TRUE GIFTS TRAVEL PATHS OF JOY

By Danelle Carvell

I remember the year I suggested to my family that we skip the gift giving.  I was going through a stressful time.  The thought of searching for gifts was overwhelming me, so I called my mom and suggested that we take a year off.  Not everyone agreed with my suggestion, so they went ahead and bought gifts anyway.  I remember feeling like a scrooge that year at our family Christmas party.  I guess what I should have done was opt out of the gift exchange instead of suggesting that everyone take a break. I realized that I didn't really have the right to make that decision for everyone.

Then another year we went through the same thing with my husband's side of the family.  Although this time it wasn't me who suggested we skip the gifts.  Someone else decided to opt out of gift giving for financial reasons.  I agreed with this person and proceeded to call other family members, telling them about our decision.  My breaking news wasn't met with enthusiasm, so I immediately stepped out of the discussion and let other family members handle it.  Once again, I felt like a killjoy.
 
Apparently this Christmas gift thing is something every family deals with.  Today, I talked to a friend who said that one of her family members suggested they set a five-dollar limit on gifts this year.  My friend rejected the idea.  She said she's not wasting the same amount of gas to pick up a five-dollar gift.  And she doesn't want a canister of cashews for Christmas.  She'd rather get nothing.

There are no set rules for gift giving, and when we put rules on giving, we are setting ourselves up for resistance.  No one really has the right to tell someone that they can't give a gift, and for some people gift-giving is their love language. Gifts are how they express love. Why would anyone want to interfere with a person's love language and destroy their expression of love?  But we also should  respect those who choose not to give.  We need to respect both their decision and their reason for opting out.  

One thing I really hate is assigned gifts. What makes a gift a gift is the fact that it isn't forced, but rather it's given willingly and without reservation.  I wouldn't want a gift from someone who struggled to get it to me.  Whether it was a mental struggle or a financial struggle, knowing that the giver endured unnecessary stress for the sake of a gift would take the joy out of receiving it.   

If a gift hasn't traveled a path of joy to get to me, then I'd rather it stayed on the shelf.