by changing your thoughts and words.
We all talk to ourselves. Sometimes out loud when no one is around, I'll carry on a conversation with myself. I'm not afraid to admit this because I think it's healthy to talk to myself. Everyone does it, but perhaps not everyone does it out loud. Some prefer to speak to themselves only in their minds without uttering a word. Either way, it's healthy to sort out feelings, work out problems, or relieve stress by talking to yourself.
The only bad thing about talking to yourself occurs when the words you speak are negative. Negative self-talk causes depression because our thoughts precede and determine our feelings. If a woman tells herself that she'll never be happy and that her life is a hopeless drifting of one lonely day into the next, then she'll soon be too depressed to do anything about her predicament.
People underestimate the power in our thoughts and the words we say to ourselves. Most of us are careful to say just the right thing to others, but we don't give ourselves the same courtesy. We are hard on ourselves, unforgiving, and unkind. We don't realize how we drag ourselves down with that internal voice that is always focusing on the negative.
Women are especially good at negative self-talk. They put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect that they forget about the wonderful qualities they do have. If the scale doesn't read the right number or if their children aren't behaving, they blame themselves for these imperfections and scold themselves for not doing better. "I'm a bad mother," says one woman.
Another woman obsesses about her weight, telling herself, "I'm disgusting."
Sometimes negative self-talk is the result of a poor childhood. Growing up with critical parents that could never be pleased, or parents who didn't give the nurturing we needed can cause us to feel bad about ourselves. Our self-esteem is often tied to our upbringing.
But the good news is that we don't have to continue feeling bad. We can train ourselves to speak positive words when we talk to ourselves. We can catch ourselves when we think negatively and redirect our thoughts to be praiseworthy instead of critical. Then when we become good at speaking positive words to ourselves, we can take it a step further and begin to praise the people around us.
Most people don't realize the damage that can be done with negative thoughts and critical words. The way we think determines the way we feel. What we say to ourselves can put us into a state of depression if those thoughts are constantly negative. What we say to our children can ruin their self-esteem, kill their ambition, or fill them with anger.
So be careful what you think and say. Words and thoughts have power. Your thoughts and your words have the power to bring death or life to any relationship, including your relationship with yourself. Dwell on the good things in yourself and others. Train your mind to be humbly self praising. And train your tongue to be a life-giving force that focuses on what is true and good and right. You can change your life just by changing your thoughts and words.
Monday, March 5, 2007
LEARN TO SPEAK YOUR SPOUSE'S LOVE LANGUAGE
What is a love language? It's the way that people show and understand emotional love. According to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, we must be willing to learn our spouse's primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.
The five love languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. These are the ways that people express love and the things that make them feel loved. And since everyone's love languae is different, you must express love in the language that your spouse understands in order for him to feel loved and vice versa.
For example, Steve's love language is acts of service. He feels loved when his wife, Cindy, does things for him like cook his favorite meal. As long as she continues displaying loving acts of service, Steve's "emotional love tank" stays full and he feels secure in her love. But if Cindy fails to speak his love language, her husband will feel used, not loved.
On the other hand, Cindy's primary love language is physical touch. She also has two secondary love languages: words of affirmation and quality time. If Steve neglects to touch his wife as they go about their daily routines, if he forgets to kiss her goodnight, hug her when he gets home, or just touch her as she walks by, she will begin to feel lonely and unloved. If he spends most of his free time with friends and doesn't plan time alone with Cindy, she will feel unimportant. And if weeks go by without a single compliment from the man she loves, she will feel unappreciated.
People express and receive love in different ways, yet so many couples don't have a clue what each other's love language is. I could buy my husband a gift every day, thinking that I'm expressing my love, but receiving gifts isn't his love language, so it wouldn't make him feel loved at all.
Have you ever heard a man say, "I give that woman everything she wants and she's still not happy"? His idea of "everything" is material things like a new car or a new wardrobe. But what if his wife's love language is quality time? A workaholic husband with a wife who feels loved when he makes time for her, now there's a divorce in the making.
Don't underestimate the importance of knowing your spouse's love language. Talk about it. Let him know what you need to really feel loved and appreciated. Ask him what he needs from you. Then write it down and post it on the refrigerator as a reminder.
Something else to keep in mind, children have love languages too. Chapman also has written, The Five Love Languages of Children. It's a must read for every parent. But if you don't have the book, you can learn your child's love language by observing the way that she expresses love to others. This will give you a clue. If your child is always creating gifts and cards for people, then she probably feels most loved when she receives gifts and tokens of appreciation.
Once you understand love languages and begin speaking them to the ones you love, you can literally change the atmosphere of your home. It's that powerful! We all long to feel loved and appreciated, so we must learn to express love in a language that's understood. Learn the love language of every member of your family. It's a valuable thing to know and a powerful tool to put into action.
What is a love language? It's the way that people show and understand emotional love. According to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, we must be willing to learn our spouse's primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.
The five love languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. These are the ways that people express love and the things that make them feel loved. And since everyone's love languae is different, you must express love in the language that your spouse understands in order for him to feel loved and vice versa.
For example, Steve's love language is acts of service. He feels loved when his wife, Cindy, does things for him like cook his favorite meal. As long as she continues displaying loving acts of service, Steve's "emotional love tank" stays full and he feels secure in her love. But if Cindy fails to speak his love language, her husband will feel used, not loved.
On the other hand, Cindy's primary love language is physical touch. She also has two secondary love languages: words of affirmation and quality time. If Steve neglects to touch his wife as they go about their daily routines, if he forgets to kiss her goodnight, hug her when he gets home, or just touch her as she walks by, she will begin to feel lonely and unloved. If he spends most of his free time with friends and doesn't plan time alone with Cindy, she will feel unimportant. And if weeks go by without a single compliment from the man she loves, she will feel unappreciated.
People express and receive love in different ways, yet so many couples don't have a clue what each other's love language is. I could buy my husband a gift every day, thinking that I'm expressing my love, but receiving gifts isn't his love language, so it wouldn't make him feel loved at all.
Have you ever heard a man say, "I give that woman everything she wants and she's still not happy"? His idea of "everything" is material things like a new car or a new wardrobe. But what if his wife's love language is quality time? A workaholic husband with a wife who feels loved when he makes time for her, now there's a divorce in the making.
Don't underestimate the importance of knowing your spouse's love language. Talk about it. Let him know what you need to really feel loved and appreciated. Ask him what he needs from you. Then write it down and post it on the refrigerator as a reminder.
Something else to keep in mind, children have love languages too. Chapman also has written, The Five Love Languages of Children. It's a must read for every parent. But if you don't have the book, you can learn your child's love language by observing the way that she expresses love to others. This will give you a clue. If your child is always creating gifts and cards for people, then she probably feels most loved when she receives gifts and tokens of appreciation.
Once you understand love languages and begin speaking them to the ones you love, you can literally change the atmosphere of your home. It's that powerful! We all long to feel loved and appreciated, so we must learn to express love in a language that's understood. Learn the love language of every member of your family. It's a valuable thing to know and a powerful tool to put into action.
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