WATCH ME WALK AWAY

                                                                            

                                                                                

Walking away is sometimes the best thing you can do.

A very important part of respecting and caring for each other is validating one another's feelings. I have a hard time getting close to people who downplay or make light of my hurts, or people who make excuses for those who behave badly.  

One of the best responses I ever got from someone after I reached a breaking point with people behaving badly was this:

"Danelle, your feelings are your feelings and you have a right to feel them."

That's exactly the point I'm trying to make. When someone gets hurt, the last thing that person needs is someone to come along and downplay what happened or make excuses for what took place. That's like punching the hurting person even more by telling them that they shouldn't feel what they are feeling. It's an uncaring slap in the face. 

The word I'm talking about here is empathy, which is the ability to identify with the thoughts, feelings and attitudes of another. People who lack empathy are often self-absorbed. If the situation didn't affect them, then they can't see what the big deal is. They don't have the ability to put themselves in the hurting person's shoes and understand why that person feels as they do.

When I sense that someone lacks empathy, I am very careful what I share with that person. I become quiet and reserved around an unempathetic person. Why would I risk having that person make me feel foolish for the way I feel? Why would I want to listen to them rubbing salt into the wound? 

The older I get, the more I want to stay away from people who aren't good for my emotional health. And there's nothing wrong with that. By staying away, people might see it as me being unforgiving or resentful, but that's not why I stay away. 

Jesus walked away from people all the time when he felt mistreated. Jesus was willing to walk away and he let other people walk away at least 41 times in the Bible. I want to invest my time in reliable people who handle my concerns with care, just as Jesus did. 

Learn to find the reliable people in your life, the ones who are fruitful, ready and eager to step into every situation with understanding, empathy and kindness. Those are the people you should be spending time with.

GOD SENT ME CHEER FROM A BOX IN THE BASEMENT

By Danelle Carvell

                                                                

                                                                

A column I wrote in 1996 came back to me as a message from God at a time when I needed some cheer.

I often ask God for messages and signs to let me know He's there and He cares. Some people would call them Godwinks. A Godwink is an event or personal experience so astonishing that it is seen as a sign of divine intervention, especially when perceived as a prayer. Nonbelievers would say the astonishing experience is a coincidence, but believers have faith that such events are an act of God. 

I keep a journal that's meant for writing down all the ways I hear from God. "Let me see you in this day," is a daily prayer for me. Over the years, I noticed that God uses certain things to encourage me. One of those things is birds. That may sound a little crazy, but God loves to encourage His children, and he finds any way He can to do so.

A few days ago, I was deeply troubled. I went into my bedroom and sat at the window. I needed to clear my head. So I just sat there, looking out across the front yard. Other than the wind pushing dead leaves and swaying trees, no sign of movement caught my eye. Just another dead cold winter day. 

Then after about ten minutes, my front yard suddenly came alive with bird activity. Birds were flying in and out of trees; two cardinals fluttered a streak of red very close to the window; a bird landed on the grass in front of me and stayed there for a while. Those birds were such a joyful sight because I knew who sent them. 

I was visited by a dove this summer on a night when I needed some encouragement. It landed two feet away from my feet and looked directly at me. A dove is a symbol of the Holy Spirit. God winked at me through a bird that symbolizes part of the holy trinity. No part of that is a coincidence

 Broad-winged birds often soar directly above me while I'm driving. By faith, I take all these bird encounters as uplifting reminders that God sees me. I'm not just another person in a world of seven billion. He cares about the things that trouble me and he wants to bring me joy. 

I recently came across a Godwink when I was helping my mom clean her basement. While going through a box of papers, my mother pulled out a copy of a column I wrote while working as a staff writer for the Citizen Standard newspaper. I had a column called, Life Lightly Salted. I was a single mother at the time, so I often wrote about Motherhood and its many challenges. 

The day I came across that column in my mom's basement titled, Many Mothers Missing Life, I was feeling pretty beat up. Beat up by people I had helped that didn't appreciate my help. Beat up by people changing plans and putting me in the back seat. And beat up by people who are just plain rude. I was feeling like a punching bag. And I knew that the best way out of my stupor was to help someone, so I offered to help my mom. 

I'm sharing the column in its entirety at the bottom of this post. But first I want to share why I found it so uplifting to come across that particular piece of writing. The two years I spent as a single mother were the hardest two years of my life. But God was watching over me the entire time. I was offered a job at the newspaper without even applying for it. How does that happen, if not by divine intervention?

As you read the column below, you'll understand why I believe that my finding it was God's way of reminding me that He's right here with me, especially when life gets hard. Coming across that particular column from April of 1996, was a message from Him. And I believe the message is this: 

Danelle, you take a back seat to no one because you're the daughter of a King. Yes, people will abuse you, but they also abused Jesus, so you're walking in blessed footsteps. And when you make sacrifices for others who don't appreciate it, I see those sacrifices, and I will pour out my blessings at just the right moment. 

If you're a busy mother, you might relate to these words I wrote 16 years ago:

                                       MANY MOTHERS MISSING LIFE

As mothers and breadwinners, we overburden ourselves. We sacrifice leisure time to accomplish everything. And in the rush to get it all done, we miss life. 

A mother lives in a state of stress when she goes straight from work to the grocery store, then the laundromat. She has so much on her mind, she doesn't hear the chattering boy behind her. 

He's only talking to himself as he explains the project he made in school. While Mom's busy comparing peanut butter prices, she misses the enthusiasm on her son's face as he talks about the "Super Satellite Dish" he created for invention day. She pretends to hear him. She nods her head and says, "That's great Sweetie." But he knows she's not really listening. 

Mom's in another world again. The world of survival, where everything revolves around time and there's never enough of it.

She finally gets a chance to sit down once the laundry is loaded. Twenty minutes to think about nothing. She stretches across the uncomfortable laundromat chairs and rests her mind and body. 

But her son is full of energy. He wants to go next door for pizza and pinball. "Maybe next week, Sweetie," she whispers. He walks away with his head down and checks the coin machine for unclaimed quarters.

As hard as we try to do it all and do it well, mothers usually have to make sacrifices if they want to accomplish everything in a week. Time for her children is a great sacrifice. 

When a mother rushes through her day, she overlooks all the things that make life special. A calm night rain goes unheard. The evening sky soothes no nerves. And the thoughts of a child are tuned out for more "important" thoughts. 

The sink is stacked. The floor's a mess. It's late. She has no time to sit behind a book with him tonight. Perhaps tomorrow, when there's not so much to do. 

She whispers a promise, steals a kiss, then rushes away. 

WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT

 By Danelle Carvell

                                                            

My friend, Debbie is in the middle. We've been friends since high school

Vulnerability is defined as emotional risk, exposure and uncertainty toward being honest and seen. Many people are hesitant to share their struggles, their failures, their fears, shame and shortcomings. But the hard decision to open ourselves up to others actually has a healing element to it. 

As a writer, I find this to be very true. If you read all my posts labeled "A Look At Life," you will find many times when I admit my failures, disappointments, struggles, fears and areas where I feel inadequate. Some people might think I'm too honest, but I believe that I'm nudged to write about these things by the God who understands these things. 

G.K. Chesterson said, "We men and women are all in the same boat upon a stormy sea. We owe each other a terrible and tragic loyalty." 

In the book, Stronger: How Hard Times Reveal God's Greatest Power, Clayton King says,

 "We all go through the same storms and we all need each other to survive. The human condition is weakness. It is difficulty and struggle and failure. None of us is immune, and we're all in the same boat. If we can remember this simple fact, that the people we need to be vulnerable with are just as vulnerable as we are, then it's a little easier to open up with them without fear or pretense." 

He goes on to explain that fear is always what prevents people from being vulnerable. "That's why what people often project as strength-- seeming to have it all together, to be unshakable and detached--is often not strength at all. When we act as if we are unable to be hurt, unaffected by the things that bring others pain, we are acting out of fear. We fear being exposed in any way that might subject us to more pain, humiliation or rejection. Deep down we suspect that if God or the people around us saw us for who we really are, they would walk away." 

I think many relationships would improve if people were more willing to be vulnerable and admit to each other the things they fear or struggle with. If we could more openly share our disappointments, oh the many things we could learn from each other. Failures, shame and shortcomings are something we all have in common. But sharing these things with others brings along the fear of being rejected and unloved. So we keep things to ourselves.

It's a self-defeating thing because human connection gives a sense of meaning and purpose to life. And the best way to connect with someone is to be vulnerable and pour out your heart along with all its scars and past hurts. We need other people, and in order to connect with them, we must be vulnerable enough to share the reality of our lives, and that reality always includes pain. 

The people I'm closest with in my life are people I trust with my vulnerabilities. Those people are my friend Debbie, my friend Tam and my daughter, Delaina. I'm blessed to have three people I can trust who will not betray me or lack empathy when I share something I'm struggling with. 

I have also learned who I should not share things with. When someone is not open to hearing my hurts, I take that person off my list. When someone downplays my hurts, I say I will never again share my pain with that person. When someone makes excuses for people who hurt me, I never again give that person an opportunity to do so. I have become very good at distancing myself from toxic people. 

But for the people I can be vulnerable with, I am very grateful. We all need someone like that in our lives. I hope that you have at least one person in your life that you can be vulnerable with. If not, you are missing a human connection that is very fulfilling and healing. If you feel that something is missing in your life, it could very well be someone you can trust with your vulnerabilities.

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective"   James 5:16

I think our greatest sense of meaning and purpose is found in the human connections we have with others. But those connections can never be strong if we don't get real and confess the messy things we are going through. Yes, there is a fear we will be rejected. But you can't learn who you can trust if you don't take that chance. 

The power of vulnerability is learning who is in your corner, who has your back and who will stand up for you. And that is priceless information. So be vulnerable today and see what you learn about people, what you learn about yourself, and how your life can have more meaning and purpose through your relationships. 

We're all in the same boat, and we should know where our lifesavers are.

TWAS THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS...

By Danelle Carvell                                                             

My youngest granddaughter and my daughter 

I've been pondering a Christmas blog post. What to write about? So as I'm waiting for my cookie dough to thaw, I'm here at my keyboard with no idea what's going to come out of me. What would God want me to write about is the question I ask when I don't know what to say. 

I'm sitting at my bedroom window with my laptop, watching the snow fall. Snow is so peaceful. It covers everything with a pure, white blanket, and watching it slowly fall has a tranquilizing effect. 

What else brings peace to our lives? 

Of all times in the year, Christmas should be the most peaceful because of what it represents. Yet, the week leading up to Christmas is often the most hectic week of the year. I have noticed over the years that gift-giving can cause a lot of stress in families. Perhaps that is why some people decide to give it up altogether. 

We can get into arguments about the who, what, when, where and why of giving gifts. The problem arises when not everyone agrees. Some might want to skip the gift exchange completely; others might want to buy for everyone. We all have different ideas about giving gifts and the reason for that is because a gift comes from the heart of the individual. And no one should dictate to others what gift-giving should be. 

I have done this myself, so I'm not pointing fingers. It's very easy to become so stressed by the thought of buying gifts for everyone that you just want to skip it for a year. That has been suggested in my family more than once, and it was fine for those who agreed. But both times it was suggested, not everyone was happy about it. 

Remember, a gift comes from the heart of the individual, so when one person makes a group decision about gifts, that person takes away what was brewing in everyone else's heart about gifts that year. Traditions are important to some people. They don't want Christmas to change. Or maybe they just really enjoy giving gifts. 

To some people, gift-giving is a love language. It's their way of expressing love. Why would anyone want to take away a person's chosen way to express love? The world certainly needs more love. 

Another thing that causes stress is assigned gifts. I was once assigned a gift I couldn't afford and it turned out to be a disaster. I should have said, No. But I fulfilled my duty because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. Ironically, it turned out to be an even greater disappointment than it would have been if I had declined the assignment. 

When something doesn't feel right, that's a good indication that you should question it. The old saying, "When in doubt, don't do it" is a good rule to follow. Always trust your instincts when it comes to gift-giving because your heart knows. No one should ever assign someone a gift. We can make suggestions, but we should never expect someone to complete a gift assignment that was not their own idea. That's just wrong. 

Another major source of stress in families is the where and when of gift giving. This is especially challenging in large families where everyone wants to see their children and grandchildren and everyone wants their share of time. Decisions are often made to make things more convenient for families or to cut down on the amount of traveling. Fitting all the Christmas visits into one day can mean making changes that not everyone likes. 

I have experienced this in my family and I know other families have conflicts over the time and place of family visits at Christmas. Some people don't adapt well to change because they want Christmas to be where and when it always was. When something becomes a Christmas tradition, any kind of change can be a big disappointment. And when a change is made for the sake of having more time somewhere else, it can feel like a rejection. 

Sometimes people just don't show up because of personal conflicts with other family members. Then there are hard feelings when someone who should be there decides not to come because they don't want to deal with the family friction. Having the entire family in one place for hours can lead to something being done or said that causes discord. After a while, it's just easier to stay away.

The list of reasons why this time of year can be stressful is a long one. I didn't really give any answers to the Christmas chaos. I only pointed out the stressors that we deal with. I can say that perhaps we need to focus more on the reason for the season and less on the other stuff. Who we are celebrating deserves more of our time and attention. And maybe when we do that, we can more easily work out the other stuff. 

What brings peace to our lives? One Bible verse comes to mind. "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee." Isaiah 26:3

Wishing you a Joyful, Peaceful Christmas. 

THE POWER OF SELF-FORGIVENESS

By Danelle Carvell

                                                                            

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

One thing we all have in common is that we mess up. You heard the phrase, "We all have skeletons in our closets." People say that because there's much truth to it. I don't know anyone who doesn't have regrets, embarrassing moments, or mistakes in their past that they wish they could do over. 

I'm writing this to encourage you if you are deeply troubled by a past mistake. I have made more than my share of mistakes and I'm not going to go into that because that would be counter-productive to this message. It's a message about the power of forgiving yourself, and when you forgive, that means that you think about it no more. You don't bring it up ever again and you don't think about it. 

If you're not a Christian who has accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you might not understand the grace that we can live under. You might be beating yourself up for a past mistake and feeling a kind of self-hatred for some things you did. But you don't have to live that way. You can be set free.

This is how it works. When I accepted Christ, I became a new person. I was given a new identity. A Christian is never condemned under the judgement of God because she has been washed clean by the atoning death of Jesus at the cross. 

Jesus took all our sins on himself. He put himself in the place of condemnation that we deserved. And God accepts that as payment for our sins. The only thing we have to do is accept what Christ did for us. When we accept Christ, we are declared righteous in God's eyes. And we can have peace in knowing that we will forever live in God's favor. 

If you're a Christian and you continue to beat yourself up for past mistakes, then you are disrespecting what Jesus did for you. We don't need to be oppressed by our own personal failures. We can have rest because the guilt of all our mistakes...past, present and future are repeatedly washed away by that sacrifice that Jesus made for us at the cross. 

Now that doesn't mean that we will not need to apologize or make corrections when we mess up. What it means is that God is not keeping score. When he forgives you, he completely forgets the mistake and he doesn't think about it ever again. That's what true forgiveness is. So you don't need to go around confessing your mistake and feeling bad about it. You can completely forget about it too.

Jesus Christ died so you could be set free from all condemnation.  Romans 8:1 says, "Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." There's nothing sadder than a Christian who feels depressed about her past mistakes. It is such an unnecessary suffering. It's like saying to Jesus, "You died for nothing. I don't accept what you did. I'm going to just live in turmoil and reject what you did for me at the cross."

If this blog entry has struck a nerve in you, then let today be the day that you let go of all your bad feelings and regrets of your past mistakes. If you confessed it to God and accepted Jesus' sacrifice on your behalf, then you need to let it go. Your mistakes are not a part of you and they don't define you as a person. Think about it no more. Jesus set you free. 

WE GET WHAT WE SAY

By Danelle Carvell

                                                                                    

                                                                                    

                                                                                    

Whether talking to yourself or others, what comes out of your mouth is what creates your life.

I don't always take my own advice. I know the consequences of talking negatively. The Bible is filled with warnings about being careful with our words.  But this is a hard lesson to learn for most people because we live in a negative world, and we are all prone to focus on the negative side of life. It's part of our fallen nature.

I told my sister today that I've been feeling like Squidward. If you're not a fan of the Sponge Bob cartoon, I should explain that Squidward is a grouchy Squid who lives under the sea with other entertaining characters. I laugh at his grouchiness, but sometimes I see myself in him and that's not funny. 

Saturday I had a mouse in my bedroom for the second night in a row. As someone who gets very little sleep on a regular basis, this was not a pleasant thing. I've watched how mice can crawl up fabric and up walls and I imagined this mouse crawling up my bed skirts and bunking with me for the night. The next morning I dumped a carton of eggs on the floor as I was preparing to go to my sister's house for a cookie and craft day. 

When I got the egg mess cleaned up, I snapped and decided to just go back to bed. Lately I feel like every time I want to do something fun, something happens to discourage me or exhaust me. There's a heaviness on everyone right now it seems. I hear people talking about problems at work, among families, and personal struggles that are wearing people down to the point of despair and depression. When this happens, it is so easy to become a negative talker and I often fall right into the trap. Before I know it, I'm complaining about everything and everyone.

I know that God hates grumbling and complaining. And I feel guilty every time I do it. As a Christian, I'm not supposed to blend in with this negative world, and I shouldn't be controlled by negative emotions. The first step toward changing this bad habit is admitting that I do it. With step one behind me, I must try harder to focus on the things I say and force my mouth to be a projector of life, not death. 

The Bible warns that death and life are in the power of the tongue. Most people are clueless to the amount of death they speak over themselves and others on a daily basis. The night I was kept awake by a mouse, I recall saying that I was going to go insane if I didn't get some sleep. I actually cursed myself by saying that. My words can create life or death. What I should have said was, "God will protect me from the mouse and he will help me sleep." 

I did finally fall asleep after I calmed down and prayed for that mouse to stay away from me. I put in some earplugs and trusted in God's goodness as I waited for sleep to come. I got 2 1/2 hours sleep that night, which is pretty typical for me. It's better than zero. 

It's not easy to take every negative thought captive and turn it into a positive thought. It's not easy to train ourselves to speak positive life-giving words in every situation. I'm sixty and I still haven't mastered it. But I do know how important it is to my mental and physical health to speak healing words upon myself. 

When I say nothing good ever happens to me, I set that exact thing in motion. When I call myself poor or tired, then that's exactly what I will stay. As long as I speak negative curses over myself, I will never break free from an exhausted mind and a body full of pain and afflictions. 

The ultimate example of how we should respond under persecution is Jesus. He faced crowds demanding his death, betrayal and abandonment by people he trusted, beatings and whippings, and the horrible pain of being crucified with metal spikes on a wooden cross. Yet, at the height of His pain, He didn't lash out. He didn't swear, complain or curse anyone. He kept his emotions and his tongue under control. And He spoke life into the situation when he pleaded with the Father, "Forgive them, for they do not know what they do." (Luke 23:34)

I pray that I will remember that example and become better at speaking life and using the power of my words to make things better and not worse. There's more than enough negativity in the world. I shouldn't be adding to it. God expects more from His children. 

GETTING MY JOY BACK

 By Danelle Carvell

                                                

                                                                            

Sometimes a smile is hard to manage. But there's always a way out of your funk

..
                                    

I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling like I need a one-way-ticket to anywhere but here. The past two-and- a-half years have been difficult. Today I packed a suitcase and had no clue where I was going. Instead of running away, I decided to write out my frustrations. 

Where do I start? I know that a big part of the problem is the state of the entire world right now. We are all stressed, and we've been stressed for too long. Everyone is longing for some relief from the financial stress, the strain of troubling news stories, the lingering fallout of Covid, family conflicts, and the tiredness that results from dwelling on these negative things.

Today I considered taking a break from hosting our family Thanksgiving dinner because I'm just plain tired. Now is about the time when I sent out invites. We do it by text because it's just easier than making a bunch of phone calls. I started to type out my decision to skip the dinner this year, but I wanted to make sure I was doing it for the right reasons. So I decided to give it another day. 

I've learned not to make decisions from a place of tiredness, stress or frustration because I've often regretted those impulsive decisions. A single day can make a difference in how I feel, and I've learned to take my emotions to God and soak in His presence before saying or doing something that's reactive to stress. 

The truth is, I feel like the joy has been sucked out of me. The Bible says that the joy of the Lord is our strength, so if you have no joy, you have no strength. Look at any depressed person and you will see someone who lays around with no desire to do much of anything. They've become "unplugged" from their energy source, and they often don't know how to fix the problem.

Fortunately, I do know how to fix the problem. That's why I've locked myself in my bedroom today, first to write out my frustrations and clear my head, and second to spend time soaking up my energy source and get plugged back into God and His word. I know that negative thinking is what has caused my tiredness and lack of joy. The mind is very powerful, and the body will shut down if we allow negative thought patterns to play like a broken record day after day. 

Negative mindsets can appear to be demonic oppression. Negative thinking can also cause depression, and the answer to curing that depression is sometimes as simple as practicing spiritual discipline. You have to be faithful and develop a new way of thinking. Sometimes our lack of joy and feeling tired is actually a demonic attack. It can be difficult to figure out what's causing the way we feel. 

But I'm a Christian. How can I be influenced by demons? Jesus himself was taunted by demons in the Bible. He was just stronger than they are. Being a Christian is not a guaranteed protection against demonic strongholds. You may not need an exorcism, but you might need deliverance from the effects of a demonic stronghold.  

I recently experienced a demonic stronghold, so I know how powerful it can be. My stronghold was the result of dwelling on hurtful comments that had built up over the course of many years. I couldn't let go of these deep wounds because I need to talk things out before I can let something go. And I couldn't talk it out because I knew the conversation would not be well-received. 

So I kept the hurts bottled up and stuffed it deep within myself. It was like a simmering pot of bitterness that I carried around for years in secret. When the pot finally blew its lid, the mess left behind was so destructive that I thought my life and relationships would never be the same. 

When someone has a history of abuse, they can develop a kind of post-traumatic stress that makes them sensitive to further abuse.  All the painful memories of the past come rushing back every time the person feels disrespected or mistreated. They remember that horrible place they were in when the abuse was at its worst. And even if things have gotten much better, the memory of that pain is still there. Even if there has been forgiveness, the injury has not been forgotten and the scars are still causing reactions.

Because of my past, I am sensitive to lectures, verbal disrespect, negative facial expressions and body language, a raised tone of voice, being ignored, rejected or unappreciated. All of these things hit me harder than they would hit someone who has no history of abuse. For the same reason that soldiers hate fireworks, I hate careless words that leave me feeling bullied and belittled. My abuse was more verbal, than physical. 

So how do we break free from the bondage of feeling tired, joyless and beaten up? No Christian who makes Bible reading, prayer, worship, repentance, forgiveness and walking in holiness will ever stay in bondage. There is a way out, but you have to want it and you have to make an effort to break free. 

It starts with a daily decision to meditate on the word of God, spend time talking to Him and then as we go about our day, take every thought captive. You have to change your patterns of thinking and push every negative thought out of your mind as each one comes. What you think about controls how you feel and how you treat people. So turn off the trashy music, the trash movies and TV and stay away from people who love to gossip and criticize. Those things are like poison that will bring you to a low place.

I do have the power to pull myself out of a low place. I am stronger than I think I am. Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. When the world beats me up, I go into a quiet room and draw from my power source. Without my encouraging, energizing power source, I am a victim. But with Jesus, I will always have victory. He wants me to be joyful.

"He will keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee."  Isaiah 26: 3

"Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely or admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things...and the God of peace will be with you." Phillippians 4:8

WHAT I'VE LEARNED SINCE HIGH SCHOOL

By Danelle Carvell

High school is a distant memory filled with laughter and regrets.

This September, I will attend my forty-year class reunion, two years later than it should have been due to Covid. As a member of the Upper Dauphin Area class of 1980, I have been out of high school for 42 years. However, my memories of that time are still pretty sharp. I still recall the feeling of walking through those halls and watching so many people pass by me each day. The class bell rang and we quickly shuffled around to get to our next class. The sound of lockers slamming, students chatting, laughing and having to talk over the daily announcements on the office intercom is a vivid memory.

In some ways, it was the best time of my life. But in other ways, it wasn't that great. The thing about being young is the many lessons that we haven't learned yet. I often say that I would love to go back to high school knowing what I know now. My high school experience would have been completely different. Besides the fact that plucking your eyebrows until they're gone is really stupid, here's what I learned.

Being popular is overrated

Popularity is often based on looks, talents, athletic ability and social status. The attractive people are admired. The kids who come from money are admired. And the great athletes or talented ones are admired. Being popular seems to be something we all secretly crave in high school, but only a select few achieve it. The same five girls get on the homecoming court and prom court and the popular guys in high school are usually good looking, talented, or on the football team or into some kind of sports.  At least that's how it was when I was in high school. 

I wish life wasn't like this. Why do we need to lift certain people up on a pedestal and give them royal status by putting a crown on their heads?  It's kinda meaningless if you think about it. Popularity is not always a true representation of the person and the honor they deserve. Sometimes the popular people are the least deserving of admiration. You can know a person by the way they treat other people, and popular people are not always beautiful on the inside. 

I went to the prom with the prom king my senior year. I was happy for him, but everyone has something special about them. All the girls should have worn tiaras to the prom, and the football field was big enough for every senior girl. We should have all been out there having fun on homecoming night. I recall that Lori on the Partridge Family called it a "dubious distinction" when she was voted onto the Homecoming Court. I think she had a point. 

If I could go back to high school and do things over, being popular would be the last thing on my mind. A lot of my insecurities in high school were caused by the pressure I put on myself to be well-liked. That was important to me back then. The way people saw me consumed my thoughts. I'm glad I outgrew that. 

I wish I would have had someone in my life back then who made me realize what's truly important in life. Having people like and admire you is not an important goal. A much better goal is striving to be helpful, kind and respectful toward others. 

The wallflowers are worth knowing

One thing I learned since high school is that most people are worth knowing, even when they seem a little odd or unpopular. Unless they are hateful, everyone has something valuable to offer. I spent time with a few select people in high school. I hung out with my circle of friends. But I wish that I had made an effort to look beyond my own little group and get to know others. 

I  wish that I had granted more respect and acknowledgment to the students who didn't stand out...the shy ones, the uncertain ones, and the loners. I wish that I would have been more of an encourager to the underdogs. High school is hard for people who struggle to fit in and one kind person can make a big difference in someone's life. I could have been that person, but I just wasn't mature enough to consider what other people might be going through. Empathy is something I learned over time. The most empathetic people are always the ones who have suffered the most. 

If I was walking those high school halls today, my mind would be on the people I passed each day and not so much on myself. I've learned that I have a purpose in this life and my purpose is not about me. Loving others is more important than being loved by others. People who live that out each day are the ones deserving of admiration, applause and a crown. 

Learn a profitable skill that you love  In high school, my skills were art, baton twirling and gymnastics. But none of these things could have been a future side-job. Yes, art is something that can be profitable, but other than being voted "most artistic" and selling a watercolor for $15 at an art show, I had no payoff for the time I invested in my high school art. 

I didn't love art. My sister did, and she went on to be a professional artist with a degree in fine arts. She learned a profitable skill in high school that made a difference in her life after graduation. I had plenty of time to do the same and I should have had more focus. The best time to learn new skills is when your're young in my opinion. People can learn new skills at any age, but our brains are sharper in our younger years. Plus we have much more time ahead of us to perfect that skill and profit from it when we get started young. 

I wish I had spent more time in the kitchen baking with my mom, who was a self-taught cake decorator. The last time I baked, I made chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter icing for a church picnic. As people started to head home, several women came up to me and told me how delicious those cupcakes were. One person asked for the icing recipe. My name was on the container, so I guess they asked around and figured out who the cupcake lady was because I didn't know most of them. I also won a baking contest once, so baking is in my blood. My grandmother on my dad's side made pies for a living and she was very good at it. 

Another skill I could have perfected in high school was photography. We had a photography club and at the time I didn't have much interest in that. But today, I admire people who have skills with a camera and I wish that I had taken advantage of that opportunity to master great photos and how a camera works. Both baking and photography are wonderful ways to make an income and a lot of people do these things in addition to their regular jobs. Learning a profitable skill that you love is great advice for any student from the elementary years and up through high school. That skill could end up being your life's work.

Make good use of your time 

I pretty much slept my summers away as a kid. I recall waking up in the early afternoon and feeling groggy from too much sleep. What a waste! I could have found a summer job or used that time to learn something new like gardening, or I could have made it a goal to get through some books over the summer. 

Year after year, I wasted valuable time during the best years of my life when it comes to being able to focus and have energy. If I hadn't been such a time waster, I could have afforded a car of my own instead of relying on other people to get home from band practice and other after-school activities. Then I could have gotten involved in more fun stuff like the class play or the class trips the senior girls planned, which I mostly missed out on. 

Being energetic and wanting to work hard has a big payoff. Back then I had energy that I don't have now, so I regret the time I wasted and the difference it would have made in my life. Making good use of your time has so many benefits. This one lesson would have changed my entire high school experience. But I did learn something since then and I'm not a time waster now. I want to be productive, not just for myself, but for the one who created me. I don't want to get to Heaven and be asked why I didn't make better use of my time.

I know that only a few people will read this. And although I'm not getting paid to write it, I am making good use of my time. I think people are much too focused on whether or not a person gets paid well for their work. What about the rewards in our next life? The Bible has advice about storing up your treasures in Heaven. That's what I'm doing right now. I'm using my time to help people in as many ways as I can. 

Compared to my time-wasting younger years, today I wake up and ask God each day how he wants me to use my time. Today he led me to my laptop where I finished this article. Tomorrow he might lead me to be a helping hand for someone who's tired, sick or hurting. I've learned that my time is not my own. I didn't realize that when I was younger.  

Yes, if I could go back to high school knowing what I know now, it would have been a completely different experience. But life is about making mistakes and learning to do better. What I learned since high school mostly has to do with me becoming less and God and others becoming more. The great commission in life is for us to love God with all our hearts and minds and to love others as we love ourselves. In high school we are focused on ourselves because we usually don't have the spiritual maturity to consider others. 

I'm hoping my class reunion will be a good experience. It's been twelve years since we got together and I was surprised that someone picked up planning it again. I thought it was pretty much over. I'm believing that it will be a good experience, because I know I'm not the only one who has learned a lot since high school. 

AN UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTH IS ABOUT TO HIT HARD

                                                                

This nation will soon be known as Before Trump and After Trump

I am reposting this today on Thursday, July 25, 2024 because twice in the past week, I heard people in high positions mention continuity of government (COG). Below is a post from July of 2022. Perhaps we are about to see if there is anything to this claim.

I wanted to post this sooner, but couldn't get to it. Hopefully, some of you have already seen the video at the link below because you took my advice about following Johnny & Elizabeth Enlow on Rumble. I believe there are scenarios going on behind the scenes in our nation, specifically war-time strategies that were put into place before Trump left office. 

I don't mind being called a conspiracy theorist by people who don't bother to do any research and don't bother to search for truth. People who believe everything they're told without questioning or researching are the ones who look stupid in my opinion. So I'm just going to say this and then invite you to look into what I'm saying. Being naive about what's going on in the world is simply a result of laziness. All the proof is there and all the truth is there if you take the time to find it and you learn where to look. 

Trump knew the 2020 election was going to be stolen. He released an annex to our national security strategy one month before the stolen election. Right after Biden was declared the winner, Trump made all kinds of personnel moves at the Pentagon, and many of them were focused on irregular warfare and special operations according to Patel Patriot. 

On December 7, 2020, Trump issued an executive order along with a strategy document. The executive order was based on his authority as a war-time president. The order put in motion a continuity of government plan called Devolution. Continuity of government is a war-time strategy that has been around since the 40's. Do some research. It's for real.

Seeing that our nation was approaching a stolen election, Trump implemented the Devolution plan to protect us from being invaded. China and other countries were involved in the stolen election. That has been proven by the documentary, 2,000 Mules. There's some more research you can do. 

Stepping down was Trump's only option. If he had done something to prevent Biden from taking office, it would have resulted in some sort of civil war because of the fake news media and their grip on the narrative. He had no choice but to walk away. But before he did, he implemented a plan that would eventually rescue us from the evil that was and still is encroaching upon us. 

When did the price of gas soar? After Trump left office. If you look around at the things that have happened since Trump left office, you would realize that evil has stepped into the White House and the decisions being made are not for your good or for the good of this great nation. I'm amazed by the amount of people who still can't see what's happening. They think we're just going through a rough patch and things will get back to normal.

The truth is about to hit hard according to the prophets. The rest of this year will be a time like you have never seen before. And if you don't believe in prophets, read Amos 3:7 in the Bible. It's right there, but even Christians don't believe God's written word and they scoff at prophets. They will be sorry for that. 

A lot of people are going to wonder how they missed the truth. I challenge you to watch the video at the link below with an open mind. God leads us into all truth. He gladly gives wisdom to all who ask for it. 

https://rumble.com/v1bkbn1-up-for-discussion-episode-7-what-is-devolution-j-e-interview-patel-patriot.html 

LIKE GAS FOR YOUR CAR

       By Danelle Carvell                                                                             

There's more than one head on the bed here. I used to sleep well, like my grandkids do. Not anymore! 

People who are sleep-deprived are more likely to feel anxious, forgetful, depressed, impulsive, moody, emotional, overly-sensitive, easily-irritated and more likely to behave erratically. Wow! That's a lot to deal with. We are a nation of sleep-deprived people, and we need to understand each other, because sleep for the brain is like gas for a car. Aren't you glad you don't have to pay for it?

According to the article, Sleep and Mental Health: Why Our Brains Need Sleep, without proper sleep, the mind begins to slow, unable to operate at full potential. This continues until the mind becomes so deprived of the rest it needs that it breaks down, and without the commander-in-chief... the rest of the body pays the price. Insomnia can affect every part of the body, but I'm choosing to focus on how sleep affects the brain for this blog post. 

Sleep is the time your mind needs to recharge and maintain your mental processing. "When we are asleep, the brain can really go to work because it doesn't have to respond to all the external stimuli we encounter when we are awake. But if we rob the brain of this precious time, we pay the price," the article reads. 

It's during sleep that we process our emotions and memories.  Becoming forgetful is common after missing a good night's sleep. Sleep is also needed to maintain our emotional stability. Lack of sleep affects the part of the brain that is the "voice of reason" to our emotions.

"Without sleep, we can't control our impulses as well as we can when we are rested. We become more impulsive and less-likely to think through our emotional reactions, which is a dangerous place to be." the article states. 

One study, using MRI brain scans, showed that the part of the brain in charge of emotional responses was 60% more emotionally reactive in people who were sleep-deprived compared to those who were well-rested. One thing I found interesting is that only negative emotions intensify with lack of sleep. Positive ones do not.

Stress is another factor that affects sleep because stress has detrimental effects on the body. Too much cortisol (stress hormone) is produced when we don't sleep. This puts the body into a constant state of stress, unable to relax because cortisol keeps us alert. On the flip side, stress actually causes insomnia because the increased amount of cortisol that's released in a stressed-out person will keep that person awake. It's a vicious cycle.

"Sleep deprivation and stress contribute to a negative feedback loop that can be difficult to break and often results in mood disorders, anxiety disorders and depressive disorders. Heightened stress causes heightened anxiety, which can make you sensitive to all sorts of physical, mental and emotional stimuli," according to the article I mentioned. 

I have been dealing with insomnia for 16 years. I also know people who struggle with getting enough sleep, not because they stay up late, but because they just can't pass over into sleep mode, no matter how relaxed they are. It's a difficult thing to understand. When I say that I don't sleep well, most people will ask me what's on my mind, as if the only thing that causes insomnia is having something troubling on your mind. Insomnia can be caused by all kinds of mental and physical problems. 

I didn't have a problem sleeping until I received two injections of a drug called Lupron to ease the pain of endometriosis. Dr. Mercola, my favorite natural health doctor, believes that Lupron causes permanent neurological damage. I am living proof of that and so are thousands of other women who took the drug and are now suffering with horrible health conditions. Some of them had to go on disability after Lupron. 

I did my research. Unfortuanatley I researched too late. Always research a new drug prescription before taking it so you know what you're getting into. Do not blindly trust your doctor. Every now and then God gives me a break and lets me sleep almost like a normal person. But that can turn on a dime and within two bad nights, I can be a mess again. 

Sleep problems are an emerging global epidemic. It destroys a person's well-being and quality of life. It also affects our relationships. I don't want to become the girl who blames everything I do or say wrong on my lack of sleep. But I also don't want people to be uninformed on the issue. It is a real problem with a damaging impact. Writing this article has helped me to better understand not only what I'm dealing with, but also what other insomniacs are dealing with. 

If you sleep like a baby, count your blessings. 

 

WHEN OUR WORDS CRASH AND BURN

By Danelle Carvell 

                                                                 

Words can bring life or death to our relationships.

Have you been feeling beaten up? I have your attention because you can relate to that sentence. You might be having family conflicts or other troubling issues and you're feeling like, "What in the world is going on?" People are at each other's throats and relationships are being destroyed. 

I can't recall a time when the world was more chaotic or verbally explosive than right now. I won't go into the reasons why I believe things are like this. That's another topic for another day. The battle between good and evil is as old as the Bible and strongholds are at work right now that we don't visibly see. What I will go into is my own confession about feeling beaten up and how it has affected me and the people around me. 

When we're feeling beaten up, when we're mentally and physically exhausted, we become vulnerable to the resurfacing of past painful issues, especially issues that have never been discussed or resolved. That's what happened to me. A painful memory resurfaced and I shared it with the wrong person. I screwed up. And now someone I love is angry with me. 

The ironic thing is that the regretful conversation started with me trying to clear up a potential misunderstanding. I thought that I had been careless with my words and I wanted to clear the air and make it right. But the topic took a wrong turn when I shared my frustration about someone's attitude and that's when the painful issue from my past resurfaced. When I mentioned it, that opened up a can of worms and things got pretty ugly. 

Anyone who says that we shouldn't be hurt by words is saying something very wrong. The Bible says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. The careless things we say can destroy relationships. Harsh words can kill the love between a husband and wife, between a father and son, or between longtime friends. 

What comes out of our mouths can be as destructive as lethal poison, and we shouldn't make people feel guilty for being hurt by words. We can't tell them that they are too sensitive and they need to toughen up and get over it. No one gets to decide for someone else when or how they get over a hurtful thing. If the words didn't land in my heart, I have no clue how that comment affected someone. 

I recently posted an entry titled, We All Have Big Mouth Moments. It ended with this: "Sometimes the best response to someone's big mouth is to extend grace and let it pass, because we all have big mouth moments." I do plan to write a part-two to that because there are times when we can't and shouldn't let a troubling comment pass by without question. But that is a topic for another day. I'm too tired to get into that, so I will leave you with this... 

If you are having any personal conflicts, come clean if you want to preserve the relationship. Admit your mistake and apologize. That's what I'm doing now. I said in past posts that I am not too proud to say I'm sorry. I know I screw up with my mouth. That is why I'm always checking up on people to make sure they didn't misunderstand me. 

It's funny how having a conscience can get you into so much trouble, but maybe that just happens to me. Caring about hurting people, caring about their feelings...that is a wonderful quality in God's eyes. May I always be sensitive to the way my words land in the hearts of others. 

A GIFT TO MYSELF

By Danelle Carvell 

                                                                             

Appreciating the calm beauty of each day is the best gift.

I'm turning 60 on June 25. I haven't really decided how I feel about this. I guess I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am this old. How will I celebrate my 60th birthday? That is undecided as well. I do feel the need to get away, so I phoned a close friend to see if she's free next weekend, but she's headed to Myrtle Beach with a nice man. That sounds fabulous!

The Beach is a great place to clear your mind and feel refreshed. But since I can't go right now, I think my birthday present to myself is going to be a mental break from everything troubling. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's feeling the need to escape right now. I can't recall a more stressful world than the one we're living in now. I don't have to expand on that. You know what I'm talking about. 

It seems to me that most of us are not very good at tuning out the cares of this world. We can't put our phones down. We bombard ourselves with television shows and commercials that heighten our stress levels. We can't take a break from Facebook. And we don't know how to get quiet and allow our minds to relax. 

Last night I sat outside after nightfall, lit a candle and watched the night sky. It wasn't a dark sky, but resembled the gloaming of a full-moon night. Lightening bugs flashed their happy glows both at a distance and right in front of me. The moon was peeking through the pines across the street, casting a single luminous ray toward me. I absorbed my senses with the life and the beauty around me and knew it was all created. 

I do have a favorite prayer: "Let me see You in this day." I want to be reminded each day that God sees me and he cares. This morning, as I sat on the front porch, a dove landed on the grass in front of me. It looked directly at me, then flew into a nearby pine. A dove is one of many symbols used for the Holy Spirit, which is God's power in action. This bird represents God's active force. When a dove lands several feet from me and looks directly at me, I know what it means and who sent it.  

God is always showing us visible proof of Himself and countless ways to relax. The peaceful symphony of song birds, the fluttering wings of a butterfly, and the intricate beauty and intoxicating scent of a flower are here all summer, waiting for us to take notice. For my 60th birthday, I am getting drunk on all these things. I'm tuning out everything that's not peaceful and I'm inhaling the beautiful calm of each day, wherever I can find it. I don't need to go to a beach to clear my mind and feel refreshed. The only thing I need to do is change what I focus on and what I appreciate.

Happy Birthday to me.  

 

WE ALL HAVE BIG MOUTH MOMENTS

 By Danelle Carvell

Sometimes my pie hole gets me into trouble. But a big mouth moment can always be fixed. 

                                             

Joyce Meyer wrote a book called, Me and My Big Mouth. What a perfect title for a book about the regretful things that we say. Who hasn't said something and then immediately wished that they could suck their words back in? 

Whenever I say words that could be taken the wrong way, I immediately feel the need to make it right somehow. My verbal slip will stay in the back of my mind and nag at me until I clear the air by telling the person that I didn't mean it the way it may have sounded. 

People usually appreciate my concern for their feelings. Sometimes they accept my apology and other times they surprisingly say that they thought nothing of it. Either way, when I share my verbal regrets, I get it off my mind and it no longer nags at me. My mind is cleared.

Some people have no regret about the things they say. I'm not really talking about mean people who enjoy being mean. Most of us are not mean-spirited. 

I've been told by several employers that I am a conscientious person. I sometimes wonder if that's a good thing. It's really not fun to be so tuned-in to the things I say and do. I often wish that people could just know my heart and give me the benefit of the doubt when I say something questionable. 

The truth is that ocassional misunderstandings are impossible to avoid unless we stop communicating all together. No one who is able to speak will ever get through life without saying something the wrong way or having their words wrongly understood.

Sometimes we say things out of frustration. Sometimes we choose the wrong people to share things with. Sometimes we just say things without thinking and then cringe when we realize what we said. This is part of our human nature. 

If we were able to analyze everything before saying it, we would be more like a machine than a person. We simply can't be perfect with our choice of words. I can't think fast enough to filter out every possible misunderstanding while I'm speaking.  

One thing I have learned to do is to pray every time I say something regretful. When I try to make things right, I pray that God will turn it into a blessing. I want something good to come out of my "big mouth" moment. 

Sometimes the good thing is a closer relationship with that person. Sometimes the good thing is a lesson about extending grace to others. God is always happy to honor a request to turn something regretful into something good. 

We all have moments when we feel beat up by the world. And the things that come out of our mouths sometimes reflect that internal hurt. Sometimes I'm just plain exhausted and the filter on my mouth is wore out too.

I think we all need to give each other a break and recognize that we all say things that perhaps we shouldn't say. Sometimes the best response to someone's big mouth is to extend grace and let it pass. Because we all have big mouth moments.   

SLOW DOWN AND ENJOY THE JOURNEY

My niece, Grace Kieffer, gave a fabulous speech today as Salutatorian of her class. It was not about the future. It was about focusing on where you are now and enjoying the journey toward wherever you are going.

I heard two great speeches today. The first was given by my son, Kody, at the Colonnade in Millersburg, where he was a guest speaker for their church. His speech was about asking ourselves where and how we most spend our time. Television, cell phones, social media and so many other things can pull us away from more important uses of the time we are given. It was a thought-provoking message that made me examine my own life and question how I use my time each day, each week, each year. How could I make better use of my time? And could it improve my life or help others if I did that? 

The second speech was given by my niece, Grace Kieffer, Salutatorian of the class of 2022 at Northern Dauphin Christian School. Her speech was about how throughout her life she was always wishing and striving to get to the next stage of life. She wanted to get through every grade quickly so she could get to the next grade, and she wanted to grow up fast so she could experience the next big thing such as driving a car or being a senior. 

And now that she is graduating, she looks back and wishes that she hadn't been in such a hurry. She wishes that she had lived more in the moment and enjoyed exactly where she was at the time, instead of longing and striving to move ahead in her life. 

Because when you have your mind on getting to the next big thing, you don't pay attention to what is right in front of you. You can't focus on people or appreciate what's happening in that moment because your mind is fast-tracking toward the future. It was a great reminder for us to take a breath and slow down because life goes fast enough without us forcing it along. 

I had no idea that our family had such gifted speakers. I served as a speaker for Stonecroft Ministries for a short season. It's not an easy thing to do. A strong speech requires sharing personal stories from your own life. It requires a topic that many people can relate to. How we spend our time and living in the moment are both perfect topics for the crazy, stressful world we live in today. I'm so glad that I got to hear both messages. 

We really do need to slow down and enjoy each day, pay attention to the people around us, stop daydreaming about tomorrow. Making plans is not a bad thing, but having your mind in the future to the point of missing the joys of today will eventually bring regret. And wasting time on unproductive things offers little satisfaction. 

Love God and love others. When we put that love in action each day, our time will always be well-spent and we will be living our best life in the present moment. Tomorrow will come fast enough without us pushing it forward. Let's use our time well, slow down and enjoy the journey.