LIKE GAS FOR YOUR CAR

       By Danelle Carvell                                                                             

There's more than one head on the bed here. I used to sleep well, like my grandkids do. Not anymore! 

People who are sleep-deprived are more likely to feel anxious, forgetful, depressed, impulsive, moody, emotional, overly-sensitive, easily-irritated and more likely to behave erratically. Wow! That's a lot to deal with. We are a nation of sleep-deprived people, and we need to understand each other, because sleep for the brain is like gas for a car. Aren't you glad you don't have to pay for it?

According to the article, Sleep and Mental Health: Why Our Brains Need Sleep, without proper sleep, the mind begins to slow, unable to operate at full potential. This continues until the mind becomes so deprived of the rest it needs that it breaks down, and without the commander-in-chief... the rest of the body pays the price. Insomnia can affect every part of the body, but I'm choosing to focus on how sleep affects the brain for this blog post. 

Sleep is the time your mind needs to recharge and maintain your mental processing. "When we are asleep, the brain can really go to work because it doesn't have to respond to all the external stimuli we encounter when we are awake. But if we rob the brain of this precious time, we pay the price," the article reads. 

It's during sleep that we process our emotions and memories.  Becoming forgetful is common after missing a good night's sleep. Sleep is also needed to maintain our emotional stability. Lack of sleep affects the part of the brain that is the "voice of reason" to our emotions.

"Without sleep, we can't control our impulses as well as we can when we are rested. We become more impulsive and less-likely to think through our emotional reactions, which is a dangerous place to be." the article states. 

One study, using MRI brain scans, showed that the part of the brain in charge of emotional responses was 60% more emotionally reactive in people who were sleep-deprived compared to those who were well-rested. One thing I found interesting is that only negative emotions intensify with lack of sleep. Positive ones do not.

Stress is another factor that affects sleep because stress has detrimental effects on the body. Too much cortisol (stress hormone) is produced when we don't sleep. This puts the body into a constant state of stress, unable to relax because cortisol keeps us alert. On the flip side, stress actually causes insomnia because the increased amount of cortisol that's released in a stressed-out person will keep that person awake. It's a vicious cycle.

"Sleep deprivation and stress contribute to a negative feedback loop that can be difficult to break and often results in mood disorders, anxiety disorders and depressive disorders. Heightened stress causes heightened anxiety, which can make you sensitive to all sorts of physical, mental and emotional stimuli," according to the article I mentioned. 

I have been dealing with insomnia for 16 years. I also know people who struggle with getting enough sleep, not because they stay up late, but because they just can't pass over into sleep mode, no matter how relaxed they are. It's a difficult thing to understand. When I say that I don't sleep well, most people will ask me what's on my mind, as if the only thing that causes insomnia is having something troubling on your mind. Insomnia can be caused by all kinds of mental and physical problems. 

I didn't have a problem sleeping until I received two injections of a drug called Lupron to ease the pain of endometriosis. Dr. Mercola, my favorite natural health doctor, believes that Lupron causes permanent neurological damage. I am living proof of that and so are thousands of other women who took the drug and are now suffering with horrible health conditions. Some of them had to go on disability after Lupron. 

I did my research. Unfortuanatley I researched too late. Always research a new drug prescription before taking it so you know what you're getting into. Do not blindly trust your doctor. Every now and then God gives me a break and lets me sleep almost like a normal person. But that can turn on a dime and within two bad nights, I can be a mess again. 

Sleep problems are an emerging global epidemic. It destroys a person's well-being and quality of life. It also affects our relationships. I don't want to become the girl who blames everything I do or say wrong on my lack of sleep. But I also don't want people to be uninformed on the issue. It is a real problem with a damaging impact. Writing this article has helped me to better understand not only what I'm dealing with, but also what other insomniacs are dealing with. 

If you sleep like a baby, count your blessings. 

 

WHEN OUR WORDS CRASH AND BURN

By Danelle Carvell 

                                                                 

Words can bring life or death to our relationships.

Have you been feeling beaten up? I have your attention because you can relate to that sentence. You might be having family conflicts or other troubling issues and you're feeling like, "What in the world is going on?" People are at each other's throats and relationships are being destroyed. 

I can't recall a time when the world was more chaotic or verbally explosive than right now. I won't go into the reasons why I believe things are like this. That's another topic for another day. The battle between good and evil is as old as the Bible and strongholds are at work right now that we don't visibly see. What I will go into is my own confession about feeling beaten up and how it has affected me and the people around me. 

When we're feeling beaten up, when we're mentally and physically exhausted, we become vulnerable to the resurfacing of past painful issues, especially issues that have never been discussed or resolved. That's what happened to me. A painful memory resurfaced and I shared it with the wrong person. I screwed up. And now someone I love is angry with me. 

The ironic thing is that the regretful conversation started with me trying to clear up a potential misunderstanding. I thought that I had been careless with my words and I wanted to clear the air and make it right. But the topic took a wrong turn when I shared my frustration about someone's attitude and that's when the painful issue from my past resurfaced. When I mentioned it, that opened up a can of worms and things got pretty ugly. 

Anyone who says that we shouldn't be hurt by words is saying something very wrong. The Bible says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. The careless things we say can destroy relationships. Harsh words can kill the love between a husband and wife, between a father and son, or between longtime friends. 

What comes out of our mouths can be as destructive as lethal poison, and we shouldn't make people feel guilty for being hurt by words. We can't tell them that they are too sensitive and they need to toughen up and get over it. No one gets to decide for someone else when or how they get over a hurtful thing. If the words didn't land in my heart, I have no clue how that comment affected someone. 

I recently posted an entry titled, We All Have Big Mouth Moments. It ended with this: "Sometimes the best response to someone's big mouth is to extend grace and let it pass, because we all have big mouth moments." I do plan to write a part-two to that because there are times when we can't and shouldn't let a troubling comment pass by without question. But that is a topic for another day. I'm too tired to get into that, so I will leave you with this... 

If you are having any personal conflicts, come clean if you want to preserve the relationship. Admit your mistake and apologize. That's what I'm doing now. I said in past posts that I am not too proud to say I'm sorry. I know I screw up with my mouth. That is why I'm always checking up on people to make sure they didn't misunderstand me. 

It's funny how having a conscience can get you into so much trouble, but maybe that just happens to me. Caring about hurting people, caring about their feelings...that is a wonderful quality in God's eyes. May I always be sensitive to the way my words land in the hearts of others. 

A GIFT TO MYSELF

By Danelle Carvell 

                                                                             

Appreciating the calm beauty of each day is the best gift.

I'm turning 60 on June 25. I haven't really decided how I feel about this. I guess I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am this old. How will I celebrate my 60th birthday? That is undecided as well. I do feel the need to get away, so I phoned a close friend to see if she's free next weekend, but she's headed to Myrtle Beach with a nice man. That sounds fabulous!

The Beach is a great place to clear your mind and feel refreshed. But since I can't go right now, I think my birthday present to myself is going to be a mental break from everything troubling. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's feeling the need to escape right now. I can't recall a more stressful world than the one we're living in now. I don't have to expand on that. You know what I'm talking about. 

It seems to me that most of us are not very good at tuning out the cares of this world. We can't put our phones down. We bombard ourselves with television shows and commercials that heighten our stress levels. We can't take a break from Facebook. And we don't know how to get quiet and allow our minds to relax. 

Last night I sat outside after nightfall, lit a candle and watched the night sky. It wasn't a dark sky, but resembled the gloaming of a full-moon night. Lightening bugs flashed their happy glows both at a distance and right in front of me. The moon was peeking through the pines across the street, casting a single luminous ray toward me. I absorbed my senses with the life and the beauty around me and knew it was all created. 

I do have a favorite prayer: "Let me see You in this day." I want to be reminded each day that God sees me and he cares. This morning, as I sat on the front porch, a dove landed on the grass in front of me. It looked directly at me, then flew into a nearby pine. A dove is one of many symbols used for the Holy Spirit, which is God's power in action. This bird represents God's active force. When a dove lands several feet from me and looks directly at me, I know what it means and who sent it.  

God is always showing us visible proof of Himself and countless ways to relax. The peaceful symphony of song birds, the fluttering wings of a butterfly, and the intricate beauty and intoxicating scent of a flower are here all summer, waiting for us to take notice. For my 60th birthday, I am getting drunk on all these things. I'm tuning out everything that's not peaceful and I'm inhaling the beautiful calm of each day, wherever I can find it. I don't need to go to a beach to clear my mind and feel refreshed. The only thing I need to do is change what I focus on and what I appreciate.

Happy Birthday to me.  

 

WE ALL HAVE BIG MOUTH MOMENTS

 By Danelle Carvell

Sometimes my pie hole gets me into trouble. But a big mouth moment can always be fixed. 

                                             

Joyce Meyer wrote a book called, Me and My Big Mouth. What a perfect title for a book about the regretful things that we say. Who hasn't said something and then immediately wished that they could suck their words back in? 

Whenever I say words that could be taken the wrong way, I immediately feel the need to make it right somehow. My verbal slip will stay in the back of my mind and nag at me until I clear the air by telling the person that I didn't mean it the way it may have sounded. 

People usually appreciate my concern for their feelings. Sometimes they accept my apology and other times they surprisingly say that they thought nothing of it. Either way, when I share my verbal regrets, I get it off my mind and it no longer nags at me. My mind is cleared.

Some people have no regret about the things they say. I'm not really talking about mean people who enjoy being mean. Most of us are not mean-spirited. 

I've been told by several employers that I am a conscientious person. I sometimes wonder if that's a good thing. It's really not fun to be so tuned-in to the things I say and do. I often wish that people could just know my heart and give me the benefit of the doubt when I say something questionable. 

The truth is that ocassional misunderstandings are impossible to avoid unless we stop communicating all together. No one who is able to speak will ever get through life without saying something the wrong way or having their words wrongly understood.

Sometimes we say things out of frustration. Sometimes we choose the wrong people to share things with. Sometimes we just say things without thinking and then cringe when we realize what we said. This is part of our human nature. 

If we were able to analyze everything before saying it, we would be more like a machine than a person. We simply can't be perfect with our choice of words. I can't think fast enough to filter out every possible misunderstanding while I'm speaking.  

One thing I have learned to do is to pray every time I say something regretful. When I try to make things right, I pray that God will turn it into a blessing. I want something good to come out of my "big mouth" moment. 

Sometimes the good thing is a closer relationship with that person. Sometimes the good thing is a lesson about extending grace to others. God is always happy to honor a request to turn something regretful into something good. 

We all have moments when we feel beat up by the world. And the things that come out of our mouths sometimes reflect that internal hurt. Sometimes I'm just plain exhausted and the filter on my mouth is wore out too.

I think we all need to give each other a break and recognize that we all say things that perhaps we shouldn't say. Sometimes the best response to someone's big mouth is to extend grace and let it pass. Because we all have big mouth moments.   

SLOW DOWN AND ENJOY THE JOURNEY

My niece, Grace Kieffer, gave a fabulous speech today as Salutatorian of her class. It was not about the future. It was about focusing on where you are now and enjoying the journey toward wherever you are going.

I heard two great speeches today. The first was given by my son, Kody, at the Colonnade in Millersburg, where he was a guest speaker for their church. His speech was about asking ourselves where and how we most spend our time. Television, cell phones, social media and so many other things can pull us away from more important uses of the time we are given. It was a thought-provoking message that made me examine my own life and question how I use my time each day, each week, each year. How could I make better use of my time? And could it improve my life or help others if I did that? 

The second speech was given by my niece, Grace Kieffer, Salutatorian of the class of 2022 at Northern Dauphin Christian School. Her speech was about how throughout her life she was always wishing and striving to get to the next stage of life. She wanted to get through every grade quickly so she could get to the next grade, and she wanted to grow up fast so she could experience the next big thing such as driving a car or being a senior. 

And now that she is graduating, she looks back and wishes that she hadn't been in such a hurry. She wishes that she had lived more in the moment and enjoyed exactly where she was at the time, instead of longing and striving to move ahead in her life. 

Because when you have your mind on getting to the next big thing, you don't pay attention to what is right in front of you. You can't focus on people or appreciate what's happening in that moment because your mind is fast-tracking toward the future. It was a great reminder for us to take a breath and slow down because life goes fast enough without us forcing it along. 

I had no idea that our family had such gifted speakers. I served as a speaker for Stonecroft Ministries for a short season. It's not an easy thing to do. A strong speech requires sharing personal stories from your own life. It requires a topic that many people can relate to. How we spend our time and living in the moment are both perfect topics for the crazy, stressful world we live in today. I'm so glad that I got to hear both messages. 

We really do need to slow down and enjoy each day, pay attention to the people around us, stop daydreaming about tomorrow. Making plans is not a bad thing, but having your mind in the future to the point of missing the joys of today will eventually bring regret. And wasting time on unproductive things offers little satisfaction. 

Love God and love others. When we put that love in action each day, our time will always be well-spent and we will be living our best life in the present moment. Tomorrow will come fast enough without us pushing it forward. Let's use our time well, slow down and enjoy the journey. 

 

 

LETTERS HAVE LIFE AND POWER

 

            By Danelle Carvell                                                                        

Even one sentence can bring a little life to your day. 

I have a shoe box under my bed filled with letters from childhood friends, family members, and even people who came into my life for a brief moment and then I never heard from them again. I recently came across a letter with a postmark from 1981. It was from a young man I met while attending beauty school. His sister, Margie, was my favorite classmate at Empire Beauty School in Sunbury. The three of us went to lunch one day and I got to know John during a 25-minute converstaion before Margie and I had to head back to class.  

John was in the Navy and stationed in San Diego. He was home visiting family when we met. His letter mentioned that he joined the Navy to see the world and seek adventure. But in the next sentence he admitted that he gets depressed at times because he's constantly on the move so he can't establish any long-term relationships. He also admitted missing his family and friends. I could feel his sense of loneliness as I read his words. For him, writing to me was a way to ease that loneliness, even though we barely knew each other. 

Writing can be very therapeutic. Maybe that's why God gave me this particular talent. I need a way to clear my head... a way to decompress when I'm hurt, disappointed or frustrated. There's something about writing down my feelings that makes me feel better and a little lighter afterwards. A letter can ease our loneliness, help people to understand us better, and get our concerns across when we need to be heard.

I know someone who recently went through a painful break-up. He had a lot of regrets afterward and he needed to tell the girl why he had been so cautious about their relationship. So he wrote her a letter, took a photo of it and sent it to her. The letter didn't fix things between them, but it did get across to her and she is now better able to understand the reasons behind his guarded heart. And he feels a little less troubled by the whole thing. That simple act of putting a pen to paper brought some comfort to both of them.  

I was impressed by his willingness to communicate his feelings. From my experience, most men are not good communicators and I don't see many of them writing heart-felt letters. Communication can be just as difficult for women. So many people keep their feelings bottled up because it's just too hard to say it or get the person to really listen. So we stay quiet and nothing gets resolved. When problems aren't resolved, you can't really let go of them. They haunt you, and the chances are good that those issues will resurface and cause tension in the future. 

Sometimes people are difficult to talk to. Maybe they snap at you while trying to explain yourself, so you can't get your point across. Or maybe they are too hostile to be approachable for a face-to-face conversation. Or sometimes the person can't  admit any wrongdoing, so they refuse to discuss the matter. In situations like that, a letter is the perfect way to communicate because you can express your feelings without interruption and without the possibility of rejection. I have written letters for all of those reasons.  

One thing I have learned about writing letters while I'm upset is that I have to be careful how I word things. I have regrets about letters I've written in the past because they were accusatory and written in an attacking tone. It's easy to fire back when you're feeling beat-up and burned. But I've learned that the best response always comes from someone who does not feel attacked by my words. 

The goal in writing a letter has to be understanding why you are hurt by their words or actions. If your goal is to pound them with accusations, you are just wasting ink. What I do is remind the person exactly what was said or done that hurt me. And then I explain how it made me feel. I keep the focus on my feelings, so the letter doesn't become a total smear assault on someone's character. That only causes the person to get defensive. 

If we want good relationships, we have to communicate. Face-to-face conversation is the ideal way to do that because we can see facial expressions, body language and hear their tone of voice. All of those things are conducive to a better understanding of how a person feels. But sometimes, there are reasons why we can't talk face-to-face. In John's case, his reason was distance. He lived a lonely life and his circumstances made it difficult for him to sit down and talk to a girl. Writing to me brought him some comfort in his lonely world. 

We also can create a lonely world, even when we have people close by. Without communication, a relationship has no life. The Bible says that words have life and power. And sometimes the power to bring comfort to yourself is just one letter away. And the answer to bringing life to a relationship is as close to you as a pen. 

 

WHY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL

    By Danelle Carvell                                                              

A relationship that weathers every storm takes work. Some people just aren't willing to bend. 

Why are relationships so difficult? Maintaining a friendship with someone you don't live with should be easy, but it is not always simple. Maintaining a marriage is even harder because now you are living together while trying to get along. Two people with totally different world views and opinions come together under one roof. Every day brings new reasons to disagree. 

She's a bit sloppy and he's neat and organized, He's a driven overachiever and she's more laid back, She's carefree with money and he is strict with spending, She wants to attend church and he does not, She likes to quickly finish projects and he likes to take his time. And these are just problems that arise before the children come.

The differences between us make relationships challenging. Two people who were raised differently and had different life experiences are expected to merge peacefully? After being in failed relationships myself and after years of watching others fail in romantic attempts, I learned a few things on the subject. Our relationships fail for specific reasons, but we can work on improving ourselves, and hopefully that change will inspire improved behavior in return.

YOU PUSH OUR OWN IDEAS AND EXPECTATIONS ON OTHERS

I have a friend who left her husband because he was an overachiever who expected her to be like him. He pushed her to the point of exhaustion. I also know someone who moved out because he couldn't take the nagging about keeping their house in order. She nagged him about turning lights off, putting dishes in the dishwasher instead of the sink, picking up his socks, and a list of other things.

It would bother me, too, to live with a lazy, messy person. I do need my home to be somewhat organized and clean. But some people are obsessive about the way they want to live and they push that obsession onto others. They expect more than the person is accustomed to or capable of. We simply can't expect people to be like us and have the same values, beliefs, opinions or habits. We have to find ways to meet in the middle if we want to maintain the relationship

YOUR HEART IS TOO GUARDED

Love has to flow in order to grow. People guard their hearts for many reasons, but the end goal is to avoid getting hurt or having to commit. I dated a man who was head over heels for me at the start of the relationship and then a few months later he started to pull away. Looking back, I realize he was avoiding commitment because of a broken past relationship.

He didn't talk about his past break-up, but I knew about it. He obviously had relationship scars and fortunately I figured it out before I fell hard for him. He also had some issues with selfishness. I recall my exact words when we broke up: "I think that you are an incredibly selfish man. Everything is about you....what YOU want and what is convenient for YOU. You don't stop and think about my schedule and what might be convenient for me. And I think that is selfish."

Bam! Game over. Surprisingly he agreed that he had been selfish, so I'll give him points for that. But his deeper problem was his guarded heart. People who guard their hearts deprive themselves of everything a relationship could be, and their non-commital choices guarantee a lonely life. 

YOU LACK EMPATHY

Empathy is identifying with the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another person. You are able to put yourself in people's shoes and understand what they are going through.  Empathetic people usually have a lot of friends. Everyone wants to be understood. But some people have little to no empathy, perhaps because they haven't experienced hard times so they can't relate or they just don't have the heart for it.  

From what I've seen, people who lack empathy often have a critical spirit and a tough attitude about life. They believe the answer to every problem is to pull yourself up and get on with it. And there are no excuses for staying down. If you don't get back up, then you are either weak or lazy. That is what an unempathetic person believes. It is a selfish way to look at life and people in my opinion. 

YOU OVER-ANALYZE AND ASSUME 

If you are a conscientious person like me, your mind is going all the time. This isn't a bad thing unless your thinking causes you to assume things that might not be true. Facebook might be the biggest place where we assume things about people. Because it is not a reliable form of communication, we can easily misunderstand a comment or assume that we've been snubbed because that person didn't respond. I have done this myself. But there is a cure for assuming, especially if it's something that is really bothering you. Go to the person and talk about it.  

YOU FAIL TO GO TO PEOPLE PRIVATELY WITH ISSUES

The Bible offers much wisdom, and one of the those bits of wisdom is instruction on how to handle personal conflict. We are supposed to meet the person privately and discuss any matter that is troubling us. But how often do we do that? It's just too hard. So instead of clearing up the matter, we ponder it day after day until it sucks the life out of us or causes built-up resentment. 

One thing we should never do is discuss personal conflicts publicly or in front of family or friends while the person is in attendance. This happened to me recently and I'm having a hard time forgetting it because it was so humiliating, and the thing I was accused of didn't actually happen. I could feel the anger rising up in me, but I had to keep my cool in front of my family. To put it bluntly, someone made an ass out of me in front of my family, and that is not a biblical way to resolve conflicts. 

Another thing we should avoid is sharing our conflicts on Facebook. I made this mistake myself and within a day I got a bad feeling about it so I took down the post. If we can't go to the person privately to discuss our gripes, then we should not air them publicly either.

Another mistake people make is getting too involved in conflicts that should be settled by the ones involved. Some people like to be the peacemakers, so they find their own ways to resolve it. They might force the couple to talk and then serve as a mediator. I learned that if you want people to resolve their conflicts, the best thing you can do is pray. Offer advice when asked, but don't become the ringmaster for people's personal problems. 

YOU HAVE A PRIDE PROBLEM

Pride might be the greatest destroyer of relationships because it makes so many other things impossible...we can't ask for help, we can't forgive, we can't apologize, and we can't see past our own needs and wants. Pride is like a destructive wall that comes between people. Someone who is a constant critic, giving lectures all the time, saying how things should be done, or expressing disapproval on a regular basis most likely has a pride problem. 

I know from experience that no relationship can survive the wall of pride. If you see yourself getting up on your high horse, ask for help from God to better communicate to the person you love. If you don't correct yourself, you will soon find that you are living with a distant stranger who does not want to be in your company. No one wants to be bulldozed by a bully every day. 

YOU HAVE AN ANGER PROBLEM

I remember the last thing I said to a guy before I drove away: "You are an angry, hateful man, and I am tired of being your punching bag." I can't tolerate hateful looks on a person's face or harsh words delivered with a raised voice. I would rather live on the streets or in a tent than with an angry, cruel person.

Both men and women can have anger problems. I saw a bit of the Johnny Depp trial and it was clear to me that his wife Amber is capable of angry outbursts. She basically admitted saying hateful things to her husband. And now they are sitting in a courtroom. 

You simply can't expect love to flourish in an angry environment. It's not possible. And if you don't fix it, you will live with a resentful spouse and children who repeat your same angry mistakes. 

YOU CAN'T ADMIT WHEN YOU MESS UP OR YOU CAN'T FORGIVE

And here is a good place to end. An apology is like a healing balm that can restore a relationship. If we can't admit the times when we disappoint, hurt, or otherwise offend someone, then we have a pride problem or some other problem that prevents us from admitting our mistakes. 

No one gets through life without a list of screw-ups. If you think that you have, you are delusional. If you want quality relationships, you absolutely must learn to apologize. It is an essential skill. If you think that you do no wrong, perhaps you would be better off living alone, without a spouse or any friends...just you and your perfect self and maybe a dog. 

And if you can't forgive, you also have a pride problem. How many times has God forgiven you? I know from experience how unforgiveness destroys a relationship. Whenever someone hurts me now, I pray about it immediately because I know I need help in that area. I tend to rehash hurtful words and actions. I can't easily forget an offense. But I know that if I stay angry, I am only hurting myself. I remind myself of all the times I messed up and I say out loud that I forgive that person until I can get past the hurt. 

We may sometimes need to distance ourselves from abusive people, but forgiveness can always be in our hearts for them. We forgive to set ourselves free from resentment. We forgive because we mess up too. 

Yes, relationships take work and those not willing to put in the work do not ever experience the joy of a good and lasting relationship.   

 

THE JOY OF EATING DIRT

                                                                                        

               By Danelle Carvell                                                               

So many people I know feel like crap. And I'm not talking about older people. My daughter says she feels like crap every day. She's exhausted by mid afternoon, gets frequent headaches, has blurry vision at times, and deals with skin issues. She has undergone every test offered by our health care system and has spent a lot of money trying to figure out what the problem is. 

Yesterday she went to a holistic doctor and is feeling hopeful that she will finally get the answers she has been seeking for two years. Holistic doctors look much deeper and they test for problems that other doctors don't even consider...problems such a mold toxicity, parasites, candida overgrowth, and leaky gut syndrome. 

You probably heard about leaky gut syndrome. It sounds strange, but if you're not feeling well yourself, there's a good chance that you are suffering from it. After reading the book, Eat Dirt, I'm convinced that most people I know have symptoms of leaky gut because their lifestyles and the foods they eat would make it impossible for them to avoid it. 

We have a preoccupation with sanitizing everything in sight. Our food is over-pasteurized and loaded with GMOs and pesticides. We rely on antibiotics too much. The products we put on our hair and skin is loaded with chemicals. Our household cleaners are loaded with chemicals. All of these things come with a heavy price and the price is our health. 

You simply can't starve yourself of actual nutrition, eat toxic levels of processed foods, slather your body with chemical-filled products, use chemicals to clean and scent your home, and over-sanitize everything you touch without destroying your gut health. Seventy percent of your immune system is located in the gut. According to Dr Axe, author of Eat Dirt, all of the above mentioned factors plus an insufficient exposure to dirt leads to a breakdown of the intestinal wall, allowing food, bacteria and toxins to seep into the bloodstream. That's what leaky gut is.

I highly suggest you read the book yourself, but I did highlight what I felt were the important parts and I'm going to give you a breakdown of that below. For the sake of time, I'm making it a list. How many of the things below could you change about your lifestyle and food choices? And if you did change those things, would you feel better? Dr Axe believes that leaky gut is at the root of most of our health problems, including allergies, asthma, food sensitivities, diabetes, digestive diseases, arthritis and every autoimmune disease, thyroid conditions, chronic fatigue, autism and more.

HERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU COULD CHANGE TO FEEL BETTER 

1. Ditch hand sanitizers and use essential oils for personal products (Recipes in the book)
2. Reduce antibiotic use
3. Go barefoot and expose yourself to more dirt because the microorganisms in soil improve the absorption of nutrients, eliminate yeast overgrowth and improve bowel function.
4. Chew 30 times per bite
5. Avoid gluten
6. Take healing epsom salt baths with lavender essential oil
7. Drink chicken bone broth for its healing compounds
8. Move your body, get some kind of exercise each day
9. Stop using antibacterial products and give up your deadly addiction to sanitizing everything. Living in too steril of an environment makes our bodies vulnerable to disease.
10. Use household cleaners, soaps and detergents that are chemical-free (Recipes in the book)
11. Use makeup, hair and body products that are chemical-free
12. Eat organic or locally-grown foods that are not sprayed with pesicides, loaded with preservatives, or genetically modified. Do some research on GMOs if you don't understand. As a rule, if the package doesn't say Organic, you can assume it is GMO because they are so widespread in our food supply at this point.  
13. Avoid white and brown sugar, use natural sugars such as honey, maple syrup, molasses, agave or stevia
14. Lower your stress level. Emotional stress weakens the immune system
15. Get off unecessary medications. They all damage the gut lining.
16. Let your kids make mud pies and get their hands dirty
17. Eat seasonally and locally
18. Spend more time outdoors
19. Find other ways to manage pain besides taking a pill (CBD oil, essential oils, accupuncture, massage)
20. Eat locally-grown honey to boost your immune system during allergy season
21. Check your home for mold, especially in the basement
22. Use air fresheners and dryer sheets that are chemical-free
23. Stop eating processed, easy-made boxed and frozen foods, and start cooking from scratch.
24. Drink 8 to 10 cups of pure water each day (Buy a water purifier, don't drink bottled water)
25. Don't eat convenient bags of produce that are rinsed in a chlorine solution. If you see dirt on the produce, that is a very good thing. 
26. Learn about the health benefits of bentonite clay
27. Eat probiotic-rich foods such as kefir, yougurt and sauerkraut
28. Eat raw honey and bee pollen
29. Get a dog
30. Swim in the ocean
31. Take a good quality probiotic supplement
32. Take a soil-based supplement such as shilajit
33. Avoid emulsifiers such as polysorbate 80 and lecithin (especially found in ice cream)
34. Don't use canola, corn, soybean oil or any hydrogenated oil unless you want gut dysfunction. Switch to extra virgin coconut oil for cooking. Olive oil should not be heated.
35. Avoid deli meats with hydrogenated fats, gluten and nitrites
36. Microwave popcorn and nonstick pans contain PFOA, linked to cancer and hormone disruption
37. Take fewer showers
38. Drink raw,organic fermented milk from goats or sheep. (Or raw cow's milk from Jersey or Guernsey cows). Unorganic milks, yogurts, butters and cheeses are loaded with antibiotics given to the cows.
39.  Coconut or almond milk are good alternatives to cow's milk. Coconut is far superior to almond milk for gut health
40. L-glutamine is one of the best supplements for leaky gut (Take 5 grams of powder twice a day with meals).
41. Take digestive enzymes
42. Use almond or coconut flour instead of wheat flour
43. Learn all the foods that have hidden gluten on page 78
44. Avoid artificial sweeteners such as sucralose, aspartame, and saccharin. Avoid Nutrasweet and Equal, found in diet sodas. These synthetic sweeteners are chemically toxic and dangerous.
45. Eat organic, grass-fed beef and chicken or wild-caught fish, which are high in omega-3 fats
46. Eat more fermented vegetables and sprouted foods
47. Learn about the benefits of essential oils for relaxation and healing
48. Learn about medicinal mushrooms
49. Take blue-green algae or one teaspoon of spirulina every day
50. Do not ever use powerful weed killers such as Roundup anywhere, especially if you have children
51. Avoid chlorine in municipal water supplies and household cleaners

Learn about the damage of chemicals in your products such as sodium laurel sulfate, parabens, phthalates, petroleum-based chemicals, DEA, triclosan and a long list of others. Your favorite lotion could be damaging your gut lining, creating antibiotic resistance, and affecting your body's endocrine system, thyroid, pancreas and adrenal glands. Think about every single thing you put on your hair, face and skin. Are you polluting yourself every day?

That is a long list, and it would be expensive to do everything on that list. But small changes make a difference, and your health is worth the effort, especially if you're tired of being sick and tired. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED ABOUT MOTHERHOOD SO FAR

By Danelle Carvell

After 60 years of observing mothers and 34 years of being one myself, I have learned a few things about motherhood. Happy Mothers Day to moms everywhere. Don't forget yours this Sunday. 

                                                                               

One of the things I love most about my children is their humor. This is what happens when I request a family photo. That's me in the back waiting and making comments. I did get my photo, and it's now my favorite.

                                                                          

Celebrate, praise and talk about your child's success and accomplishments.

Children need to feel valued and appreciated. That is something we all need actually. Saying, "I'm proud of you" is music to a child's ears. My heart aches for children who receive nothing but put-downs and criticism from their parents. That will scar a child for life. 

Sometimes an unhealthy competition develops, especially between mothers and daughters or mothers and daughters-in-law. This could stem from insecurity, which causes envy. That is another reason to build up your children and instill in them a sense of confidence. Encourage them to believe in themselves and their abilities so they never feel threatened by someone who does something better than they do or by someone who has something they don't have.   

Being happy for a child's success will teach them to be happy for the success of others, which is very important as they develop and maintain friendships. I see encouragement as one of my most important jobs as a mom. I haven't been perfect at it, but I do know how very important it is to cheer my children on as they navigate the challenges of life, and that shouldn't stop when they become adults.  

Don't be a controlling Mother

I've read many articles about what happens to children of controlling mothers. Those children end up feeling inadequate because they had mothers who stepped in to do everything for them. The child of a controlling mother will feel that she can't be trusted to exercise good judgement or do anything right. Without her mother's guidance she fears that she will fail. A child must be allowed to try things on her own so she can develop confidence in herself. 

I watched a mother literally pull something out of her child's hands and begin to work on the project herself. Big mistake. Let children make decisions and complete projects the way they want to do it. Let them pick out their own clothes and decorate their rooms as they wish. You want them to be independent some day, so let them get some practice in. So what if they make mistakes or it's not done perfectly. They will never believe in their ability to fly if you carry them through every challenge.   

Tell your children when you are struggling with any problem that could affect them.

This is a tough one. We don't want to burden young children with our adult problems. But we don't want them to feel that we don't care about them either. For example, if a mother is struggling with a health problem, the chances are good that the child will eventually be affected by that. The mother may not feel well enought to give that child the time and attention that she once did, which will leave the child confused. 

As a mother explains to her child the problem that she's dealing with, she must choose her words carefully, depending on the child's age. But saying nothing will only worsen the situation. Communication is always important. But so many of us are not good at it. Some things are difficult to bring up and even harder to discuss. But force yourself to do it, because eventually the child will start asking questions and by then that child might be so filled with resentment that you will wish you had explained yourself sooner. 

Know that we live in a culture that sets up mother/daughter relationships for failure.

For most of my childhood, my mom was at home. My husband had the same kind of childhood. His mom started working outside the home when he was in his early teens. We both saw the value of having a mother at home, so we made the decision to be a one-income family for several years when my daughter was young. 

We live in a society that is very hard on women. They are expected to be breadwinners, good housekeepers  and attentive mothers to their children. It is an exhausting role for one person to manage. Women are far more scrutinized in our society than men, and much of that criticism comes from other women. There is an intense pressure on women today and that society-wide dynamic is very much contributing to relationship conflicts.

I come from a generation that accepted mothers being at home. My daughter comes from a generation that makes stay-at-home moms feel worthless and lazy. In today's culture, women are praised for what they can accomplish and earn. Focusing on her family is not seen as an acceptable way for a woman to live today. 

My daughter and I grew up in different cultural environments with women playing very different accepted roles. How my generation viewed women and their roles is strikingly different than the way her generation accepts the roles of women. This difference between us could easily contribute to conflicts in our relationship. My life values and the things that I believe in could easily conflict with hers because we grew up in different cultures. The culture women grow up in will very much shape the way they see themselves, the way they see other women and the way they communicate. 

As our cultural values clash, women can easily become critical of one another's lives. I think this happens often, not just between mothers and daughters, but among women in general. I guess the key to avoiding it is to be aware of this potential conflict and to be supportive of one another's decisions and struggles, and to applaud one another's accomplishments. "Women are their own worst enemies," is one of my husband's favorite sayings. He notices that a group of men almost always get along better than any group of women. Women feel the need to criticize and outshine one another and men just want to get together to talk, burp, fart and drink beer (his words).

Life is not a competition, but unwise women often make it one. I am always happy for my daughter's success. I don't understand how any mother could be jealous of her own daughter for any reason. But it does happen, and the expectations and pressure our society puts on women plays a big part in that. My greatest responsibility as a mother is to love and protect my children. If I keep that in mind in every circumstance, there will be no room for cultural conflicts or any other petty problem. 

Being a mother is harder today than it was for my mother.

This is strictly my opinion, but I see a big difference in the way children relate to their parents. When I was a kid, I wouldn't have dared to talk back to my mom or dad. I respected them as authority figures and I did what they asked without question. I didn't argue because that wasn't acceptable. But today, our culture accepts kids being disrespectful and arguing with parents. TV and movies portray disrespectful children as humorous. We laugh at them, and seeing that over and over has made it acceptable. 

I recall no parent/child verbal battles in my childhood home. My siblings and I engaged in verbal battles, but my parents never dealt with stress from the mouths of their children. My dad would unbuckle his belt if we misbehaved and many times that is all he had to do. The shenanigans immediately stopped. My mom endured the stress of our childish actions, but she did not endure the stress of argumentative words coming from her children. 

Compared to the obedient way I responded to my mom as a child, my own children have verbally challenged my discipline and opinions. I blame this on the culture they grew up in. I used to think a child's behavior can always be blamed on poor parenting. But sometimes it is the result of a changed society and the strong influence of what children see as acceptable behavior in the outside world. 

Children make mistakes because they are learning and growing and finding their way in a chaotic world. Mothers must also learn as they go. We have no handbook to follow, only our instincts and what we learned from our own parents. We do the best we can. We must become good at both forgiving and apologizing because the hurt can go both ways. 

Despite all of its challenges, the role of mother has been my favorite role of a lifetime. It's the role I'm most proud of and the role that has brought me the most joy. I have amazing children. I can't imagine not being a mom.  

    

  

WATCH THE SCENERY IF YOU WANT THE JOY RIDE

         By Danelle Carvell                                                       

Seeing this sign was a source of joy during our recent trip to Florida. If you're not paying attention right now, you are missing one fabulous, historical joy ride. 

Are you feeling discouraged about things happening in the world today? Since early 2020, life as we know it has taken some major hits, some big changes, and most of them have not been good. A trip to the grocery store or the gas station is enough to make you wonder what in the world is going on and how bad will things get?

I'm going to share something today that will either give you hope or give you something to scoff at and roll your eyes about. Until now, I haven't had the courage to write this. But lately, I am seeing so much proof that I'm on the right track and I can no longer stay silent. How you take what I'm about to say depends upon your willingness to open your heart and mind to the truth. 

And the truth is that despite the price of gas and groceries, and despite the devastating fallout of Covid and the senile jackal who sits in the White House claiming that he's president, we have so many reasons to be excited about our futures and the futures of our children and grandchildren. 

What gives me this hope and assurance? Why have I been on a joy ride each day while others are living in fear and anxiety? The answer lies in what you fill your mind with each day. The first thing you need to accept is that God is real and He speaks through prophets. If you can't get past that truth, then you need not read any further. Go back to your uncertain life that offers little hope and try your best to be happy. 

You can at least look at a Bible and see that it is real, even though you have never seen God. So go to Amos 3: 7 and read what it says. Then read Psalm 105: 15. There is your written proof from the word of God that we should believe in prophets and bring no harm to them by mocking them. If your pastor has told you that prophets are a thing of the past, I would have to ask why you choose to believe a man over God's word. 

God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. If prophets are mentioned in the Bible, for what reason would they not be with us today? Especially now, at a time when we so much need encouragement from God, do you really think that He would remain silent? I don't follow a God who leaves his children hanging without hope and neither should you.

If you don't follow prophets or reliable sources of world news, you are missing the joy ride. You are missing seeing God's predictions and promises fulfilled each day. You are living in the dark because you are not plugged in to the only source of hope that's available right now, which is God's voice. 

So many people I talk to are without hope. Nothing but negativity comes out of their mouths. They think that the world is going to Hell in a hand basket and nothing good is happening to prove otherwise. Meanwhile, I can't wait to see what happens next because so many good things have already happened. These good things were predicted to happen by prophets like Julie Green, Johnny Enlow and Robin Bullock. 

Since February, I have been taking notes on the prophecies of Julie Green at Julie Green Ministries on Rumble. The other prophets mentioned can be found at Elijah Streams on You Tube and Rumble. Since February, at least 41 of Julie Green's prophecies have been fulfilled and all of them are exciting, good things that are helping to restore our nation back to greatness. 

If someone told you today that a wrongfully convicted man would be released from prison and then it happened, would you believe that person was hearing from God? If someone told you that Twitter, Disney, Facebook, NBC, Johnson & Johnson, Pfizer and others would be rocked by scandals, takeovers, stock crashes, and other exposures... would you believe that the person who predicted that before it happened was hearing from God?  

Everything I mentioned in the above paragraph was predicted by Julie Green weeks or months before that exact story showed up on a true news source. How many times can someone accurately predict something before it happens without help from God? He is restoring our nation by taking out the wicked leaders who have been destroying it for decades. Mark Zuckerberg, owner of Facebook is guilty of treason and it can now be proven. Many others will be exposed in the coming months and they will have "treason" written on them for all eternity. 

If you think nothing good is happening in our nation, here are some facts from the month of April: Facebook lost 200 billion dollars in one day. The evil empire called Amazon lost 204 billion and Jeff Bezos lost 20 billion of his net worth. Elon Musk is being used by God to make Twitter a platform of Truth. Disney has been hit hard financially as the truth about its sexual exploits of children is being exposed. Trump's Truth Social has become the number one downloaded App, taking Twitter's previous spot. More than 2,000 documents can now prove that George Soros and the Open Society manipulated countless elections in multiple countries. And this week, the film 2,000 Mules will be released, a movie that contains undeniable proof that the 2020 election was rigged and stolen.

So don't listen to the doomsday people who warn about food shortages and other gloomy predictions. While it's always good to be prepared for the worst, God is not giving us gloomy news. He's giving us hope and reasons to be joyful and celebrate. I suggest you tap into some reliable news sources, follow the prophets and come along on the joy ride. Because you were hand-picked to be here and witness this miraculous time when God is putting His kingdom in order. You don't want to look back and realize that you missed everything that led up to this great rescue. We are being rescued from the slavery of an evil system. 

As Donna Rigney said, "God will restore this land to greatness because He needs America to be great once again so it can be used by His hand to bless all other nations in the world." We are living in exciting times and we are blessed to be alive right now. Make plans for your future, open your eyes and watch the good things happen as they are predicted by the prophets. A knowing and understanding of the glory of God is coming to the earth, and we are headed toward a whole new way of living. 

Keep your eyes open, so you don't miss the fabulous scenery. 

CEDAR KEY, FLORIDA: ISLAND LIFE GETS NO BETTER THAN THIS

By Danelle Carvell 

Cedar Key Beach is small but uncrowded. You can launch your kayak off the beach and paddle to a nearby island. The sand is white and soft as powder. 

"We found the most relaxing place on earth with the friendliest people," I wrote on a postcard to my daughter. I was talking about Cedar Key, Florida, where the Hubster and I recently spent two weeks. I didn't know this charming island existed until I watched a video on a travel blog. I was attracted to its laid-back simplicity and its lack of a red light or two-lane highway.  It's quiet here. We spent a lot of time on our cottage deck watching the sun rise and the birds fly in for breakfast during low tide in the bayou. 

Cedar Key is a bird-watchers paradise. We saw pink spoonbills, pelicans and even a woodpecker who left floaters in my morning coffee. I don't know the name of every bird, but one of the best places to spot them is along the boardwalk path at Cemetery Point Park, one of the many nature trails on the island

                                                                

These funny-looking birds hang out near Cedar Key Beach, where they are fed heads and tails as fish are being cleaned and cut along the water.

I was reading a book and thought my husband was tapping a pencil on the deck behind me until I looked up and saw this red-headed bark pecker. Tree bark is not good in coffee.

Old Florida charm exudes from every corner of this quiet fishing village, described as "what Key West was more than fifty years ago."  You won't find a chain store anywhere on the island, except the Marathon gas station. The residents here want to preserve the charm of the place, so every restaurant, gift shop, and business is original and privately owned. People call them Mom and Pop shops. 

                                                                    

Island Arts is one of the many businesses along Dock Street. I was greeted by Lily, the shop dog who welcomed me by licking my toes.  

One of the many things I loved about the island is that everything we wanted to see is within walking distance. It felt so good to feel sunshine on our faces and get out walking. If you don't want to walk, you can rent a bike or golf cart. The only time we got in our car for the entire two weeks was to travel to a strawberry festival in Floral City. Floridians are serious about their strawberry festivals. I couldn't get over how big the event was. I never ate fresh strawberries in winter and I discovered peanut butter jelly and bacon burgers at the festival. 

Speaking of strawberries, the cottage we stayed in was across from a produce stand called Cedar Key Fresh. I was delighted to walk across the street and buy fresh avocado, pears, and strawberries. I peeled my first mango in Cedar Key. And if you're into seafood, your stomach will be happy here. Clams are a big business, but every kind of seafood is available daily, whether you want to cook it yourself or eat out. 

                                                                    

Pirates Cove Coastal Cottages was such a special place. Brian and Lisa were so welcoming, always asking if we needed anything. Brian was always smiling. You can tell they love their work. They have earned "Superhost"status from Airbnb and an award from TripAdvisor. I loved that the cottage was in the middle of everything fun.We could even walk to the highly-rated and uniquely-decorated open-air tiki bar, Low Key Hideaway. I recommend the Key Lime freeze. 

Our favorite restaurant on Dock Street was Duncan's on the Gulf. The staff is friendly. The food is stellar and the orange blossom beer is delightful. We had a favorite spot out on the deck along the water, where we watched people fish from the pier. Duncans has the best burger ever and the tastiest sweet potato waffle fries. If you enjoy live music, I was told you can find it here and at other restaurants nearby. 

                                                                

If you're into water sports, Cedar Key has just about everything--sailing, kayaking, fishing, even swimming, diving, snorkeling and scuba-diving at a nearby clear-water spring. Florida has the largest collection of springs in the world. Fanning Springs State Park and Manatee Springs State Park are close to Cedar Key. We didn't get to either one, so we missed the clear blue water and the manatees, but it's something to look forward to when we come back. 

One thing I did not want to do was kayak after our cottage neighbor told us about a 6-foot shark he hit with his paddle. He might have been exaggerating, but he had me at shark. He and his wife launched their kayak into the water behind our cottage. We watched them paddle home every night before low tide. They always had a fresh catch of fish. He said they ate fish four nights in a row.  

                                                                

They kayak to a nearby island to see the remnants of an old pencil mill from the 1800's. Cedar key has an interesting history, but our timing was bad every time we walked past the museum. I do know that the island was first occupied in 1839, when it started as a fort during the second Seminole War. It became the western terminus of the Florida Railroad in 1860, connecting it to the east coast of Florida. A massive hurricane in 1896 killed more than 100 people with 10-foot waves. But the island recovered at the start of the 20th century when industries such as fishing, sponging and oystering rose in Cedar Key. Clams are a big business today.

I spent some time reading the guest books that our hosts set out if people want to comment on their stay at Pirates Cove. I noticed many comments about how refreshed and invigorated people felt while in Cedar Key. The slower pace of the island, where no one is in a rush, made one guest feel "normal" again. Another guest called Cedar Key a "safe haven in our super-crazy world."

And that is exactly what it was for us. There is something about this island life that brings people together and brings back your joy. I have never seen so many smiling, friendly people in one place. People are really happy here and they can't help but let it show. The locals will tell you that neighbors don't hesitate to help each other. They know each other by name and they show up when someone needs assistance.

We would fit right in here. Our first night here as we were walking back from Dock Street, a woman stopped us to ask if we had a cell phone. She was out walking her dogs and it was getting dark. She had wandered too far from where she was staying and lost her sense of direction. A female voice said she was on her way to pick her up. I asked about her dogs and she said that her brother had died recently, so she took in his dog. That's why she has two. 

Even the dogs are happy here. This is one dog-friendly island. In the park one day we watched a pet parade, a yearly fundraiser that the the women's committee plans. The dogs were dressed in sequins and satin as they proudly marched around, being led by their owners. Whether you're a human or a dog, Cedar Key is a great place to be.

                                                                

Be sure to visit the Island Hotel while in Cedar Key. Rumor has it that it's haunted. We were going to just walk by, but we were invited to come in and look around during the off hours. A gentleman offered to snap our photo in front of the "scandalous" mural in the Neptune bar. (Mild for our time, but scandalous when it was first painted.) The Hotel is the oldest commercial building in Cedar Key. Some day we are coming back to ask about those ghost stories.